BM moved again!!!

17 years ago

So a few weeks ago my stepkids were upset because grandparents mentioned bm's bf's kids staying with bm and bf for the summer. BM has not seen kids in 6 months so the kids were really hurt by it.

Well the plot has now thickened. BM's cousin and his wife and kids were visiting family of his wifes that live about an hour from us. They had called us a while back to see if they could see the kids while they were out here. So this weekend we all went to the lake together and to dinner one day. (DH and cousin were close during his marriage to ex and never had any problems as a result of the divorce) The cousin filled my dh in on some things he heard from his parents(bm's aunt and uncle).

Seems that bm has not even been living in our state for months now. She moved and told nobody. Kept pretending to her own parents that she was still here and seeing the kids. Truth is that months ago she moved from here to her bf's home state again. So when her parents talked to her on her cell and heard bf's kids there she lied and said they were visiting her here for the summer. In reality she now lives near them and they were over for a weekend visit. Cousin did not know how this all came to light, but did say that bm's parents were so upset and embarassed over it. Said his parents and most of the family think that bm is trash and the whole family does not understand why bm's mom is always trying to stick up for her.

I just can not believe this!! BM made such a big deal to the kids of moving back here. Barely saw them and then moved without so much as a goodbye?? She had to know she was moving....why did she not at least visit with them one last time?? I am not sure what is wrong with bm anymore.

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Comments (8)

lovehadley
17 years ago
Wow is all I can say.

I don't understand how a mother could do that. :(
liesbeth
17 years ago
It's definitely a mental disorder of some kind, she just hasn't been diagnosed (yet). Poor skids. At least they have you as a mother figure in their life, that will get them through. But awful all the same :-(
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I would 'drop it' now...let it go. Yeah, SS only now has 1/2 the money to replace the game, but so what? It's no different than anything else involving his BM. He can either look for something that cost 1/2 as much as original gift, Dad can chip in the other half, or he can save up til he has enough for a desired replacement. Too bad for SS...it should not be this way... but you can't choke a replacement gift or money out of BM. Yes, I know, 'she said ______', but this happens each and every time and then she does not do what she said she would. I also would not mention to the kids anything about what BM said about SD/SS's birthdays or presents. It may not (as usual) ever happen. Don't set the kids up for more disappointment/resentment. No more trips to BM's to pick up/drop off either. If she is serious about this or that, let her come to you. If she does not show...oh well. I understand you were trying to be nice and it is you that followed through on the planned arrangements. I get all that. But it is her that is undependable (maybe due to the abuser she lives with) and who isn't going to follow through. She's proved it time and time again. I'm sorry SS did not like his gift. I'm sorry he's only getting half the money...maybe she'll come through, maybe she won't. But next time leave the whole thing up to her. You keep expected her to change from event to event. You and SS don't deserve all the crap that goes along with trying to make it different. She's going to be who she is until she finds the strenght to change things for herself. You can't fix this for her.
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Thank you for your response. Like I said, we aren't befriending the ex-stepfather by any means. My main concern is that they maintain a relationship with their sibling whom he is the father (and it looks like the child will be living with him full time) and then, obviously new boyfriend that has already begun to stay overnight while the children are there. She just told them that the man she made them call dad for so many years is a lying, cheating, druggie and that they are getting divorces. now she has already brought a new man into their lives. A man that she just met. How are we supposed to talk to them about this when they bring it up? There isn't much nice to say. I realize that ideally we just keep our kids away from her. that isn't always an option. I guess I should have made that more clear. We try to never meet her alone and we try to always have someone else watch our children. sometimes we don't have a lot of options though. Sometimes, he has to meet her before I get home from work. Sometimes, there is no one else available to watch our children. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else had any other experience with this.
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sweeby
17 years ago
When you do something you know is cowardly or deceitful, it's only human nature to want to hide it.
I'm certainly not excusing BM's behavior, but that she would lie about it and hide it only makes sense...
ashley1979
17 years ago
That is so awful! I don't understand how a mother can treat her kids that way! The damage she has done to them has got to be deep!
finedreams
17 years ago
she hides because she knows how wrong she is and how much damage she causes her children. evil woman.
mom2emall
Original Author
17 years ago
That is what I was thinking. She knows she is horrible and that is why she tries to cover it up.

We have not told my skids that we found out bm left state yet. I know that they are hurt that she does not call or visit them, but I think that when they find out she is no longer even in state that they will be more upset. We are not even sure how to tell them this.

Yesterday I tried to call her cell # (private of course) to see if she even has it still. Disconnected! So if the kids wanted to call her they can't!!

This lady just never stops amazing me with her selfishness!
imamommy
17 years ago
Does she have your numbers? I would change them and let HER try to figure out how to contact her kids.
mom2emall
Original Author
17 years ago
IMA I would LOVE to do that! But to change 4 cell #'s and a home phone would be a major pain! Not to mention that bm's family do stay in touch with the kids so we would end up giving them our new #'s. BM could easily get our #'s from them.

Funny thing is that a few years ago me and dh were buying a new home bm had moved out of state and was not calling. At that time only me and dh had cells and I seriously thought about changing our cell #'s then and making our new home # unlisted!

BM moved again!!!

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lovehadley

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BM moved again!!!

Comments (8)

lovehadley

liesbeth

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