During my NH Master Gardening classes, we spent a week on pruning. Not enough but it at least got me started and over my fears. We did "in the field" pruning on state owned properties including the University of NH grounds. Having an expert right there guiding us really helped. I'm no longer phobic about pruning in general. But, I'm still confounded with the pruning of a weeping tree! I've got a 'Snow Fountain' cherry that needs pruning. The lower branches are growing into the ground and the tree refuses to gain any height...just wider and wider and wider. I had an aborist out last year to see if we could save a declining sugar maple (answer was no, we can't) and while he was here, I asked about my cherry tree. He showed me what to do but I missed the timing this year due to all the early season rains. Next year, after bloom, I'm going after that tree! It's going to look odd for a couple years but five years from now, I'll have the tree I envisioned when I planted it. My biggest pruning phobia was lilac pruning. I knew they needed annual pruning to perform at peak but was always afraid of ruining their natural shape. I started with just deadheading the spent flowers...then watching what results those cuts made. The next year, I pruned a little more and watched the rest of the season. After 3-4 seasons, my lilac was blooming twice as heavily and fit in its space perfectly. I also like stuff you can prune to the ground periodically! But, even with that I get nervous...like with my caryoptersis. It doesn't suffer winter die-back and leaves out early in the spring. It's hard to cut down all that live growth. I didn't do it this spring and now the darn thing is humongous and crowding its neighbors. It's just starting to bloom now. The lack of pruning didn't seem to reduce the bloom which is what I'd been expecting. This is the type of pruning I really don't like. What do I do? Do I just make heading cuts straight across the shrub at about 18"...or, do I do something more tactful? I'm afraid it will grow funny from the straight across pruning cuts since the shrub doesn't winter kill. Can anyone please help me with my caryopteris? Help!

Hi Jannd, I've got one of those WBU pole rigs they sell in the middle of the picture. They also fit on the hodge-podge pole which is on the right. That is a pole thingie that was left behind the previous owner, which I combined with a piece of copper pipe to make it longer. The WBU stove-pipe style baffles hang loosely on a piece of hardware that you attach to the pole. It has screws you can adjust to differing size poles. It's important that the baffle hang loosely and wobble a bit, because that helps prevent critters from gripping the baffle and scaling it. You can make a home-made baffle using a piece of stove-pipe and some hardware pretty cheaply. In my setup, the dome is not being used as baffle, but as a cover for the tray feeder. It protects the Black oil sunflower seed somewhat from weather, also from the birds that like to poop when they are sitting on the pole rig -don't want the poop falling into the seed. I don't think the domes work as well as a baffle, but not sure? The friend who gave that to me was using it as a baffle and he said the squirrels got around it somehow.

Hi littlestar 624, Saving is one thing. Many people put their money into the bank ... where it's "safe". And the bank counts on making more on it than the depositor gets. After all - who pays for those fine buildings? Some time ago when I went to attend a seminar on investing put on by a bank, I asked the location of the seminar at the information desk, then moved a bit closer to the advisor to ask, rather conspiratorially, "Do you know what's better than putting your money into the bank?". When she asked what that might be, and I replied, "Buying bank shares", she replied, laughingly, "That's for sure" - and another employee within earshot laughed, as well. Investing, quite often, is a different kettle of fish. I bought bank shares 40 years ago for about $4.20, paying about a dime dividend, which is taxed at a lower rate, in Canada (which benefit is lost if earned within a tax-deferred vehicle). The value of those shares has gone up, down, and sideways over those 40 years, and now sits at about $100. That increase does not become tax-liable until I either sell the shares ... or die (at which time the executor of my estate must declare them as having been sold on the day prior to my death). I don't plan to take either of those routes, this week or next. I like to defer the tax, yes, which I'm doing (as I would be in a tax-deferred retirement plan). But when I liquidate shares in a retirement plan, every dollar coming out is taxed, at regular rate. But when those shares bought with non-deferred money are liquidated, I (or my estate) must pay tax on only half of the increase (at regular rate). I get half of the captal gain free of tax. Over the years between, the annual dividend rate has increased ... a few years ago it was $1.00, then $2.00, last year $2.80, and as of a couple of months ago, is $3.08. Your money put into the bank hasn't seen principal grow ... and the annual rate of return that it produced hasn't grown like that, either, has it? If I borrow to invest, to gain part of the advantage that I lost in the tax that I paid before I invested, the interest is dedudctible, while it isn't if I borrow to invest in a tax-deferred retirement plan. Plus, I figure that I can borrow to invest at very low net cost ... but that's a story for another time. Actually, it's in a thread that I wrote on one of these money management threads, a while back. As is my alternative method of investing rather that in a tax-deferred retirement plan. Learn how money works - in a few years, you'll be glad that you did ... for it pays well! Good wishes to you and yours. ole joyful

Mine are 5, 7, 10, 13. I yell sometimes, too. Sometimes I feel like they don't take me seriously until I am angry enough to yell. But I have to remember something I read once: When you're yelling, they only register the yelling, and not one word of what you're actually saying to them. That's so true, I know that's how I feel when someone takes a hostile tone with me, I hear the hostility first and maybe somewhere after that part of the actual direction or request. When I want to just scream at one of them (or more than one) I have to tell them to leave the room. I send them to their own room and wait 10 minutes before I go up to talk to them. Then I can clear my head, find the fewest words possible to get my point across (I ramble when I'm angry). Then I have to maintain a quiet voice on purpose, catch myself when I hear it rising, and bring it down again. I try to remember to let the kids do some of the talking, asking them to tell me what they did wrong. They know, they don't need it screamed at them, and they think about it harder when they have to say it themselves. And I have to be quiet and listen to them. Then when I do talk, I've listened first and I'm calmer. Sometimes I know *I'm* the problem, I'm in a bad mood and short fused, and the kids don't stand much of chance. They can do the smallest annoying thing and I'm ready to blow, it's not their fault. In that case, I know I need to deal with myself first. If I can, if DH is home, I leave the house, go for a walk, a drive, whatever I'm in the mood for. If I can't leave, I need a family time out. The sound of the TV or video games drives me nuts. I ask them for some peace and quiet, the TV is off, they go to their own rooms to occupy themselves, I might play some upbeat music. I am much calmer if that stupid television is OFF! I can't stand the thing when I'm grumpy. ;o) It helps me to make an effort to whisper when I feel like yelling. It also comes as such a surprise to the kids they actually listen harder. And overall, I feel like yelling less and they behave in a way that prompts less yelling, if we spend fun time together. I think they just feel more important to us, and we feel better about our parenting. We stop and notice the people they are, not just the annoying behavior. When we know the tension is getting thick, we have to make an effort to go for a walk together, play a board game, or turn down the lights and watch a movie. When they are getting enough of the right kind of attention, we all behave better. I notice their improved behavior when I keep my behavior in check, which encourages me to keep it up.