Is he temporarily insane? Why cant he offer to take them, but tell them get home on their own? I dont know where you are that is 5 hours away. Possibly they could rent a car and return it? At a location nearby.

Why couldn't they just get a car service or shuttle to drop them & pick them up?

No, that is absolutely ridiculous & for him to even suggest you be iduced? Umm, I hope that's not how you & Baby are going to be treated. I would be really hurt in your position.

((Hug))

pretty stupid on his part but rather typical of some men.
5 hours, is that how far you are from any airports? is it like a wilderness in Alaska or what? I have never heard of such drive to airport.

AH-HA!!! I knew I wasn't being overly sensitive! His father lives in Douglas Georgia which is an hour and a half away from where we live. The airport is in Atlanta five hours in the opoosite direction. I think renting a vehicle to get home is a fabulous idea. I don't know why they can't just do that.

I am torked off at the man for even ASKING his son to do this when he knows it will be right around my due date! Was he eating paint chips or what?

Cat- I am really worried this is going to be the theme for Layla through out her life. It's like just because I am with it and have a family who gives a damn (obviously his doesn't by the ridiculous request) then she has all she needs and so he spends all of his time dealing with his previous family issues. I really worry Layla is going to get screwed out of having an involved father because he is spread so thin with his INSAINE family....father included. He is 63 and married to a 22 year old. They have a one year old baby together. Can you say strange???? No one in this family is normal.

I also can't get over actually expecting me to care for the girls at this time. How in the hell will i be able to watch two five year olds in a hospital? Is he just assuming my parents will keep them? My mother is planning on helping me with the baby so she isn't going to have time to be babysitting the girls for him. Our hands will be full with a NEW BABY! What part of this does he not understand?! Furthermore why doesn't HE want to be helping? I wouldn't WANT to leave the baby that soon. Are men really this naive when it comes to labor and delivery or is his brain just fried from his past drug use. I asked him if he was back on crack. I told him "you must be to even be considering this". I am so pissed off. My blood pressure is sky high I'm sure. Oh my god if a had a damn voodoo doll he would be in serious pain right now.....

I didnt realize the 5 hours was time to airport plus time to their house plus time to your house. If airport is 1.5 to them, I would suggest they take a cab home from airport. But sorry I cant understand all this, but if far = rent car. If close = cab. If they have been oveseas for 2-3 months, taking Marta and then cab probably wont work.

They live an hour and a half in the opposit direction of the airport from us. So J would have to drive the three and a half hours to Atlanta to get them and then BACK in the direction where we live all the way to Douglas to drop them back off. Anyway you slice it it will be at least a ten hour ordeal if they DON'T stop to eat or pee and keep in mind the one year old will be with them.

They probably won't be able to rent a vehicle. Shuttling is deffinatly out....too long of a trip. I still think he should tell them no. You would think the birth of a child would take priority over saving parking garage money. How lame of this man to plan a trip around the birth of a grandchild to begin with! My parents wouldn't miss this for the world but then again I have NORMAL parents. UGH.

Why cant they rent a car??

I don't even know if there are any rental places in Douglas KKNY. It is such a littl podunk hole in the wall. What's even grander is since I work in Florida over the state line my insurance only covered Florida OBGYN's so the hospital I will be giving birth in (unless it's a emergency of course) is in Tallahassee. Because of this the drive will be even FURTHER away.

What it boils down to is he just really shouldn't do it. Too much could happen and I deffinatly don't need to be left alone with the girls for crying out loud. What do you reckon' he was thinking?

I'm just telling him I'm staying with my mother the week leading up to the birth. If he wants to be there great...if not...screw him. At least I won't be having to stress the details. I'll have too much going on. HELLO....LABOR ANYONE!

"...and so he spends all of his time dealing with his previous family issues. I really worry Layla is going to get screwed out of having an involved father because he is spread so thin with his INSAINE family....father included."

Personally, I think this is a bigger issue... You are already anticipating resentment for his "previous family" and the baby is not even born yet. I understand that it would not be fair if the baby was denied the same involvement of their father, however, I'm assuming you knew he had a children before you decided to procreate with him. It is not the children's fault that their daddy decided to have another child.

