I am so resentful of my step child
organic_heathergirl
16 years ago
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cawfecup
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Resenting husband for enabling disrespectful step kids
Comments (29)I am dealing with a 13 year old stepson that has pushed me to the point that I absolutely DESPISE HIM!!! I feel so guilty for feeling like this!!! He is spoiled and entitled and he goes out of his way to disrespect me and speaks to me like I am just a pest living in HIS house. He keeps arguments going constantly between his father and I. He comes in our bedroom and goes through my dresser drawers and takes my socks, clothes, anything that he feels like that he wants and he says that everything in this house belongs to him because it is HIS house. His dad told him that this is his house one day when he grows up. By him saying that at some point, the kid assumes that this is his house! Nevermind that I pay the Bill's and cook, clean, buy the food that he eats etc!! When I say anything to his dad about it, he defends the kid and says that I am always on the kid about something. In fact his father encourages and laughs about his son treating me like garbage. He says "hes just joking with you" and "that's just how he picks and plays". The kid knows what he is doing and he is so disrespectful and continues because he has no consequences for anything that he does wrong. He stole my bank card a few months ago and spent $140 on his xbox game. When I discovered it, I told his daddy. Within an hour the kid was playing on the xbox. His daddy said "it's ok, he will pay it back". No consequences!! The kid busts up in the bedroom when he feels like it when I am asleep. I swear I have said that I am gonna start sleeping naked, that will maybe teach him. He is always saying things about his mother and how his dad will never get over his mom and will always love her etc etc!!! He is always involving his daddy in his mother's business!! I swear I have tried and tried and tried to have a positive relationship with this kid but it's impossible. It is making me despise him and his daddy for being so enabling and letting the kid treat me like he does and talk to me the way that he does!!! It is on the verge of my packing and leaving!! A person can't take but so much!!!...See MoreResenting boyfriend and his child.. advice appreciated!
Comments (6)I'm sorry, thirteen years old is TOO old to still be holding his dad's hand and laying his head on his shoulder. Ewwww. There are so many problems with this relationship. - he babies his THIRTEEN year old son - his son is jealous of you - he pays for everything for his son when he already gives BM child support - he pays for BM's expenses - thinks he abandoned his family - he did not abandon his family but because he feels this way BM will use this to her advantage to squeeze more money out of him - because he feels guilty he will probably let his son get away with bad behavior - pays all this CS and BM does not support her child It's funny that your BF says he gives BM all this money because he had no reason to have money for himself or save, yet he can barely afford to pay his half of the bills. There is always a reason to save. He is giving BM all his money to his own detriment. What will he do if something unexpected were to happen to himself - car repair, medical bill? What is he saving for retirement? You are right this relationship will hold you back. You're young, you're 23, you have your whole life ahead of you. The only problem is you have fallen in love with him so you can't see that this relationship will not work. My story - I dated a man for two years that had a 8 year old son. Because he felt guilty that he didn't see his son every day, he spoiled him. His son was spoiled and treated like a little adult. BF even let him sleep in the bed with him! I was like this kid is TOO big to still be sleeping with you. This kid was always walking on the furniture and jumping on things. I told BF his son was TOO big to be doing that, but BF was like what's the big deal? Those couches are old anyway. Don't you know one time BF and I were laying bed watching TV, and his kid JUMPS into the bed, and lands right on my shin! I screamed because this kid was heavy and it really hurt when he landed on my leg. I told BF that was the reason why he needed to stop this kid from jumping on things all the time. Needless to say, BF continued to be a guilty/lazy parent. He would not make his son mind. I have two daughters of my own, and I made them listen. I disciplined them when they needed it. BF never wanted to discipline his son because he "didn't want to ruin the limited amount of time" they had together. As a result, his son was rude, spoiled, and never did what he was told. In addition, he too, struggled fiancially to pay his bills because of CS. He was very eager for me and my daughters to move in with him. He kept saying how wonderful it would be to have someone to share the bills with. I realized he was more interested in me helping him pay his bills than in sharing a life together. Eventually I broke up with BF. It was hard at first, because I loved BF so much, but as time went on, it got better. I realized I would not have been happy. And that's what you have to think about. Are you really happy in this relationship with the way things are? Sure, when the son's not around, things are probably great, but the real test of a relationship is not when things are good, it's when things are bad. And what if dad decides to get more time with his son? That's what happened to me. I never in a million years thought my BF would get more time with his son. His BM depended on CS too much, or so we thought. Don't you know one day she tells BF she is too busy with work and school to handle the son and lets BF have him. So BF went from every other weekend to his son to having him 24/7. I knew I could not handle dealing with his son on a daily basis. Sure, he didn't have to pay CS anymore, but getting full custody brought on a whole another set of problems. I was not ready to deal with a kid that I did not raise, that did not want to listen to me and that I could not discipline the way he needed to be. The way I dealt with the situation is I ended it. I know that's not what you want to hear, but now that I am able to look back I realize it was the right decision....See MoreResenting my partners child.
