As I said in the other thread, my SD spent over a year in therapy. Her attitude toward me hasn't gotten better, it's actually worse. (well, since she is with her mom during the summer, she only comes on the weekend and every week has been the same. The ONLY time she was friendly with me was last weekend when we took her to San Francisco and she knows her dad HATES to buy anything and I am the one that buys things) When we got home, she didn't completely ignore me but the attitude returned. It got really bad when her grandma got there to pick her up. (her mom hasn't picked her up once all summer & the last couple of months of school)

Well, this weekend she ignored me, rolled her eyes when I said anything, made faces a few times and was generally a pain in the butt. On Friday, I slept at my dad's house to take care of my stepmom because dad is out of town. I was also there all day Saturday so DH & SD were alone the whole time. Saturday was DH's birthday and we took him out to dinner. DH's parents mentioned what's wrong with SD? That wasn't her usual self. She was acting that way with DH too apparently & he was confused by it as well. When I came home, they were watching a movie and I went into my room so they could be alone. Sunday, she just stayed in her room all day, sitting on her bed. DH asked her what's wrong, she won't play any games. I 'made' her go ride her bike for an hour while I was doing my workout. Her dad was outside mowing the grass and today is the first day that she has been able to play outside since the fires began because of air quality.

Then at lunch, she was talking about all the 'chores' her mom had to do at her grandma's house and she's talking that her mom was cleaning the gutters, mowing the grass and hooking up a sprinkler to a garden hose. She says THAT is the reason her mom couldn't get her last week. Well, I don't know if I mentioned that last week, when grandma picked up SD, grandma asked DH why SD is singing to and dancing to a nasty song on MTV. Grandma was shocked. DH told grandma she doesn't watch MTV here and she doesn't listen to that song (lollipop). I've never heard it but my son says it's pretty nasty. SD knows the words and grandma was concerned. DH told grandma that SD doesn't listen to it here but BM listens to that type of music. Well, BM jumped all over DH for talking to her mom and they came back saying SD told them that she watches sex movies or sex & the city at her friend's house and watched Austin Powers with my son.

So, anyways... she didn't watch any tv at her friends, her friend's mom baked little cakes with them and they played outside. She's never watched a movie with my son, let alone Austin Powers. (mind you, this is the same son that she claims threatened to kill her with a knife almost two years ago and BM claims she's terrified of still) So, we know it is more lies... either BM is making this stuff up or SD is telling her a load of crap.

Well, we are finishing up lunch and she's been telling us her mom's list of chores [rolls eyes] and that today's excuse for not picking her up is that grandma is taking them to sizzler so they are meeting at a halfway point. [she has a different excuse each week]. Then I ask SD when did she watch Austin Powers with my son? She froze, got that 'how did I know about that' look on her face and we can see her face as she's thinking of her answer. It's so obvious but must not realize we can see the expressions on her face change as she's coming up with her story. So, she tells us that it was a loooooooong time ago and I probably don't remember. So, I tell her 'that's funny, my son doesn't remember EVER watching a movie with you.' She looks down but doesn't say a word. I asked her what movie did she watch at her friends house that was nasty and she said she didn't watch any movies or tv. (BTW, when DH talked to grandma, SD was in the house. While grandma was driving home with SD in the car, that is when she called BM because DH got a text message from BM 30 minutes after they left and grandma lives 45 minutes away, so they were discussing this in front of SD and later, BM wrote DH that SD told her these things... so he assumes that BM was questioning SD) I asked her why she is saying that? She says 'I didn't'. I told her that I can go talk to her friends mom because it's kinda serious if her mom thinks her friend's mom is allowing them to watch nasty shows. Then SD says... well it wasn't at [friend's name] house, it was some other guy's house, I forgot his name.

By then, I was getting frustrated with her lies and I asked her about the lies being told about me. Her mom has been telling the BF's parents that I hit and abuse SD. I said 'I've never hit you' and she said, 'I know'. So I asked her why her mom would say that... either her mom is lying or she really thinks I'm hitting her child. SD looked down and said 'I told her you do'. She didn't get upset or cry or even say she's sorry. She just mumbled it and DH asked her why would she say that and she said, "I don't know". I told her that these things are serious and if BF's parents want, they could call the police and I could be arrested for something I didn't do, just because SD and BM are saying it.

She just got up and went into her room and sat there on her bed reading a book. She didn't talk to me or DH the rest of the day until her grandma picked her up. I'm not angry as much as I am frustrated. I'm to the point where I don't know what to believe anymore. Is BM the one lying and SD is going along with her lies to protect her or is SD really telling her mom that I hit her and BM is reacting to that? I know that if my child came to me and said they were being hurt and abused, I would do more than tell friends & family.

Then there is her issue with sneaking food. After she left, we found an empty wrapper for a ramen noodle soup. She is eating the uncooked noodles & season packet. A while back, we found salt & pepper packets that she ate. I find these things weird when there is food to sneak like bread, fruit, crackers, etc. DH & I believe her food issue is related to the stress, not hunger based.

Her counselor just moved out of state so DH and I are contemplating whether to find a new one or not. She went for over a year but there was really no improvement. She's developed the food sneaking and is lying more since she's been in counseling. We can't rule out that she wouldn't be worse if she hadn't been in counseling, but we certainly hoped she would be better, not worse. I'm hoping that when she comes back for the school year, things will improve as she will be here more and have less influence from her mom, but I'm beginning to feel like we are wasting our time. She wants to be like her mom, she wants to dress sexy, she wants to chase boys, she wants to sing nasty songs and dance nasty, she wants to eat nothing but junk food and lots of it, she wants to cook for herself, she wants to stay up all night and play video games and watch tv, and her mom lets her do all of those things. We are the meanies that have rules and boundaries and expectations of her.

Now that I know she's is willing to say she told her mom that I hit her, it also changes how I feel a little. I know she may just be saying that to protect her mom but I also wonder how far would she take it? If the police ask her, is she going to say mommy lied or is she going to say SM hits me? The trust is really in a bind right now and as bad as I feel for her situation, being accused of abuse is a hard one to swallow. Am I wrong to be upset with her?