Well ladies I am a man going thru a lot of what you all are going thru.I have been with my wife now for 13 years and I have two ss 18 and 16 and its been hell for me they both are so disrespectful and lazy and every wrong thing they do my wife takes up for them.lThey have took money out of my bedroom took money from there friends house and my wife got mad that there friends mom came too our home and told me about it.They play video games all day when there not eating up all the food in the house. The 16 year old have a hitting problem when ever he gets mad he hits our 10 year old and I hate him for that and thats been going on for years and I know I have to stop that from happending cuz my wife dose nothing about it.l love my wife but my son I should not have to live like this.Thank god for this site now I know I am not alone.

So you have been with their Mom since they were 3 & 5, correct? I don't understand why you weren't able to raise them better? (along with your wife, of course). Were you not allowed to dicipline them? The 10 year old...you refer to as "my" son..I assume he is your wife's as well?

This "hitting problem" is a disaster in the making.

Get your young son out of that environment before he ends up in the hospital or worse & before somebody who hasn't been de-sensitized to physical abuse calls in Child Protective.

I wish you the best.

Thanks so much for your comments Syliatexas1 and Lisaw2015! No I was not able to dicipline them but I could do everything els a father could do like take them to play at the park buy them video games and so on and so on but not tell them what too do and what not too do.And yes my 10 year old son is my wife son also but my two ss comes 1st in her world so I am working on getting them both out of my home.

yup, I would say you better, and in a hurry.

Good luck

Bigmoebenz,

Are your step kids natural father in thier lives? What does he say about the behavior? You say you love your wife but does she feel the same and are you both talking about this?

Vanessadavis646 thank you for your comment,Yes my wife love me very much and she shows me in all kinds of ways,but that's not the problem.My two ss have not seen their natural father in 13 years and he don't want too see them he's just a dead beat dad.So my wife feel like she has too let them get away with everything.But my wife and I have been talking and we think it will be best if her mom and dad take my two ss,one of my ss is already 18 and the one the hits will be 18 in a year and a half.

I know this is old but I totally relate. Your not alone!!!

I'm a 40 yr old. I don't have any children. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. During the few months we were together, it was lovely. Then his then 14yr old daughter got in a fight with her mom. He then jumped on the wagon of custody. I was kinda shaking with it. But, at the time she seemed like a wonderful kid. I had my assumptions about her, but, I gave it a try. Then they moved in with me. I tought her things she didn't know. (Hygiene, doing her hair, self pride) so I thought. Then, when it came to correcting her....oh damn. ..that's when the attitude started. I told him on numerous occasions about her. He then gave me permission to discipline her. I was getting frustrated. Simple things, that's all she had to do. But, she intentionality do spiteful things. So then I'll disapline her. Tell him what I did after I've done it. He'll then catch an attitude as if I was picking on her. So now we're going into a year of living together under the same roof, we'll talk about things, to get things under control when she starts acting up. So she'll put on a smile face and act like everything is ok. Then she'll start acting okay for a week. Then the moment she does something like leaving the lights on in the house constantly I'll say something to her. she'll start her attitude again this been going on for a whole year. She has not been nice to me more than over a week. So when I say something to her father about it he doesn't see anything that she does is wrong. his excuses she's a teenager what do you want me to do. You're her father you need to tell her something or start disciplining and correcting her more and stop making me look like I'm the bad guy. So now he's asking for my hand in marriage. And I'm just sitting here thinking I don't think I want to do this. I don't think I want to share my life with him because of her. she already did this with her mother that's why her mother doesn't want nothing to do with her. Her mother remarried has a relationship with somebody else and they have a 10 yr old child which is my boyfriend's son no problems out of him. But now that the mother doesn't want nothing to do with the daughter she's resentful towards me.my boyfriend thinks she's so innocent that there's nothing that she does is wrong. I'm just picking on her. I can't stand this girl I hate the sight of her!!!! I know she's playing me. I know she's doing things spitefully. I notice she doesn't want to have a relationship with me. He even know that she tried to commit suicide. I got him to get her into therapy. He never told the therapist about the suicide note, or even try to do anything about it. yet I'm wrong. I'm wrong for wanting to get her help. He felt that I made him seem like an unfit father. All I wanted to do was get her the right help she needed. This was the second attempt she made. The first was a letter to him, about wanting god to take her life, she wishes she was dead. He didn't to much, but, talk to her and treated her out shopping. .. WTH!!!!!REALLY? I don't think I want to start my future like this. I've made enough sacrifices in my life to accommodate everybody else but myself. I don't want her here! I can't stand her! I don't even want to be in the same house. I hate her. I'm the one is providing a safe environment for her. I pay all the bills with her father's help occasionally. I provided her with nice things that she never had. yet she is so ungrateful, disrespectful and think the world revolves around her. She writes on furniture he thinks it's okay. When I said something to him about it, he didn't think that there was nothing wrong, that I was picking on her. Until she buys things with her own money she can do what she likes with it. But, not in my house. Other than that if I'm paying for it You rerespect it. She disrespects, so of course you would disrespect anything that I do for you or give you. I'm in such a bad predicament right now I just want to get up and leave but I love him so much. I can't take this anymore

