When you get the answer, let me know. Our little GIRL, also 5 has been hitting alot lately. She even hit ME tonight, because I didn't stop counting when she closed the container for her blocks! Needless to say, she is in bed already.

It must be a developmental thing for 5 year olds. Same here...hitting the dog, etc...

This too shall pass...I hope.

Are you supposed to stop counting when she is done with the blocks?

Well I feel better that it is not just our 5 yr old that likes to hit!

Made ss call dh at work to tell him about todays incident....ss cried and did not want to call daddy at work! Made him do it and tell daddy what he did. I know it made him feel bad to have to do that.

kkny,
I was supposed to stop counting when they were put away. We were having a "race"..."can you pick up your blocks & put them away before I count to 40?" I only got to 32, but she still hit me, because "you weren't supposed to count anymore". Nighty-night, sweetie...we'll try again tomorrow, was my reply.

mom2-
Yeah, I think it's age...doesn't make me like it any better. Your strategy about having him call Daddy & own up sounds like a good one.

Nicksmom, Yes she wasnt right to hit, but if you were supposed to stop counting and didnt, did you say sorry? It seems to me that she was cooperating in trying to clean up -- did you commend her for that.

I know that some little kids hit or use foul language because they see it on TV, even cartoons. Even a very simple cartoon has animals hitting each other like there is no tomorrow. So kids think it is OK. I know this one 11-year-old who watches wrestling with 2 year old on her lap. I can only imagine that a little one will grow up hitting left and right.

Or they see or hear older kids, they often mimick someone else. If your other kids don't hit, maybe he sees someone else hitting like maybe kids on the playground?

another possibility is that kids have some kind of rage and anger bottled up that is not easy to discover at this age. But the earlier the better.

nicksmom.... you were wrong ... after your child hit you you were supposed to apologize to your child .... and it was perfectly fine for her to hit you when you didn't do what she wanted you to do.

How absurd is that???????

Better watch out the 11 yr old isn't m*&&(ing the 2 yr old......

Mom2 ... yeah its normal especially since he can't use his words to vent his frustration ... you know the frustration he has with older Stepsister who treats him like dirt when she doesn't want him around ....

Psuedo, cawfe, I specifically said it wasnt right to hit, but the hitting appeared to occur within the context of other issues.

kkny-
No, I didn't commend her for trying to clean up. We are adamantly opposed to positive reinforcement for children doing "their fair share". I told her she was a frickin' moron for not doing it right or quickly enough and if she didn't do it right next time, she'd be locked in her room for a week with no food.

Now for the real answer...
The deal was for her to pick them up AND put them away before I got to 40. She did. I stopped AS SOON AS she put them away (at 32)and told her "great job...wow, you are fast!". She then smacked my leg, because she thought I should have stopped counting sooner...when she had them picked up, but not put away. It was bed time anyways, but we had to forego our nighttime ritual, as a consequence for her hitting. So off she went with a stern reminder that she is not to hit Mommy.

I don't think hitting is normal. I think most kids do not hit. And I know alot of kids. Those who do hit often do it because they saw it somewhere, either exprience it themselves being hit or watch somebody else doing it. Kids would not come up with hitting on their own, they do what they learn.

I also notice that kids who attend day care early on more likely to hit because they watch other kids hitting each other.

When DD attended preschool there was this boy who used to have some elaborate hitting techniques, he also chocked other kids, pull their ears etc. We all complain and complain. Well eventually it turned out that parents were having some domestic violence issues and he observed that stuff at home, and eventually kid was taken away from his parents. So it is quite possible that other kids watched him and went home and hit or chock their siblings and then parents were shocked "where did he learn that? nobody hits in our household."

Years ago, when I belonged to a women's group, one of the young mothers whined about her son biting her as he was nursing.

it *huuurt*.
it made her *cryyyyy*.
what could she *doooo*???

The experienced mommas all had more or less the same advice;
scream, snatch him away from the breast & plop him on the floor, stamp your foot, & *roar* at him that he was *never* to do such a thing again in his entire life.

but she just couldn't bear to act that way to her darling.

so he kept biting her.
.....................

If somebody hits you & you don't put a stop to it, it will continue.

sylvia unless one is nursing a grown kid (hope not), baby-infant really does not understand much about bitting and telling him not to bite does not seem reasonable. When DD got too many teeth and nursing was too hard i just stopped nursing. yelling at an infant can't accomplish much.

You don't need to traumatize the poor baby to get him/her to stop biting. They tend to bite when their teeth are first coming in, and it gets better later. I never said anything more than "ouch" and I probably involuntarily jumped a little. Within a couple of weeks of getting their front teeth, they stopped biting. Finedreams is right that yelling at an infant is counterproductive.

I nursed youngest for 20 months, and biting never became big problem. I would just remove her from and tell her no-no. Once or twice was all it took.

