I would not attend--to me, that's not a shower, it's a money collection party. Cash or cash equivalents are different from gifts. Giving someone a gift you choose and think they will enjoy is one thing (even if it's off a registry list). Being directed to come to a function for the purpose of giving cash or cash equivalents is not only not fun (as Talley Sue said), is not a shower, IMHO.

So far it's still unanimous. I would not like to receive an invitation like this, and I would find it in poor taste. Too much like an "invitation" to give someone cash, and totally defeats the idea and fun of a shower. Talley Sue and Nanaof2 really summed it up nicely.

I have never been invited to a "pounding" shower, but I think it sounds like a lot of fun, both for a couple who is starting out from scratch -- they do need things like flour and toilet paper! -- and like djc12's daughter and boyfriend, who set up house together years ago and presumably have all the basics. It would be fun to see how creative people got with the "pound" theme -- a pound of stationery? A pound of DVDs? A hammer?

All of you guys have some valid points. Maybe you can help me out with some suggestions. I currently live in Louisiana, but am moving to Hawaii immediately after my wedding. My fiance is in the Navy and has gotten stationed there. The Navy will move all of his stuff but only a small portion of mine. For several reasons, we cannot have the wedding shower until AFTER his stuff is scheduled to be shipped, so a gift card shower is a good option. Since my guests will be missing out on the fun of gift opening, what are some things that I could do to make the shower enjoyable and appealing to them?

Ashley, this was discussed at length in the post "Shower for an Out of Town Bride" further down the page. It might help you to look at it for some ideas. One suggestion is to let guests know you will be moving interstate after the wedding and their common sense will tell them that a gift of a suitable size for shipping is better, or they can have the gift shipped to your new address and you open a picture of it, or similar. It doesn't have to be all gift cards (which are not terribly fun to watch brides open).

Pardon my bluntness, but shouldn't the shower be about the happiness of the bride, not the happiness of the guests at her shower? I think a gift card shower is a splendid (and sometimes necessary) idea, particularly when people have no way of transporting a truckload of items from the shower location to their home state. I am all about tradition, but I think it far from "bad taste" to throw a gift card shower. And in my humble opinion, anyone who would be offended by such an invitation is obviously more concerned with her own happiness that that of the couple.

Wow. I am a professional wedding coordinator and it's extremely in fashion right now to do a gift card shower! Most couples already have homes established or are combining two already established homes and therefore do not need most household items. When a bride asks my opinion about wording, I suggest making it sound like a party in honor of the couple (usually it's a couples shower) and at the bottom put that they are registered at Target and Home Depot (for example). Then I tell the bride to just register for gift cards on the registry. That way the guests either can take a hint that they don't need anything, and if the guests would like to get something, they can get a gift card or feel free to buy whatever they want for the couple. C'est en vogue.

I believe you that gift card showers are fashionable now -- at least where you live; I've never been invited to one. And things do indeed change.

Still, as a professional coordinator, you might share with your clients what posters on this and many other strings and boards have said -- as you see, the vast majority of them don't like gift card showers much or at all. Even if we are not proportionately representative of society in general, it's likely that many of their guests, even in communities where this is "fashionable," feel the same way. Remember, just because people are too polite to complain to their hosts doesn't mean that they don't dislike it.

um, wow. some of y'all aren't very creative. a gift card shower isn't just about acquiring money. i've been to quite a few and my favorite was one where the invite came with suggestions about how NOT to make it a money-grub fest (not in those words, obviously). guests were instructed to by gift cards to create an experience, i.e. a movie theater gift card and an ice cream shoppe gift card for a night out experience. or a couples' massage gift card for something romantic. or a wine tasting event gift certificate. she got some very unique gifts that allowed their honeymoon to last beyond their first 7 days after the wedding. for the couple who already has everything they need for everyday life, think outside the box!

I was actually looking for wording for a gift card shower for my sister. She lives in CA (California) and we are in PA (Pennsylvania) which are VERY far away. I just wanted to make that clear for all the people who are getting upset bc they are invited to a gift card shower. It would cost us tons of money to get the gifts shipped back to CA and thought it was a great idea. When you go to a shower you buy gifts off a registry (unless you are one of those weirdos who gets the couple things that you feel that they need) so your buying off a suggested list anyway. Isnt there anyone who can help with the wording of the invite? Serious help only. I dont want to hear your whining!

