(((Jan))) I am late chiming in, but I just want to know you are not alone.... I am a state employee, and I completely get it. So sorry for what you are going through. Work is stressful enough without the added burden of politics and controversy. In my case,for over a year, there has been endless ridiculous drama resulting from employee complaints and an internal investigation. It has been incredibly stressful. I have struggled with depression throughout my life, and the work situation in combination with other life stresses pushed me over the edge to being very depressed. Crying in the car between meetings, losing interest and motivation, feeling completely trapped and hopeless. It has gotten much better since going back on antidepressants. I am again realizing I probably need to stay on them forever. I don't like it, but know that I truly need them. I also encourage you to find whatever support systems you can-- the EAP program, a trusted friend, this board, respite care, family, whatever you can access. You HAVE TO take care of yourself. Even if it's one evening a week, you must find time to do whatever YOU need to do-- sleep, read, shop, sit... Lastly, my DH is a special ed teacher (and another state employee). Autism spectrum disorders are very challenging and exhausting. It is 100% normal and acceptable to use respite care. The very reason for it is to give exhausted parents, who have a 24-7 responsibility to their children, in addition to jobs, family, other children, a much needed break! You are a human being under a lot of pressure! Please be kind to yourself. Great big hugs & lots of empathy from me-- Jen

The lawyer did say the money he payed before would be considered a "gift". He said he definetely has a good case to fight it especially if he still has the receipts. Which we are deffinetlely looking for!! It was always her idea for him to do it that way until she was going to get married and she then went through the Child Support Enforcement Agency. My hubby has always had a wittness there, but it was her mom or dad, so good luck getting them to testify against their "absolutely perfect in everyway daughter"!! LOL CSEA even asked her if she wanted them to go after him for back support, and she said no. That was six or seven years ago. So hopefully my hubby kept those receipts!! Her ideas always seem to be bad ideas in the end!! She asked my hubby why he wanted parental rights. She said she has always allowed him to have their son whenever he wants, true for the most part. She is all about money and control. She encourages my hubby to have their son equal parts of the time, but wants the full amount of child support as if it was the standard 20/80 visitation. And she has claimed their son 7 times now for taxes and my hubby has only claimed him twice. In the past there has been nothing that he could do to stop her. But hopefully a new wind has blown. My hubby was thinking about trying to become the residential parent, but it is probably along shot. Him not having any rights before gives him no history with the courts. Pretty much whatever the mother says their going to believe the lawyer said. She's even told her lawyer that their son has not been with him equal parts of the time. And she denied that their son lived with us for nearly a year. She says they have always done the standard visitation, once a week and everyother weekend. Hopefully somebody talks to their son and gets the truth out. His son wants to live with us and has wanted to for a few years now. So my hubby is going to go the safer route and just try to get the Equal Shared Parenting. Even that's going to be difficult with her resistance. A big part to making that plan work is having two parents that cooperate. Hopefully my hubby and the lawyers can get her to relax enough to co-author a plan together. Rather than taking it to court and having the judge say what would be best. Which both my hubby and her would hate to happen. I guess persistance is the key here. She's hoping that taking his son away will change his mind and he will drop the lawyer and everything will go back to normal. But hopefully she'll realize this stuff is not going away and that she's the one that is holding it up, dragging it out and costing everyone more money in the end. And for no legitamate reason!! No one is taking her son away!!!!!! He just wants to make the way they have it set up already legal. Nothing really is going to change. Well the supprt would. But she would still get some support just not the 650 she's used too. This stuff is sooo frustrating!!! We have just got to pray that she will begin to cooperate and things will truely do a 180 and get this done and over with ASAS!

I find this so strange, children that can't get up and get dressed themselves. My oldest daughter has been getting up on her own, getting dressed, eating breakfast, checking the calendar to see if she wants to pack or buy that day, and then making her own lunch since first grade. I do help her pick her clothes out the night before because she'll wear the same couple of outfits all the time if I don't encourage her to mix it up a little, and I check her lunch to make sure it's not just cookies and chips because she has tried to do that a couple of times...but she NEVER remembers to brush her teeth without being told...I think she's doing well enough that I can let that one slide for now. My SD will get up and gets dressed and eats, but if her head wasn't screwed on, she'd leave it behind when she left. We're talking, "Do you got your backpack? Did you put your homework in it? Do you have your gym clothes? Got your lunch?" We'll have her pack everything up the night before and put it right next to the door, but inevitably she always leaves somthing sitting right there by the door when she leaves...but we NEVER have to remind her to brush her teeth or wash her hands. She's seriously into the cleanliness thing when it comes to her body, so that's good. Oh, and I think she probably could pack her own lunch, but DH does it for her because he knows her mom does and that's what she's used to. My 4yo WANTS to do it all herself, even the stuff I don't want her to do, like pour milk into her cereal from a full gallon. She picks out her own clothes and dresses herself, but I have to tell her to go get dressed or she'll stay in jammies all day, but that's okay because I like to do that sometimes too:) She insists she can bathe herself, which she can, but she also thinks she can wash her own hair, which she can if you like to still have a bunch of soap in it when you're done. And she absolutely hates it when I brush her teeth for her, but I just don't think she's physically capable of doing it to my satisfaction yet. They're all different, so you can't treat them the same. Just got to go one step at a time with each one of them.

I have been a single mother since my son was 3 years old and he is now 18. I know that many states now have the same laws regarding child support, I am surprised yours took the helpless attitude that they did. You have the option of having your ex's wages garnished. Plus, you can file to have the child support order adjusted for the ex's increase in wages. The support order goes according to a schedule based on how much money the ex earns. The judge will re-look at the wages and will adjust accordingly. In the state of California, the child support division was very good about contacting me to keep the information current regarding wages, address, etc. But, once you have an order in place to collect child support via garnished wages, you are in the system and they will follow up for you. You sometimes have to push them. Most states consider child support a top priority and will also garnish income tax returns and put a lien on property. So, they will work with you and for you. Most child support agencies are swamped, so you do have to keep at them. This could be why they took the attitude that they did. Call them a lot. Don't be afraid to bug them, that is what the agency is for - it's put in place to secure financial support for your loved ones. A lot of tears and frustration you go through, I know. You don't want your children to go through the rejection by their father. Keep your chin up, you will see a brighter future. Your sons will love you even more through the years knowing you stuck by them (I know, how can anyone not?) and the rewards will be awesome. Keep up the positive support for them. Write and let us know how you are doing.