Sure wish no-no was all it took now to get her to stop a behavior...

sorry, forgot to say, this boy was 2 years old.

& evidently he wasn't getting over it;
he kept doing it.

I do think it's fine, maybe even commendable, to nurse for as long as possible.

I know a woman whose daughter nursed til she was nearly 4 years old, & the daughter grew into a lovely, healthy, secure young woman.

but there's no reason to let someone develop the habit of hitting, punching, biting, etc.

Put a stop to it.

If "ouch" works, it works.

If not, do something that does work.

I can not imagine nursing a child to four years old...that is preschool age.

2 years old can of course understand that this is wrong. i assumed we talked about babies. I have hard time imagining nursing such a big kid though.

i know people do it but I personally know no one who nursed for more than a year. I nursed about a year, a little less. It seemed strange to continue nursing a kid who can walk and talk full sentences. I and my brother could read at 3, i cannot imagine nursing children who can read already. But I know it is just me. i guess some people nurse longer.

I agree with TOS that kids don't bite to hurt their moms, it is just their teeth are growing, maybe it is a sign that nursing should be over.

Well when my son bit me that was the end of breast feeding. That had to be the most painful thing i have felt! And you dont even expect it from the little one! rrrrrrrr.... But thats a baby.
Now this little 5 year old is just acting out but he has to be shown a clear borderline here. My son is now 2 1/2. He learned a few months ago to hit in the face from my SD. WHich i quickly ended by telling her off after her father told her twice not to do this. My son was also punished and he has never hit in the face again and my SD has never attempted to teach him again as well. WHY? Because i drew the line for both these kids. One at 2 years of age and the other at 12 1/2. KIDs need guidelines. THey learn from adults.
Its obvious you have to begin taking things away from this 5 year old to get the point. REmove his favorite things out of the room until he behaves he gets them back. Be consistant. Repeat. Sometimes you have to repeat 12 times for that age for them to begin for the subject to sink it. He has to learn that if he hits, he gets punished.
Its normal at this age to start acting out. But you guys have to be firm with him. No hitting period. unless its to defend but he can learn that later on.
As well, you may want him to join a club or something that will focus his energy and anger towards something other than people and pets. He may be keeping emotions pent up and then they explode. I know my SS went through this. Both bioparents enrolled him in hockey and baseball and soccer. Its helped.

Whatever you do, don't wait until the child is 13 or 14 and can really hurt someone. NO excuses, period. Help him find a new way to handle frustration, and model this when you are frustrated. Ask others to do the same.
When I was 3yrs old, a car cut my father off causing him to brake hard. Dad laid on his horn, but what came out of my innocent mouth? "Stupid jacka$$!" He claims I learned that from Mommy Dearest. I honestly never heard him say that, except when recounting this adorable tale, so it probably was my mother's fault. Dad was no saint, either.
I still think it's funny, BTW.

mrsmd, my aunt once was barred from babysitting her adored granddaughter, Sharon.

Sharon's mother dropped in to pick her up just in time to see Sharon toddle right into the leg of the dining table, whacking herself in the head.

first thing out of that little rosebud mouth,
"Well! You'd *think* Grandmother would move her dam table!"

I am not sure if it is an anger issue. He has hit someone as a response to their actions, like the other day. But, he has also hit for no reason. At times I have seen him sitting watching a movie and for no reason he just starts waving his fists in the air or has even began smacking his own head!

We really do not have the extra money for sports right now. But, he is active. We have a pool and he swims almost daily in nice weather. We live right across from a park and we go there almost daily too. And he is always outside bike riding with my son and his friends. So his hitting is not from a lack of physical activity.

Whatever the reason being for the hitting we have continued to let him know it is unacceptable behavior. Since this post he has not hit again. Not sure if it is a result of having to call daddy at work and own up to the behavior, or if it is just the calm before the storm!

But, I appreciate all your comments and advice!

Oh and the breastfeeding thing.....I can't imagine breastfeeding a child who is 3!! I would find that uncomfortable and awkward!

I know a lot of people who nursed until 3, 4, or even 5. My kids all weaned quite a bit before they turned three, but even within the same family, children can be ready to wean at very different times.

Ready? What is there to be ready for? Kids are ready to wean when their mother decides so. This is not up to the kids to decide.

5? Ouch. Kids go to school at 5. My niece started kindergarden she was 4. it is like all the kids go to lunch, but the nursed ones go to the school office wait for mommies to nurse them. What would be the purpose of nursing kids that old. Unless there is nothing else to eat.

The way I always thought of nursing was that you do it as long as you would give a child formula. At about a year old most kids start making the change from formula to milk, so then I assumed that was about the time you made the switch from nursing to milk as well.

I would find it a bit odd to see someone nursing a child who is in preschool and especially kindergarten.

