First let me say, I am sorry you are going through this. I know from first-hand experience how painful it can be and I only have ONE stepdaughter who lives 5 hours from here. Whew! It's hard!

I recently posted about a mess in my own situation and got some terrific and on-point focus from another poster who suggested I get my buttsky to an Alanon group or counseling. You may not be or have been part of a substance abusing family, but the symptoms might ring a bell with you, too. I website I found was: www.addictionconsulting.com and then went to the codependent pages where they list the symptoms. I was reminded that my focus on everyone else's lousy behavior was getting me nowhere and I needed to focus on my own life again. It's SO easy to forget that. This does not mean that other's behavior isn't difficult to deal with only that I have to remember to take responsibility for my own experience. (I should have that tattooed somewhere!)

Here's my belief: we are responsible for the situations in our lives to a very great degree. When I was in my first violent and abusive marriage, it looked to all the world like I was a long-suffering angel and my husband was 100% at fault. It took me 10 years of reading, counseling, support groups and introspection to finally come to what my responsibility was in the situation and that day was the day I walked through the self-created prison of victimization to the light of freedom.

It might be something as small as you just show up for bad treatment. Maybe that's your part. Whatever it is, figure out where you are cooperating with this lopsided situation and correct it. If you have been yelling, start speaking calmly. If you have been discussing, stop talking and start acting. Whatever you have been doing, do something different because you need to get their attention so they know it's not "business as usual." Get support because you are going to need it. Be prepared to be the bad guy in everyone's eyes. That's what will happen when you start to make changes. The only other option is that you die more and more inside and conform more and more to everyone else's demands until you just blow up.

I say this with complete empathy for your situation and hope that you can take whatever small stand you need to daily and regularly until your life is happy. Wishing you the best!

Tell them supper every 2nd week is ok with you but its potluck..Everyone brings a dish one daughter the main dish the other a salad or desert.Paper plates cups ect ..

You say Dad works 13-15 hours per day. How many hours do you work, OP. When I was married, part of the understanding was he worked longer hours, and I had more home responsibilities, including entertaining. I certainly entertained people, such as business associates, I had no great love for. That was part of our deal.

Thank you for your replies and comments. I love the idea of paper plates. I think i just might try that.

sulost - i really enjoyed reading your comments. I was a member of the alanon programs for more than 12 years and i was in charged of an alateen group for two years. I have learned extensively from these programs and the fact that i had a sponsor for 11 or 12 years. I still read alot of alanon material and i will definitely consult the web site your are proposing.

The bottom line is i am sick and tired of these step children. I am hurt, always felt hurt and unappreciated by the oldest and now i see my youngest SD is acting exactly like her oldest sister.

One thing i noticed last night was the fact that i was the one who started most of the discussion going on at the supper table. Hubby was way to tired to talk to them about anything. I was doing it out of politeness cuz otherwise no body would have said a word. Then, i am made felt like i come out of this world and i don't know what i am talking about. They roll their eyes when i even comment the subject i was the one who brought it up in the first place....just to chat for goodness sake!

You say :
"If you have been discussing, stop talking and start acting"!

Believe me .....next time they come over, i will eat, talk to the small children and forget the rest of them!

I am so fed up.

kkny...hubby works all those hours cuz he wants to, he choosed this job, he doesn't want to look elsewhere for better work conditions. etc. etc. etc.

Plus, i am not a maid. I don't care if DH works 18 hours a day! I don't even remember the last time he washed the bathroom. Am i the only one using that bathroom. We've had major fights over the car. I never use the darn thing except to do groceries once a week. DH uses the car every single day, even has buddies riding with him. Funny, but we both pay for the car and he's the only one using it. You'd think he would clean it! Nope. I had to do it! I did once and never again. I did tell him however that chickens would have teeth before i ever bought another car with him!

Plus, i don't work 15 hours a day because i can't anymore. Believe me, i've done that in my life before and this is one of the major reasons i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia two years ago. I have all the difficulties in the world working 7,5 hours a day. So how can i be expected to work and then come home and act like a maid for him and HIS kids!

