I don't think you're being to sensitive. Its a heartbreaking story.
Hope it works out.

I don't think you're being too sensitive either. I'd be tempted to call child services. This little guy needs a lot of help.

I'm with KeepIt and Terrig, you're not being too sensitive! I'm also alarmed that a four year old doesn't know his ABCs or colours! And I'm appalled that they aren't letting him take his time with new foods and such - if he's eating it, but wants to take his time, let him! He won't bother trying new things anymore if they keep this up and he'll wind up with food issues for life!
My opinion is that a kid this developmentally delayed because of crappy parenting should be in some sort of play therapy, where a trained therapist helps him learn to converse and interact through guided play!
People suck.

He absolutely needs a lot of time and needs to learn trust!
My MIL and SIL tried to bully my BKs and nephew13 like this. They had never seen nor eaten 90% of the food DH's family does. They'd have 4-5 adults ganging up on them to try this,or try that, or making comments about them not eating "good" food. Before getting married, my food budget was rather limited, and they didn't eat anywhere but home. Now, they do try more foods, but some people fixate on this like it's a sign of rebellion to not eat certain foods. One of my nephews is 4, and has an obvious eating disorder! They sit there and nag him. He's very small, and IMO not as developed socially/mentally as he should be. I wonder if it's because he's henpecked.They buy him everything- too much- perhaps out of guilt. I was a picky eater as a child, and I now eat better. I think a lot of kids do this, and the more fuss you make the worse it gets!

I agree that he needs more time to adjust, but a lot of four year olds don't know their ABC's. At that age, most know some letters, but there is no reason to be concerned about them knowing anywhere near all of them.

http://www.ed.gov/parents/academic/help/reader/part9.html

And tacos are a terrible choice for a four year old, unless he has grown up eating spicy food.

"Last night they fixed tacos for dinner and he picked at them. He has never had them before so instead of being patient they took it away from him, wrapped it and put in the refrigerator for him to have for breakfast."

Is it me or does it sound like a scene out of 'mommy dearest'? She wrapped up his food for him to eat the next day? and she goes to work and tells you this, as if it's normal????

No, it's not being too sensitive to be concerned for the well being of this child. I'm not so concerned with him knowing ABC's or colors, he's at the age that if someone spent a little time with him, he'd probably pick it up quickly. I'd be more concerned that, besides having a mom that doesn't want him, he now has a step grandma that doesn't want him around either. It sounds as if she thinks it's an intrusion and inconvenience to have this kid around and I don't know how she can attempt to justify treating a four year old like that. The boy's father should be taking care of him and if he isn't, then I'd call social services to check on him. I agree with theotherside that tacos for a four year old is not the best choice. My SD is 9 and she just learned how to hold one and eat it so the filling doesn't get all over the place. She had a lot of trouble with it when she was 5-6. (but I also would point out that tacos are not always spicy, only if you add spices or salsa)

I know this is a bit of a tangent, but there is such a thing as a non-spicy taco? I suppose you could make them with plain hamburger, but I have never eaten one like that. Even the tacos from Taco Bell are a bit too spicy for my taste.

The first real meat my DD ever ate was a taco, and she loved it!It's a personal thing for sure!

Yes, that is something to consider. Stick with your gut, if you feel you need to contact CPS then I would do it.

Imamommy, you took the words right out of my mouth. That is too funny, exactly what I was thinking....that movie immediately sprang to mind.

I'm mostly mexican and make my tacos homemade, NOT taco bell or 'taco' seasoning packet crap. Tacos can be made with chicken, carnitas, carne asada, as well as ground beef. I have even made plain bean & cheese. I like hot salsa but my hubby puts tomato sauce which I think is gross but he's a gringo.

See now, you made me hungry!!!

Tomato sauce sounds good to me. I have never even heard of carnitas or carne asada (I just looked them up on Wikipedia). I was an adult before I ever heard of tacos. I'm ok with mild salsa, but it took some getting used to.

