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New Stepmom needs advice

16 years ago

My husband and I have been married for 6 months; I am 33, he is 35. I have a 10 year old stepdaughter. I have known her and her dad for almost 3 years and have no children of my own.

I am having some difficult times because my husband and I just view my stepdaughter's actions differently. He blows off her behavior as "she's just 10" and I see her actions and manipulative and thought out.

He is so protective of her and refuses to see that she could do much wrong.

I don't know how to get past the pouting, the sassiness, and the control this child has over our family. She isn't a "bad" kid by any stretch, but she is sneaky and tries to work angles to get what she wants. And with her dad, it usually works.

He keeps saying he wants me to have a part in her life, but he questions me on every move I make. He makes comments about how I don't know how to parent - and I can agree. But his idea of parenting is that if he can afford it (which he can) his daughter should get anything she wants. She is hardly ever told no and is used to getting her way entirely. She dictates things from what we watch as a family (no compromise on finidng what we all would like - it is 2 adults sitting through exactly what she wants) to what we eat.

I go through periods of just backing off and tolerating it for the time we have her, but that is frustrating, too. My husband thinks I'm just unrealistic and selfish and that I don't know what it means to be a parent. Every conversation about how frustrated I feel turns into a huge fight that makes him sound like wonder-dad and me like the wicked step mother. I think he has some guilt feelings he's dealing with and truly lacks some discipline to make the hard parenting decisions. But he makes me feel inadequate.

Any ideas or tips to share? I'm SO frustrated!!

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