It isn't this child's fault either though Lone. This isn't even the girls we are talking about here. It's his father and his fabulous trip to Germany. If J is willing to chunk me and the baby to the rear for this it only goes to show he will for anything. I have put my entire existence on hold for his girls because they are going through ruff times and he can't even be there for our child's birth.

I personally will not tolerate it. He will be equally involved with all children or he will have one less child to worry about....bottom line. I assure you I can handle raising a baby on my own. I think the birth of a child is an astronomically big deal and he's already making excuses to not be there. Tell me that you would not be hurt and offended if the birth of your first born was treated as any other day....no LESS by your husband and the babies father. I am crushed and if this is any pretence for how he will treat this child in the future I think it's also a big red flag.

Gotta say I agree with you & think you should tell him your fears of this right now.

I mean you are there taking care of his girls ect but also this is a BIG deal it is your first baby & should be a happy exciting time for you, your DH & the girls.

I think you need to lay it on the line here and tell him your fears and how this has hurt you at a time when you should excited and focusing on preparing your family and home for the new baby.

Furthermore he needs to plan on being close to home at that time as he will need to be helping prepare for Layla's arrival & taking care of the girls. Trust me you will not feel like doing much childcare and running around your last few weeks of pregnancy!

Too bad G-Pa and his bride will have to fend for themselves at the airport-not your problem. This is more important by far..good your parents are close!

There are several airport limo services that offer one way transport from the airport to towns and cities outside of atlanta. I dont know where your in laws live, but its highly possible that one of them services the area they live in.

I would casually suggest it to hubby, since he doesnt seem to be able to think clearly at the moment.

And a limo might cost less than the cost of gas for a ten hour drive.

Are your parents planning to be the hospital while you are in labor? In the room with you? I think most people would want only their husband in the room with them.

i actually was going to suggest you go live at your moms a week before labor. his parents must take a cab or rent a car, it is not that hard to do.

"Are your parents planning to be the hospital while you are in labor? In the room with you? I think most people would want only their husband in the room with them. "

I was so HAPPY my mother offered to stay with me during labor! My DH at the time was there too, but this in no way took away the intimacy of the moment and was definately a comfort to me and my former DH (he was as scared as I was!).

Every childbirth is unique. Do what will make it the most comortable for you & your DH..

Honestly I'm thrilled for you! And love the name you picked :0) I always wanted a little girl, maybe someday I'll get a little G-daughter.

I'd cut him some slack and assume he wasn't thinking clearly.

I'd probably say something along the lines of "Honey - You're always so considerate and helpful, and I know you want to help out your father, which is a good thing. But what you seem to have forgotten is that the week they're returning is the week our baby is due, and you may not be able to pick them up. Knowing how much it means to me to have you there, and how stressful it would be for me to have you gone for ten hours with the baby due any minute -- you need to tell your father that he needs to make alternate plans for his return. If the baby is born and Mom is here to help - then sure, you could pick him up. But if the baby's not born yet, then you would not want to be gone for ten hours."

All said calmly and very seriously and pleasantly. And if you get any resistance, an incredulous "You'd really rather play chauffer than be present for your baby's birth?"

And don't forget the "Oh by the way -- What arrangements do you have planned for your daughters when we're at the hospital?"

I would try to relax and not get so worked up over it at the moment. The stress is not good for your health or your baby's. You all have plenty of time to discuss the different options. First many babies are not even born on their due dates. They can come before or after by a week or more. And the added stress can put you into preterm labor and then you won't even make it to 2009. So lets try to think of ideas to keep everyone happy. I am not saying your dh is in his right mind for telling his father he could pick them up without asking you your feelings first. But most men don't even think logically about what is going on around them especially when it comes to pregnant women. After all, they aren't carrying the baby. They don't understand our needs and emotions. You should sit down and tell him how you feel and ask him how important it is for him to be there when the baby arrives. It is possible he does not know how to say no to his father. some men are always looking for approval and validation about themselves that they are willing to say yes to whatever their father asks of them. If that is the case then your dh needs your help with suggestions on how he won't be letting his father down but can still help him out and be home with you when your baby arrives. Almost every town even in the middle of no where has a rental place. And if it doesn't, they can rent the car and drive back the next day to the nearest town with one and return it.(Father and bride each driving a car.)Does the father have any other friends or relatives that can help out maybe even as a back up person if the baby is not born yet. Since you wouldn't want him gone and then go into labor while he is 5 hours away. If the baby is born, maybe he can take the girls to a babysitter or even with him and you and the new baby can have the day alone to rest and bond with one another. Maybe other people have other options but if you love your dh and you want your relationship to work you need to be open and honest with him about your feelings and ask him about his. Consider how you both feel and come to a conclusion that makes you both happy. Find out if he was just being a typical male not even thinking what was going on the first week of Jan. and said yes without realizing what an important week that is. Or if he has fears of the new baby's arrival, or even of letting down his father. If he really loves you then he will care about what you have to say and care enough to tell you how he feels about it. If he can't work with you on all of this then maybe you do need to move on. but most of all take care of yourself and this new baby. Relax, get a pregnant massage or a pedicure and take it easy. You have time to plan for the baby's arrival and your dh's decision. I hope it all works out.