Hubby knows i am sick. So lately, i decided i would not pick up after him NO MORE. It's working so far. He certainly picks up after himself. I guess that is what happens when you don't have a maid anymore!@ Pretty soon he's not going to have a wife either!

"After supper, i noticed the two SD's were kind of lingering in the apartment wither thier father and i could see thety wanted to talk to him ...................when i wasn't there. THAT IS WHAT HURTS ME! AM I A DOG! "

I wouldnt make this assumption that your SDs think you're a dog simply cuz they wanted to talk to their dad alone.
Maybe after you and your husband exchanged words over preparing the dinner they simply wanted to make sure everything was ok.
Whenever my mom and stepdad have had words,I always talk to her privately to see that she is ok.

I Do agree with everyone who says you're doing too much! And you HAVE done too much.You need to step back and let your husband take care of his own relatinship with the adult kids.Why on earth should you plan the parties,do the cooking,intiate conversation?! what you are actually doing is enabling your husband to be a LAZY parent. Why should he cook for them,plan their parties,even talk to them when he has you doing it all for him?
Tell him that from now on,he is on his own.Trust me,you do his kids a dis-service by having to do everything for your husband regarding his kids.

If THEY want to come over for dinner,tell your husband it is his responsibility.If he doesnt like it he can order out! And he can ask them to chip in!

Fleurs,

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have had fibromyalgia since 1987 and have learned to live with it. It is possible but I've found that stress makes the symptoms much worse.
I wouldn't even worry about looking like the selfish one here. The situation speaks for itself. They expect you to wait on them and after knocking yourself out, you try to have a polite conversation with them and they roll their eyes and then not make any offer to help you?

Just remember, they can't do this to you unless you let them. Can you tell hubby that he should take them out for dinner every second week while you stay home and take a bubble bath?

That's what I'd do.

STOP allowing them to be more important than you in your own home, in your own existance. This is your life, not theirs. Your oldest SD needs to grow up. I am also 27 and my SM is horrible, and I can still muster politeness at family functions, SD cannot come to your house and treat you the way she wants to.

Take a look around, I am sure everything you see is where it is because you put it there, keep it there and clean it there everyday. This is YOUR HOUSE. You deserve some DOGONE RESPECT in it. as for hubby, he needs a mummy, but you better start demanding that he co-operate with you in response to those girls, and that they do not disrespect you, after all they sound quite taxing, and as you confessed, they contribute little but their blessed presence.

This is not my situation, but I am enraged for you. Be enraged, and hurt, and at the same time channel that energy and take some active steps to discontinue some things. Why do you need them to like you, believe me, there is no weapon so disarming as being in the presence of someone who doesn't acknowledge and appreciate your existance. This is what they are using, return it. Learn to say "get it yourself" and "leave my kitchen in the condition you met it in"

You cannot allow it to continue, I mean you are uncomfortable, make hubby experience some discomfort as well, until he learns to support your deserved appreciation, or at the very least respect.

A friend of mine threw a complete fit after their step kids left the house one day, we rehearsed it together. We got all her issues on cards, and she let him have it! Then stormed out to her mother's house, no calls for a week.

He was so scared that she had left him, he just wanted to fix it, it was extreme, but got her noticed. Being polite and asking nicely is sometimes completely ineffective, and we must admit when it doesn't work. After all I think that you have to nice for waaaay toooo long. Time for change.

The adult children I know, including my own, do not call their parents anywhere near as often as their parents call them. My parents certainly called me more often than I called them. I don't think it ever would have occurred to me to call them just to see how they were doing when I was in my 20's.

Funny how different people are, TOS. I called my mom ALL the time when I was that age. We lived about 2000 miles apart, but it was nothing to pick up the phone to say 'Hi.'

Since my mother called me every few days, I didn't have to.