I'm so sorry.

I think you know the answer, it's right there in your post.

Your relationship with this guy was okay until a whole bunch of somebody else's family problems took up residence in your life & in your home, & now you're paying for everything, financially & emotionally.

You cannot fix this.

The roots of this problem are far deeper & go back to this poor girl's earliest childhood *& don't have anything to do with you or with anything you do*.

When she does provocative things (meaning things that push your buttons), she's doing it for her father's benefit; children like this will destroy other people to keep the game going with their parent.

Their dysfunctional, destructive & self-destructive way of life has beaten you down so much that you want to "pack up & leave" *your own home*!

You need a great deal of breathing space & some perspective, & the only way to get it is to have them at a distance.

You can sit down with bf in a neutral spot, like at the kitchen table or maybe a coffee shop, when his daughter isn't there, & tell him that he & his daughter have to get their relationship stabilized & that they can't do this with you in the middle, that you also need your space to gain perspective, & that they must find their own place to live by such-&-such date.

& stand firm.

If they don't move, change the locks & put their things in storage.

ps: The first alarm bell rang when I read that he "gave you permission" to "discipline" his daughter; you don't belong in that position, it isn't your responsibility, & it's a surefire way to enrage any child. It also takes his own responsibility off his shoulders.

The second alarm bell is that he's recently "asked for your hand in marriage". It sounds like he knows you're ready to throw in the towel, & he wants to get you tied to him. I won't say that he realizes that this is what he's doing...but it is.

Be careful, & take care of yourself.

Thank you so ooooooo much. The thing is. We moved to a bigger place and we're both on the lease. I was at my wit's end to leave this situation. Just last month. But, then thought. How can I get out of the lease?. He can't pay all of this alone, without hurting my credit. His words "I'll try my best". I wasn't happy with that. So, basically. I was not strong enough to leave and willing to try, again. Nothing has changed. With her. He's keeping us seperated. Which is good for me, cause for me. I'm old fashion. She would be over my knee. But, that's not the case. When I told him that, I'm taking on too much financial burden, you need to help. He did for the most part. I feel like I'm a sugar mama. Without me, he will still be sharing an apartment with his two male cousins and his daughter. I want to leave. But, just stuck on how?

Talk to landlord.

Sometimes they'll let a tenant out of a lease early without negative consequence if the tenant just isn't going to be able to pay the rent.

You might have to forfeit the deposit or pay an extra month, but get out of it & move.

It isn't your responsibility or your place to worry about where bf goes; it's his.

I just did. There is a way. Hopefully, I'll be able to move. If the property manager will allow. thanks alot. It helps to have a strangers point of view.

I can relate to a lot of stuff. My step son is about to be 14 years old and is just as lazy as could be. And the most disrespectful as Ive ever seen. His mom left him with his father at the age of 3 and I been living with my husband and him since he was 10. The first 7 or 8 months were pretty good but after that OMG it changed just like that. I have 2 girls of my own ages 9 and 11 and I have never ever ever seen them act the way he does. He will get mad and throw stuff and cry like a 2 year old. When his dad takes him to the room to whip him he will cry for a min after his dad leaves his room then he will come up to his dad and argue some more with him. For some reason he likes to push our buttons as far as they will go and its like their aint no stopping point for him. They thing that gets to him the most is to take his game from him. Still that causes him to scream and end up getting a spanking. I read on a web site to ignore him whenever he talks to me cause once I give him the attiction he wants it will cause him to respond in the way he does.

