Typically bridal showers are given by the bride's friends, not by relatives.

There is also no gracious way to tell people what to buy, and asking them to ship the gift is just over the top.

Sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear.

Mothers don't give showers for their daughters! Have the bridesmaids step in.

Why can't she take the gifts back with her? She can ship them (just as you want the guests to do).

If you are certain that you daughter can't ship gifts, then perhaps it would be better to plan a tea, luncheon or another non-gift event so your daughter can celebrate with family and friends without gifts being an issue. Asking guests to bring gift cards could easily offend.

As others mentioned, mothers shouldn't host a shower. However, you can help someone else as long as your name doesn't appear on the invitation. Perhaps one or more of the bridesmaids or an aunt or one of your close friends would like to be the "official" host.

I agree about you not hosting the shower. I've seen the mother get heavily involved (well, actually order the bridesmaids around), but she didn't issue the invitation.

Why can't the gifts be shipped? Most people seem to buy off the registry (at least for the shower), so she could just not register for really big stuff. Ground shipping is pretty reasonable.

I agree with the other posters. Don't host your own daughter's shower. If you want to help pay for or plan a shower hosted by someone else, that's fine, but don't ask or push anyone to do it, just offer to help if someone else offers.

You're right, a shower without gifts won't be fun at all. In fact, some of the guests might even be offended and feel like it's not even really a shower, just a request for gifts. I know I felt that way even when I was invited to a "shower" at which the bride and groom didn't even open the gifts at the party.

As Talley Sue once pointed out when another poster asked a similar question, a gift card shower is no fun, either. Who wants to sit and watch someone open a bunch of gift card envelopes?

A shower is a party at which the guest of honor opens gifts in front of the guests (who ooh and ahh appropriately). If that isn't going to happen, then why call it a shower? I like sweet pea's idea of some other type of party -- and then you could be the host, too.

If there is to be a shower, PLEASE don't ask guests to pay to ship gifts to your daughter. If she can't carry them back with her, why couldn't she just ship them herself? But I bet she wouldn't even need to. Small things can go in her suitcase, and if she gets something big, like, say, a microwave, from someplace like Target, she could simply take it back to the store, get a credit, and pick up the identical item at the Target in her own town. If there is shipping to do, though, don't ask your guests to pay for it.

Mothers don't give showers. The solution could be that her friends in the new town give her a small shower, and then no shipping will be involved. Then a bridesmaid or aunt or friend in your town could give a small shower, but those gifts will need to be shipped back at your and/or her expense.

When my niece was married, my sister-in-law(her other aunt) and I hosted the shower. I lived over 300 miles away from her so planning was a problem. We hosted a Tupperware shower for her. The Tupperware consultant sent the invitations and did the planning. I prepared the food. It was an Hor d'oeuvres buffet. My SIL provided her home. Each guest gave a card and money to the bride. The Tupperware consultant sold us Tupperware also. The hostess gifts for the party went to the bride. Of course the bride bought what Tupperware she wanted with the money we gave her. The Tupperware is shipped to the bride. That solves one of your problems. If you could get a friend or relative to provide a home to have the party that would solve the second problem for you. You could provide the food without directly being the hostess. I believe other companies such as Pampered Chef does this also. My niece had an established household before the wedding as many do. She wanted Tupperware, which was something she did not have. She was happy. The guests can see what their money bought and give the bride advice if they choose. The bride picks the gifts so there aren't any returns or duplicates.

If there is to be a shower, PLEASE don't ask guests to pay to ship gifts to your daughter. If she can't carry them back with her, why couldn't she just ship them herself? But I bet she wouldn't even need to. Small things can go in her suitcase, and if she gets something big, like, say, a microwave, from someplace like Target, she could simply take it back to the store, get a credit, and pick up the identical item at the Target in her own town. If there is shipping to do, though, don't ask your guests to pay for it.

Been a while since I did this but I'm going to suggest it..
Bride & groom bring an extra suitcase(s) to pack the gifts in. The next thing is go to Staples and pick up a box, then pack it up and check it at the airport.

I can't count the number of times hubby I did this, we'd go to other states and pick up plants and stuff. We've always boxed it and brought it with us to the airport.

Just be sure to check with the airline on what is the largest sized box you can check. You also need to check the weight of the suitcase. IIRC, the large suitcase can't weigh more then 50lbs. When my niece was here a few months ago I sent an extra carry on just in case and she needed it. They weighed her suitcase and wouldn't let her check it.