My kids never spent hours on the phone as teenagers, nor did I. They'd much rather talk in person. I would worry if they called me all the time that they were lonely.

FYI, my mother never had the resources to make all of the phone calls. She called, yes, but when I wanted to talk to her, I called. Yep, at the time, I probably was a little lonely being that far from her at that time. Eventually I ended up moving back closer to home because I wanted to see my family more.

...and FWIW, I loathe talking on the telephone (and don't do it much), but when long distance is all you have, well, then that's just what you do. It's simply amazing all of the things that you can do once you have to and all of the compromises you can work out. Thank God humans have the ability to adapt.

When I was in my 20's and 30's and lived far from my parents, I made the majority of the calls to them and I called several times a week and it was expensive for me.

Vivian, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only adult child who did this.

As for Fleurs situation, it seems her DH is part of the problem with the disrepect from SD's. He berated her in front of them for not helping him make dinner. He shouldn't have done that.

On the other hand, the dinners are quite obviously a very stressful situation for both DH and Fleurs and it doesn't appear the daughters appreciate them.

I've made my own share of unappreciated dinners for my adult SD while she either ignored me or rolled her eyes at me when I tried to make pleasant conversation at the dinner table.

She never offered to bring anything or to help. She'd just sit back and allow her kids to run wild in my house and destroy things as I cleared off the table and did the dishes. And then after they left, I'd spend more time cleaning up the mess the kids made and throwing out what they'd broken.

My DH would be completely stressed the entire time they were there and then we'd end up in an argument after they left. He'd be upset with her behavior and then he'd be upset with me because I was upset about the whole evening.
I finally put my foot down very hard with DH. I don't do the dinners anymore. If they want to get together for dinner, it is at a restaurant and it is dutch treat unless it is a special occassion. Restaurants and dutch treat can be a great equalizer as everyone is on the same playing field at dinner.

Thank you and thank you again to all of you who have commented my post. There is so much truth in all of them and a lot of good advice that I truly, truly am trying to apply to my situation with DH and his children.

I love all of the suggestions and the best one i guess is telling DH ....that he is on his own with respect to these dinners. Not once have they ever, ever suggested on bringing something or even got up to clean.

My biggest problem in this situation is that i've always wanted to be love or at least appreciated by these children and by DH ....and it's just not working. For two days now, every time i,ve had to do something, i put myself first, i think about my health and i think of everything i've every read here on step parenting. I know the end of this emotional roller coaster is coming to an end with me. I have to remember one very important thing : That is to love myself and to want the best for myself....without hurting anyone else....and that is my mission from now on.

I'll keep you posted.
Please keep on posting.

WOW, fleurs_gardener, i am so proud of you. you go girl!

The sooner you realise that you do not need their validation for your existance, the better you will become. And I have to comment, that with you it is clear that your problems are not from being selfish but from loving too much, and giving way too much.

Take care of you, and let the rest of them take example, and insist once in a while that they, especially hubby, complies.

Keep it going.

I talk to my parents several times/day - more my mother than my father as he still works. I usually see them close to daily, always spoke daily to them when in college/dental school, etc.

My brother always sees/calls my mother, but only calls dad if he needs something. My skids call their dad when they need something. I suppose that one-sidedness is what hurts.

Fleurs, you know I could have written that post - right down to the preparing the banquet to cleaning up past midnight. I'd certainly OK their suggestion - but rotate, you host one week and have them entertain you all the next. Or, do the pot luck and the paper plates, ask DH to do the cooking and you'll see how tiresome it gets for all of them. Even better, plan for a get together at a restaurant - ask that everyone take a turn on picking up the check! My DH would NEVER allow his kids to do that; I'm sure yours wouldn't either, so maybe don't offer that one unless you want your budget to go through the roof. My skids won't rough it with respect to food if Daddy's buying.

My DH works hard, too, as do I. I know he needs to relax a little after work, enjoy a game, etc, but I feel so overworked that it's hard to sympathize! I work three long days in the office, countless here at home. Three little boys, no help - I'm the cook, the maid, the dry cleaner! My free time begins at midnight. I often want a little time to unwind when done w/ my Cinderella chores, lol, when I should be sleeping.

