We have a program called Kids In The Middle....not sure if it's a nationwide organziation? I would look in your phone book and see...if so, contact them, and ask, you never know, they might have a support group specific to that.

I think, unfortunately in your case, it's much more common for bio dads to be absent than bio moms. (My DD is 6 and has never met or even talked to her father.)

My DDs school has a program also, but I am not aware of any children who are not living with their mom. Which is consistent with what I understand to be national statistics I have seen that very few dads have primary custody. Which doesnt mean those children dont deserve as much (or more) support.

I know a number of children who are raised by their fathers only (or by their grandparents, aunts, older siblings), in all cases mothers are drug users, alcoholics, criminals etc

In some cases mothers who are not in the picture and never see their kids still manage to creat chaos in their lives by periodically reaapearing and demanding somehting or making threats or promices. In cases of absent fathers they are absent for good, they are gone and don't come back to create chaos.

I do not know any typical, so called normal, family where
absent parent would be the case. It is always a pretty troubled family. Well, people who are not troubled do not abandon their kids.

Our school counselor provides help (support group) for children who are either going through parental divorce, or one of the parent is absent or parents are in prison etc. It seems to be very helpful for children, you can really see the difference. So any kind of support group would be helpful for kids whose mothers (or fathers or both) are absent.

FD, what support do you have for your general statements re absent dads v. absent moms?

I will check at school, I have never seen anything come home about it but maybe it is something that is not advertised..it seems like there is a support group out there for everything but Skids or kids w/ an absent parent in my area...

kkny, those are not general statements. I was talking abous specific cases that I know. I am talking about specific families with absent parents that i am familiar with. I do not claim to know any statistics, just my work experience.

fineinall, call your school and ask to meet wiht school counselor. they usually know what is available in school or in your community.

In the ten years I worked in social services, it was also my experience that 99% of absent mothers in cases that I worked were involved in drugs or in prison. That is mother's that don't visit their children at all. The other 1% were deceased. In my personal life, my exBF's first wife left him and her kids for a life of drugs and her boyfriend. She had three small kids when she left and I was raising them. They did fine and about once a year, she would do what findreams says, she'd reappear.. get their hopes up and leave them again. They suffered so much heartache growing up. My kids that never saw their father's also suffered but it wasn't a recurring crushing that his kids endured. My current husband's ex left her girls behind for her new boyfriend. She isn't into drugs that we know of but she likes to party, so it's possible. She does drink quite a bit also. She also keeps her daughter in turmoil by making promises and breaking them. It's cruel to watch and a helpless feeling to not be able to do anything about it.

Fathers that were absent, typically left the first family to start a new one. My kids father's were absent, they stayed out of our lives completely until just recently (which we initiated contact) and both of their father's had gotten married and raised their children with their current spouse and are in intact families. They are not on drugs or criminals, they work and are 'family' men. That isn't to say they are upstanding people. Upstanding people don't walk away and leave their child. But, it does support what finedreams finds as typical.

REal scientific. OK. But back to original post, I dont think anyone is aware of groups/support oriented toward children with missing moms.

kkny there wouldn't be specific group like this because number of families with absent mothers would not be high enough to run such groups in any setting. there aren't enough families with absent moms. there however are groups for children with mising, dead, divorced etc PARENTS (mom, dad, or both)

iamommy your SD's biomom is not absent. she might not be very involved but she is in the picture. SD is there now, right? so this is not absent or abandoned.

FD, you are right, she is not absent. But, if she wanted, she could be more involved with her child, 50% even. (and even though SD is with her for summer, she spends a great deal of the time at her mom's boyfriends parents' house, not with her mom)

I would LOVE to get the girl's involved in a program like this. They are one of those sad statistics where mom is absent dur to mental issues and addiction. Right now they seem to be doing fine on the surface but I know they will have issues as they get older. If they could get involved in a program like this now it may help them deal later.

I would also like to say that while children who are abandoned by fathers go through abandonment issues no doubt (I am in way discrediting the damage that absent fathers can have on a child), I believe the scares left on children whos mother's leave them are even more damaging. The mother/child relationship is the deepest bond known to man kind. Even in the animal kingdom it is a driving force in the survival of the young. For a child to know that MOTHER dumped them....It is a horrible thing for a child to live with.

If there arn't programs for children dealing with this rejection there should be.

"Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman has some portions on abandonment. It's too adult for a ten year old, but it might not be a bad idea for the SMs of abandoned or orphaned SKs to read it.
Mother-loss, whether by death or abandonment, is hard for anyone, but particularly hard for a child. I know we all know this, but children lack the experience, maturity and emotional resources to understand why their mom doesn't want them. I deliberately chose the term "doesn't want them" because that's how it often feels to children.
I'd really suggest that, whether you find a group or not, you find books on child abandonment and/or mother-loss.

One little comment on support groups... They can be great, or they can be destructive. My mom died when I was 16. When I was in grade twelve, I had way more than enough credits to graduate, so I wanted to take some extra spares because I had a lot of extra responsibility and needed more time in my day. I also wanted less homework - LOL. The school said that I could, but only if I went to regular support meetings with a guidance counselor. All that moron did was make me feel bad about living my life.
In hindsight I realize that went through a lot of my grieving while my mom was still alive, and she prepared me to take care of myself as best she could... But that counselor said things like "most teens cry almost every day when they have lost a parent three months ago" which just made me feel like I was grieving wrong. The six visits before I realized that the school couldn't MAKE me go to the counselor were horrible. I came out of there, every time, feeling bad about myself.
The point of telling you this?? Choose a support group wisely. Attend once or twice without SD if you can to see what they're about. You want to make sure she will actually get support, not get torn down.

Ceph-I have to find that book. Thanks:)

My DS has a group at school called Communities In Schools (CIS). It's there for a wide range of children dealing with things such as divorce, death, low income, etc. My DS found it really helpful because he saw that other kids were going through some of the same things he was. And he could talk about things and not fear making me or his dad mad. He had his own friends to talk to that didn't belong to mom or dad. I really suggest finding something like this. It may not be as focused as you'd like, but it's a good broad beginning.

Also, I would caution you (similar to Ceph's post) to attend some of the counseling sessions or gatherings and see what they're all about. Some support groups give people a crutch for their problems and give them a reason to feel/act like a victim. A good support group will give them tools to deal with and use their adversity in a positive way; not just give them a reason to be dependent and victimized (for instance....well I'm an alcoholic because my mom left me and she was an alcoholic; or I can't deal with that situation because my mom left me when I was young and it's too hard to deal with).