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New stepmom needs Disney dad advice

21 years ago

Hello all,

I have been reading many of the postings here and was hoping for some advice from others who have been through this.

I am a new stepmom of a 7 year old boy. DH and I have been together since SS was 3. SS and I have a good relationship and I get along with BM and her new husband.

I know that while marriage doesnt make anything easier, it has made things better between SS and me. I think he feels secure now, like I am permanant. I thought, ok, now we can be more like a family. We have ss every other weekend and wednesdays.

But every other weekend and wednesdays, I become a third wheel. Every waking moment of DH time revolves around SS. They determine the plans, the restaurants- or what Im cooking them, the tv shows, the bed time. They fall asleep together on the couch (2 seater) at night or "camp" (2 person tent) in the yard. They get up after dinner and leave me to do all of the dishes while they wrestle. They plan vacations to disney, and to go hunting or fishing. Always what the two of them are doing- and did I want to come along? Believe me I try. I dig up worms. I catch frogs. I know all of the Pokemon.

I feel like I am never consulted before plans are made. Then on our off weekends without SS. DH makes plans that dont include me either- 'going duck hunting- what are you going to do?'

Thanksgiving is coming and DH told my inlaws that we would come to stay for the week at their cabin/house with SS. He arranged this with BM and never even asked me what I thought. Now I have a holiday week ahead of me filled with an ATV that seats 2, and plenty of hunting plans.

I totally accept that my DH still feels guilty about being divorced and not being with his son full time. And that SS needs his dad and demands full time attention. But hey, hello, wife over here!?

I feel like I am the only one sacrificing and compromising in this relationship and find that I am spending a lot of alone time. I have hobbies and cats and a dog, but I got married to have a husband and a family. DH and I can even have a conversation. I would like to have a baby but DH feels like he already has a child and doesnt really want anymore. Is this going to get any easier or did I make a mistake?

Would love some hopeful advice.

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