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busyb101

Am I just overreacting?

busyb101
10 years ago

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year now and I knew going into this relationship that he had a child. I'm 25 and he's 30 so there are some differences in experiences that we both don't share. From the beginning I was criticized by a lot of friends about going into such a relationship with a child involved. I was out of college, getting into grad school, and starting "my" life as they would say. I would always here how I shouldn't be bogged down by such things, but I never listened to it because I've always loved kids.

Before we started dating, I never thought I'd become involved with this man. We are completely different, but somehow I fell completely head over heels for him. But now I'm kind of confused and not sure what to do anymore. Over time I learned he had a terrible longterm relationship with his ex with whom he had a child with. I've heard so many stories of how he was told to stay away from a relationship with her because she already had a kid from a previous relationship as well. However, he stepped up and took care of him as his own. Later on they had his daughter, but she resented having another child, but played it up when needed. I didn't quite understand, but people are different and react to different situations. When we first started dating she apparently found out information about me, which is obviously okay since i'll be around her daughter. However, she went to extremes to find out my name, where I went to college, what I'm doing now, etc etc. It scared me, but he assured me that there is no worry and that he told her how great I was and there was nothing she could take from that.

Back onto my relationship...I feel like i'm inferior to his ex for some unknown reason. He's told me many times they don't speak unless through text message about their daughter. When we first started dating he hid texts from her saying they were from his daughter using her phone... I got really upset about this. He finally got mad and showed me the text messages. I thought I had moved on until recently he texted her then ranted on facebook about it and didn't tell me they contacted each other about a certain situation. I explained why I was hurt and he said that the situation was about his daughter and he had no other concerns but that at that time. He didn't want to talk to me or anyone about it he said. Then he went on to tell me that nothing else mattered except his daughter, she will always be his #1. He always says i'm his life now and he loves how great I am with his daughter and how wonderful it is that we get along so well... but something just is setting right with me. I have a lot of insecurities myself, but I'm trying to make him understand my side of things. He only gets her on the weekends and I spend time with them when he wants me to. He invites me to everything and sometimes I try to give them space to be together, but he always wants me around. So why am I so concerned about things? I just don't understand and I'm overthinking everything to the point i'm confused.

I love this man dearly, but I'm just confused as I've already stated! He makes it known his daughter is #1 which I understand, but what has me feeling so down? I keep thinking maybe he has a thing still for the ex when in reality she has done him so wrong on so many levels that why would someone want that? Then I worry that what happens if a situation would arise where he would just care about his child and leave me high and dry? I know I shouldn't be thinking these things and i'm desperately trying to work on my end so I'm not worrying myself sick anymore.

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