For the most part, Yes -

I have a good relationship with my husband's two adult children and a cordial relationship with his Ex-wife. The kids lived with their mother, and were estranged from their father when he and I met. (She poisoned them against him.) DH and I worked together to bring his children back into his life, and have forged decent, though fragile at times, relationships. Because of their ages, I never really tried to 'raise' his kids, but they sometimes come to me now for advice and I show them respect and concern. They spend a portion of each major holiday with us now, and we include them in our lives.

My Ex and I don't get along very well, but his wife and I have developed a pretty decent relationship. She is a much better parent than he is, so in all honesty, I'm grateful to have her in my son's life. She loves him and has become very involved in his life. We don't always agree, but when I can resist the urge to "pull rank" as Bio-Mom, she offers a sound additional perspective on his life and how to parent him. Really, my son is lucky to have a stepmother who genuinely loves him -- so I will continue to treat her well.

For the majority part, Yes,

I have a very good relationship with both my stepkids. It has been successful. Both are wonderful kids and deserve nothing of their mothers poison. I do not have any relations with their mother. She is extremely jealous and both kids know and understand this. My SD has reached a point of resentment for her but i tell her you have only one mom and when you get older you will understand.

I posted this about 2 months ago on this forum...hope it helps!

I have been with my husband for 22 yrs, married for 20. He had three children when we met, aged 12, 8, 6. I had (and still have) none. They lived with their mom in CA, but spent summers and some vacations with us in FL. I tried my best to be loving and fair to them, even when they were at their worst, and believe me, we had some pretty tough times. One rule my husband and I tried to live by was to NEVER speak ill of their mother in front of them. We had to suck up allot of **it, but I think that's one of the reasons we earned their respect.
One by one, after high school, they moved to FL to be closer to their dad (their mom eventually followed, too). We have an unbelievable relationship, I get "Mother" cards from all three of them, and they refer to me as their "bonus mom". I just love that term...so much better than "step". I refer to them as my children...and leave the step part out. I planned two weddings for our daughters and was so proud to be the mother of the bride in both of them. In fact, I walked down the aisle with their mom at our daughter's wedding in May!
I have three beautiful grandsons (5, 3, 8 mnths) who have no idea there is no blood relation, and love me as much as their other "Ammas". I care for two of them weekly and have the opportunity to help raise children from birth. Very exciting for me!
I just wanted to let everyone who is suffering to know that step-families can be successful and fulfilling. It's takes allot of hard work and a very supportive spouse, but loving relationships can blossom in time.
Good luck to all!

I've been married to my DH for 7 years. His DS and DD were 2 and 4 when we were married. We only get to see them EOW. And after going back to court we get them every two weeks for two weeks during the summer. I love these kids and will do anything to protect them and help them grow into loving stable adults. Do they love me as much as they love their mom? I doubt it, no one can replace your mother. Do the love and respect me? Yes. Well, the oldest is now 11 and going through the teen rebellion, so I should say she respects me as much as she respects their bio-mom and dad. LOL!
Prior to marriage, (and it was a stipulation of marriage) I told my DH that when they were in our home, I would discipline them, and expected him to back me up, as I would back him up. United front and all that.
Was it always easy? No. Have we had ups and downs? Yes, just like in most families. But they have brought more joy than heartache into my life. Have they always been thoughtful of my feelings? No, but they are children and aren't always thoughtful of their parents feelings either.

Webe,
proud stepmom of two wonderful kids

After lots of hard work, yes. We're 20 years into this marriage. When we married (2nd for both), I had a 14 yo daughter, he had 5 and 10 yo sons. Within 3 yrs we had one more son and one more daughter. Needless to say, we both worked full time.
The first years were hell. My daughter was a princess and was not thrilled about the male invasion or the loss of our "Gilmore Girls" lifestyle. She was - to be charitable - difficult for the first year or so... she loved my husband, but hated the change in lifestyle. Thankfully, her acting out was limited and her girlfriends all loved the idea of babies and a big family and being part of the herd; peer pressure was in our favor.

The s-sons were a challenge. They were with us every other weekend, 6 weeks in the summer, and most school vacas. There were many issues - lack of personal hygiene, disrespect, walking away from their messes, plus throwing footballs, baseballs, etc in the house - often directly at breakables... intentional damage disguised as accidents (that came to an abrupt end when they mistook one of their father's prized possessions for mine). Much of our trouble was fueled by their mom - she gave them permission to call my daughter and myself D----- B--s... "because that's what they are!", they would chew their food at meals and spit it back on the plate... "It's a game we play at home - my mother says we can do it here if we want." They were not big fans of soap, shampoo or water - clean clothes were unheard of ( they would arrive with a bag of dirty clothes) and the younger one even arrived one time with an awful rash on his 'lower extremities' that the doctor said was strictly from filth! The younger one actually went through a spell where he would not use toilet paper; he wiped whatever on the walls!!! I cried with relief many times as soon as they went out the door and headed for home.

