It could be that she resents the fact that you refer to him as "your" baby boy.

Lice can be very persistent, though usually it takes less than a year and a half. Lice can be present in even the most spotless homes. A few years ago there was a massive lice infestation in the upper middle class community where we lived. A friend of mine spent literally months getting rid of nits from her daughter's very thick hair. My daughter brought home lice from day camp, and even though it was a mild infestation, I spent hours and hours de-nitting her waist length hair. At least with a boy you can give him a buzz cut or even shave his head if necessary.

But as many will tell her its not her child.... she can't just get him a buzz cut ... dad and mom have to agree on a buzz cut.

Just as mom and dad have to agree on everything else related to the child.... ie. medical dental piercings hair color hair cuts. Atleast in "our family" thats how it works the kids can't get a "different haircut" no mohawks etc. with out checking with both parents. The 9 yr old wants his ear peirced and until both parents agree he will not get one.

My aunt raised her 3 grandchildren.

When head lice broke out in their school, the nurse sent home a pamphlet with detailed instructions, including hot-water washing of pillow cases, putting pillows in hot dryers, etc.

No matter how diligently my aunt did everything on the list, the kids kept getting re-infested.

Finally the school nurse figured it out;
many parents couldn't afford the expensive products, & many parents couldn't read the pamphlet because it was written in English.

She got funds from the health dept to send home treatments & she got someone to print the pamphlet in Spanish, & things began to get better.

This woman can't possibly enjoy living with head lice;
if her son has them, she's likely to have them too.

Is it possible that she can't afford the treatments, or that she doesn't understand how to apply them?

I wish all of you the best.

Lice are usually attracted to clean hair! That seems funny doesn't it? So, a lice problem does not necessarily mean any neglect or lack of effort on the bm's part. I had a friend in a similar situation with her stepkids. Everytime they would come to visit her and their dad the boy and girl had lice. It became a routine to strip. bathe, and de-lice the kids when they walked in the door! Eventually they shaved the boys head and cut the girls hair short. They talked to the bm and told her how harmful all the chemicals in the constant lice treatments were for the kids. (They were using a treatment every other weekend when the kids arrived)

Luckily, they worked it out where they kept the kids for over a week, while the bm was able to wash everything and steamclean rugs, etc. The problem went away. Maybe this would be an option if you presented it to her in a way where you were not placing blame, but agreeing that lice are hard to get rid of. Maybe you could even offer to buy the stuff to spray on furniture to help her get rid of the problem? And, since it is summer and hair grows back quickly on boys, maybe she may even agree to shaving his head to help get rid of the problem?

Good luck!

father has shaved his head a few times. keeps them away for about two weeks. but no one was happy with the cut. i think the only way to help the situation would be for me to some how de-nit her other two kids and all the other people in the house and de nit the house my self.but how would i offer such a thing without upsetting anyone.Gosh if anyone offered to de nit my kids and house i would be totally mortified.By the way he lives with us 4days and his mum 3 days. And i wouldnt blame her if she resented me for the relationship i have with her son. (i dont call him MY BOY in front of her)But you cant win. Shouldnt i love him like my own? is that wrong?

I am glad to hear that you think of him as "my boy". There are many wicked stepparents out there who dislike their sk's. It is good to hear that you love him as your own, I feel the same way about my stepkids. (but be careful, there are a few bitter xwives on here that will badger you for your close realtionship with your ss.)
Keep up the good parenting!

As for the lice, your in a rough spot. I do think that offering to clean her house and de-nit her kids would not be welcomed by her. She would likely get VERY MAD because of the embarrassment of the situation!

Have you talked to your hubby about maybe getting the health dept or child services involved with the lice problem? Maybe with someone over he shoulder she would be more on top of ridding her family of lice? Though, if she knows you called that could cause a major problem! Is your visitation schedule on paper?

"i love my baby boy 3 so much and it breaks my heart that i have to send him to his bio mums"

"i think the only way to help the situation would be for me to some how de-nit her other two kids and all the other people in the house and de nit the house my self."

"Bio mum hates us and wont talk to us."

& if someone called you a "bio-mom" & called your child "my boy", & decided that the "only way" for your house to be clean was for her to march in & clean it & clean everybody there....?

"And legaly we dont have a leg to stand on."

Then I think I'd do my best to get along with her.

Shouldnt i love him like my own? is that wrong?

Yes, I believe it is wrong. You can love him like an aunt, or a close friend, but not like he is your own, because he already has a mother.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I think it's nice that you love this child enough to consider him yours. If you didn't, some people would likely criticize that, so try to relax here.

I've heard "mousse" is a lice deterrent from a teacher, who has never caught it despite school outbreaks. If she hears about it, she piles on the mousse as it's tougher to stick to.

I think I'd purchase the products needed for BM to rid herself and her house of the lice and send it w/ the little boy next time.

All the best,
Dana

so what happens when hubby and i have a baby togethr? I love my daughter and our new baby different to my step son. that would surely screw him up. and any way, you cant help loving some one.

I don't know if it's still on the market, but there used to be a spray at the chemist's called "Paralice" which could be sprayed onto de-nitted hair to prevent more nits from getting on. Not the ideal solution, to coat a child with chemicals on a regular basis, but if the bio-mum won't control the nits at her end it may be the easiest solution.
It used to p--- me off mightily when DD was sent home from school with nits, I'd de-nit the whole family and house, but other parents just kept the kids home a couple of days and sent them back lousy to re-infect the rest of the class.

I do think that children need to be mothered on a day-to-day basis, & that the woman who takes care of a child fulfills that role.

but if she's a stepmother, & the child's mother is around, the stepmother needs to avoid getting territorial regardless of how good or awful the child's mother may be.

Nobody said you shouldn't love this little boy;

what has been said is that you can't shove his mother out of his life, & that you need to be careful about acknowledging & respecting some boundaries.

Sending products home with him might work if your husband (not you; anything you say will make her angry & she won't use it) says the nursery/school/health department/some such entity gave it to him free.

anything to keep from sending the message that you are bulldozing your way into her life & dictating what goes on in her home.

Lice are extremely difficult to get rid of & extremely easy to pick up again from another child or from the school or nusery;
it isn't fair, or productive, to blame them on a parent.