Why?

I think the testosterone kills brain cells.

I have an iron skillet you can borrow!

The Lamp is in the mail.
Good stinking grief! I think that one may call for the lamp AND the skillet. Have you talked to BF and told him how much damage he just did not only to this new wiping experiment but to A__'s little ego?
I'd say he just earned himself laundry duty, and a nice little chat with A__ over an ice cream cone to apologize.

Men. Urgh.

Grrr! Same issue here - dh and his buddies sit around and insult each other and think nothing of it, so it's a habit for him (but a hurtful one! and I've told him over and over that kids are not as thick-skinned as his friends.)

Wanted to add, though, that when my kids had trouble wiping, I hung a full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door so they could see what they were doing. It definitely helped, and now the older ones just use it to admire themselves before heading off to school :)

Yup - Clearly a bad case of testosterone poisoning...
Sounds like you did well though Ceph.

On a similar note, we did "Plunger 101" with younger DS who has developed a clogging problem... After a few minutes of unsuccessful effort, he looked up frustrated and asked "Does it always take this long?" To which we replied "Yes, and that's why we get frustrated. But you're big enough to take care of this on your own now. Let me know when you're done and I'll show you how to clean the toilet."

Maybe to help your bf understand, you could point out to him that what he did to A_ would be the equivelant of you making a comment about him needing viagra in front of his employer.

That poor boy. Issues like this are tough enough without someone making fun of him.

Men. Cant kill them.....

BTW, my 10 yo will occasionally throw a pair of badly streaked undies in the laundry, and I always have him wash them out, then return them to the laundry. I know he is capable of wiping properly and he knows that his streaked undies are not to go in the wash (for health/safety reasons!) I cut my 5 yo a little more slack, for now.

You had asked in another post whether it was appropriate to ask a child to wash his underwear, and I think it is, at some point. Not the day you have the conversation with A__, obviously, but maybe some time from now, when you are sure he is capable of keeping his underwear clean. Hopefully, hygiene will be more of a priority for A__ than it is for my ds!

Men...............

What the &*^%$#$@#$ is wrong with your BF????? He needs a good slap up across the head.

men never fail to surprise me with their comments...

how about you buy those wipes that are not specifically for kids? Ther are some that do not say "for kids" and then you can tell him that you are using those as well, so it is not for kids but for everyone.

When A__ was otherwise occupied, I asked "Why would you say that to A__?? You embarrassed him!" and BF's reply was along the lines of "So what? He needs to do it better so embarrassing him doesn't matter." (I was too mad to remember his exact reply) I pointed out that A__ was already slightly embarrassed by talking about wiping, but that he was willing to give this new method a shot, and now he's not, and we're ten steps back on the comfort scale if we have to talk about it again. He doesn't see why A__ would be more reluctant to talk about wiping now.
It's so frustrating because sometimes BF is very sensitive to A__'s emotional status and other times he's just a complete dumb@55. This is certainly a dumb@55 incident.
I figure that next pair of poopy undies will be given to BF to wash out with a "These are too dirty for the hamper. Since your insensitive comment is why A__ won't use the wipes, you get to wash them out." Maybe he will learn about consequences to his actions ;)

When A__ was so upset, I pointed out that I tried one out before I gave them to him (I'm not going to make him do something I haven't tested) and I thought they were pretty good, and I'm a grown-up. I said that "If I needed one again, I'd for sure use it! 'Cause they're just like toilet paper only wet, so they do a better job."
So I don't think he felt singled out after that, but still very angry and embarrassed.

I think I will tell BF something along the lines of Kathline's suggestion, and suggest that he apologize to A__ next weekend, or ask if we can have him one evening this week.

Thanks everyone! You guys are fabulous!

On a related note, is this something that kids go through regularly? My son is only 1 and I don't think SD has this issue (though last year she did have to be told to wipe because she would forget).

I am just wondering if this is something I should expect with my boy?

I don't blame the men so much as the women who put up with them. I have been married twice and neither of my husbands behaved like that. If you stay with them you are condoning their bad manners.

So, Jonesy, let me get this straight... You had two marriages with men who never said an insensitive thing in their entire lives? Amazing.
Unfortunately my guy isn't as perfect as your exHs, so sometimes he screws up and unthinkingly says something hurtful. I guess I'm making a terrible decision by not leaving someone who makes mistakes once in awhile, but is on the whole a good guy and a good dad. Good thing you set such a good example with your unsuccessful marriages to perfect men for the rest of us who have successful relationships with imperfect men to follow.

I think Ceph stood up for herself fine there - no need for me to chime in . . . .

Jonesy: "I have been married twice and neither of my husbands behaved like that."

Then why did you divorce them if they were so well behaved?

Ceph: The wipes we buy are the Scott brand. The package says nothing about "for kids only" or such nor does it have pictures of kids on it. Not to be gross, but even I use them, and I'm a 45-year-old woman. They are great!

Kindness is one thing I demand of my husbands, if he wasn't kind we wouldn't get past the dating process. I divorced my first husband after 15 years of trying to make it work in spite of his cheating. My second husband died a year ago tomorrow, after 33 years of marriage. Marriage is not easy, I will not stay with anyone just to have a man around. I will not live with a man who treats me badly and I will not live without marriage. It's not a morale or religious thing, marriage protects a woman when and if the situation ends in separation. My last husband treated me with respect and honored our marriage vows to the end.