According to the WHO (World Health Organization), the recommendation is 2 years. Of course, Americans tend to be "breast phobic", so I think tend to nurse for a shorter time than the rest of the world.

I've known 2 mothers who breastfed for what I thought were extended periods, the one who did it til her daughter was nearly 4, & the one whose 2-year-old was biting her.

Both of them said that they had no problem with breastfeeding & didn't care what anybody else thought about it, & both children eventually made their own decisions to give it up.

I don't guess either child was emotionally scarred by the experience.

I apologize to the original poster, didn't mean to start the thread off on a tangent, I just mentioned the biting as an illustration of aggressive behavior.

I can't believe I am agreeing with nicksmom, but I think she is right about Americans being "breast phobic," and the impact of this on length of breastfeeding.

The people I knew who nursed their preschoolers typically nursed them at bedtime or naptime. All the kids ate typical meals.

There are lots of things that kids are ready for at different times - giving up naps, eating solid food, starting kindergarten, riding a bike, to name a few. These are not matters that are simply up to the parents.

I don't know nicksmom, I actually think it is the other way around. I am not American (in a sense of being raised and living majority of my life somewhere else), I do not know one single person who nursed for over a year. I did hear about people nursing that long in old times (like maybe over 50 years ago) and in times when there was nothing else to eat, such as war etc

The first time in my life I have heard about breastfeeding for that long was in the US, which was a big shock for me.

As about WHO, it recommends the following breastfeeding practices (for EU)-6 months (very crucial), and then it can continue up to two years with other supplements of course.

helpwiththis i doubt anyone would nurse a kid in a kindergarden. I cannot imagine kindergarden students sharing what they have for breakfast (cereal, oatmeal) and one of them says: I had breastmilk. Ouch. Doesn't sound too good.

I thought the nursing example was great. My daughters both bit me as infants. Both I responded with instant withdrawal, a shout, separation from me. As soon as they cried I took them back. They didn't know what a bite was, but they knew that putting their teeth down on Momma gave them a negative reaction.

The trick is to keep it very very simple, and to make it as little about you as possible. When the child hits, instantly get in her face, display anger, send her to her room. Pick something she likes to do and tell her that was a privilege she got for being so mature and well-behaved and you are withdrawing it once for the hitting. THEN WITHDRAW IT. Do not listen to her cries or begs for mercy. Take it away and don't give her any reaction over it.

I think many parents who are baffled by their kids' behavior are unaware of how inconsistent they are as parents. I can't tell you how many parents I hear say, "Do we need to go home???" as a threat and they know, the kids know, I know, everybody knows they are not going home. And then they say, "Sheesh, I can't control that kid" -- but they never actually gave the kid a negative consequence, they just threatened and caved.

AMY-
"...but they never actually gave the kid a negative consequence, they just threatened and caved."
You are right!
When DD was 4 and DS was 8 I had no car for a little while. I had to borrow my neighbor's to grocery shop, once every 10 days or so. I could buy milk and such near our house, but had to drive to a big store for real food about 5 miles away. My kids usually stayed home with my EX, but it just so happened that the only day I could use this car was a day Ex regularly worked. I don't think I took either of them for at least two years, lucky me! Now, suddenly they got to come with me, but every time we went, these little angels would act up. It was like someone switched kids with me as I entered the store! On the third trip, I told them if you don't behave, "we are going home without the food." Did they believe me? NOPE. They figured we had no other way or time to get groceries. Hahaha. Well, they started up about halfway through the store, and BAM, Mommy left the cart right there, and took those kids home. A few days later I asked a friend to take me shopping, because we really were down to bare necessities, but I never had nearly as much trouble with them.
BTW-There were no perishables in there yet, and yes I felt bad, because someone had to restock the items. Better than letting them act like brats. Despite the hard times we were going through at the time, I still smile about how shocked they were!

Back to Mom2's original post...
"So what would you do about a 5 year old who continues to hit people?"
D@mned if I know, but I wish that whoever does know had told BM when A__ was 5... because a 9yo who hits people is a whole lot worse!

It sounds like you've done all the things that ~should~ work (talking, time-outs, promoting empathy, explaining consequences, etc)... So the only thing I can thing of is to beat it to death, which is what we've done with A__ and violent behavior. When he gets up in the morning, start yammering about how hitting is wrong, and yip about it until he goes to bed at night. If cartoon characters hit one another, say "Oh, you can't watch this, it has hitting" and shut it off. Have frequent powwows about the day's progression, point out his successes where he didn't hit and his failures where he did. Ramble on to excess about violence and decision making and so on, until he could probably give a half hour lecture on the alternatives to violence.
I'm not saying that A__'s behavior is perfect now, but he hasn't hit anyone at FOUR soccer practices IN A ROW!! Yay!

I'm not quite sure if that would work for your 5 year old, but it's going well for us.