So sorry, You know when we meet a person and fall in love,
we think it will be better. Sometimes the extra baggage they and we bring is tough.Maybe, the ex will get tired.
Or maybe she will meet someone else and be too busy to give problems.Pray,Pray.

I am so sorry for what you are going throu. I beleive alot of the fault lays with attorneys, insted of telling a person they dont have a chance,they say sure we can do that you just pay me$1000s and we can do it, I watched my sister go throu a bitter divorce, she got custody of there three year old daughter and he was orderd to pay child support, they sold there home and the money was split, her ex has made her spend every dime she has to fight him to keep custody he will go to his attnorney with totaly unreal things and off they go agine, and its up to her to prove him worng, wouldnt be so bad if he readly loved and wanted to take care of this child, he just doesnt want to pay support, he only wants her and starts his stuff when theres a woman in his household to take care of this child, other wise he doesnt even take her for his vists, if you stay that woman will always be in your life causeing trouble and more money issues,I feel so sorry for the kids there stuck in the middle,children can have the best of bouth the parents if they will only let them, and the attorneys just keep getting richer! there should be some kind of a law where a attorneys should have to tell you yes we can do this but you only have a% chance of wining, I think its the parent without custody way of saying hey! I still contol you. good luck to you ps this little girl is 9 years old now and i beleive they have been in court atleast once a year, my sister has never lost custody, but he has ruined her she has no money left to fight him off with, what happens the next time!

I know how hard this is for you. Not so much directly, but I was a divorce paralegal for several years and then my brother went through an ongoing battle with this second exwife for several years. It's never easy. You have to try and remember why you married your husband in the first place. This is not about your relationship with him. This is about an angry woman who is trying to relieve her anger and unhappiness by inflicting wounds on the ones she believes caused her pain. You and your husband have to try and be a united front and be there to support each other. Every horrible thing this woman does has nothing to do with the relationship you have with your husband. If the two of you can be strong and really together when it comes to her, it will be easier on you. It sounds like you are doing a lot of this alone and that is very hard, if not next to impossible. We all need help, sympathy and encouragement - especially from our loved ones. Your children are an excellant reason for you to be happy. It sounds like you have done an amazing job with all of them because they are all flourishing. So your hard work and efforts were not in vain at all! You just need someone to lean on and get through this with, and be reminded how great you really are! I would pray that this other woman finds someone to love her also. As awful as she may be, she is likely acting out because she has no one to love her. When we are hurt and angry and alone, we do really terrible things, not only to ourselves but to others also. The attorney I used to work for always said this same cliche over and over: "Pick Your Battles and Win the War." It really fits though. If changing the schedule ever so slightly to accomodate her would make her go away, or if you can word it so that you agree to make a couple of changes (without a lawyer, but in writing and filed with the court), she has to agree to leave the schedule alone for a while so everyone can adjust (and that would also be in writing). I know you think she'll take advantage of this. And maybe she will. But, if you can get her off your back with your sanity and love for you husband and children, then having to be the stronger one all the time just may have to be the way it is for now. You will be rewarded though! God sees all of this and will work things for the good of everyone. Keep your chin up! And ask for help from all of your friends and loved ones. Even if it's a night out to vent over food and drinks, then do it! It will all turn out okay.

Visit and join this site. I've found the support invaluable. You are not alone!

Here is a link that might be useful: second wive's cafe

I agree with Joy32, plus think this psycho ex is trying to do everything in her power to split you guys up. I'm going through a similar experiance with my DH psycho ex, who will stop at nothing to cause us misery. I have days where I think I'll just leave, take my kids from the only father they've ever known, just to get away from the Bi*ch. It's not easy, but nothing in life worth having is. *S*

My dear Godey - look in the mirror. What do you see? What I see from what I've learned from your posts is a woman that is trying to build a stable homelife for herself and her beloved and 5 lucky children with nothing more than the goodness in her soul and the love in her heart. Now we all know that love alone is not enough on which to build a life (except on the Disney channel or if you are under 21). But I fully believe that YOU have what it takes to get through this. Many people don't. I think you do - but you are tired of fending off the constant bombs this woman is tossing at you. Everyone gets tired of their lot in life sometimes and feels weak for a little while from carrying a load that seems suffocating. You may not love your stepkids (or even like them). Its not a requirement. But I do see that you try to do right by them and that you are sensitive to their problems. Witchy woman, unfortunately has a great deal more clout because she is the Bio Mom both legally and emotionally where the boys are concerned. The legal system is really flawed. They give you custody in the hopes that you will provide a good home for these children (they must have determined that this was the best place for them) and then they allow this type of harassment that breaks down all the good you are trying to do. I think the legal system is schizophrenic!!! You are a strong woman, with the intelligence and stamina and courage to persevere. I am so happy that your sons are growing and fluorishing in the atmosphere of the home you have created. This must be the place to be. If you need to run away .... do so for a day or two. Visit an out of town friend or sibling or just go to local day spa and take care of yourself. Everyone is depending on your strength. That can't be easy - but the rewards of your efforts may prove to be the most rewarding when all is said and done. Those boys will become men some day and whether they think the world of you or not at this time ... the life you have created for them will have an impact on their future. It may take a while for them to appreciate it all (not unlike Bio kids), but someday they will see the difference between the home you made and the chaos that their bio Mom creates. (((HUGS)))

My divorce and subsequent custody battle was also very, very bitter. When I got married, my ex was still stalking and threatening. We ended up in court about 4 times, switched lawyers and spent over $50K. But we won. Unfortunately the legal system fueled the problem, it didn't help the situation at all.

Please know that after all the trauma and hurt... it's been 5 years for us and things can settle down and things can get better. Things have never gotten better between me and my ex -- we don't speak but he now has a girlfriend and luckily for us she is the go-between.

Some things that helped us:

Counseling,
Willingness to give on the small things,
Good lawyers,
Good support system,
Structuring our visitation agreement where there was MINIMAL (almost no) contact between the warring parties,
Using the authorities during heated outbursts (invoking consequences),
A girlfriend (significant other) in the picture,
Keeping the children OUT of the battle,
Figuring out a way to maintain, support, and build the relationship my husband and I had during all the turmoil.

There were days (still are) when it got incredibly tiring. But we found support and solace in many things. We hoped for better days and they did come -- of course with a different set of problems now -- my husband doesn't love his stepsons -- but still our life IS more peaceful. I am, at once, thankful and grateful.

Put you and your relationship first especially during your alone time. Whenever you can, put the war on the back burner.

Be gentle.