Kristy, your post is so charming and polite -- particularly the name-calling ("weirdos") and the delightful coda of "I dont want to hear your whining!" -- that I am sure you will have no trouble coming up with gracious wording without any help from the posters on this board.

I an also a wedding coodinator, in the West. Gift card showers are not popular here and this is the first I have heard of them being popular in other areas. People here still like to give gifts and enjoy seeing the bride open them and being able to ooh and ahh over what they receive.

Kristy, if you plan to include any of your sister's friends in CA in the shower, you might want to find out if such things are done in her area.

Gift card showers are not popular at all where I am from either, the Northeast. Where are you from Jmitc? I consider them to be in very poor taste. You are telling your guests exactly what to bring as a gift. The guests don't get the pleasure of choosing for themselves what gift to bring. Let's face it...this IS a money grab party pure and simple. Seems like the party would be boring as h@ll also. NancyLouise

I've already given my opinion, so I will just add that I am in the midwest, and I've never seen or heard about a gift card shower here, either.

One of my concerns with the idea of a gift card shower is the potential to embarrass guests who don't give as much as others. We give gifts based on our budgets, or we should. To, in effect, put our financial situations out there for examination by people we may not even know can create embarrassment even if it is unintentional. I prefer not to go there.

There are so many other ways to handle a bride who has to transport stuff a long ways.

Have a "shoebox shower," and ask the guests to give a gift that will fit in a shoebox. They might have alot of fun with it. (And they might arrange to have the heavy KitchenAid mixer held for the bride to pick up at her local Macy's, or shipped for free to her home)

I also think the hostess can send a follow-up e-mail, or slip a note into the invitation, that says: "Please remember that the bride will have to transport her gifts home. If you decide to give a bulky gift, consider shipping the gift to her (Amazon.com has free shipping) and present a stand-in at the shower"

But mostly, people will figure it out as long as they know that the bride has to transport gifts.

And if the situation is that the couple has a lot of stuff already, then there is no need for a "general housewares" type of generic shower. If a gathering is desired, it should have a theme to guide guests toward a gift that will truly be useful: a music shower, a recipe/ingredients shower, a honeymoon shower (for guide books, sunscreen, lingerie), a gadgets shower, a book shower, a 'backyard' or plant shower, etc.

I have just received a gift card shower that states drop by from 1 to 3 pm. I will not be attending and I will not send anything by mail. This is so rude to tell me to buy a gift card and just drop it by.
The couple is expecting and a baby shower is already in the planning stages. If it is treated the same way I will ignore it also. After the birth of the baby I will give the grandparents a gift for the baby. I view this the same as being invited to a birthday party and the invitation says bring a gift. I think many couples will be missing out due to this way of having showers. The younger group just seem to be in such a hurry for everything and they don't want to be bothered returning duplicate gifts etc. however; it is MY money and I will spend it as I please!!!!!

rosajoe, that is really disgusting. I agree, it's nothing more than an "invitation" to fork over money (in the form of gift cards) -- and they aren't even going to entertain you at all. Do they at least give you some refreshment when you drop in? Or do you just drop off the loot and leave?

I wouldn't want to participate, either.

OMG! Can people get any more ungracious and tacky?! Here's what I want and here's when to just drop it off. You can't even really call this a "shower".I can not imagine any of my friends or family sending out such an outrageous invitation but if they did I wouldn't even rsvp to it. This really takes the cake for improper invitations. NancyLouise

I was given a gift card shower with a twist - the guest each included with their card a picture of thing they most wanted to give me and why. This was a really nice way of putting some thought into a gift that is somewhat seen as not very "thoughtful".

My now husband and I were already established in a home together for a few years and we really didn't need any of the tradtional gifts that would be given at a shower. My invitation just said if you wanted to bring a gift a gift card would be appreciated or you could donate to a particular charity and that nothing was expected of our guests, just to attend and have a good time.