they need to rent a car for the drive home.

Enterprise has several locations in Douglas. I have found Enterprise to be pretty accomodating. They generally allow drop offs at any metro area. In any event, why cant they rent car, drive the 1.5 hour drive home, drop off everyone, and then someone return car to wheverer. I agree, for 1.5 car service is generally better, but come on, there are options.

3241 US HIGHWAY 441 S
DOUGLAS, GA 31535-4029
Tel.: (912) 393-0054
This is for enterprise. But just google car rental Douglas, GA and many places come up. So they can choose which one is most affordable for them.

He even asked what the chances of me getting induced were.

Obviously, yes, he has lost his mind. This is so ridiculous, he's bound to figure it out for himself sooner or later. I think, since you've already said your piece (I'd have probably asked if he was on crack too, even without past history...), you might do well to just let it sit in his brain for a while and give him a chance to come to his senses on his own. January, and even October, are a bit in the future, yet, so there's time.

Of course there are options for the in-laws to get home, and of course it's not his job or yours to figure it out for them, but if he feels guilty about not being able to come get them, you can certainly help him figure out some options to suggest to them that are a bit more practical than inducing labor early in order to accomodate a ride home from the airport.

I travel a lot for business. This is insane. I agree no one leaves a car at the airport for a 3 month trip. But like I said it is either cab/car service or rent a car. PS if I were going away for 3 months, I would pretty much accept that the car left at home wouldnt start when I get home (battery, etc.). I would recommend disconnecting battery, and renting car, and keeping it for 1 day if need be, so the car at home can get started (triple A is what I use), and taken to service station if flat tires etc. G*d -- how old are these people -- this is a type discussion I would have with a 16year old.

Yes he must have lost his ever lovin mind!! But, I would assume it was a temporary mind lost and try sweeby's tactic. See what the response is then and then if need be go off the deep end :-)

Although I will say I have not travelled a great deal and definately not for months at a time and I would have never thought to disconnect battery etc... that is good advice I will file away for future use :-)

Just from reading this, it is not only your child Doodleboo that he is putting on the backburner potentially...but his other children as well.

Does he really think that it is in the best interests of his 5 year old kids to be alone with anytime-anyminute-goingintolabor-9monthsalongwoman?

I mean, really? It's not just your child that I would worry about being place above his families WANTS. Ok, so yes I don't know anything about your situation -- but seriously, this would be HUGE for me.

Your husband's reaction and rationale are so unreal that I had to ask DH, in case it was some guy thing...he asked how old the father and his new wife were, looked astonished, and said, "Well, f*@# that! They can rent a car... I wouldn't drive ten hours away if you were due."

Alia

I don't understand you dismissing any suggestions. Dismissing any possibility puts you in the place of being part of a solution, but it is not your concern and nor should it be. Whether or not you are aware, there are car rentals everywhere. For some of them they will pick you up. In your in-law's case, the rental service will pick up the car or have a designated dropoff place near their home area. So don't say there is anything that's not possible. Don't even concern yourself with what is or is not possible other than it not being possible for hubby to make a commitment like this.

