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boyfriends teenage daughter

14 years ago

I am so glad to have found this sight..and to know that I am not alone in my struggles with dealing with my emotions regarding my boyfriends bf and IO have been together for one year. I knew from the beginning that he had a 16 year old daughter that he did not have contact with. In some sick way, this was ok with me, as I thought it would not take from myself or my two children and the opportunity at having my "dream family" although i am divorced, my kids father is rarely in the picture. About 4 months into our relationship, my bf finds his daughter and begins a relationship with her. This relationship has consisted of once monthly visits to visit her in her state and shopping shopping shopping...he buys her everything she salon trips, nails, clothes name it. he has even purchased her 2 cell phones in this short time and pays the monthly bill. I have a serious issue with this as the amount of money he spends on her requires him to work overtime, taking from our family at home. not to mention he has absolutely no discipline with this girl ie. on the very phone he pays for he found nude pictures of herself...i asked him if he was goping to approach the topic with her..he doesnt feel he has the right..what?? he pays this bill..she is 16..this is inappropriate..also he is so quick to discipline my two children for the smallest of things..but not his own daughter...we will take her to a nice meal and she will sit and text message her friends the entire time..not only is this unacceptable in our home, but i dont understand why he says nothing to her infact he will ask her what shes talking about...what? she cancels any arrangements we have made that are not convenient for her, but always has her hand out for a shopping trip..she was sopposed to come to our house for fathers day to surprise her dad..she backed out at the last minute but said that we could come to her state and take her to disneyland..i politely told her that was not in my budget and that was not what the invitation was for..3 days later she tells her dad she "needs" an i pod...lots of situations like this..list goes on and on..we finally had a blow up and i told him that if he wants to practice disciplining and parenting to practice with his own kid and lay off mine because the difference in treatment makes me sick and i wont subject my kids to it..i told him his efforts with my children were becoming resented and not appreciated because he is so different with his own daughter..she is 17, has no job..he sends her money for makeup! isnt she old enough to buy her own makeup? at 17 shouldnt she have some responsibility for herself? he has informed me that he doesnt feel he has the place to parent and that he was quite happy just getting to know her...i am rambling i know..HELP...are we doomed? am i crazy?? how do i handle this? i told him i wouldnt subject my kids to the difference in treatment because they will se it and they will resent me for it and im not having so lost...seems my perfect dream is not so perfect afterall...

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