I think attending a party for someone you care about and spending time with them is more important than passing judgement on them and the things they do.

I still have a few gift cards left and I feel very grateful when I can put one to good use and buy something for my family from one of my friends. I always let them know how I used it and plan on using up all my cards next month for a big party I'm throwing all my friends - who thank goodness are nothing like gellchom.

Hahaha! Now that last post is very funny. Gellchom is one of the most classy, polite, logical people I've "met" on these forums. I'm sorry for you that your friends are nothing like her - - - but birds of a feather do flock together.

Foxxxglove, that was really tacky. The gift card shower may have worked for you, but that doesn't mean some of the guests didn't raise their eyebrows when they received the invitation.

Wow, I've never encountered such narrow minded judgemental people! If Gellchom is the benchmark for classy, polite and logical on these forums then I'll start reading another forum.

The people I have in my life don't "raise their eyebrows", they communicate with me - and if anyone thought my shower was uncomfortable for them they would have told me. More than half of the people invited thanked me for having this type of shower as they had no idea what to get me. You may "raise your eyebrows" at other peoples actions but that doesn't mean everyone is as judgemental as you are.

So go to your "acceptable" parties and sit in judgement on them. I'm sure you won't like the food, or what your hostess is wearing and the little gift she gives you for sharing the day with her won't be right either. Eventually you'll be alone, wondering why no one calls or invites you anywhere.

Soooo, foxxxglove, you are using the gift cards that where meant for you as a shower present and you are using them to give a party for friends...and you let the gift card donors know what their gift to you is going towards? Why bother having a picture of what you want? Is there no end to your lack of graciousness or decorum? NancyLouise

Nancy Louise - if my friends and family have no issue with this why do perfect strangers? Some of my gift cards are going to expire so instead of them going waste I thought I would use them to throw a party for my friends and family (who would be the same people who came to my shower) as I don't usually have parties as I can't really afford this type of expense, to say "thanks". I guess I could go out and buy myself something I would really need or use but this seems wasteful and spending time with people I care about seemed to me like a better idea.
I live on a very tight budget and giftcards for everyday use like grocery stores, gas cards, department stores have been a god-send to me. I don't need another lamp, or set of sheets, my kitchen has all the utensils it will hold. I don't need the latest or best of anything and my friends and family know this. The bought me what I would need to make my life eaiser in my first years of marriage when things would be tough. This was the greatest gift they could give me - peace of mind that I would be meeting my bills and getting a good start in life due to the fact that their gift cards would pay for the little day to day things I would need. IF that meant that couldn't watch me open up a set of dishes or a bunch of towels, they really didn't mind.
Maybe you have no issue making ends meet but I don't have a big house, I don't wear the latest fashions, I don't have everything I want, I live fairly basicly and money can be a stuggle for me from time to time.
I'm sorry you all think this is tacky or that my friends and family who had this shower for me really are talking behind my back about how ungracious and tacky I am but you must live in a different world than I do where people care more about the party than what it's truly meant for - helping a new couple get a good start.
I posted the original message as I thought that it was very one-sided and that certain posters were using words to describe this type of party as disgusting and I thought I would try to give another opinion as there are people around who would really appreciate this type of shower.

foxxxglove, I am sorry that you were offended.

Please read our posts carefully, though. I think you may be misunderstanding something.

Although it is true that I don't care for gift card showers, I don't think that they are "disgusting" or "tacky," and I never said that I did.

When I used the word "disgusting," it was (quite clearly, I think) in response not to gift card showers, but to the type of "party" that rosajoe described in the immediately preceding post: no party at all, just an "invitation" to drop off gift cards at a certain time.

I am guessing that such an invitation would be a turn-off to you, too, because you care so much about hospitality that you are using your gift cards not to buy yourself necessities, but to give a party for your friends -- even at a time when money is very tight.

As for gift card showers generally, although I am sure you are quite correct that "there are people around who would really appreciate this type of shower," including more than half of your own guests, take it as valuable information when doing future planning that there are also very many who don't.

You may think that they are snobs or judgmental, and maybe you are right, but you can't change how they feel. So if -- and I do mean IF; I'm not saying that you should -- you care how it will look to them, now you have information to use or not as you choose.