As someone else mentioned they can arrange for limo service. On top of that, there are taxi cabs at every airport. A taxi can also be arranged in advance. What is more is the taxi can tell them exactly how much it will cost them. Just by what you posted, I calculated a taxi will cost in the area of $225. I calculated based on a 1.5 hour trip at $2.50 per mile (taxi in their area might be more might be less) being that 1.5 hours is roughly 90 miles. Might not be exact but is a good estimate. And that is close to what a limo will cost too. Still it's their problem and one third the cost of leaving their car at the airport. And there are other options at airports. Like father like son. Neither was thinking about the time of the impending birth and neither was thinking about other options.

Just my two cents but you have already let him get away with this as is evidenced by your ire and his stupid question about you being induced. He gets away with it as long as his commitment to his father stands as is. Speaking of being induced, unless you end up over due or have some condition that threatens you or the baby and the doctor recommends it please don't consider being induced. Everyone I know and ever heard about who was induced had a rough time delivering because the baby is never moved into position. Only pushing moves it down and that means you will be pushing for a whole lot longer. Makes delivery more difficult. I am not trying to scare you. I'm just suggesting you not consider something like that just for the sake of convenience.

I meant to add hubby should make sure he clears his calendar of major commitments for a good month. Two weeks before your due date and two weeks after. The baby won't necessarily come at that time or even that week.

I dont think you should get angry about this to hubby, unless of course, he doesnt agree to another alternative. I really think this is just a guy who didnt think before he said yes, and that, presented with your concerns in a loving way, and presented with alternatives, he will quickly realize and do the right thing.

Here is my two cents:
Since this is your first baby there is a great possibility that baby will be born after due date, no guarentee but very possible...You should also be visiting your doc very frequently when it is your last week before your due date....
My hubby worked out of town when we were preggo and we were both worried that something would happen and he wouldn't get to me in time..his job required him to be gone a day at a time (24 hrs)..when we got near the end of my pregnancy and DH needed to take atrip our doctors office was nice enough to check me before he left to see if I had dialated any..that gave us a good gauge as to whether it was safe for him to go or not.....
Do you have a doc appt maybe the day before or day of this trip?
Maybe you and hubby could agree that if checked any there were any signs (dialation,thinning of the cervix, cramping etc...) that he will not go and they can find thre own way home......
I worked and life went on as normal up to and after my due date...I know with your first it is really scary because you just dont know what to expect..more than likely though you are not gonna feel a labor pain an poof the baby is out...I was in Labor for 18 hours with my first...plenty of time for hubby to get home from work and my sister from out of state to drive down for the birth....
I gaave all of the above ideas just because they came to mind I do want to say however I think your husband really should just tell them sorry.....they can work it out on there own you all will already be on pins and needles because you are near your due date and this is first baby....
Good luck!

LOL Doodle, I think we might have the same husband.
This is exactly the sort of dufus thing that my FDH does all the time, but when I point out to him that he is being inconsiderate to me, he usually smartens up.
I also frequently wonder if his past drug use has somehow dissolved important logic centers in his brain.

I like Sweeby's advice (but then again, I usually like Sweeby's advice) because it's what would work on my FDH, without turning it into a bigger fight than it already is.

Keep us posted.

What I find a little surprising is that Doodleboo seems to be jumping immediately from being angry at her husband to considering divorce. That seems rather drastic. Can anyone honestly say they have NEVER been annoyed with their husband? Don't most guys at least occasionally do something thoughtless or inconsiderate?

You consider divorce because if your own husband doesn't have the decent understanding that this is during her due date , its also implies that his new baby will always be last at everything and to top it off it shows total disrespect for his wife during a obviously stressed time. ANd its her first time with birth so what the heck its he thinking???? You know maybe because he likes being so helpful he just wasnt' thinking ahead. Men are like this. my husband also is very forgetful.
My husband was scheduled to pick up his kids for the weekend. Guess what? i went into the hospital the day before, hr way over the limit, he called the next morning to his ex and told her he is not picking up the kids. He can take them the following weekend or take them the next. She was pist but having a c section, i couldnt' hold my baby for the first 3 days and he had to be there for me. His kids understood and actually were disappointed cause they wanted to be in the hospital but they wouldnt be allowed. We asked the nurse. THe woman in the other room had a collic baby and the other one lost her baby in another room..so she said no kids!
I actually really like the way Sweeby put it. I would say that exactly to him and see what he says. THere is still 3-4 months to iron this out so just sit down and talk to him calmly. I'm curious what he will say.
And yes, ask him what arrangments he will make for his girls since both of you will be in the hospital.

