I don't have any question about the tub being from 1931--standing wastes were not available much after that, and the filler is down inside the rim of the tub. The toilet looks within the last ten years, as does the faucet set on the sink, but these things often need replacing. I say 1931 with replacements. I just don't know about the tile around the tub. Brown would have been unusual but not impossible, I guess, and I've been in some bathrooms of this period that have wood floors, where the originality of everything is without question.

My understanding about how it works in the USA is this: unless you have a lawyer that is looking to pocket money, s/he will advise your soon-to-be-husband to talk to the children's mother first. If those attempts fail, then mediation is suggested (if both parents are amicable, it can be done by the two of them and a family mediator; if not, lawyers are brought in with the mediator... and definitely find yourselves a good lawyer!). Finally, and if that doesn't work, you go before a judge... but this is really something EVERYONE hates. Judges (I come from a family of lawyers and judges, and I personally have had some experience with visitation issues myself, lucky me) detest settling issues that can be dealt with otherwise, so they work somewhat hastly and simply go by the stardard that Sweeby was talking about (which I have found in our experience not to work for anyone, particularly for the children; anyone here can tell you how much I hate and don't believe someone when they say, "in the best interest of the children"). Sweeby said it already, but if your "step-wife" is anything like mine, make yourself scarce and invisible when it comes to these discussions. As soon as things were apparently serious between my now husband and myself, the children's mother became a lot less understanding and a lot more possessive (this before we even said ANYTHING about marriage). My husband too, at the time of divorce, pretty much agreed to things that make me cringe. What I have found is that there is no perfect decree, that there will ALWAYS be something that will make you unhappy. You will soon learn that there are certain things that you are just going to have to let go (and stay out of for your own personal sanity and well-being) and that divorce is never fun for anyone, even if you weren't part of it! That said, if the decree does read "reasonable visitation", that does leave you with room for change. Many times, those papers are drawn up like that for the sole purpose of allowing change... and if it is still recent enough where not enough precedent has been set to "dictate law" (if something has "always been", it's harder to change), then you are in a good position. When JaneMarie5 brings up the alienating point, I think it is absolutely valid if not even vital. Hopefully, you are faced with someone where you can use empathy as your "expected response barometer" and you can put yourself in her shoes when weighing the situation. We, unfortunately, can't; we ask ourselves, "How can we make her feel in control?" because the children's mother is very structured and if it doesn't fit in her scheme of things or it comes as a surprise, she will say NO to whatever request my husband makes, even if it may benefit the children or herself! I know in certain states they require mediation/therapy for divorced parents with the idea in mind that even if they failed as a couple, mom and dad have to learn how to be friends for their children. As difficult as it is, as much as it is an upward path, as hopeless as it may seem at times, I think it's really helpful. Some areas even offer group meetings for both sets of parents to go to... and sometimes, hearing other people go through similar experiences helps too. I rely on some of my step-mom girlfriends that have paved the path before me, I went to a family counselor because I have been stumped by my own personal battles... but in other words, I think ONE OF THE MANY keys to success here is to build yourself a POSITIVE support system that can help you navigate what I found many times to be contraddicting emotions. Oh, and this site, of course, is a great help both for the good days as well as for the bad. Keep us posted!

In my situation, the girls are with their mom 4 days a week and with us 3 days per week. During the school year, they eat breakfast and lunch at school because their BM is defrauding the government and has them on free/reduced lunch. So, she feeds them a grand total of 4 meals per week (dinner). We have them on the weekend and Friday evening so we feed them 7 meals a day plus snacks. Guess what? Noone helps us pay for food, clothes, or "extras", as you call them. When they stay at our house 3 nights a week, noone pays us for their "fair share" of rent, utilities, water, cable, etc. That whole notion cracks me up...since when are children responsible for paying a share of that? Here is my thing....my DH has been perfectly fine with having his daughters full time since the day of his divorce, but his EX kicked him out and moved a new guy in the next day. But, because her new DH is a bum and can't keep her in the lifestyle she is accustomed, my DH is expected to do it. In my opinion, if BM kicks out the DH and because of HER choice, the children are not maintained in the appropriate lifestyle, they should be allowed to go live with the father who can maintain their lifestyle. Why is it my DH's responsibility to support her and her new husband? I feel differently about it in cases where the man leaves for whatever reason, but if BM kicks out BF, then too bad for her. Again, my SK's have a home here(bigger than the one they have with her..because I chose to complete college and contribute to our income), so it is not a question of keeping them in their lifestyle. THey can live here at any time. It is about keeping BM in HER lifestyle, and I am sorry but there is no equity in that. The fact of the matter is the courts are trying to figure out a way to make blanket laws to apply to every divorce case. The courts have not figured out how to apply circumstances equitably, and I don't know that they ever will. Some BM's deserve more CS because they were abandoned, and DH doesn't see the child or help financially at all. But, other BM's don't deserve as much because of their own actions, the fact DH has the children a good deal of the time, or additional funds DH provides for the children. There has to be a better answer, but I stay convinced that alot of reasons BF become enstranged from their children is their utter frustration in dealing with unfair court systems, and a child support system that unfairly penalizes many fathers.

Firstly, about that episode where your bio father suggested sex: you had no way to know to anticipate it, & you had no way to control or stop it. Although it *is* obnoxious, offensive, & disgusting to you & to me, it sometimes happens when bio family members meet for the first time as adults, so much so that counsellors now warn adult children who are meeting their birth parent(s) for the first time to be prepared. & your bio father's family troubles belong to him & to them, not to you. If anything, it sounds like your father brought you into the family to be used as leverage. Dispicable, but the responsibility & the shame belong to your bio father & not to you. Cut yourself free from that particular chain & don't look back. Today is what matters, & you & your children are living under unbearable stress, in a hostile environment, & you're all paying a terrible price. "He thinks I'm evil" is *not* the description of someone you can afford to turn your back on, let alone trust, let alone spend your life with. (note: He doesn't think you're "evil"; he knows that saying that will shatter you, & that's why he does it.) He's been lying to you & manipulating you since before you were married, his family sounds like a co-dependent, disfunctional mess, & sending copies of the facebook pages to all of them sounds like that you've been caught in the same web, going to everybody else for vindication or action instead of dealing with the one person who's actually accountable. If your husband doesn't have any consequences for continuing to behave as he always has behaved, *nothing will change*. He's entirely comfortable, even happy, with his life, he doesn't care that you're unhappy, & he controls you by striking at your most vulnerable points; why would he change anything? It's like raising a child; if you say, "do that one more time & you're losing computer priveleges for a week", & the child does it again, you *have* to take away computer priveleges for a week, or you're just teaching the child that (s)he doesn't have to pay attention to anything you say/threaten, that you're powerless, that (s)he can do *anything* & the worst that will happen is that you'll yell. If you tell your husband that he has to treat you with the respect to which anyone is entitled or you & the children are leaving, & then he says something obnoxious or betrays you by talking to his family about you or does any single obnoxious thing, you *have* to take those kids & leave. (In fact, at this point, I think you have to take the kids & leave anyway; your life & their lives are being corroded every day that you spend in the environment controlled by your husband & his family.) Although it isn't your fault, although you've been manipulated to think you "can't" do anything because you somehow bear the responsibility for his behavior, so far, you've been like the parent who threatens but does not act. Even if your husband never hits you, he's abusing you: A person who controls another person by manipulation, who calls her "evil", who blames her for his own behavior...is an abuser. Get some professional legal help, get some psychological help (abusers *never* go to counselling; they don't want any interference), investigate what kind of help is available for abused wives, & get your kids & get out of there. I wish you the very best.