Shipping stuff can get costly, depends on what the items are. I do like the idea of taking it back to the store and getting a gift card then purchasing it when you get home.

As for the mother throwing the shower, why not? My guess is the wedding is out of state, bride is coming in to visit parents. Bridal party probably lives by the bride, or that's what I get from the mother wanting to throw something.

Unfortunately, today most airlines are charging for all checked bags. When I flew to my son's then on to my in-laws recently, the airline charged me $15 per checked bag for each leg of the trip.

It's still cheap shipping for a bunch of what is essentially loot.

Southwest allows two bags per person free.

And there is always UPS!

Well if you're in that much of a hurry, surely your mother could organise the shipping.
No one has suggested the bride decline the shower, just that the mother shouldn't be hosting it.
Poor thing, to have a ton of gifts.

Nobody said that they would not attend a shower given by the bride's mother, or a gift card shower. We just -- all -- said that we don't like it, for various reasons, and we wouldn't do it.

We also said that we don't think it's right for the host to ask the guests to ship shower gifts. It's no harder or more expensive for the host or the bride to ship it than for the guests to do it. I don't know what is "simply insane" about that, or about the simple expedient of asking the store to substitute local pickup in her town.

I don't find "Do not deny your daughter the opportunity to have her shower just as she has dreamed of" and "you should do what your daughter wants" to be very persuasive. What if she wants a cash shower? What if she wants you to put "Cash gifts preferred, please" on the invitation? At what point does indulging the guest of honor become enabling inappropriate behavior?

Your post sounds rather hostile, defensive, and aggressive. Would you be willing to show it to your own shower guests? Would you be proud for them to know you that think these things?

If you don't think that such a shower would be in bad taste, seem grabby, or be boring, fine; it's a matter of opinion. And if none of your guests do, either, then you're golden.

But attacking and insulting those here who disagree isn't going to help you if they do.

We welcome your participation in the forum, but we try to maintain a cordial tone, so please help us stick to that.

One idea that a shower hostess in this situation *could* do is to have a theme shower: a shoe-box shower.

The guests at the shower aren't stupid; they know that any gifts will have to be shipped. So simply write on the invitation, "To minimize shipping, please bring a gift that will fit in a shoebox."

The guests can have a lot of fun with that--and they'll all know that gift cards will fit in a shoe box quite nicely.

Also, showers should really be attended only by the bride's closest friends & relatives. So the casual conversations ought to be able to suffice in terms of suggesting that people ask the store to ship to the bride's home, or ship to the same store in her town for her to pick up.

Actually I plead stupidity. My dd lives in California, her best friend is in Colorado. Two years ago the Colorado friend got married and we had a shower and I gave her a Mixer- never thinking at all about how she would get it home!! I bought it online and could have easily had it shipped to her home instead of mine- just wasn't thinking. It would have been fine to wrap up a picture of the mixer- after all she didn't open the box up and take it out so all anyone really saw was the picture anyway.

Now my dd is getting married- here in the East. Both she and her fiance are grad students- they need everything but have very limited budgets. At holidays I give her lots of pictures (of gifts sent directly) or gift cards so she doesn't have to pay for too much baggage. The first checked bag is now 25 on most flights 35 or 50 for a second bag. (Southwest doesn't fly direct to SFO)

Several friends or relatives have offered to give her a shower. I love the idea of a "shoebox" theme on the invitation. Will that work and not offend?

I think encouraging guests to have the gifts shipped to the bride's house and wrapping up a photo of their gift is a great idea. The bride has something to open at the shower, the guests can ooh and aah, and the bride doesn't have the added expense of shipping all of her gifts.
And if you want to throw your daughter a shower, there is no rule that says you can't. Everyone gets way too caught up in what "proper" wedding etiquette is.

If you can have an "Around the Clock" shower, or a "basket" themed shower, or a kitchen shower, or a honeymoon shower, I don't know why you couldn't have a "shoebox" shower.

Simply write on the invite:
"Since the bride will have to ship all gifts home to California, please bring a gift that will fit in a shoebox."

I think you can even add this sort of phrase:
"If you want to gift a bulky gift from her registry, the company will arrange for her to pick it up at a store near her, which saves everyone the shipping cost."

So someone will buy her a bulky mixer, but pick up a rubber spatula to put in the shoebox.

Thank you for your imput. I didn't think it was ever ok to mention a registry on any invitation. Am I wrong? Would it be ok to say " Or wrap a picture and arrange for her to pick up any bulky gifts directly from a store near her." Or words to that effect?

