My husband and I just found he has a 17 year old daughter
9 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (10)
9 years ago
9 years agoRelated Discussions
My 18 year old daughter is barely speaking to me
Comments (7)Are you a very young mom? I don't want to hurt your feelings, but there are a lot of things in your post that sound very immature--the Christmas present thing, calling people names--those are not the way adults handle problems. I think, before you start to work on your relationship with your daughter, it might be a good idea to work on your own level of responsibility and caring. Now, I realize, that if you are in such dire financial straits, that you've had to give up your home and parcel out the family among other family's homes, you've probably got a LOT of issues (aside from your relationship with your daughter) to deal with. And maybe you're just a bit overwhelmed at this point. But your daughter is still a child, even though the government says she's old enough to vote. She still needs you. You still need to parent her. Yes, it's a whold lot more difficult to parent a 'legal' child--that doesn't mean it isn't essential, though. And the situation is only compounded when the parents aren't together and on the same page regarding how to parent. But for your daughter's sake, you simply have to put those things aside and do the right thing for her. She's being a typical 18 year old. None of them really want much to do with their parents--that doesn't tear up your parent card, though, it just means you have to work a little harder and more creatively to do the job you signed on for 18 years ago. Honestly--if you hang in there, and get across to your daughter that you're still her mother, still love her, still will be there for her, she will almost surely come around in a few years. My dd was dying to get away from us (and went to college about 1000 miles away to prove it) at that age. BUT 10 years later? she's annoyed with us because we're moving 30 miles away, she calls me at least once a day just to chat, we get together for dinner or lunch or just to visit at least a couple of times a week. Sometime between age 22 and 25, they really do turn back into normal human beings, so don't burn any bridges that you won't be able to rebuild when the time is right....See MoreJust asked my husband ' would you snoop in your daughter room if.
Comments (24)I snooped over the weekend... okay, I cleaned SD's desk because it was a horrible mess with papers sticking out of drawers. No, there is no suspicion on drugs, etc. I don't need to be suspicious of drugs... and I sure the hell don't have to toss the room if I suspect drugs! I can look at a kid and tell when they are high. There's no suspicion about it.... I know my kids! (and they can't lie to me... well, they can lie but I can tell when they are lying and I know BS when I hear it!) and I wasn't 'searching' for anything incriminating... I found a couple of notes she probably wouldn't want anyone to see... but then she shouldn't be writing that kind of stuff and leaving it in such a mess. I also found several pages of homework that she had claimed she turned in... not done and shoved in a drawer. She has three weeks of school left and has decided all of a sudden to stop turning in her homework. (Of course I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with her mom's claim that she's failing in school so custody should be changed so she won't fail in school... I'm sure a mom wouldn't tell a kid to fail on purpose so she can gain custody!) I don't know where parents that give kids a right to expectation of privacy are coming from.... I just don't get that! No, a kid should not feel violated... but they do not have a right to privacy the way an adult does. When they have a job, when they pay the bills, when they have their OWN place, then they have a right to expect privacy! Until then, they are dependent on the parents and they have no rights. I grew up knowing my parents could search any part of their house at any time. I guess if I was going to do something wrong, I had better learn to hide it somewhere else. It would have been easy if I knew that my room was off limits to searches... I could have hid bodies in there! Mutual respect? Parents are supposed to be in charge and superior to children. There is a hierarchy in parent/child relationships that seems to be fading in our society. Children respect parents... and grandparents. But, that seems to be falling to the wayside and now we need agencies to protect parents and grandparents from kids that don't respect them and take advantage of them or abuse them. It is disgusting to me how many kids talk crap to their parents in public and I'm convinced that it's because these kids are made to feel they are entitled to be treated as if they are equal to an adult and that their wants are more important. I cannot imagine ever demanding my parents buy me something and if I asked and they said they can't afford it, that I would tell them "well you spent $XX on yourself!" as if I'm entitled because they spent their own money on themselves. That would NEVER happen in my youth but I hear that stuff all the time from kids today!...See Moremy bf has a 13 year old daughter who is really upsetting me