Ceph, I noticed your reply after I posted. I had only been married to my second husband a few months when he yelled at me for interrupting a ball game. My family wasn't into sports, so I didn't know the rules. LOL Anyway I got between him and the TV with my hands on my hips and told him if he ever yelled at me like that again the marriage was over. He never yelled at me again unless of course we were fighting which was rare. Ours were usually cold wars. I am a quiet sensitive person, my mother said she could just look at me wrong and that was punishment enough. She never had to lay a hand on me. My parents never yelled at me and I never yelled at my kids. Corny as it sounds, I spent my adult life making a home for my family, a place that was a haven, a peaceful place. Back in the 60's a neighbor of mine told me that the first time my youngest son stepped through her door, she screamed at one of her kids and my son froze and she said she could actually see the color leaving his face before he turned and left. He got used to her and her screaming and is still friends with her boys. My life has been blessed, it took reading in these forums that made me realize how blessed.

jonesy I am so sorry to hear about losing a husband of over 30 years...you must be still grieving since it's been only one year.

just a thought..wasn't it embarassing for a boy that dad's girlfriend talked about pardon me sensitive topic like this to a boy....i guess

thank you finedreams. I took care of him 4 years at home with Alzheimer's, then I started having health problems, so I put him in a home. In a way his death was a blessing. It took 4 people to bath him and change his clothes. He had been in 3 care homes because of his fighting, his next stop would have been a behavioral/mental home. Most of my grieving was done during the 9 months he was in the care home.

FD
BF and I talked about that... Our conclusion was that since I'm the one he comes to for bandaids, and snacks, and when he can't get all the shampoo out his hair in the tub, and when he knocks something over, and when he gets boogers he can't blow out, and the time that he had fallen on some ice and had a big scrape on his butt, he would probably be just as comfortable with me talking about this as BF.
A__ is very trusting and comfortable with me. BF and I think it's because I genuinely make an effort with him, and because I'm pretty patient with him about that "accidents happen, and people make mistakes, so the important thing is to admit and to learn from it"...
So we considered that BF has been around for 9 years, and I've only been around for 1... And that BF shares A__'s gender... But concluded those things wouldn't really matter in this case.

Jonesy - I'm sorry to hear about the death of your second husband.
I still don't believe that he never said an insensitive thing in his life and never had a thoughtless moment that embarrassed anyone, but I'm glad you were blessed with a happy second marriage.

Maybe it would help if BF tried the wipes himself, and then told A__ "hey, I gave those wipes a try and I really like them. They're not for babies at all!" or something along those lines. Since BF made the incredibly boneheaded comment, it might carry some weight with A__ if BF says he uses and likes them himself. Of course, BF would also have to not make any more boneheaded comments about it!

ceph, you can't belive there are men who never say embarassing or insensitive things? I do believe in it because I have met men like that. My brother is one example, my grandfather. Not my dad though, he is a master of saying insensitive things. ha Believe me there are people who never say insensitive things to others.

Just as an example..There are people on marriage forum who insist that there are no men who don't cheat or don't watch porn on a regular basis. i find this statements offensive because there are men who don't do any of that.

I know it is a off subject but... I can not think of anyone who can hoestly say that never in their entire lives have they ever said or done an emabarrassing or insenstive thing... we all have our moments even if they werent intentional

I'm not saying he never said an insensitive thing, I am saying he never was openly rude to me after I called him on it. Everyone is insensitive at times, a thing that will hurt my feelings will not hurt yours. It's impossible not to hurt people. I am talking about yelling at me and saying things he knows will hurt me for no reason except he is in a bad mood.

But BF doesn't do that. He doesn't try to be hurtful for just for kicks. He doesn't yell or intend to hurt feelings.
But he's not perfect and he said something insensitive that hurt A__'s feelings, even though BF didn't intend for it to.
He was a dumb@55, and we've talked it, and he acknowledged that what he said upset A__, and is going to be more sensitive and not joke around about A__'s hygiene troubles in the future.

If we want to talk about being deliberately hurtful, maybe we should talk about how you showed up at the end of the thread and (indirectly) told me to leave my BF because he said something insensitive. Was there a good reason behind that, or were you just in a bad mood and wanted to take it out on someone?

ceph, join the club. Any time i shared anything about my BF I was told to leave him even if it was the most minor infraction or something what got resolved pretty quickly through communication. I guess other women spend their lives with perfect men. Hmmm

I didn't tell you to leave him,

I said..."If you stay with them you are condoning their bad manners".

If saying things like that is the norm, I still wouldn't tell women to leave their men. That is strictly up to the woman. Maybe I just value my self respect to much to put up with rudeness. Especially when it hurts children.

How is that any different from saying, "Unless you want to condone their bad manners, you should leave him?" The statement is critical of her choice to stay with him.

I said, "If you stay with them you are condoning their bad manners". It's totally different. If a women stays with a man that hurts them verbally or otherwise or anyone in the family the men will think it is acceptable behavior.

Thank you TOS!
I was fed up with Jonesy's high horse and just had nothing left to say to her. I appreciate you standing up for me (even though we don't always 100% get along) and it's nice to know I'm not the only one who read Jonesy's original comment as critical.

You're welcome, Ceph. I still don't see any way to read Jonesy's comment other than as critical.

In the other thread, I think the wedding should be postponed/canceled not primarily because the guy is behaving passive-aggressively, but because the girl seems to be in no way prepared to become a stepparent.