Is there such a thing as a mother of the bride shower/party?

9 years ago

My best friend's oldest daughter is getting married at the end of the year, we've been best friends since we were 12 and we're 49 now. I want to do something for her & just wondered if this was a thing?

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Amber Winborn
Original Author

9 years ago

Ha ha! Oh God no, not giving gifts, she'd die! There's nothing to gift the MOB anyway, unless it's your extra xanax prescription. I was just thinking more along the lines of a lunch with her as special guest...maybe some fun games like choosing her future grandmother name, etc.

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Comments (10)

gellchom
9 years ago
It's not a thing as far as I know; have you ever heard of it?

I don't think that a shower would be appropriate -- assuming you mean a real shower, at which the guests would give her gifts.

I would suggest instead to offer to help with the wedding somehow: host/cohost a shower for her daughter or an engagement party; host some other event the weekend of the wedding; host out of town guests; prepare hospitality bags for guests staying in hotels; bake for the reception or hospitality room; etc. -- there is usually a lot to do. That's what my close friends and I have always done for each other when our children get engaged. We've never held any kind of party for the MOB or MOG herself as guest of honor; it would seem kind of strange, especially if gifts were expected.

But I think it would be really nice to take her out to lunch or something to celebrate, perhaps with a few other close friends or just the two of you.
littlebug zone 5 Missouri
9 years ago
I sincerely hope not. I get invited to enough showers already.
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Is it possible the groom’s parents are already aware of your daughter’s anxieties, etc? If so, they may already be prepared for a backseat approach and allow your daughter to plan a wedding that suits her—as it should be no matter the circumstances. If not, I hope the groom will stand firm if his mom tries to overstep. A small wedding can be delightful and more meaningful IMO. My DD got married two years ago. She vacillated between a large and small wedding. They wanted to get married in the town they live in—-she went to college there and stayed, he moved there after college. She finally decided on a small wedding because the venues she liked for a large wedding all had a minimum charge for food/beverage/venue. At least 75% of the guest list was out of towners and there was no way of knowing how many would come—-she could end up paying for 100 guests even if only 50 attended. They got married at an upscale restaurant in a private area with 35 family and friends. There was a bar and passed appetizers for a short while as people arrived. There was an ”aisle” for her to walk down with her father with everyone seated at their dinner table during the brief ceremony. Then toasts followed by dinner and dessert. She made arrangements for the party to continue at a nice bar down the street from the hotel where everyone was staying—-most came for at least a bit. There was also a casual meet n greet Friday night and Sunday brunch for the out of towners. It was very nice all around. Some of my nieces and nephews have married in the last few years and personally I enjoyed the smaller, more low key and intimate weddings more than the big affairs.
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gellchom
9 years ago
Oh, good. You said "shower," not "party," so I assumed you meant gifts. A "shower" is a party where you shower the guest of honor with gifts. People are starting to use the term more broadly, but be sure not to call this party (if you give one) a "shower," because there will surely be some if not most who think you are telling them to bring a gift.

A party with games still seems over the top to me for a MOB. It's fun to do things like talk about grandmother names and becoming a mother-in-law, but making an organized game out of it would be too shower-like. I'd be embarrassed if I were her, and frankly I'd be a bit embarrassed for her if I were a guest. Just go out for a nice lunch, brunch, or dinner together with her and maybe just a couple other very close friends and toast the family's good fortune and the new couple's happiness.

As I wrote above, the things a MOB/G's friends typically do for her is to give a shower or party for the bride/couple, not for the mom, or offer to help in some other way with the wedding. I.e., you help her in her role as host, not try to make her a guest of honor. I know you mean it well, but I'm afraid that the effect would be kind of pathetic, as if she needed bride-like attention.
sheilajoyce_gw
9 years ago
The closest I have heard of is an engagement party. DD married a boy from the South, and in his home town, friends of the parents host an engagement party. They have been doing that for each other's engaged kids forever. They even have a bride and groom ice sculpture that they use for all the young couples. Her engagement party was hosted by 13 couples, and it took place 2 days after Christmas while all the younger generation were still in town for the family holiday. That way the "groom's" friends would be able to attend the party. It was lovely, fancy and welcoming for our daughter.
Amber Winborn
Original Author
9 years ago
Thanks all for the feedback!
hounds_x_two
9 years ago
It is always nice to offer help/support when one of your oldest/dearest friends is a MOB or MOG! As others have said, a specific party for her isn't typical. Sometimes family or close friends host a breakfast for out-of-town guests on the morning after the wedding.

A fun thing some of my friends and I have put together is a Mother of the Bride survival kit. It consists of a bunch of mother of the bride necessities, such as... her adult beverage of choice, Kleenex, aspirin, scotch tape, mini-sewing kit, bandaids, panty hose, nail glue, you get the idea! Essentially, it consists of anything that might possibly be needed "at the last minute or for enjoyment/stress-relief" before the wedding.

Enjoy your time with your friend. I know how special those friendships are! I just returned from an annual "getaway weekend" with ten "girls" who have been friends since early elementary school....and we all turn 68 by the end of summer, 2017!
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Anglophilia
9 years ago
Give a bridesmaid luncheon for her daughter. You, MOB, MOG, grandmothers, aunts and god others will all be there. It's a lovely multigenerational gathering, usually given the day before the wedding.
Christine Bonnell
8 years ago
I seriously just got invited to one and as a MOB myself, I am horrified. And, yes, it is a gift thing.
Kathy Cooper
6 months ago
Oh we always do a Mother-in-law / MOB / MOG shower at work for a co-worker. We have lunch and bring "silly" gag gifts, that have a punch ine on them. ie. "Duct tape" - to keep your mouth shut, "Rubberbands" - to help you remain flexible, a jar of "advice" to be a good mother-in-law, etc....

Is there such a thing as a mother of the bride shower/party?

Amber Winborn
Original Author

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gellchom

littlebug zone 5 Missouri

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Is there such a thing as a mother of the bride shower/party?

Amber WinbornOriginal Author

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Amber WinbornOriginal Author

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