Comments (61)Mascara! Get out of this relationship RIGHT NOW! I'm sorry to sound harsh. But, Mascara, I'm not telling you anything you don't know when I say that this is going nowhere fast. There is nothing in it for you. I don't care if the guy looks like Johnny Depp, thinks like Einstein, loves you like Romeo, has money like Bill Gates, and sings like Frank Sinatra -- there is nothing to look forward to here but disaster. STOP focusing on distractors like - whether he is inconsistent with regard to his son - whether the mom is to blame, lazy, irresponsible, inconsiderate, radioactive, purple or polka-dotted! She is completely irrelevant. - whether he is fair or right or wrong in preferring, in any sense, his son's needs to yours You are focusing on all this stuff to avoid looking at what you know you really need to: what is in the future for you. That's human nature; everyone does it. It's so much easier to think about blame and fault and chances and clues in remarks than to look at the harsh facts. But you have to get past it. (Some people never do -- they are pathetic at best and self-destructive at worst.) For a while there you were on the right track, but it sounds like you've backslid a bit. That's okay, but it's time to get back to the hard work of ending this. I think you know that. I think that's why you posted here. It's just too hard to tell yourself this (also human nature), so you came here for us to do it for you. That's okay, too. (I have to say I have been wondering where your own mother has been.) But, honey, you really have to get out of this mess. That little family has enough major problems without having to worry about your (very legitimate) 19 year old needs and insecurities, and you have enough on your plate without having to deal with - a very sick little boy -- and by the way, 6 years old is PLENTY old enough to be aware of whether his father is there for him. - an unreliable boyfriend (with an alcohol problem and a broken foot) - his ex-girlfriend You are more than entitled to be thinking about your own needs -- indeed, that's what everyone here has been telling you. But you are NOT entitled to expect everyone else to put your needs first all the time, and especially not right now: there is a 6 year old boy undergoing a kidney transplant! His parents will need -- for quite a long time -- to focus 100% on him and what will help him and make him the most comfortable -- whether it is more or less convenient for one of them or whether he has a broken foot, and even if it is totally unfair to you. Even if he were married with 3 more kids, his wife and kids would have to take the backseat right now; indeed, they should pitch in. If he ditches that sick child to go drinking with his friends, that's awful; but it's hardly less awful to do so to be with his girlfriend. I think the thing holding you back is what you said in an earlier post, that you don't want to give up while there is still a little shred of good in this relationship. Big mistake. And also a very common one. (Goes for quitting a job, moving, changing a major, etc., too, not just relationships, by the way). But when it's time to move on, you move on, even though there are indeed some great things remaining in the situation or relationship. That's what makes it so hard -- if it were all already 100% bad, it would be easy. But think about it: would you enter a situation that was only 25% good? Even 50% or 75%? Then why stay in one? You know what to do. It seems you just needed someone to tell you to do it. So reread all these posts if you need that push. (The fact that you two have had some nice times lately doesn't change anything; the problem was never that he was an ogre.) He is not speaking to you; he may actually be the one to end things. If he does, that may even make it easier in the end. Again, I'm sorry to sound harsh. I really am in your corner. This is exactly what I would tell my own daughter. Good luck to you -- we are all rooting for you....See MoreI realy dislike my my step child, may even hate him at times.