"What I find a little surprising is that Doodleboo seems to be jumping immediately from being angry at her husband to considering divorce. That seems rather drastic"

I suspect this is a case of pregnancy hormonal overload talking. I doubt she is seriously considering divorce, she is just overwhelmed, tired, and emotional. I remember it well...

Men can be total morons when it comes to things like babies. I think biology just does a better job preparing Moms-to-be.

I knew instinctively to 'promise nothing' for the three weeks on either side of my due date. Hubby had no such thought process -- Yet he is the most devoted husband and father a woman could wish for. Wife and kids ALWAYS come first. But when Wife is independent and capable and kid doesn't exist yet -- well. Quite simply, his brain just wasn't in the right gear. I had to spell it out very plainly for him -- Between this date and that date, you promise nothing. When it comes to work, tell your clients that your wife's due date falls withint that window and that you will be called away at some point with very little notice and that you're going. Period. The end. If the client doesn't understand that, you don't want that client. Once I spelled it out for him, he understood perfectly and it all made sense. But it did have to be spelled out for him...

My Opinion Is very plain & simple: Beat him in the head with an iron skillet ...Or flatten 2 tires so nobody takes the damn car! I'm serious!

LOL - who is it that's always threatening to hit her husband with a lamp?? I can't remember, but I think Doodle needs to borrow it...
Of course, I believe I was the last one to borrow it before this, so I'll throw it in the mail labeled "Angry Pregnant Doodleboo: Somewhere in the USA" and I'm sure it will get to you ;)

organic_maria,

In the United States, at least in the northeast, siblings (and anyone else) are always allowed to visit. Immediate family members can come anytime, not just during visiting hours. Even 25 years ago my toddler visited when her sibling was born.

well not to put my age out there or anything but... I am 25 years old but I can specifically remember that I was the only one (out of three kids at the time) allowed to visit my mom when my youngest brother was born (who is 8 years younger than me) because ... there were restrictions on the ages of children allowed to visit. Also, when I had my daughter any child under 12 couldnt come to visit... And, more recently my Dh had surgery and only children 10 or older were allowed to visit. I begged the nurse to allow all of our kids to come because that is what DH wanted and she consented as long as we were quiet.... I made darn sure we were quiet so that we could all visit.... This is in the southeast.

I guess I am really glad I live in the northeast. Twenty years ago when my then toddler was sick and hospitalized for several days, his siblings, who were 5 and 7 at the time, were allowed to visit whenever and for however long we wished. When my youngest was born almost 13 years ago, all 5 older siblings visited at the same time. Two of them were present at the birth, and they all could have been had they wanted to. The only requirement was that there be someone there who would be willing to take them out of the room if they changed their minds in the middle of labor.

I recently visited a relative who had given birth by c-section, and one of her husband's friends came to visit with his wife and toddler about 24 hours after the baby's birth.

Hospitals in this area, especially in maternity, are desperate for patients, and they try very hard to be patient-friendly.

Of course the other thing to remember is that YOU are in charge of your own medical care, not them. You are the one paying a whole lot of money for the hospital's services. The patient has the right to decide who can visit and who can't. There is no reason to ask for permission.

Actually, that is a good thing to keep in mind before you go into the hospital in labor, at which time you may not be thinking terribly clearly. Decide what you want - whether or not you want medication, whom you want to be with you during labor, whether you want anything special like a water birth - and let your doctor and the hospital know in advance, in writing. Then, barring an emergency, you are much more likely to have the type of birth experience you want.

Also, I would recommend using a doula, especially if you are not confident that your husband will say and do all the right things during labor. Fathers are often not thinking particularly clearly at that time either, and it has been my experience that they are often more scared than the mother, who may be too busy to worry. It is very helpful to have someone reassuring you that you can do this, especially if the hospital staff is saying, "here, take some drugs." It is perfectly possible to deliver even very large babies without medication, as long as you have support.

Bring the number of the local LLL leader with you to the hospital, and if possible attend at least one meeting beforehand.

Child birth is not normally a medical event, but a wonderful but natural part of life. One of the many reasons the first labor is often more difficult is lack of confidence. The hospital staff and others (yes, I know, including me) tend to tell you what to do. After the first one, they are more likely to leave you alone and assume you know what you are doing.