Spanking a 14 year old? You all could benefit from parenting classes and blended family therapy.

Sometimes people will provoke a confrontation or a beating, either to get any kind of attention at all or because they sense that an abuser's clock is ticking & the pressure is building up toward an explosion-

better to get it over with than to let it build up further.

Your husband "whips" (hits) & "spanks" (hits) his teen-aged child rather than going to therapy with him to find out why the child behaves so provocatively.

which kind of tells the story in a nutshell.

Please get some help for this boy & for his father.

I never once said he hits his son. I said spank. That means he takes him to his room and Spanks him on the bottom with a belt. As parents we know better to let tension build before either of us spank our children. Never left a mark on any of our kids. Both of us take other actions first. Like taking away their favorite toy or the game. Or standing them in a courner. That usually works with my girls but my step son is hardheaded and it dont work.

Go back & read your post, you said he "whips" his son...at 14, that is abuse, anyway you word it...

so if your husband hit your behind numerous times with a belt, that wouldn't be hitting?

or abuse?

or assault?

just discipline?

You & your husband are big grown adults;

this boy is a boy, & he's been through a lot, & he's exhibiting signs of distress, & you want somebody to...what?...tell you it's all his fault?

No, ma'am.

This poor intimidated, distressed boy, who provokes his own "punishment", is not at fault; he's reacting to the chaos & rage & assault he faces every minute of every day in his home.

The adults in his life are the only ones who can change anything, so the fault is theirs.

Get yourself & your husband & his son some help before you provoke a really bad (worse than is happening already) explosion.

crzsweet84

I never once said he hits his son. I said spank. That means he takes him to his room and Spanks him on the bottom with a belt. As parents we know better to let tension build before either of us spank our children. Never left a mark on any of our kids. Both of us take other actions first. Like taking away their favorite toy or the game. Or standing them in a courner. That usually works with my girls but my step son is hardheaded and it dont work.

****

Wait, does your husband hit your girls? I hope I'm misreading what your wrote.

Never said he spanks my girls. There is no abuse going on in our home. Abuse means u spank way to hard or worse. This is a home where we believe in God and the Bible. Its in the bible to disapline your child. Not to beat them to a bloody pulp. My step son dont get a spanking every day or anything like that. So for the people who dont understand what I wrote go back and reread it. I never said this stuff happenes every day. I also dont believe in therapy. Me and my husband do talk to our kids and they do know that they can talk to us about anything. My stepson just has his moments from time to time.

Well, you wrote that your husband never left a mark on any of your kids. Plural, so I think I have my answer.

What matters is that you get your step son medically evaluated asap.

This eppisode my stepson has happens about once in 2 months. I think hes going though a stage.

You've neatly ruled out anything that might actually help the children.

Please re-read what you wrote & pray about it.

I don't think any God would want a distressed child to be hit.

Spanking is hitting; you cannot spank without hitting.

& a 14-year-old boy is way too old to be "spanked".

His moms names is Sylvia. She always tried to beat on his father while they were together. Even while pregnant. Thats why he dont get a whipping to often. I have seen kids who dont get grounded or spankings. Their moms say stuff like, no you cant do that and I asked you to stop and I said please. Their kids just walk all over them too. Watch the tv show called Beyond Scared Straight. How many parents on there say they spank their kids. None. Cause they were the kids and parents Ive seen in the grocery store. Where the kids are running all around the store and parents are just lookibg at them and nod their head and say stop it and the kids keep running. My kids and step son do not do that. They look around a liitle bit and they stay close to me.

I bet they do.

Fourteen is too old to "spank", hit, beat, whip, or otherwise assault.

At that age, either the child has absorbed the behavioral & etiquette mores or he/she hasn't.

If he/she hasn't, *it's too late* to resort to the methods you used on little children.

In the first place, it's humiliating;

second place, a humiliated child is a smolderingly angry child;

third place, if you're more concerned with obedience & submissiveness than with the child's mental & emotional health, you need to get away from that child.

