I think it is so sad when parents make up excuses not to see their kids. Wish there was some magical solution! Did you tell the bf's ex that the excuse was a lie??

No, I did tell her SD talked to her mom at the same time the BF was saying she was being rushed to the hospital by him. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what they are doing. It's like the time BM told DH she was going to be late because she was stuck in traffic three counties away and BF's exW drove past their house and saw them out on the porch at home. It's a lot easier to lie when there is no way to dispute the lie... like she figured there was no way for us to prove she wasn't stuck in traffic but at home because we live three hours away from her. I'm sure he figured there is no way for her to prove BM isn't sick & being rushed to the hospital. Now, I'm not saying BM wasn't sick... I don't know. She did tell SD she didn't feel well & that was why she couldn't go to the track meet. However, SD called her at the exact time she was supposedly being rushed to the hospital and yet she didn't tell SD she was at the hospital, she told her she didn't feel well & had a tummy ache. (and while I might think some mom's would minimize their ailment to keep the kids from worrying, BM thrives on attention from her ailments and usually exaggerates them. It's one of the reasons I think SD makes a big deal out of every scratch she gets, but that's another issue) but BM loves to get sympathy, especially from her kids.

BF's ex knew it was a lie when he told her. She said she was married to him for 18 years and can tell when he's lying and she can't believe he would do this to his kids. The first thing she said to me the first time I talked to her was what a wonderful father he is... a terrible husband, but a wonderful father. So, she knew it was a lie but I guess wanted confirmation or maybe to find out if BM was that sick since she said she felt guilty for not believing him. [and just for the record, I don't think it's BM's fault he's not seeing his kids. I think BM influences him because they like to party and go out & BM doesn't have a problem not seeing her kids, so maybe it makes him feel he doesn't have to see his kids either. He chooses to only see them EOW when he can see them more. But, I do think the lifestyle (swingers) he and BM have chosen with each other.... well, one feeds off the other. I think if he was the dominating force & being a devoted dad to his kids, it might influence BM to see her kids more. He was seeing his kids more in the beginning of their relationship]

Aww, Ima.
I feel so bad for your SD... She loves her mom so much, and wants to feel loved back, but is constantly let down. That must be so difficult for her to come to terms with.
I'm glad she has you and her dad to depend on to come to her meets and tell her you're proud of her.

I think mom is being immature by making promises to attend SD's meets. There is no way i would be able to attend anything that is 6 hours away, especially not on a workday. but even on a weekend, wiht a price of gas driving 6 hours is a lot. I would not hold it against her not driving that far, but i certainly hold it against her that she makes promices. making unrealistic promises is a sign of immaturity. she acts like a teenager.

ima how do you know they are swingers? (are those people who have group orgies or switch partners or somehting like that?) i cannot imagine under what circumstances you could find that out?

"I would not hold it against her not driving that far,"

I don't hold it against her.. I didn't expect her to come to any meets. I knew when she said it she probably wouldn't be able to come because of gas prices alone. She doesn't work so that's not an issue, she has the time. But, why get the kids hopes up and make excuses? And the excuses are lies... why lie when you have a good reason.. it's too far! Sure, SD might be disappointed once but now she's been disappointed four times. That's just mean and thoughtless.

"ima how do you know they are swingers?"

I googled her email address. She put an ad on craigslist pretty much outlining what she is into using her email address. When I showed my husband the ad, he laughed and said that when they were together, they had gone to a holiday party and she had asked him if they could have another person join them and he told her no. He thought she was just drunk and it was BS. I have also since found pictures that she put on her myspace and other pictures her friends have put up from some of the parties they've had. She also had ads for regular dating sites as well as lesbian and swingers dating sites.

Her BF's exW also said the reason she filed for divorce was she found things on the computer like porn, ads for swinging and he had lost his job and was facing a sexual harassment charge. I'm just guessing, but they might have actually met from those ads. How else would she meet a guy that lives three hours away and they are both into the same activities?

I kinda wonder if BM was pushing the fact about SD still needing running shoes on the phone when Sd told her she didnt make the cut because she wanted SD to blame not having the "apropriate" running shoes as to why she didnt make the cut and then in turn that would make it your fault and DH for SD to be upset at that she didnt make the cut...just a thought...
What happened w CPS?

ha, that thought crossed my mind too. But, she also blamed another girl on the team apparently. SD told her mom that the other girl fell down so SD stopped to walk with her and just as they got to the finish line, the other girl sprinted and left SD behind. SD says the other girl made the finals. SD says her mom said that girl was mean and stupid. If that's true, then I can see how BM might think she's consoling her daughter to feel better that the other girl 'tricked' her into being last, but the reality is that SD was last in all the meets. She tried but she isn't in shape and like I've said before, she put on 20+ lbs over summer and hasn't lost it all so that may have affected it too. It bothers me to see parents encourage kids to blame others when they don't succeed at something. [I just hate it when I hear how it's always someone else's fault..]

But, I do think BM made the shoes comment for one of two reasons (or both): Either she wants to 'remind' SD that we didn't buy the shoes with the money she gave DH, or she was implying the shoes I bought her were not good enough to help her win.

CPS has not called us back. DH left a message with her on Monday but nothing as of today. She's probably on vacation or busy with real cases of neglect.