I think gift giving divides into what I call order takers and dream fillers. Order takers want to provide something that the recipient specifically wants or needs, and that completes the 'transaction'. A subset of order takers just need to check off a gift from the list, and as long as it is an object or GC, check it done. For an order taker, gift cards are a godsend. No more running hither and yon trying to find X or Y, just pick up the card, load it and boom, mission accomplished. Dream fillers want to provide a gift that, as the saying goes, the recipient didn't know s/he wanted until it appeared. For dream fillers, the downside is trying to get into the minds of people to suss out just the perfect item. Not an easy task! For a dream filler, gift cards or cash completely negate the goal, and to boot they kill the dream by making it crystal clear just how much was spent on fulfilling the 'dream'. I used to be a dream filler--it was my perpetual goal to get the PERFECT gift for those on my list. However, as I've gotten older I have come to realize that as with much else in life you can't control or force anyone to feel, do or enjoy gifts no matter how carefully you try to pick something special. And of course gift cards as a product have exploded; you can literally give them for every and any product or service. What I do now is try to combine order taking and dream filling. So, for Christmas I paired a package of sugar free chocolate bars I special ordered for my diabetic dad with a GC for a movie theater. He and my stepmother will be facing an extended period of medical treatment out of town and my 'dream' is that they can have a night out at the movies as a respite, where he can snack on treats that aren't bad for him. I gave my sisters, all of whom like me are avid readers, each a pair of book-themed novelty socks packaged with an Amazon GC. Dream: they can order something they enjoy reading and peruse it wearing snazzy socks. Okay, that one is pretty light hearted dream filling but still, it's at least a start! And that's how I try to combine the practicality of gift cards with at least some attempt at creativity and personalization. Ann

Is this their first apartment together, or is she moving in with him into his apartment? Guess it doesn't really matter, as I wouldn't go at all, nor would I send a gift. I don't care that I'd seem to be an 'old fogie'...the mother is of our generation for cryin' out loud!! It's in very bad form. I worked in a very small, tight-knit group and one of the support staff was pregnant with her 3rd child. Our section threw her a shower at work and invited other divisions to attend also. A few people got her nice outfits, but no one got her the new car seat, crib, stroller, bedding, etc that had been 'suggested'. In fact, the majority of the people who actually attended didn't bring anything. And fewer than a dozen people came by anyway. It didn't make things weird around the office and she didn't act put out by the lack of gifts or attendance. She seemed to be happier that her closest co-worker threw the party more than anything else. So, bottom line, I wouldn't attend this event, even if you did say yes at the initial email. Simply say something has come up (you have to give yourself a pedicure, that is something!!) and say have a good time. No gift, no apologies, no hard feelings. Her few brainless buddies (and mama) will attend and she'll get a few ridiculous gifts and be over it. Save your guilty conscience for the wedding. (insert sarcasm here!)

Oh my goodness! Funny, that you're asking this question at this time. My niece is getting married and I just went through her list of registered gifts. I realized that I have so many and she has none. Her gifts included many kitchen items. I realized I have 3 or 4 sets of dinnerware and silverware. Just yesterday, I spent a few hours gathering some of these nice sets for her. She has similar taste and would enjoy using them.

I would encourage all of you who are storing your sterling and china to get it out and use it! Put it in the dishwasher! I don't care what the gurus say. I'd much rather use it and enjoy it and let it get a little worn than to let it sit in a box. I use less soap and the delicate cycle. I don't mix sterling with other metals. I hand wash all knives because they can get water in the handle and come apart, but I wash my cooking knives by hand so it's not hard to add some table knives. Otherwise, I don't take any special care. If you use your sterling every day, you won't have to polish it very often. Growing up, we ate every meal with sterling silver because that's all we had. My mother had received the sterling as a wedding present. We couldn't afford to buy a set of stainless steel. That silver is still beautiful and in use today. Dedtired, you are right that the antique pieces are heavier than the newer pieces. That's such a shame, isn't it? Chisue, almost all sterling non-butter knives have stainless blades. I've tried to show the kids that it's not that much trouble to use nice tableware. It's not something they are really interested in, but I hope I'm planting seeds that will sprout someday!