So u done believe in spankings. Sounds like u were born with a golden spoon. If u know what that means. Anyway my kids are not scared of me and my stepson is not scared of his father. After one of us has to spank our child, a little while after they start going around the house happy and unstanding what the spanking was for. And for the one who sounds like she or he dont believe in God or his son Jesus Christ, I will pray for u. And go to a police department and ask if theres a difference between spanking and abusing a child. They will tell u there is a big difference. Boy I can tell u are young and not too wise so I will pray.

Why in the world do you think you have any idea what my life has been like?

It sounds like maybe you think you're the salt of the earth & anyone who has a less brutal & authoritarian point of view is an aristocrat who lives in an ivory tower & has no idea what you go through.

I was born into a poorish family, although I don't think any of us realized it.

& my mother was a psychopath who worked herself into rages & beat me with a razor strap until she was sweating & sobbing with exhaustion.

so.

I very well know what "spanking" is like, not from the viewpoint of the person wielding the weapon (& please don't even think of arguing with me that a belt isn't a weapon; I darn well know better) but from the point of view of the person being hit.

If I thought you had any intention of sincere prayer, I'd thank you for the thought.

but your own words are passive-aggressive, "praying" not for my health or happiness or wisdom, but for me to buckle under & believe the way you do.

One good influence in my childhood was the Methodist Church, & it taught me enough to recognize the difference;

neither what you're doing to those children nor the "prayers" you're claiming to offer up are at all Christian.

Sorry you had to go through those things but thats not how either of us spank our kids. A spanking is with a belt folded up n not to use the metal part and it is to spank directly on just the bottom 3 times. And when I say I pray for someone I mean for every trouble in their life. And to pray that if they do not believe in God or Jesus that somehow it will come about. I am an average woman raising 3 kids in a world that is changing so much so fast.

I wish that people who claim to be Christians would live lives more Christ-like. Would Christ have spanked a child?

Guess u never read Proverbs 23

Do you also stone your children if they disobey? Bible. Do you also follow the dietary rules like not eating shellfish or pork? Bible No, you pick and choose what rules to follow.

I am having a very tough time with some of my boyfriends children. We have been together for almost 3 years. We have lived together for 2 years. I have 3 biological children age 23, 20, and 18 who I have a good relationship with. When it comes to my biological children I am an empty nester since my youngest is away at College now. I love kids but I have a very difficult time trying to love or bond with some of my boyfriends children. He has 3 kids as well. His kids are 24, 18 and 12. He has full custody of his 12 year old because his child's Mother being very dysfunctional morally. Because I work from home I spend more time with his son then he does. My problem is even asking small things his 12 year old usually refuses to listen to me or pretends to not hear me. But I know he hears just fine because when he eavesdrops on private conversations in our bedroom with the door closed he hears just fine and likes to repeat it to us and his Mother. His Mother is not a good person or a good human being, she is constantly talking bad about me with lies, and tells her son that I am not his Mother and he doesn't have to listen to me. My boyfriends told his son that he needs to listen to me since I am the adult. My boyfriend told me that his son complained to him that I don't give him "unconditional love". It's kind of hard to feel "love" for a child who sometimes I feel tries to sabotage the relationship I have with his father and definitely on purpose pretends not to hear me for simple household tasks such as watch the dog for an hour and stay downstairs so I can get the things he asked for at the store. I come home he's up in his room with the door shut and the dogs have now gone to the bathroom in the house because his son won't even follow a basic easy thing. I want to love my boyfriends son, I want to like him, but sometimes it's very hard to feel close to someone who in my opinion shows me so much disrespect. A few weeks ago he even videoed a private conversation his father and I were having on the deck and showed his mother. His father told him this was wrong and tells him to listen to me but he doesn't. Then I am stuck as the bad person. Then my boyfriend who we own a house together that if I can't get along with his son it's not going to work because no matter what, his son will always come first. I just stared at my boyfriend with my head down and walked away. Later of course he comes to me hugs me and tells me he loves me, I love him more than I have ever loved anybody except for my own kids. I want his son and I to like each other but the way his son treats me it makes it hard to like him at times, and I want to like him. I do like his 24 year old who is very sweet, well mannered and respectful and wish I could bond with his son. I don't know what to do. When I bring up issues to my boyfriend about an issue of the day with his son later in the evening he usually replies "it's always something" so now I feel it's a shoot the messenger situation and I would rather just go to my room and relax upstairs away from everyone because the whole thing is so depressing and all I want is a happy life with my boyfriend and his son. I also feel I don't trust his son because I have caught him in numerous lies even about stupid stuff. I would love to bond with his 12 year old son but I can't seem too. I don't know what to do.

