Stealing money from family and getting into fights is NOT normal or acceptable 12 year old behavior!
I don't have much to offer on what you should do, but I'm with you 100% on that those things are unacceptable!

The only advice I have to offer isn't about your marriage but about the money stealing: I'm in no way saying this is your fault as parents, but asking yourself these questions might help with understanding and dealing with the reasons :
Does he get a reasonable allowance compared to other kids his age and stage?
If he does, is he held accountable for how he spends it (especially if he runs out)?
If he doesn't, is there any possibility of working out a chores for dollars system with him?
Does he ask when he wants more money, or does he go straight to stealing?
If he asks, what does he want it for and how do you respond?
Is he taking large amounts of cash, or a dollar for a pack of gum?
Is there any evidence of drug or alcohol use that could be soaking up his money and compelling him to steal more?
Those may or may not help you deal with it... I hope they do!

he wants attention and if your husband is letting it go because he says it's normal, then what does the kid have to do to get noticed? kill someone? First, I think the biggest problem is your husband and his lack of involvement. some of those things might be seen in young boys but it's far from normal. I raised two sons and at around 13-14, they became very lazy. They didn't want to go to school and wanted to sleep all day. That is sometimes because of growth spurts, which cause them to be tired a lot. But the behavior should not be ignored. If they don't have any consequences or respect for rules, what are they going to do when they are grown up and have to obey the laws?

When DH & I were house-hunting, I wanted a duplex or tri-level floor plan. Not only in consideration of aging parents, but also to have an ability to "move out" should DH ever gain custody of his children. This would be in the interest of preserving our relationship which DH would understand though it would hurt him. As it was, I could not find this kind of housing in a good location.

I believe I would take a second job in the evenings if I thought DH was not pulling his share in parenting his kids. I could not stay home and be miserable. I might fight the desire to ask him to move out until the kid leaves home. But then again what happens if the kid is 40 years old and has fallen on hard times? Oh well.

Find a weekly activity to engage in. Continuing education programs may be in your area with an interesting array of classes. Do this by yourself or with DH. Heck, pick up a second class for all of you. I know a blended family who enjoyed karate lessons together. It took the stress off from being in the house not meeting anyone's expectation.

Thank you for the advice! The thing that is bothering me the most is that I do not feel comfortable with my SS being alone in the house. This might sound silly, but the fact that he stole from me really hurts. I have been the only mother that he really knows and I have always tried to treat him as if he was my own. I have done some reading online about what would drive a kid to steal and came up with some of the reasons that ceph pointed out. We actually stopped giving him an allowance recently as punishment for bad grades and lying. I am having a hard time wanting to give that back in fear that I am sending the wrong message. I don't want to paint this horrible picture of him, because alot of this started happening over the last 4 months but a lot of times I wish I didn't have to deal with all of this. My husband and I had VERY different childhoods that have a lot to do with our individual parenting styles. He was beaten by his father and I had a sibling that would attack my parents. So we are on very extreme sides of the pendulum. I'm starting to ramble, but I wanted to say thank you for your replies, it's nice to know I am not alone.

Your DH is right to a certain degree. Yes, alot of kids (eventhough he pretty much assumes all) go through MANY phases, including, among other things, lying, cheating, stealing, behaviour issues at school, etc. HOWEVER, it does not mean that it's RIGHT or that it should be swept under the rug, condoned, or looked at some weird sort of passage into the next age frame.

Stealing is unnacceptable. Plain and simple. Things for you would be alot easier if your DH supported you in this belief and you both addressed the issue with your SS and looked into ways that you can make sure that he is being lovingly taught about actions and consequences.

Is DH going to act as if it's okay or nonchalant when his DS gets into trouble at school for stealing. What if DS gets bored with your purse and goes for GM or another relative's possessions. Will DH truly want to voice his opinion about all kids behaving this way in front of a judge when his DS gets nabbed for stealing. NOT that any of this has happened...BUT THEY COULD.

I know that it is a given that there will be disagreements in any relationship, and that at some point people learn how to agree to disagree. Everybody's relationships are different as we each have been raised under different standards, morals and ethics. You don't want to encourage bad behaviours and treat this as if it's a phase...stealing is incredibly offensive IMO and your husband taking this lightly and not wanting to address it is just plain sad and quite possibly a red flag as to what other things DH believes is "normal".

I believe you all need counseling.

I could leave it at that, but I donÂt want to offend. If you had a family therapist involved, that person could tell you exactly what to do, why to do it, when to do it, how to do it, etc. Should SS get his allowance back? Ask the therapist and listen closely to what they say. Problems in the marriage due to being a blended family? Let the therapist guide you through the steps necessary to save your marriage. DH not doing enough? Let a professional who he respects tell him this. IÂve said before that I think therapy should be mandatory for blended families. We have all the same issues that other families have plus a whole lot moreÂ

so when he stopped receiving money from you, he simply started taking it.

If Dad doesn't put a stop to this stuff, it'll escalate.

I my own self would be offended to the point of rage if my life partner told me to just get over it because it was normal for someone to steal from me.

Jeri, you're right. Everyone could use a little counseling/therapy. Not only blended families but traditional families as well. Maybe then there'd be less divorces in the first place.

At any rate, I agree with Sylvia. Stealing is wrong, and you don't need a therapist to tell you that. It is also wrong for your partner (traditional family or blended family) to tell you to get over it.

Zeroing in on allowance: I would like to offer my take on this. I realize other households deal with this differently (certainly my parents did) but hear me out on this.

If the purpose of allowance is to teach a child how to manage money, and this is given simply because he is a member of the household, there should be no punishment associated with the allowance. Much like a token economy, once earned, it is the childÂs to keep. Other kinds of punishment should be issued. Money should not be taken away.

I understand your not wanting to give it back because it could "send a wrong message". You can explain why you changed your mind. I think I would have respected my parents more if they apologized even once for making a mistake or told me they changed their stance on an issue. Honesty goes a long way with people of all ages.

You have been in this relationship for five years and the problems recently started (four months). It appears that overall the relationship has been good. I hope you can form a united front with DH very soon. This is a tough time for you.