My husbands guilt was enormous; his fear of alienating and losing his kids was crippling. I was afraid to rock the boat or come across as a witch and I didn't want to undermine my husband. Ultimately, after many terrible arguments, we came to the conclusion that we were not presenting a united front. We also came to realize that my daughter and I were really fringe issues. The core problem was the boys lack of respect for my husband and his condoning their disrespect and their behavior by catering to them. He also realized that the problem had become so significant that he was well on the path to destroying his relationship with them by virtue of his behavior. Kids instinctively smell fear and they know just how to leverage weakness. We had many family meetings where we invited their input but made clear that we set the rules. It took a long time (and a lot of tears) before there was any progress, but it happened. I think ultimately the boys stopped being so angry when they recognized that they were hurting themselves as much as (maybe even more than) anyone else and expending a great deal of energy doing so. Over time, they started to become more objective - sometimes a little embarrassed - and they eased into our routine. I found that "the more the merrier" helped - we encouraged each of the older kids to bring friends along and we kept them busy  we went many places with two strollers and as many as 8 other kids between 7ish and 16ish? The herd/peer thing takes them into a world of their own where their behavior reflects on and impacts them - it's not about the parent/step parent.

The kids are now 33, 30, 24 and the Âbabies are 18 and 17. All the kids are doing well. The older 2 have long since finished college and have good jobs. Number 3 is in his last year of college; number 4 started college this fall and number 5 is the only one still here at home (and we're broke, needless to say).

I am not the boys' mother, but we have developed pretty decent adult-to-adult relationships. They come to me for advice and the older one asked me to do a reading at his wedding. Our first grandchild is due this month. We all consider ourselves to be family. The kids do not think in terms of step and half sibs - they are brothers and sisters and are insulted when someone outside corrects them on the legal status of their relationships. The boys mother has backed off significantly, but has not given up. She has worked very hard to gain the allegiance of D-I-L and recently let me know that she was the babyÂs real grandmother. It has been a great deal of work and I sometimes wonder if I would have done it if I knew how difficult and painful it would become.

After all the ups and downs and all the noise and confusion, we now find ourselves having to adjust to a new and much quieter life, and to each other. Our oldest recently reminded us that we had never been/lived together without kids - I guess that will be our next adjustment/ challenge!

I have a success story too. I married my DH when my son was 5. We started seeing eachother when my son was 3. A couple years later my ex married one of his girlfriends (he's not the faithful sort). Things got difficult when my ex's mother started telling my son that only she and her husband loved him. She also told him that he didn't have to listen to his step-parents on either side. Later, she told my son that my ex's wife had broken us up and that we belonged back togther. While we were married my ex's mother hated me and did everything she could to break us up. She is still playing games to this day. I haven't had a conversation with my ex in the last 19 yrs that didn't include his mother. Momma's boys and thier manipulative and conniving mothers do make things more difficult.
I had to fight to get my son to respect his parents and step-parents for 6 yrs. It didn't help that his father kept dumping him off at his mom's because he didn't want to be bothered with his son on visitation days. It also didn't help that my ex has no respect for women or authority.
The strong,united front I had with my DH helped tremendously. My son was forever playing the middle on my ex's side of the family. (Children will tend to do that if given half a chance). In my home being manipulative got you a lecture and some discipline. The loving bond between my DH and the son we had together encouraged my son to try to love his step-dad. When my son saw how close he and his step-dad could be he wanted to be a part of it. Church,Boy Scouts and Martial Arts also helped a great deal. Churches,Boy Scouts and Martial Arts emphasise to children the importance of being respectful to parents and other authority. Faith in God helps when things get rough for a kid. My son getting older and more mature helped too. I could sit down and explain things to my son. I could explain that the world wasn't black and white. That it was good that his bio dad's mom spent time with him and loved him but that her advice wasn't helpful.
I was able to explain the importance of "don't pick battles you can't win". Going against authority (unless they are doing something illegal) is a no-win situation. That the people that discipline you and guide you do it out of care and concern. I told him that he had NO "half-brothers" both brothers on both sides were a whole person and a relative. I maintained a civil relationship with my ex, his wife, and my ex's mother. I insisted on resonable boundries.
My son is almost 14 now. He understands that his dad is immature and self absorbed but that's just the way it is. He understands that his step-mom is the female authority of his bio-dad's house and that by acting out he only hurts himself. He understands that even though he doesn't see his brother on that side as often as his brother here that he's still his brother anyway. He understands that his bio-dad's parents are filling in for his bio-dad and they are giving him what they have to give. He has started disregarding thier dicey advice.
He gets along fine with my husband who he calls "dad". He is close with his brother here too. He's doing well in school,Boy Scouts,Church and is becoming a pretty nice kid.
It was so hard in the beginning but following my instincts and hanging in when I felt like just shipping him off to his dad's or ignorning the situation(I was soooo tired of fighting!!!) paid off in the end. PJ

As long as I know my place, everything is perfect.

If I intrude on any family gatherings, if I state any opinions, or if I fail to give my stepkids expensive gifts, there is hell to pay.