In any case, although of course people often disagree here, we do try to avoid ad hominem attacks on other posters. It really adds nothing to the discussion.

So Foxxxglove, you admittedly are on a very tight budget. It is a struggle to make ends meet at times,etc. But you are going to have a party because as you put it, to use the gift cards for necessities or something you really need is "wasteful". Do I have that right? Yeah...and you say we here have poor judgement. NancyLouise

nancylouise - no you read this correctly - it should say "wouldn't really need" (regarding using the giftcards for the party - I should have proof read more carefully but there seems to be no way to edit on these posts). And no I didn't say you have poor judgement - just that you are judgemental.

Gellchom - my feeling when reading and now re-reading these post is that whenever anyone expressed an opinion other than - "I think it's in poor taste" - the poster seemed to get beat up alittle bit. You yourself went over the top a little bit on one poster when she thought that the bride should be the first consideration at a party and not the guests - (you posted - "So would it be okay to invite people to a bridal shower and then only serve food to and provide a chair for the bride? Why not then just skip the party and "invite" people to send the bride gift cards or checks, so she doesn't even have to come into town? After all, it's all about HER convenience, right? "
Of course the guests are important but the day is for the bride. And I think this exaggeration was really unnecessary.

I'm just about done with this site as I've really been made to feel very unwelcome. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my posts Gellchom - If I misunderstood I am sorry as well.

I am hosting a Bridal luncheon for an older bride (2nd marriage). She has requested gift cards since she and her husband are combining two households into one. Some people have told me this is inappropriate. I also need an idea for displaying them. I thought of a basket with flowers and ribbons and stick the gift cards in the basket. It was also suggested a tree with the cards hanging from the tree.

I know this thread is old, and presumably the last poster, Marsha, has already held the shower she referred to.

I'm struck by the number of people who give as a reason for a gift card shower (or other gift-directed event) that the bride and groom already have what they need--already have their own household, combining two households, etc.

My reaction is, then why have a shower? Why not have a non-gift event such as a luncheon comprise of the bride's family and close friends?

Sometimes it seems that some people feel that a certain number of gift-giving events are an entitlement that goes with getting married. If the couple doesn't need "shower stuff" then why not another type of celebration to make a fuss over the bride?

I know, mary_md7 -- we've all been saying exactly that for years: "Then why have a shower?" There are so many other nice parties you can have to honor a bride and groom.

It seems to me that people have been brainwashed into thinking that they are entitled to have people spend a certain amount on them, and if they don't need or want household items for a wedding or shower, well, then, they should be given the same amount of cash anyway in some other form.

To me, that makes as much sense as, "No, thank you, I will have eaten already before I arrive, so don't set a place for me -- but since you won't have to pay for my meal, can I please have the cash value of what it would have cost or a gift card instead?"

I still haven't been invited to any gift card showers, by the way.

Thank you Mary! And I agree with you completely! If they don't need or want more 'stuff' -- and many older successful couples don't -- then don't give them more STUFF!

Don't put a time-crunched bride in the position of having to write 50 warm gracious and personal 'thank you' notes to people who had to fork over cash they may not have been able to easily spare and agonize over what to buy for a bride who doesn't need or want it!

Give the bride and groom a relaxed, happy event with their friends and family there to wish them well and toast their happiness.

That's what EVERYONE in that position should want!

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a gift card shower. I noticed one comment that stated that's telling a person what to buy isn't the gift registry the same as telling someone what to buy. I have been to several gift card showers and enjoyed being there. I personally don't care to sit and watch someone opening up a hundred gift, now that's boring. The shower's I have been giving some being gift card after all the games are done that's usually when the person would open the gifts, instead I announce that the candy and dessert table is now open please enjoy and thank you for coming.

As an earlier poster said, a lot of people do get a vicarious thrill watching the gifts being opened (and it can give them ideas for other gift-giving occasions). And a registry is a list of _suggestions_ and there is no obligation to buy off the registry.
I hate giving gift cards as it seems so unimaginative and impersonal- "I couldn't think of what else to give you".

