All this happened before you came along. Your husband didn't do this to annoy you. Can you give him the space to process this without making it all about you? And sad for your husband that the woman misled him and he missed all those years. Chatting with her during a basketball practice....what is the big deal, it's just a practice.

Why are you so bothered by something that happened before you met your husband? You surely don't expect that younger him was going around in 1999 saying to himself, "I'd better not have any relationships in case Alison comes into my life"?

And don't you think it must be a terrible shock to his daughter (don't call her "so-called", it's mean spirited) to find out the man she thought was Dad all these years isn't- and it sounds like he might have rejected her into the bargain?

Since you live so far apart it's unlikely that this young woman will have much, if any, "impact" on your family unless you choose to make a huge deal out of it. And if your boys do find out about their surprise big sister, use it as a teaching moment that "sometimes we make mistakes/poor choices" and that forgiveness is part of the moral package.

I agree, this is his daughter, not so-called daughter. It's not the daughter's fault either so please don't take out your frustration/anger with your husband on her.

Are you concerned they will come after your husband for back child support? I wasn't sure why you mentioned that you just bought a house.

Please seek out some professional counseling to help you get through your anger. I hope it all works out for all of you.

Allison, I think you are, understandably, shocked by this news and as time moves on, you could possibly warm to the idea. You might enjoy having a girl in your life, she might be a really nice person.

Try to think of things from her perspective - very shocking for her too.

You sound like you are concerned that she might have a claim on your assets and you want to protect your sons.

This girl is your loving husband's offspring - so what's not to love !

You can only feel what you feel. We can all rationalize from where we are sitting, but in truth, you are the only one who can sort through these feelings.

Let's start from where you are now. We know that this happened before you came into your husband's life. We know that your husband was told the baby wasn't his. Your husband moved on.

The struggles you are facing are many. You might want to get a lawyer at some point to sort our the possible legalities of this daughter since she is still under 18.

It looks like your husband is doing the right thing by trying to get to know the daughter. Because of this decision, you are going to have to tell your boys. It would be worse if they found out later on their own.

I think you need to see a therapist to work through all these feelings. They are real and can't be ignored.

Your reaction and support, or lack of support, for your husband in this situation will define you for him, and for your children, for years to come. I believe in expanding my relationships and circle of people. Not the ideal situation for you, but it's certainly an opportunity to grow.

As for explaining the new "sister" to your boys, it's not that hard really. Children can and should learn from a young age that parents are human and make mistakes. Let them learn from it.

And she wasn't a mistake....please dont say that to her...

Excellent advice, all.

Oh my, well, I hope she's a great girl. Who knows, give her a chance to prove herself. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise.