Em, I'm sorry I am late getting back, but I'm very glad to hear that you've had no further contact from him. I hope he has gotten the message and moved on. I really think you need to let your dh know how very upset you have been over this and how it has really affected your well being. He probably saw it in a whole different light and never realized that you have been stressing about it in a big way. I think he needs to know exactly how you feel and how this other man has intruded in a manner that leaves you feeling extremely vulnerable. These days, especially, you have to be very cautious with anyone who continually makes inappropriate approaches without encouragement. Your dh isn't worried about you wanting to fool around, but that is completely beside the point. It isn't about YOU at all; it's the unknown of what is going on with someone who is playing mind games with you on your cell phone. That's scary and deserves support. My situation was entirely different but nevertheless gives me something of an understanding of how you must feel. Before the days of cell phones and caller ID, I began getting very frightening phone calls. It began as a "wrong number" call. The guy made some joking statements to which I responded jokingly as well and then we both hung up. But he called again, and again, and again. At first, it was light-hearted banter and I am sorry to say that I did not hang up immediately, but kind of enjoyed the chat. But it didn't stop and it got weirder. He made it clearer with every call that he knew exactly who I was. Gradually the tone shifted to a menacing one. I would walk in my house to hear the phone ringing and he would say, "Welcome home, Cheri! I'm going to get you soon," or something like that. There was always a threat to "get" me or something similar. I was petrified. If I didn't pick up the phone he would leave a message. If I shut off my answering machine, he would call and call and call. If I unplugged my phone, I felt so scared and vulnerable anyway, as it was obvious from the things he said that he knew when I left my house, came home, even where I went sometimes. He also knew how to play the game because I couldn't get anything done to stop him. The police refused to put the thing on my phone that would trace calls because he never made a specific threat to kill me (is that ludicrous????). The phone company recorded the calls but wouldn't trace them either for the same reason. They wouldn't change my number because they were recording the calls and even if I could have gotten them to change it, they were going to charge me a fortune to do so! Can you believe that? I was a single mother. My kids had to spend every other week with their dad, so most of these calls came when I was alone and most of them were at night. My ex was/is very capable of having orchestrated the whole thing and I suspect he may have been behind it, but I had absolutely no way to prove it. The voice was not his. It just stopped, finally, but after months of being terrorized, I had a very hard time getting over it. It seemed like an innocent thing at first, but it quickly escalated to something way out of my control. I was also a lot younger and had been pretty much...well, brutalized, I guess you could say, in my marriage, so I just didn't have the personal resources at that time to tackle such a situation. Predators sniff out the vulnerable, so the best thing to do if you can manage it is to not appear vulnerable! Sorry to say that I don't exactly know how that's done.

Hi, Nbee - I think you should just give it some time. Think of the changes in his life; he's only 3, and his world has been disrupted. You didn't say how long your boyfriend has been divorced, but this little guy has experienced Dad leaving, going back and forth from Mom's to Dad's and vice-versa, and having a new person living at Dad's house. Did you spend time letting the kids get to know you and accept you before you moved in? 5 months is short (IMO) to move in with someone and expect little ones to "get it" and accept you. Fortunately the 5 year old does; I hope that continues. It's great that you care and are trying to form a relationship with the 3 year old, but don't force it. Remember, too, that you're only 5 months into this relationship with your boyfriend (don't know how long you've lived with him). Think of the additional upheaval on the kids should your relationship go bad and you move out. If they come to love you, that'll be yet another loss for them. I wish you the best. Just go easy, understand his life, and give him time. Suzieque

re⋅gret⋅ta⋅ble /rɪˈgrɛtəbəl/ adjective causing or deserving regret; unfortunate; deplorable. re⋅gret /rɪˈgrɛt/ verb, -gret⋅ted, -gret⋅ting, noun verb (used with object) 1.to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it. 2.to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one's vanished youth. noun 3.a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc. 4.a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc. 5.regrets, a polite, usually formal refusal of an invitation: I sent her my regrets. 6.a note expressing regret at one's inability to accept an invitation: I have had four acceptances and one regret. To Imamommy: I do appreciate your sincere reply and explanation....serioulsy I do. Unfortuantley, from your position, which is understandably based upon your Life's experiences, it is, in my humble opnion: lacking. This is especially true when you state it's all about YOU. Of course it's all about me...it's my posting, my question, my struggle, my family, and most importantly of all: my feelings. No matter how one "paints the picture" the viewer or in this case the reader, will take from it whatever it is they percieve, want or need to see; or perhaps are blind to see it for what it really is. I might add that the canvas may not be large enough for the artist to paint the whole picture. As for the "choice" hind site is always 20/20, but I don't think a divorce and raising 3 (innocent) children in a broken home and carting them back and forth between parents is a good idea. I didn't have an Aunt Bee to turn to and I didnt' like the idea of putting 3 kids into day care. To my x-wife's credit she agreed to consuling and too remain commited to raising our children together rather than apart. Sadly (regretably) things didin't work out. As for my children and how they feel, I know both clinically and from first hand experience how they feel, and I even know what their pattern's of behavior are, which is why: I've given up hope to any meaningful relationship; and question why I should even bother with "tradition" like this wedding. We all know that "traditions" are a long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting. Perhaps by going to this wedding there is some hope that these time honored events will provide an opportunity for some closure. God knows it's sorely needed. Lastly, if by chance I've failed to address or satisfy a question, or simply didn't agree with one's opinion, then let us part company with the knowledge that we can agree to disagree. I"m going to go and fix a hot cup of tea and I will drink that tea in honor of all of you, but most of all to Imamommy whose brush has put some color into the tapestry of my LIFE. Please join me.

I think you need to have a real heart to heart with your boyfriend about your son's disability, and if he believes that he will ever be able to care about and love this child. Some people are never able to get past the disability. If that is the case, and you knew now that he was incapable of caring for your son, would that help make the decision easier for you? I do not know what your son's disability is, or how severe it is, or how much it impacts his life. I do not know whether your son has the ability to control his behavior. (After all, he is only two, and I have known two year old's who hit, (or have a lot of temper tantrums) who do not have disabilities. For me, if I were in your shoes, I would need to understand whether this BF has that special kind heart to be able to love and parent a child with disabilities. Because parenting is a journey in itself, a long journey, and I would want to know that the person walking this journey by my side loved us both. Because your beautiful son will be a part of your life forever. And you want the person you marry to be committed to both of you, as a family unit. Otherwise, I would fear he would always resent the child. And perhaps that takes time to know. Or maybe it is as simple as you either have that special kind of heart, or you don't. Some men have a harder time with babies and toddlers, and the crying and fussing. And do better with children a bit older. I think a heart to heart with your boyfriend will help you to know whether he thinks he is the right guy for you and your beautiful child. Can he see himself ever loving and caring for your beautiful son? And it may not be just the disability. Many step parent's NEVER bond or love (or even like) even the normal step child (as you experienced yourself). In fact, there are many step parent's that actually despise the step children. What an awful situation for any child to grow up in. They deserve better. Much better.