Just to clarify I won't be giving the shower- one of her Aunts will.

Talley Sue is an expert, and she says that etiquette permits it on a shower invitation, and I am sure she is right.

I still am not crazy about it, though. At most a link to a wedding web site.

So that sort of colors my thoughts on your situation. My instinct is that the less there is about gifts on the invitation, and the less specific it gets, the more comfortable you will feel about it. I would call it a "shoebox shower" and write something like, "Petunia must travel by air, so please bring a gift that will fit in a shoebox." Let the guests take it from there. They will have gotten the message that transporting the gifts will be problematic, and they will be able to think of the solutions themselves, including wrapping up a picture of something they will ship or have waiting at a store in Petunia's city.

I think you will be happier, and your invitation will look nicer, if you don't overthink it for them.

Thank you so much. Gellchom I think you hit it exactly right!!!

By the way I loved the Petunia reference- although we refer to her as "The Princess".

Blueberry 22, In most areas it is acceptable for a shower host to mention a registry or gifts, such as the theme of a shower, because the invitation is not being issued by the bride or groom. This is one of the only times it is acceptable, however.

I like the shoe box gift idea; people could really have fun with it.

I think that the solution to mentioning the registry on the shower is to use wording something like this:

"If you need gift ideas, check their registries at Macy's and BB&B; or call for suggestions and consultation."

Perfectly gracious, no? Starts off with the conditional--maybe you don't *need* gift ideas! And makes it clear that the registries are suggestions only. And provides the offer of a personal touch.

You could also put this (because you are the hostess, and not the bride or her mother):

"Please remember that Jane & Charlie will need to send gifts home to Alaska. If the gift you've chosen is bulky, feel free to call and consult with me."

Most people will say, "Oh, I'll give them a gift card and a picture of their KitchenAid mixer," or "I'll buy them a spatula and a gift card, and put in a note that they can use it to buy the mixer."

Or they'll buy flatware, linens, whatever.

ANOTHER THOUGHT:

If you are given a bulky item from your registry, I think you could arrange for Mom to return it to the store in your town, and have them send a note to the store in YOUR town for you to pick up the same item there.

What else can i put in the invites..... Bride lives in florida and will have to ship gifts to florida if they do not fit in a suitcase. The registries do have shipping options but i dont know if guests are computer savy.... what if i just say "Bride and Groom live in Florida so we suggest suitcaseable gifts"....

FLO, did you read the posts in this string? They give lots of good answers to your question. I think that your idea for wording is fine, too.

And I love the word "suitcasable"!

I googled this subject because my mom is throwing me a couples shower in Boston and I live (and will marry) in my new home state of California. I too am wondering a tactful way to ask people to have the stores ship the gifts instead of bringing them to the party.

So far, all I have come up with is a note on our website about keeping green and saving on wrapping paper by having the stores ship the gifts.

I am looking forward to the shower but hate sitting there and opening gifts in front of a large group of people anyway.

I was really hoping to help my mom out by including a little note in her invites, but after reading all your comments, I am having second thoughts about THAT.

Hi Michelle - As a shower attendee and gift giver, I don't think it's good form to do what you're suggesting. Your guests are spending their time shopping for your, their money, and their afternoon/day at your shower. For you to not even open the gifts in front of them is poor. Your guests deserve to see you open the gifts, exclaim over them, and thank them profusely at the time. You're trying to keep yourself from being inconvenienced by shortchanging your guests.

No matter how tactfully you craft your message, it'll be crude and send a bad feeling. Frankly, if the bride to be can't be bothered to open the gift I've given her in front of me and get them to where she lives, I'm not sure I'd be bothered to attend.

I'd suggest that you learn to enthusiastically open your gifts in front of people (that CAN be so boring if the bride doesn't do it well and is dull). Although the shower is for you, a good host always makes sure that the guests have a good time, too. And part of that, at a shower, is seeing how the bride reacts to the gift given.

Carry whatever gifts you can back to California, have your parents bring some when they come for the wedding, and ship the others. Don't diss your guests.

I'm with Suzieque 100%. Please don't have a "shower" where you don't open the gifts. Around here, people would consider it extremely rude, and some would be laughing at you for years. Some years ago, the unofficial leader of a group of us who were giving a party for an engaged couple tried to do that. The rest of us were extremely uncomfortable with the idea; fortunately, someone else spoke up before I had to. We ended up just calling it an "engagement party" or something.