Anyway, my DH will watch me run myself ragged, hear me struggle w/ the kids (claims not to hear!) and then wonder why there's no romance later! I blew up the other night as he didn't miss a play in the baseball game he was engrossed in while I was truly in three rooms at once bathing the kids and cleaning up the kitchen.

I posted before about wanting my skids over weekly or every other weekend, but it didn't happen other than the first time. To be honest, I'm relieved to not have to 'entertain' on a regular basis - esp. for those who don't offer help or reciprocation.

You can't mess around w/ your fibromyalgia. It's seriously debilitating - maybe they all need a little education on it, but I doubt that would help.

Anyway, prayers to you for getting through this.

Dana

aisha, dana and all who have posted, thank you. I printed all these comments and i have reread them several times over the last few days.

Yes, i truly am hurt by DH's adult children's behaviour and the thing is....i am really, really getting sick and tired of their childish attitude, behaviour etc.

So, the subject of them wanting to come over every tuesday hasn't been brought up again with DH. With their demand for this, i feel like i am going back 18 yrs when, because of the divorce papers, DH was and had to take the children every second weekend. Boy oh boy was he in trouble if for one reason or the other he couldn't have them that weekend.
I don't like to be pressured into anything and especially controlled and i feel these adult children are doing just that. They want what they want and that's it!

However, i feel a lot more prepared to tell DH what i think about his adult childrens suggestion : first, i'll tell him he's on his own if.....he doesn'T agree to potluck, paper plates, etc. I will tell him i certainly did not and will not accept to be talked that way in front of his adult children and that i am sick and tired of seeing his two adult daughters sit and not move and not help a single bit with the preparation of the dinner. Why does it always have to be this great big event when they come over!

Because being in their presence really bothers me lately, i have also decided to take Aqua fitness classes...on tuesday nights. Oh ya. I went last night to the pool and i am so happy to see that classes are offered on tuesday nights - 6:30 Perfrect, i thought. I will leave home around 5:30 when they get there, and i will enjoy going to the libray for a little bit before aqua fitness classes start. Classes finish at around 7: 30 and they boy will i take my time to get back home. They left around 8:30 last time and i expect them to leave again at this time.

I used to go to aqua fitness classes and i really enjoyed it. so i am proud of myself. I AM TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AND I WILL MORE AND MORE ....because

Yesterday, i went for my annual medical exam, and the doctor found a lump on my breast and it has been hurting me for awhile but i thought it was all because of my fibro. Anyways, i am scheduled for a thousand and one tests, mamogram, etc. etc. Weird. It really makes me think.

I truly appreciate all of you for reading my post.

Bonne journ.

Fleurs,
I understand you being sick of your SK's behavior. I feel the same way about my SM and sometimes my MIL. Your health is most important and taking care of yourself is # 1 priority. I've been down this step war and after many many years I've come to really understand it's people and their personalities. We can't change other people, only our perceptions and ourselves. People can be incredibly rude and hurtful but only if we allow them to invade our inner self.

You've been given great practical advice from the posts above from papers plates to pot lucks. Actually Pot Lucks are fun because everyone particpates and shares. Best of Luck to you..

fleurs, it is my sincere hope that you above all else, get yourself well, and enjoy your everyday existance.

My mother has a way of listing things that she will do for herself everyweek, and she never allows the week to end without accomplishing those things, after executing her responsibilities to her family well, she believes earnestly that she deserves it, and you know what, if she doesn't go and get her feet done, to the gym or to tea once a week with her book club, none of us would have sent her.

Take charge of getting what you deserve, and you will find that you enjoy life more, also about your illness, I don't want to impose my ways, but take a look at 'The Secret'. It will definitely help.

Make it Great...