As much as you think you love your boyfriend and as much as he professes to love you, you need to face the reality that in all likelihood his son is always going to be like this. And your boyfriend is always going to be saying "it's always something". So, if you don't want a lifetime of this, you really have two options:

-Move out, live by yourself and content yourself with dates with your boyfriend at least until his 12 yo grows up and moves out. But you're still going to have to interact with this boy, at family gatherings, whatever, forever.

-Move on. Accept that this relationship is not going to work for you, leave and in the fullness of time find someone else who is a better fit for you.

Either decision will be hard, but unless you make a move you'll be in for more of the same forever.

Wow, there's some really shocking replies on here and some very good supportive ones. People whom are negative to this post, need to take a step back and think before typing. Who are you to judge before you have the full story. There maybe underlying attributes here.

It is normal to feel this way about other peoples children. The brutal fact is, yes they aren't ours, some struggle to make a bond and want their own. Anyway, have a look at the childlessstepmums.co.uk/forum. This is a page that will give guidance to all and will not judge, unless you ask for it. Its also private - no tom, dick and harry can post. You have support and a background to feel ok, in the environment, you find yourself in.

All the best,

Dee

I resented my stepson and found fault with many things he did. I acted supportive but in my heart everything he did that seemed "different" bothered me and I am sure he felt this. Yes I spent time with him, yes I took care of him. But I did treat him different than my child because we were firmly connected and he was not. My daughter expected me to love her, he wanted me to love him. His mother was a troublemaker and I responded to her drama.

Fast forward. He is a grown man and he is very kind to me. I feel guilt. Tremendous guilt that I was not patient when I could have been. That I was not as kind as I should have been. Now I know he was trying to fit in and did not know how. I was insecure. I stepped in as his "mom" before I developed his trust so of course he acted out.

Like I said he is kind to me, and makes time to bring his daughter, my granddaughter to see me. I feel even worse because he makes this effort to keep connected and in my heart I know it is not because he loves me. He wants to be accepted just as he did when he was eleven years old. Anything I do that is nice is appreciated more than it should be because he is insecure in our relationship. He wants to think I love him, but in his heart he does not believe that I do. I don't think I can repair this.

He is a great person, not perfect, but truly a wonderful young man. We could have had a real bond instead of an insecure bond if only I had known then what I know now. The damage is done.

You should have this conversation with your stepson, acadiafun. I think it would go a long way toward closing the gap.

Thank you Colleen for your advice. We have had that conversation. I apologized and I hope he was able to get some closure in expressing to me how he felt angry for so many years, but he believes I did the best that I knew how.