I guess I should of stated that the gift card showers were for out of town moms-to-be. People understand that giving gifts for mom's that have to travel back home would be a bit much, so the gift card giving is ideal.

I dunno, my DD received many actual gifts (some quite large) at her recent wedding, which she had to organise to get to her home on the other side of the country, and not once did she even hint that she would prefer gift cards for easier shipping...

To me there is know right or wrong in giving gift cards or gifts do what make's you happen.

I feel the same way but the question being discussed here is, can you dictate to guests that the gift they shall give is a gift card? And the answer to that, IMO is "no".

To me a gift card shower is no different than having a bridal shower where you ask your guest to bring household items or lingerie you're still telling them what to bring. I think it's whatever the person want that the event is for it's their party ijs.

i went to a gift card shower and it was very boring and i personally thought it was bad taste to dictate $ or gift cards for the bride. I don't know what the solution is when the bride lives far away and transporting gifts is an issue. Maybe they should only have a shower where they live then. I actually didn't buy a gift card, I had a gift shipped to her house and put a picture of it in the card at the shower. I think you do have to consider the feelings of the guests as well. I didn't feel like getting a gift card, so I didn't. Brides to be should be happy with whatever gift someone gives them. I would be.

When my DIL had a bridal shower in her home town, very far from where she then lived, we did something that worked very well. People brought the gifts to the shower, and it was a lot more fun, in my opinion, to watch her open those than a stack of gift cards, and the guests had the fun of choosing gifts. Most of the gifts were from the 2 stores where they were registered, and there were branches of both in both cities. So after the shower, her mom and I took those gifts to those two stores. We had planned to return the items for store credits that she could then take to the branches in her city and buy the identical items there, but the stores both preferred to ship the actual items -- directly to her home, and for free! So that was even easier. There were a few items that didn't come from either of those stores, so she just took those back in her luggage or else they stayed at her mom's house until the next visit. Try that. And it's not the end of the world for the bride to pay shipping for her own gifts, either, if it comes to that. You can fit a lot into a suitcase, anyway, and the bag checking fees are usually less than shipping.

I keep hearing this is "tacky". But I will be having a shower soon, my DH and I are moving from the West Coast to Europe three days after the shower. Shipping is extremely expensive, both for us and our guests. This is close friends and family ONLY. They know our situation, and it seems an unnecessary burden for all of us to have to figure out how to transport additional items to another country. I would say this has more to do with circumstances. I certainly would not make this request if say there were co-workers or other invites or acquaintances, etc. Just my opinion.

Having someone who is not the bride spread the word that for geographical reasons, 'difficult to transport' items would be problematic avoids the 'tacky' issue.

But specifically for gift cards, wouldn't many be difficult to use in Europe anyway?

What Sweeby said. If the people organising your shower point out the logistical issue with shipping (although I personally would love to take stuff with me on such a major move that I could look at and think "Oh, that's the [thing] [loved one] gave me for our wedding" and reminisce to myself about that person), they might also suggest cash gifts as I doubt you could get a gift card in the US that you could use in Europe.

The arguments are quite rational, but if your guests find it tacky or just off-putting or even simply no fun, you can't do anything about it.

The thing is, no one is entitled to a shower in the first place. It's close enough to the edge to have one at all -- after all, you're asking people to give an extra gift to someone to whom they're already giving a wedding gift -- but it is accepted. So to take it a step or more further in order to streamline the transfer of goods, especially at the expense of the guests, just doesn't come across so well to many people.

We try to tell ourselves that we are just making it more convenient for everyone. Well then, why not a cash shower?

As has been stated many times, there are lots of alternatives such as shoebox or recipe showers or a luncheon or party instead. Or nothing. But posters keep asking for "a solution." Can you blame anyone for feeling that that sounds a bit entitled, as if they simply must find a way to get bonus gifts, but don't want to have to solve their own transport problems?

Living in a different city or even country doesn't create an exception. It's not even an unusual, let alone special , circumstance: I go to many weddings and showers, and actually very few are in the city (and often even the country) where the couple lives or will live.

International shipping is more, but all the more reason not to try to foist it on guests.

I too wonder how gift cards would work in juliste's situation. But is that what you meant, juliste? What are you planning?