Hello to all of you,

Following my above post, Tuesday night DH's two daughters (27 and 19) came over for supper as they had expressed this want to their father a few weeks before, saying that from now on every second tuesday of the month they wanted to come and visit him and have supper with his oldest daughter two young girls.

I told DH i was hurt by his daughters attitude. He doesn't see why. I told him i thought it was ignorant of them to do this c onsidering i have never, never acted like that towards his children that is excluding one or another from things that concerned them and that i thought i should have been included in the discussion considering there were going to come over to '' our home'' every tuesday and that i knew exactly what that meant. That meant, i would be the one who would be in charged of making sure that everything would be there for the meal, etc. etc. in addition to serving them cuz they never help. He said that was no problem that he would take care of everything. I' ve only been with the man for 18 yrs and believe me i know what i am talking about when i say i will have to make sure everything is there. Just like many, many other woman, I've always been the one who somehow cuz stuck with making sure everything would be alright for the children and DH.

I was hurt by the fact that i was completly and totally ignored in this conversation which took place with their father only.

I was especially hurt by my DH's youngest daughter (19 yrs.) with whom i've been very, very close over the last 18 yrs. Lately, that is since her older sister divorced her husband and came back and lived at DH's ex house where the youngest daughter is already, i've noticed some changes in my youngest SD's attidue towards me. The biggest, biggest one happened last night.

It was my birthday and there hasn'T been one year in almost all of the 18 yrs that i've been with her father that my youngest Step daughter hasn't called to wish me happy birthday. The oldest SD never called once in 18 yrs. Yet, i always gave the oldest SD a birthday card, a present, etc.
I've told DH about his oldest daughter doing this and he replied : "she has even forgotten my own birthday and i am her father....so...." He has told me that often in the past and now i question him and i say.... and that's fine with you that she acts like that even though she is pass 20 yrs. old. HE replies : it hurts me but what do you want me to do about it? DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even talk to him anymore about it!

Last night, my DH's 20 yrs old, his 19 yrs old daughter and his 27 yrs old daughter, his grand daughter of 9 and the other grand daughter of 5 never called to wish me a Happy birthday.

My best friend called to wish me HB, my aunt, my brother, my best friend's children called but nothing from DH's adult children. He knows they didn't called. He told me he knew.
Funny, but i really, really and honestly was not surprised and not even as hurt as i thought i would be by all of this.

A couple of years ago, i really really thought that these children were having a relationship with their father because of me. I always made sure they would come over, have special meals with their father and i' special get togethers at xmas. At one point, all i did was not appreciated. I heard all kinds of things being said behind my back, and i thought, ok, that's enough. DH doesn't appreciate what i'm doing. His children don't either. So...lets just see if i just get my nose out of all this and start concentrating on my physical and emotional state, what will happen.

Well, DH didn't go to the lake with his adult step children this summer (he did for the past two years when i stopped going cuz i was sick and tired of being a maid to thise people and their children for two weeks!)Funny, i guess DH didn't feel like being a maid to them again this summer.

He never called them once over the summer to invite them over for supper even though i asked him a couple of times to make arrangements so we could have them over. There i was again not minding my business but i knew if i didn't do it, his adult children would say something. and as a matter of fact they did. They complained their father wasn't calling them and wasn't seeing them enough. This is why THEY decided a little while ago they wanted to come over every second tuesday of the month for supper.

They came this week. DH and discussed what he would make for them to eat. I went out and bought some of the stuff even though i knew i wasn't going to be there for the meal with them. I decided to take classes while they would be at OUR HOME visiting THEIR FATHER like they said they wanted.

They were suppose to be there around 5 : 15. It was 6 o'clock and no one had showed up. They finally did at around 6:20. THe oldest SD said she had gone shopping for halloween customes. I thought....would it have been hard for her to call and let us know she would be late!!!!!!!!!

This morning i got up and i thought i really, really don't know why the 19 year old is doing this to me ....but its her lost!

I've been reading The Secret.

Please excuse the long and exhausting post. Had to vent!

Thanks for reading me.