Ok so I am late to the party but here is my situation maybe someone can shed some light on it and see if I'm off base. My wife and I married 4 year ago been together 5. We have 2 kids together I have 2 from a previous marriage and she has 4. her 4 boys lived with their father and my 2 girls live with their mother. The problem is with her oldest about 3-4 years ago we got a call from my wife's ex that he couldn't handle the 12 year old at the time and that he was bringing him to live with us. Of course I didn't bat an eye and we took him in. We established household rules and had an expectation of conduct to include performance at school. Everything was fine at the start of things but he had trouble in school with work and socially. he could not keep his grades up and was kicked off the football team. He self reported that he had used alcohol, marijuana and tobacco(yes at 12), We tried everything we developed a reward system so when he did well he would earn rewards. Didn't work. We tried grounding, didn't work. We tried counseling, didn't work. Nothing seemed to work. Well later that year I lost my job and we were facing eviction and becoming homeless so My mother offered to help us move and to secure us a place and we accepted. A few days before we were set to move CPS came to our door and said that my girls had reported that my SS had molested them. At first I couldn't believe it and thought it was my Ex making stuff up cause she has the tendency to make up stories. I went and talked to my girls and after talking to them realized that they were probably telling the truth and of course I believed them. I was extremely angry and did say some awful things to him that I do wish I wouldn't have said but when its your babies being hurt in that way all logic goes out the window. We proceeded with our move but due to our other two children we sought a treatment program because my SD had connections where they lived and so we got him into a Sex offender program. Things in the new place started off good but then after a month or two we were right back where we were. It was brought to our attention that he had in fact molested 5 other children which included my 2 daughters 2 of his brothers (one of which was disabled) along with admission of being sexually active which violated the program. Based on previous actions and on the referral of the counselor he was admitted into a Non-secure juvenile facility where he continued treatment. After 6 months he finally came home and we signed a behavior contract as a family and treatment continued. Two months after he returned home his behavior started to slide again. He was subsequently kicked out of the program for violation of rules because he was found to be still engaging in sexual activity which was not allowed during treatment. Mind you at this point he was 14-15. His behavior has progressively gotten worse and now includes stealing property and money from us and others, smoking, drinking, dipping, truancy, curfew violations, running away, etc. At one point he had ran away and was staying with friends and telling the parents that he was in danger at home and making up all sorts of lies about his dad dying in Iraq, Brothers dying of various illness and other tall tales. these other parents tried to give him a shot but he soon turned on them as well and started disobeying rules, stealing, and running away.so now he's back with us and I am so over this situation I can actually say I hate him and can't wait until he turns 18 so I don't ever have to deal with him again. We have had the police involved, school officials, truancy officers, and even the county D.A. has a case being built against him now. Nothing seems to get through to this kid and my wife and I are completely lost. I would love to hear some advice on this.

I'd advise starting a new discussion. This post is over 10 years old, and your situation is very different than the original. It is a good topic. It is just that very few will find it or respond to it at the bottom here, and if you post it as a new discussion topic, you'll get the much better input you deserve.

Im 55 and have a 13 year old step son who hits his mom, smokes weed, smokes cigarettes, chews tabacco, drinks alcohol and home schools but does not complete any work. His parents do nothing about it that works and if I try to reprimand this kid his mother goes after me. should I move out, what am I suppose to do. This kid has already struck me two or three different times and I can lay him flat but afraid Im going to hurt him bad and be arrested. What should I do. I been in this family for 5 years and Im at the pointI want to break up with her and leave.

“ Im at the pointI want to break up with her and leave.” That sounds like your best option. Your wife isn’t on your side and I would lay good money that the situation won’t improve, maybe even get worse.

