I'm so sorry... and I can't even give you advice. Just wanted to send some hugs, k?

Nicki

I am saddened by this news - I will add this family to my looooooooong prayer list.

Danihoney,

It is very sad news. I was thinking if it was my DH I had to break the news to, I know he would not want me to drag on and on. He would want me to get to the point rather quickly.

I might suggest "Honey, sit down, there is something I want to tell you".
He may say, "just tell me, I don't feel like sitting", but he will already know that what is coming is not going to be good.

Then something along the lines of "I'm dreadfully sorry to have to tell you that John Doe was found dead this morning by the guys at the fire department".

I might let that sink in for a moment, to see if he has an immediate response or emotion, (he may ask "of what/how/when?")

then, I'd probably follow with "sadly, it appears to have been self-inflicted. A gun shot"

Wait again, so he can absorb all that, then just offer support:

"Can I get you some water? Would you like for me to dial the station for you?"

I dread your having to do this. My condolences for the man's family. Suicide is so very hard on most families.

Danihoney, I'm so sorry for the tragic ending of your friend's life. I have no advice to offer beyond what acey said. Condolences to you, your dh and the family of the firefighter.

Linda

I am so sorry for everyone involved. My cousin once told me "All suicides are not in their right mind." You can read that two ways, but I mean it as "If someone commits suicide, they definitely were not thinking right."

Thank you. I've been intercepting calls and trying to contact others I think might try to get the message to him. He is at a fire related class this weekend and I know he is having a great time. I don't want him to be interrupted with this news. Unfortunately, in the process of trying to get to certain people before they get to him, I've had to be the one to tell a couple guys. Didn't mean to do that, but they were appreciative anyway.

Thank you for your kind words and support. I do appreciate it.

I'm so sorry.

As someone who has been the receiver of bad news, I would say it outright. "Tom Smith called this morning. Bill Jones shot himself." Then tell him details. I believe the shortest is the best. I hate the "Something happened...it's bad....do you want to sit down?..." I received a call from someone trying to tell me my uncle died and they said it in such a convoluted way I thought my father died (my father was with him). I collapsed and my DH had to straighten it out.

Your husband may have feelings that if he'd been there he could have done something about it. My father was a police officer someone he knew (another cop) killed himself (after switching departments). It's been 15 years and my father still wonders about it. Why it happened (there was no note), could he have done something for him, etc.

I hope that you did not erase the phone message. Since you are having trouble coming to grips with the words to break the bad news, let the machine do it.

Sit Hubby down and say, "There is a very serious message on the answering machine for you. You need to listen to it.", and then go with him to the phone.

The longer you put off telling him, the more anger you might generate. This is a very emotional issue. If you had not interferred, he would have already been told by his aquaintence, so the ball is in your court and you have the obligation to tell him. Be there when he receives the message. He will need your support.

From what you have reported, I can't see any reason why your husband would have any responsiblity for this horrible event. But again, its an emotionally charged event and one can not predict behavior - Be prepared.

I wasn't afraid to tell him or worried about how he would respond, I just really wished the news didn't have to be told at all.

I told him about two minutes after he got home. I told the boys to go do something and then said "I have bad news..." I didn't over state it at all. He and I have a very straight forward relationship anyway. That really is the only way I could have done it. After he processed it he cracked a beer, cracked one for me and we said a little toast. Then he started making phone calls. It was a shock for him to hear for sure. Not only is it sad news it is such disappointing news. Our thoughts went to the firefighters that responded to the call. The one that was the first to get their was very close to him. We are more worried about her well being at the moment. It had been a while since DH had had any contact with this guy, turns out his personal life had taken a turn in the last year or so. Still something like this sure makes you miss your old friends.

I'm so sorry! I'm glad you could spend some time with DH after you gave him the news.

Hi Danihoney,

I'm sorry that you folks have this difficult issue to deal with ... and thankful that the reporting went as well as one might hope.

My thoughts go out to you, and prayers on your behalf and that of the family of the person who chose this way of leaving and for the many colleagues who loved him.

What a horrible thing it is that some feel so pressured and alone that they can't either stand their painful issues on their own, or share some of their problems with trusted friends.

ole joyful

Thank You :o)

I'm glad it went as well as could be expected for you. It's always had to bring bad news. Especially when it's someone you've been close too. Suicide is always hard to understand. If you ever can.
Leslie

I am so sorry. I feel so bad for anyone with suicide in their lives at any extent. So hard to understand, but we will never walk in their shoes.