I would 'drop it' now...let it go. Yeah, SS only now has 1/2 the money to replace the game, but so what? It's no different than anything else involving his BM. He can either look for something that cost 1/2 as much as original gift, Dad can chip in the other half, or he can save up til he has enough for a desired replacement. Too bad for SS...it should not be this way... but you can't choke a replacement gift or money out of BM. Yes, I know, 'she said ______', but this happens each and every time and then she does not do what she said she would. I also would not mention to the kids anything about what BM said about SD/SS's birthdays or presents. It may not (as usual) ever happen. Don't set the kids up for more disappointment/resentment. No more trips to BM's to pick up/drop off either. If she is serious about this or that, let her come to you. If she does not show...oh well. I understand you were trying to be nice and it is you that followed through on the planned arrangements. I get all that. But it is her that is undependable (maybe due to the abuser she lives with) and who isn't going to follow through. She's proved it time and time again. I'm sorry SS did not like his gift. I'm sorry he's only getting half the money...maybe she'll come through, maybe she won't. But next time leave the whole thing up to her. You keep expected her to change from event to event. You and SS don't deserve all the crap that goes along with trying to make it different. She's going to be who she is until she finds the strenght to change things for herself. You can't fix this for her.

Yes, get a court order. Congrats on your pregnancy! If I may make a suggestion, DH should file now, and hopefully get an agreement before BM finds out you are pregnant - because you are right, if BM is of the unstable sort your pregnancy will ramp up poor behavior on her part. I'm inclined to think that this might be the case because I noticed "I married my DH just this past March" and "Up until recently the arrangement was usually civil". Unfortunately it is not uncommon for some divorced parents to not handle a spouse's remarriage well and use the kid(s) as pawns to express their hurt. It seems a lot of DH's don't want to file for custody or modification because they are worried about rocking the boat or upsetting BM. But if DH does not, not only will this continue but it will get worse, and worse. BM has no right to decide that SS cannot go on vacation with his father any more than your DH can decide what BM is "allowed" to do when SS is with her! DH should approach BM with this as "wanting the ability to make scheduled plans" or some such, if he's happy with the amount of custodial time he has now. Most states have some kind of mediation and if BM and DH can agree that would be fairly inexpensive and painless.

I don't know about the back CS. I was irate with DH when BM dumped the boy off to begin with and DH didn't press the issue way back then. I'm hoping that DH's atty will do the best she can to at least get DH the past three years in exchange for the next three with BM. To me, that would be fair. As far as SS goes, he's only 12 but emotionally more like an 8-year-old. He is very childish but his parents and grandparents have allowed him to call the shots from the beginning which is part of the problem we've been having since we married. Unfortunately, DH denies it so he's just as much to blame. My parents never allowed my brother or I to dictate what adults did and I don't allow my DD to do it, so this is completely foreign to me. I don't understand how adults let a child who can barely wipe his own butt or who forgets to eat during the day to make such life altering decisions. I want to say "I told you so" to DH but know it's only going to fuel the fire. SS has flat out told DH he doesn't want to do anything here and DH has begrudgingly forced the boy to chip in doing chores while BM doesn't make him do a bloody thing. I know BM doesn't want him but at this point, this is all part of the game that she, SS, and DH play with each other in addition to wanting the CS. SS goes where he's promised the most material goods and the least structure, which she makes good on both promises. After all, she did say that divorcing and CS was easier than working. Unfortunately, I think this is a lost cause since DH refuses to accept responsibility for the situation.

My SD and her BM had a blow up right before SD started high school last year, and SD stopped going for the EOW visitation she'd had for years. BM did not push her to continue, and she would go a month or two without seeing SD. Typically, the only times SD would suddenly have an interest in going to mom's were days we'd told her she had to stay home and help with chores, ot times she was in trouble for something. We couldn't say no to visitation, so off she would go. By the end of the school year SD was tired us us imposing rules like curfew and other horrible things on her, and threatened she would go live with her mom. We offered to help her pack and said we'd call to have her mom pick her up. That scared her, but we followed through. Much to our shock, the 'loving mom' who always complained she never saw her daughter enough didn't want to have that daughter live with her. In fact, she didn't even want to go back to every other set weekend visitation. Talk about an eye opener for SD - she thought for sure mom would fight to have her. At that point we laid down the 'law' - no more running to mommy when you don't get your way. No more getting to pick and choose when you like your mom enough to see her and when you don't. It's set something we can all plan around and stick to it or nothing. So, SD sees her mom EO Saturday night to Sunday evening. We no longer have the fear of 'I'll just go live with my mom' hanging over our heads, but unfortunately SD also has the knowledge that her mom didn't want her. The sad thing is, its probably the best thing that's happened to our household. SD has become a much more respectful and reasonable teenage girl since she learned she didn't have a trump card. Why do I tell you this long story? Two reasons. One - it's not always a bad thing for kids at this age to see things for what they are. Two - it's not always a good thing to give kids control of visitation as it impacts you as much as it impacts them. Perhaps you suggest your SS and his BM talk about refiguring a schedule that works for them both. It could be eye opening for everyone. . .