I'm not scolding you, no offense intended. I hurt for you and all you are going through. But birthdays are not that important to everyone. I barely remember my DH's or kids', sorry. We don't celebrate holidays a lot either. Maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas barely. Our schedules are so different and were worse in the past that we are lucky to get together on a holiday. DH has to work holidays unless they occur on a Sunday. So we just don't really celebrate anymore. Coul it be the same for your SD's?

hi dirt...

I'm really not offended by your comments. I always enjoy people's reaction to my post. In the past, it did occur once that I got offended by what someone had replied, but today i try not to be so emotional about it anymore and instead i see other people's response as enlightening. More often than not the responses have always been helpful.

DH and I have always celebrated each and every single person's birthday. I have cards from DH's two youngest children that i have kept for years and years. When i look at these cards today, they make me smile. Some of the cards, the children made, say '' Happy Belated birthday to you!". I always kept these cards, thinking belated is better than never.

Oh well. Theses two step daughter's birthday are in May. Maybe i'll forget about it for once.

Fleurs, I will give you the advice my mother gave me when I was dating a guy with kids. I vowed to be the best SM since mine left alot to be desired. One wrong thing I said and these kids would go runnign back to BM as if I am some kind of criminal, it was heartbreaking, I only had the best of intentions, and earnestly did things for them in love.

My mom told me that they are not my kids, so don't sweat the small stuff. Just because you love their dad, doesn;t mean that you are their mom when they are with you guys, just keep them in one piece and for he sake of peace leave the superpersonal stuff to their dad, just stay out of it.

I quit on that relationship, so cuddos to you for doing this for soo long, but let them go fleurs, forget their b'days forever, let their dad do it and if he forgets, then maybe they will have the sense to realise that you have been reminding him for years, for their happiness.

Your older ones have a disturbing sense of entitlement anf the oldest sounds really bitter, I mean, if I were you, they would definitely have to go to a restaurant for their dinners, minus me. I wasn't putting up with those adults nymore, they are too old for their behavior toward you to be excused, I would have cut them off, for my own peace at last. They are big now, do you realise that you don't have to put up with them regularly, if you really don;t want to.

DH would HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT!!! Behave like a reasonable adult IN MY HOME, or DON"T COME HERE!! That is only reasonable.

I am sorry that you are hurt by the 19 yr old, btu she will always be influenced by her BM and sis, so take care of you and disengage emotionally, fro your own sake and peace.

Fleurs,

I agree 100% with Aisha. Disengage - forget their birthdays and let their Dad take care of the meals, get-togethers, etc. I'd stay out of it completely. Disengage.

The best scenario would be for them to have their get-togethers at a restaurant and go dutch treat. They are adults. If you have them at your house, you will either get pulled into doing all the work or you will put yourself in charge and the whole negative cycle will continue. This could be your night to do as you please - read a book, play with your kids, etc.
I know it gets complicated because we sometimes tend to think we need to help our husbands out by helping him take care of his relationship with his kids. We do things like remember birthdays, buy gifts, hostess parties, make dinners. But when your efforts aren't appreciated, stop doing it.

They are his kids and it truly is between him and them to keep their relationship going. If he forgets one of their birthdays, then he's going to have to apologize. If he messes up dinner, he will have to improvise.

"I know it gets complicated because we sometimes tend to think we need to help our husbands out by helping him take care of his relationship with his kids. We do things like remember birthdays, buy gifts, hostess parties, make dinners. But when your efforts aren't appreciated, stop doing it."

I agree, except that I don't think the stepmother should be doing these things to begin with, whether they are appreciated or not. His doing all these things will foster closeness with his children, and he will be a better parent for having done them himself.

I make every effort to see that my DD has gifts, etc. for her Dad's birthday. He of course, does, not reciprocate. I think it is unseemly to nag people to remind them of your own birthday, but I am hoping that by encouraging my DD to remember her Dad's birthday, she learns that this is the right thing to do. I always wonder when these SMs complain that the kids dont remember Dad at his birthday, did Dad ever make certain the kids remmeber the mom's birthday.