I agree. I been looking hard for place closer to work then available at this time. As soon as I can get out of here the better. I can very easily head back to Washington State but I took on a good job here as a Strictures Technician on Boeing Aircraft for an MRO (Maintenance Repair & Overhaul) and will be making good money in the next year. Hopefully I can find a place soon enough. Shame of it is this kid has spent on many occasions time with his dad and things around here could not be better between us. We go places, laugh all the time and are pretty lined up with each other. Its what I signed on for until the evolution of her son started going down hill however, he has always been a bit of a manageable problem at times but now he stresses her out so bad shes off the rails at times. Anyway I agree with your advice which is the same advice given to me by my sisters and close friends but most importantly myself. Most recently he threatened to call the Sheriff telling them I threated to shoot him but they know of him because we have had the Sherriff here many times and we were told to file an unruly child report with the county clerk. We went there and they told us they needed to see her divorce papers and also the father would have to be on board. Well John didnt want to do it so that was that. If we were able and he acted out tge Sherriff would take the necessary actions if I had to call. The real problem I have right now and is a major part of why I need to get out of dodge asap is because of my other half and my different shifts, shes on 1st shift and Im on 2nd it leaves me home alone with the kid most if the day and he starts in, last week he got violent once again and got right in my face wanting to fight with nobody here, so I told him Im not getting into it with nobody here so Ill call the Sheriff. Well thats when he started yelling "good ill call and tell them how you just threatened to shoot me etc. Meanwhile that was his exact threat to me when he got in my face saying him and his friends will shoot me. I can wipe the streets with this kid, hes a spoiled brat who lies, steels, drugs etc and I don't want to be here alone because if some false report gets written i can and will lose my job and maybe even freedom. That day he called his mom lying as always and crying to her and she believes him. While this was going on I had his dad in the phone so he heard everything and knows how bad this kid is and so does she, then she posts on facebook " nobody threatens my kids etc" Right then I saisaid its time to move out of here fast. When ththis was happening it all stemmed from the night before when he was on drugs yelling at her and he never went toto sleep tge whole night. Anyway she wasn't answering my call when this was going on only to find out becausebecause he was on the phone with her crying about me. Then she posts thathat on facebook. So it proved that if shes not here Im getting the blame and if he did call the Sheriff she would side with him. Time to go. Two weeks ago he broke into my closet and took my riffle and started firing it off the back deck into the woods where there are houses on the other side. My nieghbor told me about that, he asked me if he was allowed and I said he is forbidden to even touch those riffles. He said yeah we didnt even know where the shots were coming from and even the road workers were ducking for cover. This a 13 year old kid whose mom grants him adult privileges, big mistake and if I get on him she takes his side. I told her about the riffle incident about a week later because I dont tell her anymore because it always gets turned around on me so I just removed all the riffles from the home. Turns she knew about it and never said anything to me. I told her you do relize if he struck anybody on the other side of those woods or anywhere, you go to prison for murder and possibly even John. In not legally responsible for this kid. Anyway this is getting to long winded, its so much longer of a story and all I can say is I dont even like coming home from work and once it gets that bad its time to leave. With all I have explained, its obvious its just not safe for me to be here any longer. God knows I put up with alot but God cant physically bear witness for me so its time to move on. Like you said she is not on my side and in the long run its only going to hurt the kid and maybe even her as time goes on and he contunes to get worse. Hes even pulled stolen credit cards fraud when he was 11 and 12 till we found out. But, never really got in any trouble. His parents are smart people to. Moms a nurse snd dads an engineer so we are not talking about uneducated people. I suggested bording or military school. I been pushing this kid to go into the Coast Guard. Two weeks ago I got special clearance at work and brought him up into the cockpits of the Boeing 767s I work on and a tour threw all the hangers and other airplanes in attempt to try and plant some seeds. Last month I aranged for him to come to NY to my Moms funeral where I have to admit he was on great behavior alone and miles away from Ohio. We stayed with very close friends of mine and he had a great time outside of my moms funeral proceedings. It was night and day. But I also had a man to man talk with him about it and he saisaid dont worry I know how to act, I laughed with him and said thats what Im worried about. Anyway once there I tried like always to show him some responsibility and arranged for him to be next to me and carry my moms coffin. He did wonderfull in NY with me and my family, I had mamany of them write to me telling me how nice he is and handsome etc. Why that all kinda changes at home is beyound me. I think he knows Mom is not around and Joe has support from his family if I get out of hand. His biggest problem is his mom doesnt engage in team work with me to reprimand him when hes out of line, instead she looks for every which way to turn t around and blame me mainly because im here or his teachers before he was kicked out of school or his dad. This is the key factor of why this kid is the way he is.

Joe Damm -- you are asking for trouble by staying there. NO matter what the financial arrangements you have with your partner -- there will be no more good times with her. I don't think you are thinking straight. And let me put it to you where it hurts -- only a FOOL would stay in that house with all those threats going against you. Better to be sued by the mother for some financial situation than to go to jail because of a false accusation or -- because you finally blew your top and did something to the kid. Let me repeat that -- only a FOOL would stay.

There are no financial hold downs for me. Im in debt to nobody here. I didnt blow my top but more of a stern voice. Yes I do agree I need to head out. She has no grounds to sue however she probably be upset. Thank you for the advice. I guess I've held back hoping things will change but it seems to be getting worse.

I wish you the best.

Seriously, I would move out to a cheap motel before I stayed there another night. Have the sheriff come when you go back with the moving van to put your stuff into storage. Do NOT wait to find another place or something bad could happen before you do.

Good luck.

I am 100% with you.

💯 I can't stand my step son and it's causing problems between his dad and I and my step son loves to see us fight. He wasn't living with us when we got married but now he does . He moved in about 4 years ago and I can't stand it

You need to decide whether this is a deal breaker or not. If it is, then sit down with your partner (without your stepson being there) and let him know that this situation cannot continue. If your stepson stays, then it’s time for you to move on to your own household where the fights won’t happen. Good luck.