I'm a diagnosed Aspie and so is the guy I live with. I was diagnosed as autistic at around 8, but I'm now labeled HFA/AS. He's PDD/NOS. I don't know anything about parenting an autistic child, but a lot of times it has familial patterns.

The Aspies that I know are, for the most part, articulate and well adjusted, even without early intervention. I had no early intervention, as both of my parents are autistic cousins and saw nothing wrong with the behaviors, so I had to learn behavioral cues from experience. Not so kind experience, usually. Despite general beliefs, Aspies aren't lacking in higher emotions...you just gotta give us time and rummage through everything to see what we're actually trying to say.

Overwhelming noise and conversations still get to me, sometimes, but I don't need as rigid of a schedule to stay grounded, anymore. Ceiling fans, front loading washing machines, and garden hoses will never cease to be fascinating. :)

I can't imagine how hard it is to hear that your son isn't 'NT', but I just thought I'd let you know that many Aspies and Auties go out and lead fulfilling lives and are productive. It's a bit different and can be incredibly frustrating when you can't translate the world (or yourself to the world), but it's not something I'd want to 'fix' in myself. Hope that helped, even a little. :)

Stacy

Thanks Stacey,
i do really thank you for your info. I'm fortunate that he's not as bad as he could be. He's got a IQ of 118 and that testing was done shortly after he started kindergarten without any preschool. So he's smart and has good language skills sometimes maybe too good. And he doesn't go wandering off like some of the kids do. But he has to deal with high anxiety problems and can scare the wits out of himself soooooo easy. You have to keep reminding him about 90x in order to get anything done. Sometimes he goes of into pretend land and it's almost impossible to hold any kind of communication with him; he doesn't make sense, you can't get him to pull out of it, sometimes it's creepy.

The other fun thing is one side of the family sees that he has problems and works on dealing with it (not always in the best method,but at least they do). While the other side of the family doesn't see anything wrong at all. This is the same person that will give him ice cream and candy for however many meals he wants during any given visit.

There's just so many things you worry about and you worry how he will ultimately turn out.It's probably not as bad as it seems. It's just hard to step back and look at the big picture. Ginnibug

I've worked with kids since I was about 14. First in the capacity as a summer camp counselor, currently as a counselor at an after school program, and concurrently a student of education at the University of Texas. Asp. and Aut. are so prevelant it's ridiculous. And early intervention and a caring home environment are the best things you can do. There are a handful of kids that I have watched grow up over the past 5-6 years and its amazing how far they can come. Everyone has idiosyncracies, and once you can identify them, you can begin to tackle them.

I am a major believer of "ignorance is bliss". I was working with a guy a few years older than me with autism among other things when I was about 16. I felt just awful knowing he would never be able to do the things I would soon be able to do. Looking back now, those things didn't and don't matter. He was happy. He had a family that loved him, and him being happy, made them happy. It took me 5 years to realize it, but what more can you ask?

I started growing orchids to stop myself from crying a while ago. It was horrible and uncontrollable, and I couldn't figure out why. I got to thinking, what is the biological advantage to my crying by myself 4 times a day, every day. I went to a former biology professor and posed him that question. What he told me, I will never forget, and it's why I have no problem crying anymore. Tears associated with pain are very different than tears associated with sadness. The Bio advantage to pain tears is for when you are a baby, and it brings a parent to comfort you. Sadness tears, however, have much more potassium and other chemicals not present, or not present in significant amounts in pain tears. Its way of purging bad things from your body, and personally, I physically feel better after a good cry. There's a negative stigma related to crying, and it's just not entirely true.

Just do the best you can, take a deep breath, have a good cry, and have fun. You and your son will be pleased with the result.
Bob

I can definitely understand the creepy. When my friend 'zones out', it's pretty much impossible to bring him back to reality, and it can be really upsetting. I do the same thing, I'm sure, but I don't notice it. I guess it is a reaction to stress or intense thought for any length of time. I've found it helps to have a 'quiet room' when the zoning out starts.