Things like b'days, remembering gifts on christmas and the kind of gifts given, are personal things and speak volumes about the level of relationship. I do not atke it personally when someone doesn't remember me when I remember them, or make an effort for someone important to them to remember them.

Like with my ex and his kids, I would remind him of b'days and even shop for the gifts. Like during our last year together he didn't even know what he had given his son until the kid opened it a the party which I didn't attend.

The important thing is that the child feels remembered by the parent, but I don't care if they gave good gifts to me, or if they gave at all, mind you, their father made an effort for them to all jointly remember me. I think that was pretty fair, but not necessary for me, they weren't my kids. I had to learn to choose not to take offence at the things that the step kids did. And further I have no expectation in an ex, whether there are kids with the ex or not, the relationship between you is what is imortant when considering personal celebrations like b'days and anniversaries, sometimes even christmas.

Fortunatley for SMs and SDs, their SKs don't stay kids forever, so look forward to when you don't have to bear the small stuff that tands t get irritating when added up.

Make some rules.....I have a SIL/BIL I don't like and it is DH's job to get them something- do something for them..

I like the potluck idea but If it were me I would make plans with girlfriends the night the kids came over and get out of the house. Small children need to have exceptions made for them when they don't behave well- other adults don't.

Newgardenefl

Maybe you have an age cutoff, but if DH doesnt remind his children to do anything for their mom, he shouldnt expect anything fromt hem for him.

Just my 2 cents.

Bonjour to you all this morning,

Thank you for all your posts. Very interesting.

This happened to me Friday night.

It's late and i'm just about to go to bed when the phone rings. I answer and this is what i hear: I am so sorry i did not call you for your anniversary last night. You night i always call you. but i was so busy all day -going to school, rush here, rush there, go to work at night. Believe me, i am really, really sorry.!

And i said ; who is talking please. And my youngest SD said it's me.(she said her name)!

I couldn't believe it. I didn't even recognized her voice she was so much in a panic state like. I truly, truly felt she was honest and that she hadn't had the time to call me the night before. Oh well, better late than never.

I knew there must have been a good reason for my youngest sd not to call me. After i hung up, i lit a little candle and i thank the lord and i said i was sorry for jumping up to conclusions so fast.

The oldest SD was right there when the youngest called. I could hear her and her children in the back. She never wished me a happy birthday! I really think it's her lost.

As far as them coming over ever tuesday nights, i really don't care anymore what hubby does. I've made plans to go to the library and to aqua fitness class on tuesday nights. I did that last week, and i truly, truly enjoyed it.

I'm leaving everything to DH for the supper, etc. When i did mention potluck, he thought that was funny but i know he will never mention it to them because first of all its the ex-wife who is paying the food for the youngest SD and also for the oldest SD who is living there with her two children.

I'm reading The Secret. It helps.

Aisha, i love to read your comments.

Have a nice day you all.

"...but if DH doesnt remind his children to do anything for their mom, he shouldnt expect anything fromt hem for him."

Huh? So, if the father forgets to remind the children about the mother's birthday, then even if the children remember the father's birthday they should forget it because he didn't remind them of the mother's???

Brava Fleurs, "orient yourself to the best part of that person" I have the secret too, I guess it isn't a secret,LOL.

This dvd has worked wonders in my life becoming more of what i earnestly wanted it to be. You really love these kids and your passion helps you to change the situation.

Go on now!

"...but if DH doesnt remind his children to do anything for their mom, he shouldnt expect anything fromt hem for him."
Huh? So, if the father forgets to remind the children about the mother's birthday, then even if the children remember the father's birthday they should forget it because he didn't remind them of the mother's???

No -- of course not. What I was saying is that Dad has some responsibilities too. And when SM complains about Dad not being remembered, maybe if had taught children to remember Mom's they would get with the habit. And yes, I make certain DD remembers Dads bday.