Document each incident with photos. Have all other parents do the same. Keep up the pressure on the school board. Read all you can about bully behaviour to give coping suggestions to Tanna. There is supposed zero bullying tolerance in our schools but as kids get older, they get smarter about hiding it from authority figures so the time to end it is NOW!

I'd absolutely attend the next School Board meeting-along w/all documented dates & occurances, explaining all of the efforts you've made to halt the problem, to no avail. You might let them know you intend to go to the police with this if they don't take immediate action concerning this boy. Too bad she has to go through this!

Keep in mind that the principal nor the school board will give out ANY information about how they are handling the situation. That info is confidential.

I'm not one to jump to rash responses, but.... if I had already been dealing with all that you've said has occurred with Tanna & all that other parents have acknowledged with this little bully.. I think I would be getting in contact with law enforcement because of her bruised foot.

Have all the parents talked with the principal? Superintendent? This HAS to be stopped. Small town suck when it comes to something like this!!! (been there, KNOW it!) You have to be the squeeky wheel!!! Tanna may soon not want to go to school because of ONE kid!!! There are probably more that are scared to death to go to school. Principal is working on it??? NO, he is not!! It is up to YOU and the other parents to get something done! Maybe it is time to talk to the police!!!!! I get soooo mad when I hear that they are "working on it"!! BS!

If so many in that class are feeling the same way as you are then you all need to make a bold stand TOGETHER. Go together to the principal or superintendent and tell them that as of today our children will not be coming back to school until this has been taken care of and the boy is removed. Your children should not under any circumstance be subjected to injury because the powers that be are dragging their feet. Make them make a stand by you and the other parents making a stand together in a united front.
And most definitely notify the law and provide pictures and detailed info on all the instances involved.
If you need to get the media involved do that too!

I'd start at the school board meeting, and if that didn't get anybody's attention, I'd see how many other parents are angry about this. 5? 6? I'd get me a group of moms and we'd organize and we'd be in that class room all day. School lasts 7 hours? divide it up. Police that class and have it covered--3 moms 2+hrs. a day.

In the first place, the teacher should have control of this. Playground? Where's the PE teacher? Somebody's not doing their job.

This EXACT same thing happened at the school my DH is President of--a private school, and they organized some moms to sit in the class. I volunteered one day a week. They didn't let this little boy go on the playground b/c that's when most of the trouble was. I spent that time w/ him 1 day a week. A lot of this fault lies w/ the teacher.

As already mentioned above - document everything, every phone call, every incident, every conversation. Talk to the teacher, the principal and the superintendant. Does your school system have a guidance counselor or a school nurse? Involve them. How about a Child Study Team?

The parents should all get together and met with the teacher and principal. You might even have to file a report with the police.

Mandatory counseling for the kid And parents!!!!!

Honestly, if your child is being punched, kicked and bruised, that is beyond bullying and you need to do something more drastic than making phone calls to other parents and asking for advice on internet forums.

Call the police, file a report against the child and the parents, have the teacher give you her schoolwork and keep her home till the situation is handled.

We have the same problem (bulling) in two of the local schools. Here they immediately called special meetings calling in experts, law enforcement and school officials. Not sure what was involved but apparently it is better. Of course here we do have to watch it as it is a hunting state and we are very close to a AF base. Even the base officials participated.
In your case, document, have her foot checked out and x-rayed, talk to the superintendent, school board officials, law enforcement and if the parents refuse to corporate, a lawyer for possible child abuse--from one child to another.
Good luck and be careful
Marie
Give your kids a big hug and teach them how to protect themself

I would raise :I put a Restraining Order on a Jr. High Student and his entire Family for bothering my DD.

Not sure how things work where you live but here (Canada) I would document everything, write a letter of concern and intent to the board requesting an immediate meeting to address the issue. I would also contact the police dept. and have their community advocate at the board meeting. There is zero tolerance but I find schools are very slow and leary to enforce it...parents have to take a stand in these matters. Too many kids end up slipping through the cracks. You need to act.
Just my opinion having been in the school system and having children that were bullied.