Comments (181)I agree. I been looking hard for place closer to work then available at this time. As soon as I can get out of here the better. I can very easily head back to Washington State but I took on a good job here as a Strictures Technician on Boeing Aircraft for an MRO (Maintenance Repair & Overhaul) and will be making good money in the next year. Hopefully I can find a place soon enough. Shame of it is this kid has spent on many occasions time with his dad and things around here could not be better between us. We go places, laugh all the time and are pretty lined up with each other. Its what I signed on for until the evolution of her son started going down hill however, he has always been a bit of a manageable problem at times but now he stresses her out so bad shes off the rails at times. Anyway I agree with your advice which is the same advice given to me by my sisters and close friends but most importantly myself. Most recently he threatened to call the Sheriff telling them I threated to shoot him but they know of him because we have had the Sherriff here many times and we were told to file an unruly child report with the county clerk. We went there and they told us they needed to see her divorce papers and also the father would have to be on board. Well John didnt want to do it so that was that. If we were able and he acted out tge Sherriff would take the necessary actions if I had to call. The real problem I have right now and is a major part of why I need to get out of dodge asap is because of my other half and my different shifts, shes on 1st shift and Im on 2nd it leaves me home alone with the kid most if the day and he starts in, last week he got violent once again and got right in my face wanting to fight with nobody here, so I told him Im not getting into it with nobody here so Ill call the Sheriff. Well thats when he started yelling "good ill call and tell them how you just threatened to shoot me etc. Meanwhile that was his exact threat to me when he got in my face saying him and his friends will shoot me. I can wipe the streets with this kid, hes a spoiled brat who lies, steels, drugs etc and I don't want to be here alone because if some false report gets written i can and will lose my job and maybe even freedom. That day he called his mom lying as always and crying to her and she believes him. While this was going on I had his dad in the phone so he heard everything and knows how bad this kid is and so does she, then she posts on facebook " nobody threatens my kids etc" Right then I saisaid its time to move out of here fast. When ththis was happening it all stemmed from the night before when he was on drugs yelling at her and he never went toto sleep tge whole night. Anyway she wasn't answering my call when this was going on only to find out becausebecause he was on the phone with her crying about me. Then she posts thathat on facebook. So it proved that if shes not here Im getting the blame and if he did call the Sheriff she would side with him. Time to go. Two weeks ago he broke into my closet and took my riffle and started firing it off the back deck into the woods where there are houses on the other side. My nieghbor told me about that, he asked me if he was allowed and I said he is forbidden to even touch those riffles. He said yeah we didnt even know where the shots were coming from and even the road workers were ducking for cover. This a 13 year old kid whose mom grants him adult privileges, big mistake and if I get on him she takes his side. I told her about the riffle incident about a week later because I dont tell her anymore because it always gets turned around on me so I just removed all the riffles from the home. Turns she knew about it and never said anything to me. I told her you do relize if he struck anybody on the other side of those woods or anywhere, you go to prison for murder and possibly even John. In not legally responsible for this kid. Anyway this is getting to long winded, its so much longer of a story and all I can say is I dont even like coming home from work and once it gets that bad its time to leave. With all I have explained, its obvious its just not safe for me to be here any longer. God knows I put up with alot but God cant physically bear witness for me so its time to move on. Like you said she is not on my side and in the long run its only going to hurt the kid and maybe even her as time goes on and he contunes to get worse. Hes even pulled stolen credit cards fraud when he was 11 and 12 till we found out. But, never really got in any trouble. His parents are smart people to. Moms a nurse snd dads an engineer so we are not talking about uneducated people. I suggested bording or military school. I been pushing this kid to go into the Coast Guard. Two weeks ago I got special clearance at work and brought him up into the cockpits of the Boeing 767s I work on and a tour threw all the hangers and other airplanes in attempt to try and plant some seeds. Last month I aranged for him to come to NY to my Moms funeral where I have to admit he was on great behavior alone and miles away from Ohio. We stayed with very close friends of mine and he had a great time outside of my moms funeral proceedings. It was night and day. But I also had a man to man talk with him about it and he saisaid dont worry I know how to act, I laughed with him and said thats what Im worried about. Anyway once there I tried like always to show him some responsibility and arranged for him to be next to me and carry my moms coffin. He did wonderfull in NY with me and my family, I had mamany of them write to me telling me how nice he is and handsome etc. Why that all kinda changes at home is beyound me. I think he knows Mom is not around and Joe has support from his family if I get out of hand. His biggest problem is his mom doesnt engage in team work with me to reprimand him when hes out of line, instead she looks for every which way to turn t around and blame me mainly because im here or his teachers before he was kicked out of school or his dad. This is the key factor of why this kid is the way he is....See Morekkny
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