Luckily, the internet has made a great world for people with Asperger's. Transcription, programming, and a whole slew of online jobs make working possible and even easy for people who prefer to avoid the intense social atmospheres. Even better, you meet a lot of other people in those sorts of jobs that are the same. :D

I wish you much luck. I know my parents had a hell of a time with me! Stacy

Well we have our good and bad days obviously. There are sometimes especially with his new medicine that it almost seems like he isn't having trouble at all. I think some of my worst days are really the ones when we have been to the doctor and they actually are identifying this by name or they tell me that he has been dubbed "emotionally disabled". He's not emotionally disabled,he's emotionally amplified! That just rips my heart from my chest. It throws me back into the worry/heartbroken/uncertain of his future mode. I HATE the unknown,but I live with it everyday.I need to start taking my own advice that I always give my boy, I need to stop worrying about what I can't control. And you can't be afraid of everything because you won't enjoy what you do have.Thanks so much everyone. If you hear of any great therapies let me know. Ginnibug

I'm ADD which is supposed to be a "mild" form of autism and, I guess aspberger. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my late 30's and then only because a friend of mine was complaining about her husband's behavior and she was describing me to a "T". Typical of someone who is ADD, I hyper-focused on researching it and by god, I'm classically ADD. For me, finally knowing why I didn't think like everyone else or behave like everyone else or find it necessary to be like everyone else was, I can't describe it, it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Opened my eyes. Most people with ADD have IQ's off the charts like autism etc., but we still crave typical social situations, so we "dumb" ourselves down with drugs (both legal and not) and alcohol (age doesn't matter), and try to focus with caffeine and tobacco (we are always trying to go up or down depending on the situation and how we feel).

Structure is really important to keep us focused but it thwarts the creative side and we hate that. We are either off or on, there is no middle ground. Drugs like Xanax and Ritalin help greatly but only a psychiatrist "gets"it. Other doctors think we are addicts waiting to happen. Truth be known, by the very nature of our "disease" we can't remember to take our meds often enough to become addicted. I'll head to the kitchen to get my bottle of Ritalin or Xanax and decide along the way I need to go the bathroom and forget all about it, until 2 days later.

In my case, once I knew what I had and why it made me feel different or act differently, or want to act differently from the rest of the world, I was able to learn to use it to my advantage. Truth be known, I learned these coping skills as a child, just didn't know I was coping. There are times, weeks even, where I can't keep a thought straight in my head, I know to just chill out and play dumb. Yes, Ritalin will help but I need to take such large quantities I can't sleep and then I take too much Xanax and can't think. Yes, vicious cycle. I don't like it, so I just allow myself to be a total airhead since, frankly, nothing helps anyway. I've learned when drugs will help (most of the time actually) and when they won't.

There are times I wouldn't trade being ADD for anything in the world. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I gave myself the equivalent of a couple years of med school in one month. Only someone with ADD could pull that off (we've all heard of the kids who finished med school at 21). Unless I'm having a "duh" period, I defy anyone to get the better of me, unless I decide the fight isn't worth it (hey, I'm lazy too).

What I'm getting at is find your kids strengths and weaknesses and do your best to give him what he needs to succeed by focusing on his strengths. There are strengths there, you just have to learn to see the forest for the trees. Teach him to compensate for his weaknesses, or as Stacy and I did, let him figure them out for himself.

Remember, your kid's true problem is he is smarter than 90% of the rest of the world. You have to figure out how to make him feel as though he fits in.

I will say, though, based on my parents mistakes with me, don't make him do anything he isn't interested in other than forcing social skills on him. We shut off and tune out so fast you won't know what happened. Never give ultimatums. We don't care. Suggest alternatives. If he is drawing on his bedroom walls, don't threaten to beat him, let him draw on the driveway instead. That will be the end of it. Beat his butt and send him to bed and the next thing he will do is draw on the house with a can of spray paint. Remember, his peers already think he's "weird", you can't top that.

Okay, I hope this makes sense. Good luck. Basically, just use your gut instincts with the kid and forget what the experts tell you. He's an individual like no other in the true sense of the term, learn to make the most of it.

Laura

My experience is mainly with a friend whose son has Aspbergers...and this last two weeks with a little boy as a neighbor who was recently diagnosed.... I know that it took a lot of research and pushing on my friend's part to get reasonable help. He went to special classes along with his regular classes so that he would recognize problem situations and learn appropriate responses. I know that the other kids in his class would sort of set him up; and that sometimes responses are beligerant or seen as bellicose by others...I happened to find a local support group both for the kid and the mom....maybe you'll find something like that as well.
I feel for you....there seems to be many "remedies" and treatments out there, some of which are really scary.

My friend's son has a wicked sense of humor, but you have to be quick in order to "get it." Most folks don't get him at all. He just graduated from high school...and my friend is elated. He's going to go to the local community college and pursue a career in graphic design...something which will allow him to have limited interface with people. He's going to be really good at it, if he can get through his core courses.

Frankly, I've considered myself priveledged to know this young man who is so gifted in many areas and struggles with the social aspects of life....