Anyway, if your guests love the idea, great. But if they don't (and you may never know), winning an argument here won't help.

My daughter and her boyfriend who live with my Husband and I with their 2 1/2 year old daughter are getting married and we weren’t going to have a shower because they currently have no place to store any gifts that they would receive. I was told by numerous friends and the mother of the groom that having a gift card wedding shower would be a great idea and to just pick play places that they would be able to buy things when they do get their own place just like a registry ( bed bath and beyond, a furniture store, Macy’s, etc) Most people thought it would be sad for my daughter to miss out on having a shower just because they live with us and don’t have a place of their own yet. it seems senseless to receive gifts that there’s no place to store them and to have to pay a storage facility.

Then why not wait until they do have a place of their own to give them a shower? What are they going to do, hold on to the gift cards until they move out? When will that be? What if a store/s that the gift cards were purchased goes out of business?

Also it's very rude to give a shower for a close relative....like your daughter. Showers should be given by friends....most traditionally by the Maid of Honor. But that is often the sister of the bride so that presents another problem.
My grandson's new wife, who would have had to transport gifts half a continent away, requested gifts for the Animal Shelter where she got her 2 dogs. She suggested, dogfood, toys, stacks of newspapers, towels....and of course she said you could make a donation. Opening the gifts at that shower was lots of fun.

This is a very old thread (more than a decade!), but I have read every comment because I was just invited to a gift card shower and am very turned off. Unfortunately, it is my brother’s fiance’s shower, so I cannot just send my regrets as I would in another case. (My mother is also mortified and when she heard it would be this type, she shortened her list of close friends to invite.)

i have a few thoughts:

I have come to question the ritual of showers now in many circumstances. The history of bridal showers comes from a couple of centuries ago when townspeople would send off young brides with small things to start their households. It has evolved into more formal parties over the years and it seems the expectation of how much should be given has increased significantly from even 20 years ago. The purpose of a shower is to help a couple start their home. Now that the majority of couples are getting married when they have already established themselves, are combining households, or are getting married for the second time, they often don’t need many household items.

I need to preface the rest of my post and say I actually love attending showers. I love an intimate shower and take great care and thought in showering a bride. My husband and I have three children and do not have a lot of extra money, but I take great pride in still doing my best to choose a meaningful gift (typically off of a registry, but choose one of the items that is something I also love or reminds me of our relationship), wrap it beautifully, and come genuinely happy for the bride and ready to celebrate. I struggle with “trends” like an unwrapping assembly line, where the shower is so large that a bridesmaid unwraps the gift I wrapped with special paper and ribbon and pass it to the bride to make it faster, instead of her seeing the special touches I made because I love her. I struggle with a gift card shower where I feel like my budget is on display. Even if the bride isn’t announcing dollar amounts, I’m sure the friend taking notes for her thank you cards is, and I feel like I have to come up with more.

I am happy to give a gift small in physical size or send the gift to the bride and wrap a printed photo of it so she can be surprised and announce to other interested guests. If someone is invited to a shower, they should be close enough to the guest of honor to know if they are traveling or moving, and most guests will take that into consideration without being told.

i am happy to spend my money and take the time to shower someone I love or the spouse to be of someone I love, but no one likes to feel like they are being used for a gift and most people don’t have lots of extra money sitting around. Please also take intonconsideration that I will also be giving you cash for your wedding, potentially traveling to get there any staying in a hotel, paying for a babysitter, maybe new clothes, possibly going to/paying for a Bachelorette Party. If you don’t need anything, please don’t ask for my cash just because you think you should have a shower.

i am editing to add: If you had a gift card shower and think your guests loved it or thought it was fine because they didn’t say anything to you, it’s because they won’t. Graceful guests do understand that the party is about the bride and would not want to burden her with stress as she is planning her wedding.

Saypoint, you’re certainly entitled to your opinion about showers, and many people agree that they are boring — I doubt they are anyone’s favorite kind of party. But there is no need to be so insulting to those who have them.

Your post is an example of what they call “thread-cr***ing.” If you hate showers so much, just skip discussions about them rather than try to shut down the whole subject as stupid.