My Letter I will never send to BM

17 years ago

Today I need to vent..I will never send this..but I felt much better after writing it......

Dear BM,

I have never resented someone as much as I do you in my ENTIRE life.

I resent you for neglecting your daughter as an infant, all babies need to bathed, fed, played with and cuddled..this is not rocket science..any moron can figure that out...It is never ok to physically harm a child even when they dont stop crying, your daughter will have a scar that she will forever have to explain her ENTIRE life...right now she has no clue where it came from..do YOU plan to explain it when she asks?

I resent you for telling her you want to see her and spend time with her...and then NOT SHOWING UP...you continuosly broke a little girls heart and I was left with the pieces..

I resent that you have chosen not to be a part of her life anymore..you havent called,spoken,visited,sent a card or anything in a year..how do you sleep at night??

I resent that even after raisng this child since she was a a bitty tiny toddler full time, for many many years, after attending every single teacher conference, doctors appointment, school function,volunteering in her class, making every boo boo better with a hug, buying all school supplies and clothes, holding her hand while she had to get shots, potty training her, caring for her EVERY time she has been sick, checking homework, pushing for good grades,teaching her right from wrong, and holding her while she cried because you WONT do any of these thing..that I am not "Legally" able to enroll her in a school or make any major medical decisions for her care, or that if DH ever died, She wouldnt automatically stay at home with myself and her siblings I would have to spend all my money to fight you in court if you decided you wanted to play "Mom" all the sudden... because I am not her "real" mom....

I also resent the fact that you cant manage to pay 50.00 per week to support your child..you are so far behind on support I am sure your credit is shot for a long time...yet you can "support" your dogs and smoking habit,cell phone and all of those other nice "luxuries"

How do you know your daughter is going to have something to eat for dinner tonight?? I guess you do know she will because she has myself and DH who would die before our children went without the necessities...guess you got lucky there....

You have never been to any of her doctors appointment, never even set foot in her school let alone talked to one of her teachers....I am certain you dont even know their names....

I resent that she has no sense of who her relatives are on your side of the family...there is a grandma out there and we dont even know her name...she has a right to know her roots......

I am MOST RESENTFUL for the fact that you have hurt OUR daughter, she will forever bear the emotional and physical burden of YOU....

I s it really too much work on your behalf to show this child that you in some small way care about her?

From:

Your daughters other mother

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Comments (8)

serenity_now_2007
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Fiveinall--

I'm so sorry. I know that this is the struggle that many really good and loving SP's deal with, and it's truly awful. You and SD have my sympathy.
doodleboo
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
If I were to write a vetnt letter to the girls mother it would read the exact same as yours. The only difference is we have made a point to kepp relationships up with the girls grand parents who know the girls and are just as sick and pissed off as we are over her actions.

You have my sympathy as well as my assurance that you and you SD are not alone.
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fiveinall
Original Author
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Thanks ladies...I cant believe how much better I feel after getting all of that off my chest..I have had so much anger built up for so long and dont express it....I will never send it, but it felt good to "tell her how I felt", I wish I would have thought of writing this years ago...
silversword
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You must feel so much better! You have a right to be angry and disappointed. Your children are so lucky to have you as a mother. Continue to be strong. Know that in time your children will see her for who she really is, and you for the MOTHER you are.
cat38
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am a stepmom thankfully bio mom is not this bad just bitter... But I have custody of my exhusbands nieces son who is 11 now I have had him for 4 years now. If I were to write her a letter I would say almost the exact same things... How come all these women have children and walk away from them.. I know how you feel because I deal with it everyday. GOD BLESS YOU...
ceph
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm glad you have a good place to get it off your chest.
We're here for you!
dirt_yfingernails
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Ditto what others have said. My step DGS's mother has never had custody of him (age 14) or his one year older brother (who is in juvenile detention for most of the last 7 years, he is 16 now) DH's ex had custody for a while. She was about to lose custody of SDGS and with 6-8 hour's warning, driving time from her place to ours, she dumped him off on us. He was 9, special needs, largely non-verbal, etc. We educated him for 5 years and the changes were phenomonal. He became a real human being with a sense of humor, a demon at math, could read, etc. A great change when you consider he knew 1 0r 2 colors and 1 or 2 letters when he came to us. He would eat only KFC or McDs. KFC mashed potatoes but not homemade. McDs burgers, but not homemade, etc. He told us he loved us.

Our hearts were broken when she decided to keep him after this summer because we were "mean" to him. Let's see, we made him do his special ed homework, taught him to like homemade foods because we rarely eat out or eat fast food, he had to clean his own room, put away his own clean laundry, choose his own outfit to wear each day, take out the trash bag once a week, don't pinch the dog, things like that. Real mean teaching him to strive for independence, unlike the way he was before, in X's words "infantile and degressing", soiling his clothes several times a day, only playing video games at home and school, etc. He perfected this retarded "deer caught in the head lights" look whenever he got caught in wrong-doing or didn't want to do something, like reading homework. He wasn't dumb at all, he was playing us and we caught on to his little bags of tricks. He would get quite mad and could be quite verbal when his ploys didn't work. His fits came less and less going from a dozen or more a day to one every couple of months and even those were relatively mild.
finedreams
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
it is awful how can some people live their lives when they abandoned their children. i cannot comprehend it. it is true for both deadbeat fathers and mothers.

your SD is lucky she has you and her father.

My Letter I will never send to BM

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serenity_now_2007

doodleboo

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My Letter I will never send to BM

Comments (8)

serenity_now_2007

doodleboo

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fiveinallOriginal Author

silversword

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fiveinall
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