A shower IS a party where the guest(s) of honor open the gifts in front of the guests. A shower where the guests just bring gifts is a party with an admission fee. Asking them to have the gifts sent is even one step farther. If you need to ship the gifts, don't ask your guests to arrange and pay for it.

If you don't like the idea of a real shower, then why have one? Ask the hosts just to have a party instead.

I also don't think that trying to put a "green" spin on it about saving wrapping paper will help at all. (It doesn't even make sense: the packing materials that the stores would ship the gifts in and the planes and trucks that carry them are much less "green" than a few sheets of gift wrap.) If I saw something like that, I would probably think, "I wonder if they are going to 'be green' by not sending thank you notes, too." Please don't embarrass yourselves by communicating that you want loot but don't want to inconvenience yourself and don't care about your guests' pleasure.

And while I'm being such a wet blanket .... !

I hate the term "couples shower." It sounds like single people aren't included (if "couple" referred to the guests of honor, it would be "couple" or "couple's," not "couples"). If the point is that the party is for men, too, then call it "coed" if you must -- but I don't even like that, because it implies that otherwise a shower must only be for women and it is somehow beneath a man's dignity to attend unless you make it okay by adding the modifier "coed."

My son's fiancee's mom is hosting a shower for the bride (that is the custom in their community) next month. The bride will have to travel by air. Her mom told me the other day that they had thought about asking for gift cards, but they'd had an even better idea: ask people to have the gift shipped or something but giftwrap a picture of it in a box. Because we have had this conversation (and because she and I get along great, luckily) I was able to say, "I have another idea. Why not let people just bring the gifts as usual, and then, any that are too big to go in their luggage, we can take back to the stores and ask them to give [Bride] a credit for them to pick up the identical items at her local store? Then at most there will be a few items from other stores too big for luggage; we can just ship those or leave them with you for now." She really liked the idea.

This should work fine in this case, as they expect that most of the gifts will be from the registries, which are at stores that have branches in both cities. But I bet that's true of a lot of people in this situation.

I also expect that people who figure she'll have to fly will either get easily packable items or else come up with the picture or GC idea on their own. But the shower will be more fun the more actual gifts there are to unwrap and see.

Follow up --

The above worked perfectly for my daughter-in-law's shower. In fact, the stores made it even easier yet. When we took the gifts back to Macy's and BBB, they didn't simply take the items back and arrange for pickup of identical ones in the bride's city: they shipped them -- free -- to her home. I don't know why, but both stores said it's actually easier for them, so that's how they do it.

That made the shower much more fun than opening gift cards or pictures of gifts would have been. It made me feel good to hear her mom telling everyone she thought it was such a great idea. So thanks to all of you, because this is where the idea originated!

There were a few items that weren't from the registry stores, and it was simple for the bride to take the small ones back with her and leave one or two large items for the next time someone is going by car.

So, I'm glad to report that it worked great for us, and I am sure it will for others, too.

The wedding was here in our city last week -- it just occurred to me that I can do the same with any gifts that don't fit in their car when they get back from their honeymoon and head back to their town.

Super! Glad it worked so well, Gellchom. I am surprised to know about the stores shipping free. Wow!

So - pics from the wedding?

I don't have any yet! The ones from the photographer will take a long time, but several of the kids' friends have posted some on Facebook, and I've asked them to send me electronic copies. When I get them, I'll dig up the instructions for posting pictures -- I never remember -- and post.

I was just reading an older post about shipping gifts from an out of town bridal shower. One new option is from UPS. It's called UPS My Choice. You can sign up for it free on their web site. The free membership lets members get a phone,email or text alert the day prior to delivery w/an approx 4 hr delivery window. If that time frame doesn't work you can reschedule or go online and release pkgs. needing a signature if you absolutely cannot be home. They also have luggage boxes that you can carry on the plane. Check out your UPS store!

I am helping with a shower for a friends son and daughter in law..they live out of state and cannot be here for the shower...thanks for all of the responses to this lady's questions they have been helpful to me also. But I want to make one comment regarding what's exceptable. If I am invited to a shower and I want to show the couple my love and support, I don't care what methods are used to promote the shower. We all know that the whole reason for a shower is to give gifts..the shower is not about me so I make no judgement on how it is arranged..if someone thinks another persons idea is not suitable to their standards of etiquette, then don't attend..I am not going to let "breaking rules of etiquette" keep me from showing my love...loved the shoe box theme someone suggested..also on the KNOT website they suggested doing a video to send to couple since they can't attend.

