Problem with college daughter's boyfriend
Gardener972
15 years ago
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pinkpeonies
15 years agosylviatexas1
15 years agoRelated Discussions
College Aged Daughter... need advice please
Comments (6)One caveat, before I say anything else--I'm assuming that neither child was physically abusive to the other (and yes, abuse can go both ways, I've seen it happen). Abuse is a whole different situation. I'm going to go on the premise that they had a relationship, it didn't work for some ordinary reason and they went their separate ways--leaving, as usual, some hurt feelings (but not hurt bodies) behind. So you're saying your husband WANTS them back together, right? Okay, I know that's NOT what you're saying, but your husband must have the mentality of a 6 year old if he doesn't understand that the when you tell a 'just barely adult' NOT to do something, they'll fight tooth and nail TO do it, just to establish their independence. So if he keeps up his childish behavior, she's likely to get back with this guy--even if she isn't that thrilled with the idea--just to prove to her father than she can. And it will be on Dad's head, in that case. I don't think honorably, or dishonorably really enters into this--kids are kids--their relationships are (should be) practice ones at this point. They're not supposed to last, But they are supposed to be learning experiences. Even if she decides to get back with him, so what? She will learn more from the experience. Maybe she'll learn how mature adults manage to work through differences--that's a very good thing. Maybe she'll remember why they split up in the first place and learn that it's never wise to repeat a mistake in the future. Either way it's a step along the road to adulthood Guess your husband would be really frustrated with my dd--she has ongoing friendships with MOST of the guys she'd dated in the past. I'm very proud that she's mature enough to be able to make them work. Honestly, having been in that situation as a parent, I'm at a loss to really understand what your husband thinks he has to gain by being angry at your daughter. What should you do? Let your child manage her own social life. If we never let them make mistakes, they never learn how to fix or avoid them in the future. And you probably should have a long, long talk with your husband, reminding him how, as an older teen, when told not to do something, he no doubt rebelled and did it anyway. As the mother of a much older (29 yo) daughter, I can assure you the fastest way to get them to drop an undesireable partner is to step back and say nothing. The more you complain, the more you let them know you disapprove the more determined they are to hang onto a bad relationship, even after they've decided it was going nowhere. Your husband needs to get his act together, and soon, or he's going to alienate your daughter to the point where it may be difficult or impossible to repair the relationship. Good luck....See MoreTeenaged daughter and boyfriend. Long.
Comments (2)Difficult situation I think you have to let the relationship run its course with a very close eye on what she is doing. She is still very young and it is reasonable that you can insist that she only sees the boy in your house, when they are supervised. How do you know about the satan worship, do they talk about it in your presence? I have been through "scarey" moments with my two children, with them doing things I was not comfortable with. I just had to rely on my good parenting, and that all their good sense was instilled in them and would stay with them. I guess I am saying that you daughter is sensible, and will eventually realize this is not the boy for her. Perhaps you could work on distracting her, taking her out to fun places, without the boy... putting more effort in spending time with her. Try to get into a regular routine of spending time with her. My son, now 18, was interested in Satan when he was 16, but it has run its course and found more interesting things to do. "she is now selfish." ... you say she has changed her character, well this selfish attitude is very typical of 16 year old girls. This may not be the boyfriend's effect....See More16 year old daughter and boyfriend
Comments (18)Hi I'm 16 and know all about it! All you parents think you can just talk to your kids keep them to limited time with there boyfriends and have there trust to go to the moves malls ect.. but strict parents only make sneaky kids leaving the places they say they are parents don't really know what they are doing unless they are there to watch them summer school its not hard To leave and meet up with a guy and do stupid things... its not really in the parents control when their son/ daughter is going to give up their purity. Do you really think our generation is that stupid we do have brains not always doing the smartest thing but we do know what's right and wrong trust me I have done everthing my parents thought they could prevent from happing condoms are something u should give ur kids no matter how much u think u trust them or before u know it they will be teen moms/ dads witch could have been easily prevented but its better to give protection because we don't always think before we get warped up and there's nothing u can do after!! That one kiss that goes too far might be the one that changes their whole life!!! Think about it....See MoreBoyfriend has a teenage daughter?
Comments (11)I find myself in a 'similiar' position. When I met my husband, he was upfront that he had no children, however he was with a young woman 12 years ago, 16 years now that became pregnant during their relationship. They were in a a rocky relationship. He didn't speak badly of her but just said it wasn't a good relationship and then all of a sudden came a baby. My husband was 23. The young lady was 19. He was with her through most of the pregnancy but close to the end, the relationship could not be saved. He moved out. She called when the baby was born. He went to the hospital and asked for a paternity test. (I don't begrudge him for this, he had walked in on her during the pregnancy with another man). She refused the test. She told him he was not the father. He told her when she changed her mind to contact him. He went on with his life. He called her a few times and was told by her mother they would file harrassment charges against him if he contacted them again. So he left her alone. He worked at the same school district where he had been working for the next 12 years. She never contacted him. Well I did some research (on my own) and I found the girl. I posted about this. She looks identical to my husband. I know in my heart this is his daughter. But at this point in her life, what good would it do to barge in And start using the 'I'm your daddy' phrase? He agreed she does look like him and his grandmother. But he doesn't believe she is his because he really believes her mom would have filed for child support or something. I used to worry about this all the time. What if she contacts us? What about our children? What about our future children? What about my child that is his stepdaughter? And what about my in laws? They were devastated when they found out they weren't really going to have a chance at being grandparents to this baby. As time went on, I have stopped dwelling on the what ifs. Sure this girl may show up one day but I can't waste today worrying about tomorrow. She is almost an adult at this point and who knows what she has been told. What she thinks. Where her mind is and her feelings along with emotions of not having a dad in her life. It's possible she HAS a dad in her life. She might have been raised by another man. It's just not worth dwelling over. I agree with mkroopy-- there are so many other factors that can be involved here. No one knows. My husband is an excellent father. He is an excellent stepfather. But 16 years ago, he didn't know that he could file for a court ordered paternity test. Well honestly I dont think he could. The laws have changed so much. He wasn't in a financial position to wage a custody battle against this you g woman. If it happened today, I have no doubt that he would pursue every legal avenue to make sure that he has the right to be a father to a child that might be his. But 16 years ago? I don't think he knew or had the ambition to go forth on that circumstance. He changed into a different person after that. He lived a more 'careful' life. He didn't put himself into that position again. He grew from that situation and became the man he is today. People grow. People change. Just as they can become 'bad' partners and become our ex's. They can become better people from the mistakes they make. I don't worry anymore about this child that may be my husband's. I can't worry until the day my doorbell rings. Then ... I'll be back posting about adult stepchildren that are distant and hateful :)...See Morepopi_gw
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