Dyinginside, Your husband stated that it will end in divorce because of you and his daughter. one thing: HE SHOULD NOT DEFINE HIS MARRIAGE TO YOU ON THE BASIS OF HIS DAUGHTER . PERIOD. BIg red flag here. and to top it off he's not interested in going to counciling now????? I agree with sweeby, you have leverage, use it. You are in your parents home. If your husband thinks that is where its heading and he has made the decision to not change this direction, because he's the one who can change this or at least put his foot down and say to his daughter, she is my wife i love her , stop treating her like Sh*t, then there is only two things you can do. 1. Tellhim counciling now and work it out while being at the parents house. Cause counciling does cost and financially you'ld be in better position to do this... 2. If he insists on no counciling and stays.....tell him to leave with his daughter. My feelings on this: If i were under my parents roof, in this situation and my husband said, well i've spoken to my daughter and she still doesn't like ..and i guess if that is the way its going to be between you then i guess i'll have to divorce you....I would tell him, pack your bags now and leave with your daugther please. I would tell him , i know you love me and you love your daughter but if this is the way you think then its obvious you have chosen your path and you want your daughter and there is no sharing of you between me and her. Please have a wondering life and take care of yourself and yoru daughter...Give him time to pack up and go to a relative until he cna find an apartment. WHy muddle through a situation when your husband has obviously made a decision not to act and to pick his daughter? I know you are in love with him but maybe he needs to be alone with his daughter to form a relationship with her and he can't handle the both of you.ITs sad. unless you all go to counciling i dont think this will work. You will be left alone and resent not acting faster.

My daughter was 14 when I met my DH. She's 18 now. Her father has never been in her life and she's always relied only on me (mama's girl too). She wanted a 'father/daughter' relationship too, but it's strange to me that a teen would 'bond' with a step dad the way you describe. My daughter has eased into it, and I know all kids are different so, not knowing yours, I can't say anything, other than I find it strange. I'm in no way paranoid, but I would be (and have always been) cautious of men that are eager to be in a relationship with someone that has kids... It comes with the territory of being a single mom. I think it's even more important when you have a daughter. I'd want to know: 1) does he have children of his own? and if so, what's his relationship like with them? 2) why didn't it go over very well when you tried to discuss it. You should not feel shut out or jealous. I find that very strange. It could be like you say, your daughter wants a father/daughter bond... or she could be a teen with a crush on him... or it could be something much worse. But, it should be something you can talk about.

PART 2 he has spread lies about me all over town, has people look out for me and call him when they see me like I'm some kind of criminal. I've never been arrested or in trouble with the law. never was dishonest with them. matter of fact my honesty has been anmd still is used agaiunst me. his son is a dope head, has been arrested,for domestic violence, grand theft auto, breaking and entering, drugs, u name it. I still deal with the abuse because I need my adopted mom for a place to stay. I feel like a pile of dung for having to depend on her. its impossible to be independent when your making 10.50 hr. With a growing boy in school and fiance is hashing out problems with SSI as he is unable to work. and because she is brainwashed into thinking she needs him, he has control and messes with me however he can, yet i cant think of a way to kleep him away from me and quit messing with me. He set the pool pump to go on for 5 hours everyday and locked it and did the same with the sprinklers so we cant change it. I pay the water and electric bill. He's got the whole world it seems like convinced I'm on drugs. that infuriates me because no one sees that he's being dishonest and unreasonable. they all know his son is a skrew up and a drug addict and that he's been in all sorts of trouble. and I'm not yet they believe him. I wanna know where did his credibility come from? y are his friend and he's so stupid to believe him and not question his mean nasty things he says in such a mean nasty way about a child (when I was) and when he still talks so bad about me now, and to mainly the same people, now that I'm an adult and doing my own thing y don't they ever question him? I mean come on, it's got to get old at some point, this crazy white hair man running around can't keep my name out his mouth. y he is so hell bent on proving to the world that im a skrew up??

Why do you feel the need to justify your position?? Are any of us perfect?? Least of all ourselves?? Hate to let you in on this little surprise. BUT... You aren't perfect. Your wife isn't perfect. Neither are ANY of your sons/stepsons. The boy is still a child -- may be in the body of a man, but still growing to be a man. Since you've raised 3 boys you already know this, right? Of course, HE doesn't think this way at all. He's already a man, so HE thinks. Regardless of his apparent immaturity and seeming unwillingness to contribute to the household, the truth is... he has HIS own experience and that is NO LESS than any of our own. He is his OWN human being full of joy, wonder, and certainly deficiencies. Because of that and the fact that we are parents it is SO easy for all of us to focus on the negative. Sometimes that is ALL we ever focus on. It is part of our job to guide our children and as they get older -- our guidance begins to have less and less effect -- you already know this too I'm sure. But sometimes it's like we get tunnel vision and can't see how lovely forest is overall for all the poison ivy in the trees. Or in the Mom's case, she still sees her wonderful, sweet little toddler and remembers all the horrible things that happened in her past that her sweet child saw, gets consumed by her guilt and lets the guidance part slide. (As a bio-Mom, I do this too and it does aggravate the situation especially in the long run -- I fully admit this). I think, from what you've said and what Mom has said, you BOTH really are on the same wavelength here. You each have your own slant and your own justifications BUT you still agree something isn't quite right. You BOTH feel the child has some room for improvement. And why not? What child doesn't? Because he is older the trick is how to EMPOWER THE CHILD to feel the need to contribute. So... I think that you and Mom somehow/someway need to come up with positive ways to encourage this child to contribute to the household. Either monetarily or through chores or both or something. Mom will hold more sway over the son simply because of the bond so she must TOTALLY embrace the ideas you BOTH come up with. When children contribute it does build self-esteem and a positive self image and when children hear OVER AND OVER again what a good job they have done and what a wonderful member of the household they are, it only naturally carries over to their confidence and helps them move into society (and out of the house) only that much MORE quickly. So maybe my theory might work for you and bio-Mom, first require contribution (you both have that right it IS YOUR house and if he doesn't want to, he can move out) then notice what this child does right, notice it LOUD, notice it OFTEN. Make big deals out of it. Do this consistently and I'll bet that the situation improves. Your own household will benefit greatly from a higher focus on the positive instead of the negative. After all, we all love REAL praise don't we? We are just human. Q