No one is saying that anyone should decline an invitation to a shower that breaks an etiquette rule rather than go along and "show their love." The question wasn't even about what a guest should do at all. It's what is polite for a host to do when giving a shower.

Just because we love our friends and relatives and would go ahead and (to use the example from the OP) pay to ship gifts doesn't make it polite for the hosts of the shower to tell or even suggest to the guests to pay for shipping.

It's the same for many situations. I wouldn't decline a wedding invitation or refuse to send a gift over it, but that doesn't mean that putting a registry list or "cash please" note in the wedding invitation is okay.

Cathy, are you talking about a shower in which the bride and groom are out of town and the bride is not attending the shower?

I will be a hosting a shower in the NE for a bride in FL. The bride and her mom will be flying up to see family who could not travel down for the shower and then wedding. We have shipping boxes and will collect the gifts received after the event and box and ship them for the bride as part of our "gift" to her. My daughter is working on a clever little poem with details... it will be small maybe 20 people so I don't think it will be too much to manage.

what a great ideaq

kv10999, any chance you'd share the poem to help others of us in this predicament?

I don't understand what the poem is for. The hosts are paying to ship the gifts, right? So what is the poem about, and who gets it?

Yeah, gellchom, I had that thought too :-)

I have the same problem. Daughter flying in from Ca. and her brides maids are throwing the shower in NJ. I offered to pay for the hall rental and help out if needed. Someone mentioned Macy's and bed, bath and beyond will ship the returned gifts to the bride. Do you need the receipt to return the gifts? Sometime the guest will read the registry but purchase the gift somewhere else. How does this work? I know when purchasing gifts for showers I have attended, there is usually free shipping. Some guests may figure out that it is easier to just ship directly to the bride. Any suggestions ?

Hi, chrismcw -- I'm the one who posted about having the stores ship the gifts to the bride's home. I don't think we had the receipts; Macy's and BBB didn't care. Maybe the guests had bought them all at those stores; you're right that sometimes people buy them elsewhere, but you aren't likely to have many like that. If there are any such gifts, they will be few enough that the bride won't have a big problem transporting them (worst case, she ships them herself or brings them with her). Sometimes a department store will even take an item that wasn't purchased there, if they carry it.

I doubt that your guests will decide it's easier to have the gift shipped and do so instead of bringing it to the shower. Maybe if they aren't attending the shower and only sending a gift, but people attending showers customarily bring their gifts, which are opened by the guest of honor at the shower.

You ask for "any suggestions" -- for what? For transporting gifts? I think you know the choices: either the bride takes them home with her (now or another time), or she ships them, or she takes them to the stores either to have them shipped or to get a store credit which she then uses to buy the same items in the branch in her city. Or have a "shoebox" or gadget shower or a recipe or advice shower or bridal luncheon so that transport isn't even a problem.

Don't ask the guests to ship the gifts and just bring a picture or a gift card or something. I know it seems efficient, but there is something about it that strikes many people as a little too focused on getting the loot as efficiently as possible while transferring any expense and trouble to the guests, and it takes away from the personal nature of a shower gift that is given and responded to in person. Many people consider calling a party a "shower" and then not opening gifts to be in extremely poor taste -- because the only reason that showers are an exception to mentioning anything about gifts in an invitation is that the central activity of a shower is opening gifts. Otherwise, it's rude to mention or suggest gifts, which calling an event a "shower" does. Remember, these guests are already giving wedding gifts, too. So it's one thing to ask them to give another gift that can be opened at a shower; quite another to tell them just to send another gift, period.

Wow! All of you people are no help. People who love this bride will, or at least should be happy to try and make this work. How about finding a cute way to display the gift cards, or have everyone include one kitchen utensil along with the gift card they choose, such as a wooden spoon, garlic press, or spatula. Good luck

Well, of course the guests will be willing to try and make it work. No one here said they wouldn't. The question isn't what a guest should do, it's how the hosts should plan. Just because guests cooperate with something, even happily, and don't complain, doesn't mean they like it or that it is polite. There is a lot of space between "grossly offensive and intolerable" and "polite, considerate, and fun," after all. That's where this fits, in my opinion.

We just said that a gift card or cash shower wouldn't be much fun and may well strike some people as being in bad taste, and that asking guests to pay to ship the gifts to the bride's home is going too far.

