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my how things can change

17 years ago

So, I know that basically the last time I really posted DH and I were in the middle of dealing with BM swooping in, taking kids and not letting us see them. After MONTHS and MONTHS of fighting and talking to lawyers it seems like a new leaf has been turned (I can only hope) DH told BM at then end of the school year that he was going to court unless she at minimum allowed us to have the kids every other week. (ie one week with her next with us) He told her no judge would deny him more time with his kids especially when that is what the kids want and since they had previously lived with us for the three years. She still wont admit that they lived with us (whatever she can be deluded if she wants to) But, she agreed. Over the summer we ended with the kids for the entire summer and for the beginning of the school year the schedule has been stuck to. Actually we had the kids a few days on her week as well... On top of this she has been SUPER SUPER nice and helpful. I mean even to me. This weekend at the boys football game she was nice, chatty and was even joking around with me. I strongly suspect something is up with her and her guy and that is the reason for the turn around. He hasnt been at any kid events (no football no open house no anything actually) and even during her week with the kids she didnt go home. She instead went to her mom's house and then to ours to finish homework and let the boys get ready for practice. Dh and I think alot of the nonesense before was due to him. BM tends to be easily swayed by others. I honestly think if she had somewhere else to go (other than her moms) she probably wouldnt still be living with he guy... but really we can only guess. Things are so cool right now she and I were able to sit on the porch and discuss oldest ss problems in school and what we can do about it. It is kind of hard to adjust to her being nice. I am so ready for something nasty to be said or some fight to start that I think I have a brick wall built up just in case. But, I can honestly say things are 100% better than they were. I can only hope that this is the beginning of a new relationship for us all. I am cautiously optimistic.

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Comments (2)

justnotmartha
17 years ago
Oh, Momof4. I'm going to be cautiously optimistic with you but also advise you, from recent experience, not to get your hopes up. You've heard how things were going well with SD's mom, we were laughing, joking, drinking wine and sharing hide a beds, but the first time things didn't go the way she wanted it was back to nasty. Kind of like hot water, it was all shut off in a second. Now we are back to a curt hi or a mere wave. I'm not even sure why as I'M the one who went out of my way to make it so that she got things her way in the end, but I'm persona non grata again. I thought I was a bit hurt at first, but I realized it wasn't hurt because I wanted a new BFF, it was because it was just so much easier to be 'friends.' It made me more relaxed. It made SD more relaxed. I think it kinds weirded DH out, but he was ok. :-)

So, I just want to make sure you don't get too comfortable with things this way. It's all too easy for them to change, and you may be more disappointed than you think. I'm hopeful for you though!!
mom_of_4
Original Author
17 years ago
JNM, honestly... I was thinking of your posts this weekend and I kept thinking dear lord dont let what happened with her happen with us... but then I am very realistic and I am sure this will only last as long as whatever else in her life is tilted. I suspect the boyfriend but who knows what it is... we shall see :-)And, I totally get what you are saying... I know if (and when) things go bad I will immediately go back to being the bad guy. I dont know why I am always the bad guy ... especially since I have told DH numerous times (and he in an argument told her a few times) I am BM's best friend and she doesnt even know it... I am the person saying lets calm down and look at this from a different angle blah blah blah... I keep trying to think of an analogy but I cant come up with one. I even told my mom I am so shocked by the way things are going I half expect the next time I see her I will say hey what's up and she will say... umm nothing back to being ignored or having insulting comments thrown my way....

But hey we take the good when we can get it I suppose.
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