First off, quit lying to Tanna! DO NOT give her a pep talk and tell her "everything will be OK" and "he will be nicer". Clearly it wasn't, he wasn't, and you have eroded a bit of her trust.

Document everything. I know you have two other children, but you do need to have a classroom presence if at all possible.

If she's been bruised, photograph it, and show up at school, with other kids in tow if necessary, and demand action. If nothing happens, call the police, while you are still at the school.

My son had a similar situation and the school kept saying "they were working on it." Enough was enough and I finally contacted law enforcement. You wouldn't believe how quickly the school worked to correct the situation. Continual abuse by this bully can have a long lasting effect on Tanna's self esteem. I agree with mary c, I think you need to honest with Tanna.

One thing I wil suggest first. Have your DH talk to the principal. Yah, I know. But trust me, it seems like the only way school personell will listen is if it's the father that complains. Been there, done that. I spent weeks calling principal and bus garage to get something stopped. The first and only time my DH called, got it stopped immediately! If that doesn't work, see next paragraph, cause I started this post with it, then decided to suggest this first.

Yep, time to call in law enforcement. That is the only way the school will do anything.

Tami

I have to agree with the above posters. Take a picture of her foot, even better, have a doctor document it. Call law enforcement. If you have someone you can leave the other children with, go to school each day with Tanna until this situation is resolved. If not possible, then keep her home. She must be terrified of going to school, not knowing whether he will bully her or not. Give her a big hug.

Talk to your doctor - maybe s/he's had experience with this kind of thing and can offer guidance. Get pictures, possibly X-rays, of the damaged foot. Maybe talk to the police, right away.

Around here, if you hit me, certainly with enough force to cause bruising ... you can be charged with assault. Don't know how it works with kids ...but were a charge to be laid, and a number of children testify to the hitting that they'd suffered, and on a number of occasions, along with the disciplinary actions that had been taken without improvement, I think that the parents would sit up and take notice.

Did others see the incident ... and are their kids willing to testify in court? Are other kids/families who've been assaulted willing to testify if need be?

ole joyful

I know others have given advice - and I agree with all that has been said. With all due respect to & agreement with tami_ohio about the strength/validity/credibility of man to man conversations - both you and your husband should speak with every school board member, the superintendent and the principal. Write letters and document conversations and meetings. File a report with your local police/sheriff & look for private school alternatives. This will give you a back up plan if things do not get resolved.

In terms of your daughter - let her know that physical/verbal abuse is not accepted and if she feels uncomfortable at any point she should go to her teacher and "tattle tale" - with my kids I told them that I LOVE the tattle tales. There is alot of pressure (kid sized and valid) to keep quiet. You will validate what she is going through and give her strength and support by letting her know it is o.k. to talk about it.

Good luck - raise strong women!

The idea of parents taking turns patroling the class and at recess is a wonderful idea. I would suggest the parents warn the principal of what they are doing too. Until this child is under control or taken out of class the parents will be patroling as much as possible. Put the pressure on the school to get their act together. In front of the teacher, document all the times the bully is showing misconduct too. Not only is the child a bully towards other kids but he is most likely taking up valuable learning time by acting up in class. To the principal, turn in a conduct sheet every day, describing what happened in class. Do you have a small video camera or video phone? Might come in handy at recess. Someone said as the kids get older, they get sneaky.. this is so true!
If possible sit far behind the bully so he doesn't notice you during the day.

