I am having an issue with exH lately. We have been divorced a little over ten years and we have truly tried to get along for the benefit of DS. I have had to deal with his wife (TOW-but I put aside my resentment to deal with her insecurities) because she preferred me to for years and I do to just get along for DS. We even became friends after awhile and my realization that she was not nice to DS when I was not nice to her. But two years ago, we moved to the same town that exH lives in after I divorced again. I had thought that I had met a man that would give DS the family that I so wanted for him. But it did not turn out to be that way and I decided for the safety of both of us that it was time to call it quits. DS truly wanted to live closer to exH and go to school there. But it has been a nightmare ever since I moved there. It is constant drama.

Anyway, my exH has always told DS how great it would be should we live in the same town because they would spend all of this time together and do this and that. None of this has come to happen in the last two and a half years at all until recently. I began dating a man that is wonderful to DS and to me. I have posted some of the issues we have with his DD on here but to DS, he is great. DS was beginning to choose to spend time with my BF over my exH. My exH began to get very jealous and then started staying home and doing things with DS again for a little while. Of course, this all came after I had finally decided to move closer to my work out of convenience and putting DS in a better school. DS also wanted to go to a better and bigger school. My exH found this out through our circle of friends (actually my stepsister-but that is another story) and exH went off on DS. ExH kept up with spending time with DS for a little while to make DS want to stay now. DS then told me that he had changed his mind about moving because his father was being a father to him for the first time in his life. What do I say to that????

Lately though exH is back to his old ways of doing whatever while DS is there and DS in turn will spend the entire weekend he is at exH's over at his friend's house. But more and more I hear about how exH is badmouthing my boyfriend and constantly making me the bad guy to DS. I believe exH is jealous because DS chooses to spend time with BF over exH. ExH and I have had our moments through the years but overall we truly do get along and I have encouraged DS to spend more time over there and to be with exH more especially when I am not around. But I am not sure what to do about him not wanting to go to see his dad??? Do I make a 14 year old go more than every other weekend if he does not want to? I want his father to grow up and be a part of his life but I cannot force it either. Do I force the move to save DS the heartbreak that exH is causing by not being a father or do I stay and keep pushing them to have a relationship that exH is not pushing and now DS is not wanting because he is constantly getting hurt?

Last week on spring break, my exH told DS that he regretted his past and the decisions he made. I am not sure exactly what was said but somehow DS has turned this to mean that exH regrets having DS. I know that we probably both regret the one that we chose to have DS with but I do not believe that exH regrets having DS. I know exH loves DS. DS told my BF this in confidence and I don't know what to do. Do I let DS know that BF tells me his secrets?? Do I call exH and tell him what his comments are doing to DS? My exH tends to turn everything around on me and make it my fault or DS fault and get very confrontational with DS when DS is upset about something exH said. My DS is very much a pleaser especially when it comes to his dad. DS wants his dad to love him so much.

I know there is a lot going on in this and a lot of questions. I am a BM but exH is remarried with kid and I want to hear both sides. I just want to do what is best for DS. I feel that exH is moving on with life with his wife and forgetting about DS a lot. Why can't exH just be the dad he promised when we did not live close???? Now I am just ranting out of frustration. But if anyone can offer insight, I would appreciate it.