So we said that we wouldn't do it ourselves that way if we were hosting, and we advise other hosts not to do it -- not that we advise guests to refuse to cooperate if they get such an invitation. See the difference? Like if someone botches your name on the invitation envelope; you probably just ignore it and certainly don't turn down the invitation over it -- but that doesn't mean that if the question were "What is the correct way to write the address to a married couple with different surnames on a formal invitation?" the answer should be "It doesn't matter, because anyone who loves you 'will, or at least should be happy to' attend anyway."

I like your idea of giving a small item, too, when giving a gift card -- I'm going to do that! But I wouldn't ask others to do it, I just think it's a more fun way to give (and receive) a gift card, especially at a shower, if that's what the guest chooses to give.

Some guests might choose to give gift cards, and some might choose to have their gift sent to the bride's home. But they really shouldn't be instructed to do so in the interest of efficiency.

First of all. If someone's mother wants to throw their daughter a bridal shower that is a wonderful thing. This is a once in a lifetime event for a family and the fact that people are going to judge who hosted the party is incredibly disgusting. Secondly, are you all buying gifts so YOU are praised for taking the time and money to buy a gift or are you attending a bridal shower and purchasing a gift because you care about the bride? STOP worrying about etiquette and think about the bride....she is the one you should be excited for and celebrating with. Weddings are expensive to begin with and to say it is "rude"" to ask people to spend an extra $10 for shipping so the bride doesn't have to ship everything on her own or spend time returning gifts while she needs to be planning is disgusting. If you are so worried that your gift wont be opened in front of an entire bridal shower then you probably shouldn't be there to begin with.

Etiquette is the lubricant that stops people rubbing up against one another, that's why ignoring it is a bad thing.

I would submit that the reason people like to see their gifts opened at the shower is less to do with having others admire the giver for her gift, as to see the bride's delight (one hopes) on opening the gift.

As to expecting the gift givers to pay for shipping, you're very generous with other people's money. Perhaps it would also be OK according to you if the givers spend less on the gifts so the total cost of gift plus shipping doesn't blow their budget. Not everyone has the extra money. And the bride is planning a wedding, not the invasion of Normandy. She should have time to deal with her gifts that other people were generous enough to give her.

I had the same dilemma. My daughter moved from NJ to California in January and we needed to get creative as far as planning her shower. Because she had to fly in from California the shower was brunch style on Saturday and her bridesmaids and friends had her bachelorette party that night.

When I was researching proper etiquette on showers and how to handle the gifts, I found this board. I started to panic when I read some of the responses about not having a shower if the guests can't bring their gifts, or the pay $100 of dollars to ship. The best one was to return all the gifts and re-buy them.

Well we didn't do any of that and the guests loved what we did... so here it goes.

I wanted to post so anyone else who reads this board can have a good option.

On the invitation we wrote:

To make _______'s flight home easier, if purchasing a gift, please ship directly to:

>>>>> and we put the brides address.

For fun!! Wrap a photo or token of the gift you sent to open at the shower.

Note: Most stores that would be on a registry offer free shipping. A lot of people teamed up and put their orders together to qualify for free shipping .

The bride then set all the packages aside as they got delivered before the shower and she promised not to open.

At the shower, when it came time to open presents, it was so much fun to see how creative people were. My sister in-law bought the silverware and wrapped up a set of silver plastic ware and had photos of the actual set.

Everyone got to see all the beautiful gifts, and it was fun.

At the end of the shower so many people commented that it was the best shower they have been too.

They got to see the surprised look on the brides face when opening the gifts.

When the shower was over, we were able to pack up all the tokens and smaller gifts into her luggage and I gave her a shopping tote to carry onto the airplane for what wouldn't fit.

Something else we did: the groom was not able to fly out that weekend...so we had video clips of him with a welcome and then answering questions about the bride. After each question the bride would give her answer and then we would play his.

This was a hit. It took about 12-15 minutes and everyone was laughing at the funny stories.

Don't be afraid to throw a shower for an out of state bride. If you only invite close family and friends, they will not mind shipping their gifts. I know if I went through the trouble of shipping a gift to myself, bringing it to a shower, to find out that it was returned, I think I would be upset that the bride and mother had to go through all that trouble, when most times it is free shipping.

Those people that did not want to ship a gift ahead of time, purchased gift cards or gave a check.

It was a beautiful shower and the bride beamed from beginning to end...

She is now back home and just started opening all of the gifts with her husband to be. This worked out perfect and we did not offend anyone.

Good luck!!