I occasionally teach K-6 at our schools and I can name every bully in the class. Almost everyone of them has a deadbeat parent. Not all, but most. There is no dealing with them in a mature, thoughtful way.
Going on...
The bully gets away with so much and nothing is done until enough people complain. So start the phones ringing. Ask all the affected kids' parents to call too. Call daily! Tell the Principal or teacher that Tanna is having problems with _____. I would like to know what is going to happen. Repeat daily.
I feel bad that this kid has a deadbeat parent tho. You've done all the right stuff so far. I don't know what to think about calling the police though. You don't know the can of worms you might open IF the parents aren't cooperating by this point. If every last option is used, then it's time to call but try to work this out in the school first. Tanna has many years to go in school and coming from a small town myself, I'm sure it COULD be a long road ahead if the parents of this bully have more kids in school and THEY don't like YOU.
Good luck, keep us updated.

I wonder if he has been tested for some type of special education. Sounds like he needs to be in some type of emotional behavior class.

Honestly, the only thing I remember about kindergarten when I was little was the bully that used to jump on my naptime cot, yell at me and push me (and all the other kids). 30 years ago, bullies weren't hardly dealt with and that boy was the bane of our classes' existence!

I believe the time for civility has passed, especially with parents like his! Call the law, take pictures of Tanna's foot, show her how to stand up for herself and bind together with the other parents to deal with that boy.

Blessings,
Haley

Be careful about what the parents do who may be sitting in the class watching what is going on. First of all, if you lay a hand on that child or any other, other than your own, YOU will be the one in trouble. Approach it as you are there to observe and watch over your child.
Secondly, yes you do need to band together as parents but
there are protocols that must be followed and as a teacher (in kindergarten), you would not believe the hoops you have to go through to document what a child does in the classroom. There probably have been referrals for testing for this child and that is a LONG process. The teacher and prinicipal are not allowed to share any of that info with you and that is probably what they mean by "working on it". If the school has a resource officer, that is who I would be talking to as well as the administration. There are also programs for bullying in school, even kindergarten. You might want to check with the school district to see about that.

What can you do to help your daughter - the best thing is to explain that she should ignore this child - but when something happens, definitely tell the teacher, tell you and that she is not to be afraid to do so. Even tell her to always make sure she buddies up when on the playground or in places where she might be alone - bullies don't want to take on more than one at a time - at least at this age.

As others have said - take pictures, document and follow up. I am sure the teacher is doing all she can. She is only human and believe me - her hands are tied in what she can do with this child physically.

As a side note - I once had a 5 year old girl take me over a round table as I was trying to restrain her from hurting another child. She ended up scratching me. With the threat of diseases out there, I was sent to the doctor and had everything documented. My husband called the principal that night and told him that if the child came back into my classroom the next morning, I was to walk out. Guess what - the child was met at the bus and sent back home, never to return to our school again. She ended up in a special school for behavior programs.

This brings back unpleasant memories. You really have to watch out for bullies, they are sneaky and manipulative at a very young age. We didn't live too far away from school and my son would walk home on occasion instead of the bus. One bully noticed this and as soon as the left school property he hit him in the stomach and told him the school won't do anything because not on school property, this was in 3rd grade. I called the cops, (and school) no charges pressed but never happened again. If you bring your daughter to a doctor after one of these episodes maybe report it to the police and send his mom the doctor bill. Maybe that will get her attention. Tell all the other moms to do the same.

This is insane!! If the principal has done nothing about it, don't wait for a board meeting-meet with the area superintendent. There are strict laws and rules in place for bullying and this has gone on far too long. Each parent needs to make appointments with board members and the super. I bet some threats of contacting a lawyer might get action from the principal. It wouldn't cost much to even follow thru if you did it as a group. I would be writing emails (for a paper trail) to the teacher, asst principal, principal, board members, and super each time there is an incident. Start the first email saying this problem in the classroom has not been resolved. Each parent doing that will bring some action. Include a picture of her foot if you have one.

Thank Heavens -- Lisa. A voice of sanity. Doesn't
your State have a strict bullying law?

I can't imagine -- waiting around for someone to make
sure a mean bully turns into a sweet, natured little
guy! While your child is being tortured.

If you are sitting doing nothing but listening to
idle promises -- you are guilty of abetting this!!!!