Comments (21)Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to....See More17 year old Stepson has gone nuts
Comments (2)g8trgrad98: It is almost scary how much your situation parallels my own. I had written in this forum a number of years ago when my stepson was about 16/17, and just recently as my stepson is approaching 21 (2 weeks). I was in a very similar situation - my stepson was like my own despite his bio-dad in the picture. I was the parent 320+ days of the year and treated things like that - and things were great until that wonderful 15/16 age hit. Like you, I had the typical "you are not my parent" attitude and also like you I had a kid doing a fair amount of pot (does even more now it seems). However, my stepson did not have a grandparents home to run to, so during this whole time he has been in the house. I've had two children with my wife, and they were born when my stepson was 11 and 13. He started out really great with them, but sadly now my kids (now 9 and 7) ask why their brother is so mean and grumpy. I wonder how involved your wife is in this case with either backing you up and setting up rules, or defending her son. My situation was (and still is) very difficult because my wife enables her son and will often tell me to back off while she continues to do so. Has this been an issue in your case? What does she say when your stepson asks her to choose between him and you? Sorry to say that I've come to the conclusion that for some kids, seemingly mine included, they won't ever get a clue until life deals a viscous dose of reality to them. My suggestion to my own wife is that once we stop the money, the coddling, and the comforting life will end up showing this kid what it can do. To that end, better to do that now while he is this young and stop protecting him. Once he experiences poverty, perhaps tinged with a dose of desperation, I think that can change a perspective. Unfortunately, my wife still insists on keeping her boy protected, and the results have again been much like yours - I'm beginning to resent this child I love and felt had so much potential. My wife wonders why I don't take him golfing and be his buddy, but I'm finding my resentment building and just can't fake it. Not sure what you can do with your stepson with him being 17, but I just can't help but feel that a few body blows from reality might help - just wonder whether your wife would be able to go for it....See More
9 years ago- 9 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
- 9 years ago
- 9 years ago
9 years ago
PRO8 years ago- 8 years ago
Related Stories
REMODELING GUIDESOne Guy Found a $175,000 Comic in His Wall. What Has Your Home Hidden?
Have you found a treasure, large or small, when remodeling your house? We want to see it!
Full Story
RUSTIC STYLEKitchen of the Week: Found Objects and Old Italian Farmhouse Charm
A homeowner and her cabinetmaker create a personal version of European-inspired comfort and simplicity
Full Story
UNIVERSAL DESIGNMy Houzz: Universal Design Helps an 8-Year-Old Feel at Home
An innovative sensory room, wide doors and hallways, and other thoughtful design moves make this Canadian home work for the whole family
Full Story
KIDS’ SPACESThis Designer’s Client Was Her 10-Year-Old Son
What do you give a boy with a too-babyish bedroom when he’s approaching double digits? See for yourself
Full Story
KITCHEN DESIGNIdeas From the Year’s Top 10 Kitchens of the Week
Get inspired by the found objects, reclaimed hardware, efficient storage and work zones in our top kitchens of 2016
Full Story
MOST POPULARHouzz Tour: A Playful Home Drawn Up by 8-Year-Old Twins
Plans for this innovative tower home in Melbourne were going nowhere — until the homeowners’ twins came to the rescue
Full Story
COLORS OF THE YEARPantone Has Spoken: Rosy and Serene Are In for 2016
For the first time, the company chooses two hues as co-colors of the year
Full Story
REMODELING GUIDESYou Won't Believe What These Homeowners Found in Their Walls
From the banal to the downright bizarre, these uncovered artifacts may get you wondering what may be hidden in your own home
Full Story
HOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: A 300-Year-Old Home Adapts to a Modern Family of 7
A new addition adds much-needed square footage to a 1750s home in Massachusetts
Full Story
MODERN HOMESHouzz Tour: 800-Year-Old Walls, Modern Interiors in Provence
Old architecture and new additions mix beautifully in a luxurious renovated vacation home
Full StorySponsored
User