"Child birth is not normally a medical event"

While I agree, it's a natural part of life... IT'S IN A HOSPITAL FOR A REASON!!! DUH!!!

"After the first one, they are more likely to leave you alone and assume you know what you are doing."

So, could we assume you had your last five at home? I'm sure at some point, you knew what you were doing so you didn't even bother to go to the hospital... after all, it wasn't a 'medical event'.

OMG!!! I nominate TOS's post as FUNNIEST POST EVER!!!

"One of the many reasons the first labor is often more difficult is lack of confidence."

If only we were all so confident, it would be a BREEZE!!! LMAO

"Of course the other thing to remember is that YOU are in charge of your own medical care, not them. You are the one paying a whole lot of money for the hospital's services. The patient has the right to decide who can visit and who can't. There is no reason to ask for permission."

That's funny, every hospital I've ever been in FOR ANYTHING has rules. Unless you are a CASH patient, your insurance company is actually paying them and the insurance company gets to decide if you have a private or semi private room, etc. Of course, all hospitals and insurers may have different rules and things may be done differently in each state. It's ABSURD to make such a broad general statement. ROFL

"It is perfectly possible to deliver even very large babies without medication, as long as you have support."

To each her own... but nobody is less for needing medication. That's a very personal choice and while some may cherish every pain, others do not. Nobody should look back on the day they had their child and think of it as the most painful day of their life. I find it difficult to believe someone had six kids with NO medication. I'm not going to argue it since I guess anything is possible, but it shouldn't have been stated here in a way that seems to put down people for accepting pain medication. PLEASE!!!

Oh for Pete's sake. I suggested that Doodleboo think about whether she wanted pain medication beforehand.

Yes, I did have six kids, averaging over 9 pounds, with no medication. I don't see why that is so surprising. Only two of them were born at home.

And yes, labor is much easier if you are confident.

In my state, when you go into the hospital to have a baby, you labor, deliver, and stay in the same room. That was the case even 25 years ago. When my oldest child was born, I labored and delivered in one room, and then they moved us into another room, but that went out of fashion here a long time ago.

it's kind of funny to hear how different things are ... I labored and delivered in one room and then was moved to another room. (and this was only 5 years ago)

Doodleboo,

Please don't worry about childbirth being "the most painful day of your life," as ima put it, if you decide you want to have an unmedicated childbirth. Although parts of labor are painful, none of my labors qualified as the most painful day of my life - that would be the day my eardrum ruptured. There are many ways to manage and limit the pain - I would definitely recommend investigating what childbirth classes are available in your area. Sometimes there are classes other than those offered by the hospital that you may find more helpful.

I had four kids with no medication. Back in the 80's, it was considered better for both mother and child to have the childbirth experience be done with as little intervention as possible. In those days, women who had medication were unfairly viewed as being less willing to do what is right for the baby. That stigma is no longer there, so if someone wants pain medication, go for it. If you have it,or not, its really not that big a deal.

I was extremely nervous for the first one. One of my friends had told me it was like "trying to poop a watermelon", and that scared me , because I couldnt imagine anything more painful.

What I found to be the reality of it is....When it gets so bad that you think you cant take it anymore, its over. The really bad pain lasts a very very short time.

I know it hurt, but I really dont remember it that way. Once you hold that baby in your arms, you dont remember the pain. You are just so overwhelmingly in love with the baby, that the pain becomes insignificant.

The baby is going to be the only thing you remember about that day doodle, regardless of how you have it. THe memoriy will be a good one.

What REALLY gets me mad is the way hospitals kick women and babies out after 24 hours. When I had my kids, you got 5 days with your first child and 3-5 with your second. Those days in the hospital helped keep a new mom from being overwhelmed emotionally.

Hello all. I read all your posts and posted a new update thread. SOme of them were hillarious...Ceph- the lamp thing...hahaha. Anyway, for anyone who is interested I have an update.

kathline,

On the other hand, I was desperate to get out of the hospital and back to my own home and (after the first one) my older kids, my own bed, and my own bathroom, so I never stayed in the hospital more than 24 hours. My H stayed home for a week after each baby, which was great for everybody.