Yes, yes, yes -- Lawyer, Police, State Attorney -- any
and all!!!!!!! And if the Superintendent wants to be
taken down right along with the bully - well, his choice.

Do not wait for the board meeting-are you kidding me--how long would that be? How many more kids would he abuse before the next meeting. I would be at that school every second my daughter was until they put a stop to this. They would see me, hear me and know me. This is not acceptable in any way, shape or form. And I would be on the phone with the police right now. My kid, your kid, no kid should be afraid to go to school because no one at the school or at his home can control 1 child.

There was a little boy at the bus stop who tried to bully my daughter. He never touched her, but he name called and cussed at her and knocked her books on the ground. I let my daughter out at the bus stop the next morning and I told that kid if he so much as looked at my daughter I would bust his butt and if his momma didn't like it I would bust hers too. Never had another problem.

yeah and if you give tanna permisson to defend herself, guess which mom will be in your face in no time...

the problem is, if they are "add" or one of the alphabet syndroms, your school probably doesn't have the funding to treat bob the bully, or staff trained to deal with them...and frankly they don't want to lose the federal money per child, they recieve...

here's another for documents, calls, and the cops...tell tanna to run to the office everytime she's hurt or threaten, as they say a squeaky wheel is finally heard...

can you get daycare of the little one so you can volunteer in class? maybe a neighbor could or when dh is home, send him in...i'd love to see the look on bob the bully's face when he sees who tanna's daddy is! lol...

Would you let an adult beat up your kid? Of course not. Just because it's another child doesn't mean it's okay to hesitate on drastic action.

Your child is still being abused, she's still fearful, she's still bruised. It probably doesn't matter to her WHO is hitting her, but the fact that she is being hit is absurd.

Honestly it sort of surprises me that you aren't doing more. For someone who is so protective and nurturing, it baffles me that you haven't called the police. Unless you are exaggering her injuries, you've reported extensive bruising, kicking and punching! How is that okay? How are you still sending her to school? Telling her it will be okay? Something isn't adding up.

What about your husband? Wasn't he willing to jump up and go to your defense over that invitation shunning thing last year? Physical abuse is SO much worse and it's hard for me to imagine him just playing telephone tag while his child is coming home bruised.

The more I think about this, the more angry it makes me. I honestly can't imagine a parent taking such a passive role about this.

Look, the school isn't planning on doing anything. The parents aren't going to do anything.

Your child was physically assaulted and hurt. Maybe no bones were broken, but she may still have an injury that may end up plaguing her in future (arthritis when she's older?).

If this were my child, I'd be: documenting the injury with photos and statements from any and all witnesses, making a police report, going to the courts for a restraining order to keep this child away from mine (if you can get one, that will make the school sit up and take notice), AND I'd be sitting down with my lawyer to see what other steps he/she recommends for protecting my child.

If you do nothing, if you allow the school to sit on their hands doing nothing, one of these days one of the children in this boy's orbit is going to be very seriously injured.

The first thing I would do is contact the police. Take pictures of the bruises and document everything. I would then let the principal know that I have contacted the police. I would not wait for a board meeting. Board meetings are not for this type of thing anyway. I would sit my butt in the principal's office until I had answers. The bully obviously has deep issues. I would not wait for anything, it all should be done today!

I agree with just about everything already said.Document,take pictures,notify police.The bully child obviously has some major problems and the parents are in denial.The sooner he gets some help(as well as his family)the better.If this is going on now can you imagine what this child is going to be like in a few more years? Many times children with bullying problems have parents with anger problems or are themselves bullies.It is obvious the whole family needs some help.If the police are involved they may be required to get that help.Do something now.It may save a child!

I have belonged to this forum for a long time but seldom post. I am also an attorney for child protective services so I do a lot of work in the juvenile justice system.