What I love is creamed eggs on toast - no salt, no spices, nothing except for the salt in the butter. Most of my kids love it as well. It is the ultimate comfort food. That is the kind of thing I would give to a four year old.

My 4-year-old boy loved tacos (soft were MUCH easier for him to eat) but he was always a good eater--would try anything. Still will to this day.

But OH I feel for that boy. I would be tempted to call CPS as well because this family obviously needs some help. That's really the only place an outsider could turn. :( Poor kid.

Instead of calling CPS, why not buy your friend a really good parenting book, that addresses some of the issues they have. Yes, it sounds as though your friend resents the child and probably the stepson moving in with her. But perhaps you could go to lunch with her and talk to her about how hard it must be for this boy to lose his mother, and the changes this child must be facing. See, through your friendship with this woman, if you can help her to feel compassion for this child. Tell her that you understand how hard this must be for her, and yet can she find it within herself to have compassion for a little boy who must be confused, hurting, and anxious. Encourage her to feed him what he is used to eating, and to slowly introduce new foods, and to give him a "child's" chewable vitamin for nutrition. The boys dad should take a parenting class for single fathers so that he has someone to ask questions from. Perhaps the YMCA has something.

But I would think it is your friendship with the family that could help this little boy. Perhaps you could go shopping with your friend, and help her pick up a few toys and books for the child. If money is an issue, go to garage sales, and children's resale shops. See, through your positive encouragement, if you can help her to see this as a sweet blessing, instead of something to resent and be cross about.

The little boy needs to adjust and they need to have patience with him.
This reminds me so much of my SS. My Dh has no patience waiting for him to eat. He also picks his food cause his mother gave him frozen foods and junk. So when he came over to our house alot of the times he would say he didnt' like the food without even trying it. So my Dh would scream at him for an hour straight while we were all eating. I got sick and tired of it one night and in front of his kids i got up and ate in the living room. He got angrya and said why. I said i watn to eat my meal in piece and im sure your son would also. Jsut because it take you 10 minutes to scoff down your meal doesn't mean he should eat like you as well. if it takes him 45 min to eat his meal then leave him alone.
I think this little boy needs toys and crayons and stimulation. His appetite will follow with that. But your co worker shoudl not take the food away from him. My son is 2 1/2 and is picky..i dont have patience sometimes but i just leave the plate and let him pick at it for 2 hrs if he has to. Its his time to eat...let hiim eat the way he wants...
I think you should keep encouraging your coworker to have patience and buy toys and maybe you can be invited over someday and see the little one.

I agree with using your friendship to help this co-worker. Obviously this is a difficult situation, I mean who really wants to raise their grandchild or stepgrandchild. It is a big committment that was thrown on her. Be there for her. There are a lot of resources out there for grandparents raising grandchildren, help her look into them.

Get the boy into preschool. (your friend may qualify for a "head start preschool" since she is raising a grandchild so it will be free or low cost) It will help him develop social skills and learn his abc's and colors. They also provide a snack time, where he will see other kids eating different foods and it may help him to eat different foods.

What bothers me is the yelling at the poor little kid. A kid won't starve if they miss a meal or two. We had to do that with our DSGS. He would eat ONLY McD's plain hamburgers and KFC. Period. Not homemade mashed potatoes, only KFC. For a long time, he'd sit at the table pushing the food around. If he wasn't done in an hours' time, it was taken away. Now 5 years later, he eats everything and calls it good. He had a problem a couple of times with inappropriate eating. (he's nearly 14 now) Like last fall when DH called home and told him he could have a bowl of ice cream. DSGS ate the whole gallon. Another time, DH left him 2 packs of little Debbie cakes. He ate two whole boxes. I know he's growing fast, but gee whiz.

He's over 6 feet tall, wears size 13 shoes. And is an eating machine. We finally got him to eat more fruits and veggies the last few years. He eats everything.