Fiveinall--

I'm so sorry. I know that this is the struggle that many really good and loving SP's deal with, and it's truly awful. You and SD have my sympathy.

If I were to write a vetnt letter to the girls mother it would read the exact same as yours. The only difference is we have made a point to kepp relationships up with the girls grand parents who know the girls and are just as sick and pissed off as we are over her actions.

You have my sympathy as well as my assurance that you and you SD are not alone.

Thanks ladies...I cant believe how much better I feel after getting all of that off my chest..I have had so much anger built up for so long and dont express it....I will never send it, but it felt good to "tell her how I felt", I wish I would have thought of writing this years ago...

You must feel so much better! You have a right to be angry and disappointed. Your children are so lucky to have you as a mother. Continue to be strong. Know that in time your children will see her for who she really is, and you for the MOTHER you are.

I am a stepmom thankfully bio mom is not this bad just bitter... But I have custody of my exhusbands nieces son who is 11 now I have had him for 4 years now. If I were to write her a letter I would say almost the exact same things... How come all these women have children and walk away from them.. I know how you feel because I deal with it everyday. GOD BLESS YOU...

I'm glad you have a good place to get it off your chest.
We're here for you!

Ditto what others have said. My step DGS's mother has never had custody of him (age 14) or his one year older brother (who is in juvenile detention for most of the last 7 years, he is 16 now) DH's ex had custody for a while. She was about to lose custody of SDGS and with 6-8 hour's warning, driving time from her place to ours, she dumped him off on us. He was 9, special needs, largely non-verbal, etc. We educated him for 5 years and the changes were phenomonal. He became a real human being with a sense of humor, a demon at math, could read, etc. A great change when you consider he knew 1 0r 2 colors and 1 or 2 letters when he came to us. He would eat only KFC or McDs. KFC mashed potatoes but not homemade. McDs burgers, but not homemade, etc. He told us he loved us.

Our hearts were broken when she decided to keep him after this summer because we were "mean" to him. Let's see, we made him do his special ed homework, taught him to like homemade foods because we rarely eat out or eat fast food, he had to clean his own room, put away his own clean laundry, choose his own outfit to wear each day, take out the trash bag once a week, don't pinch the dog, things like that. Real mean teaching him to strive for independence, unlike the way he was before, in X's words "infantile and degressing", soiling his clothes several times a day, only playing video games at home and school, etc. He perfected this retarded "deer caught in the head lights" look whenever he got caught in wrong-doing or didn't want to do something, like reading homework. He wasn't dumb at all, he was playing us and we caught on to his little bags of tricks. He would get quite mad and could be quite verbal when his ploys didn't work. His fits came less and less going from a dozen or more a day to one every couple of months and even those were relatively mild.

it is awful how can some people live their lives when they abandoned their children. i cannot comprehend it. it is true for both deadbeat fathers and mothers.

your SD is lucky she has you and her father.