I am assuming from the OP that these children are kindergarten or first grade level. Law enforcement isn't going to be able to do a lot at this age because children this age are not legally culpable. However, most jurisdictions have some sort of Family in Need of Services or Juvenile in Need of Services law. Basically those laws are for situations such as this one, where the deliquency laws do not apply, the dependency neglect laws do not apply but it is obvious that there is a problem with the child and his family that needs to be addressed. Once a child is adjudicated a FINS or JINS, then the court can order mandatory counseling or even residential treatment if appropriate. Check with the local juvenile probation office or the juvenile prosecutor to see if something like this is available to you. A FINS or JINS action would force the family to face the child's problems. Also, the bully child's actions may be caused by problems in the home which would be brought to light in a FINS action. He may be abused in the home, exposed to domestic violence or a number of other problems.

Second, continue to put pressure on the school. They are required to educate the bully but if he is injuring/terrorizing the other children they can put him in a self contained classroom or provide homebound services. See if the other parents of bullied children will join with you to put pressure on the school. There is strength in numbers.

Lastly, don't tell your child its ok. Give her tools to deal with it. Telling her to tell a teacher and stick with a friend is good. You can also tell her to stand up to the bully and tell him to leave her alone in no uncertain terms. This may be hard for her if she is a shy or passive type child. My daughter has always been a tough little cookie who has never had a problem telling someone to get out of her face. She's pretty good about sticking up for her friends too. Maybe Tanna needs a friend like this. Martial arts lessons might be good for her too, to give her self confidence.

Frankly, school administrators want these situations to go away, they try not to address it....because of the $$ it would cost them, especially in a very small school system, to handle it with special schooling.

Best thing is to document incidents and injuries, then have other parents agree to do the same. Sending doctor's bills (for looking at or treating injuries) to the child's parents should send a message to them that this will cost them $$ in the future, as the child runs up more damages to others.
In other words, $$ talks.

chi 83..often times, kids are so scared they won't tell you in the first place... even little kids will clam up...and if this kid ahas gotten away with it, including 7-8 other children you get discouraged...

like i found out when i questioned my girls about bullying (hs age) they wern't about to tell me a thing cause they knew i would tell someone...lot of good it did when the boy's running coach told a totally innapropiate joke about women...i went to then vp/girls coach...nothing happen...

so kids keep quiet...

what is disturbing is we've had this conversation time and time again....like here, we had dozens of replies (bhg 1999 parent, then columbine)and it's only gotten worse. our schools don't talk about cause effect, they ask for metal detectors...we'll cry for the vp in omaha, wonder why noone did a thing when the boy posted on facebook...then thank ONE above it wasn't our school..

Susan - that's true, many kids won't talk about it. But Tanna IS talking about it so I'm not sure what you're getting at.

There are all sorts of horrible stories of secret bullying, of kids holding it in until they commit suicide or go off on violent rampages. This is why I'm stunned that this situation has been going on so long. Tanna is talking, she's coming home with physical evidence, her classmates are validating the stories and still no one, not even the PARENTS, will do anything to stop it outside of vague gestures to each other and half-hearted attempts at talking with school authorities. And yes, I believe it's half-hearted to leave the principal's office without a real answer when your child's safety is at stake. FMW should have stayed there until she had an answer or called the police if none was forthcoming.

This is child abuse!!! Whether it's a parent or a classmate or a random stranger doing the hitting, it's still the abuse of a child. It infuriates me that she just feels "helpless" when there's so much at stake. I feel bad for the child because apparently there's no one willing to do what it takes to make her feel safe.

wireweiners advice is solid and good. Unless we know then entire story, it is hard to give advice. My DD is a one on one aide and when it envolves a smaller town and younger children parents and the school must do what is best for the child and the family.
Much good advice has been offered and I am sure firemanswife and hubby will do their best for their daughter.

Sending a doctor bill to the parents of the bully will prove what? They are under no obligation to pay it, and they won't. It will be an exercise in futility.

And no surprise that complaining to his parents has not helped. As Wireweiners stated, many times bullying is a learned behavior or due to other types of abuse. Of course it needs to stop, but there should be some kind of evaluation to the bully to ascertain what is going on in that home. He is a kid too and may be being emotionally, physically or sexually abused which is why he is acting out.

Lot's of good advice here. Schools are notorious lawless zones. Principals don't want to report things, it makes them look like they're not able to handle their job. You do need to involve the police directly. Definitely take photos of injuries and document every incidence.

My neighbors son was being bullied extensively, it didn't stop until the police were involved and the bully's parents were served with a lawsuit. Boy, did that stop things quickly.

Wonder where firemanswife is? I think it's kinda odd she hasn't been back with additional information or to respond to any questions. I hope Tanna is OK.

I agree Chloe. I too would like some feedback as to how things are going & if FMW has taken any of the advice she sought. I sure hope Tanna doesn't get soured on school since she had been doing so well.

Just remember -- its the weekend... But I would imagine she'll talk it over with her dh & maybe get a hold of some of the other parents... and start the week with a plan...

Don't forget that her husband is a fire department person and I think high up, so he does have the knowledge and contacts that will help the situation.

Do not hesitate. Go talk to the principal and be prepared to sue the bully's parents and the school. Your child was injured, maybe not to a high degree, but an injury none the less and it was not an accident; it was purposefully induced. Immediately get a doctor's report on the extent of the injury. Get tough, and see how the bully's parent who advocates your child "toughen up" responds. It seems this bully behaves this way becasue he is being backed by his parent. This sort of behavor is grounds for tossing the bully out of school.

Yeah, you can't just sit back waiting for someone else to take action, this is -your- child.

BTW - never see FMW post on a weekend. I think she only has computer access at work.

"My daughter has always been a tough little cookie who has never had a problem telling someone to get out of her face. She's pretty good about sticking up for her friends too. Maybe Tanna needs a friend like this. Martial arts lessons might be good for her too, to give her self confidence."

Great ideas. Does Tanna ever have friends over after school? If this were my kid, I'd be willing to bribe one of them to help stick up for Tanna when this bully is being a jerk.

If anything should happen again before this issue is resolved, and Tanna is hurt or attacked in any way, I'd take her to the doctor to get her checked out, and then the next day accompany her to school and present the Dr bill to the principal. They need to know that they could be liable for any harm, serious or otherwise that this bully causes while on school property. That should get their attention and let them know that something needs to be done and done quickly.

There are days Tanna comes home and she hasn't had an issue with him but she tells me about other kids he has picked on or hurt that day
Maybe tape record Tanna's account of her days and what has happened and present that also to the principal. That bully, being allowed in school with the possibility of harming any child another day, is one day too long.

When we talked to the principal he stated he was "working on it".

Might you consider holding Tanna out of school until the problem is solved, or suggest to the principal that you are considering holding her out, rather than risk her being harmed again, or come to dread and hate school because of the bully?

The teacher had done as much as she can with him but without the support from his parents she's at the end of her rope.
Are you sure she has? imho, she should be marching that bully to the office each and every time he bullies another child, even if he doesn't touch them. The bully should not be allowed back in the class that day, and should maybe also be suspended each and every time until the parents get him under control.

Still no update? I'm very curious what happened as it seemed like such a bad situation.

This message wasn't updated for well over 2 weeks, so let's make an effort to keep it near the top of the list.

She's been around for over 5 years, so she's not exactly new to this forum.

I'd like to send her a private email - but I can't.

I do hope that things are better for Tanna ... but can't see how, things being as they've been reported.

ole joyful

"BTW - never see FMW post on a weekend. I think she only has computer access at work"
Moonie-I think I remember FMW said she quit her job when the girls came to live with them so that she could stay home with them.
I do wish she would pop in and let us know what has conspired with the bully.

I would like an update also. From experience I know that incidents like this take all of a parent's time and energy - as they should. I am sure when she has a chance FMW will get back to us.