Silent Treatment from Co-Worker

17 years ago

Have any of you ever had to deal with the silent treatment from a co-worker? It has been going on for about 2 weeks now and I truly have no idea what I have done to him, but can only assume that I have done something.

It is apparent that he puts on a "air" of loudness and animation with others when I come around. He seems to be extremely paranoid since another co-worker has told me that he feels like he is being talked about when he sees me talking with anyone.

I have tried to go on as if nothing is wrong, but the whole thing is getting old. I said "Good AM" to him twice this week and he spoke back under his breath. Grrrrr! The last 2 days I have decided not to say anything. I guess he wants me to ask him what is wrong. That is not me I don't play games like that. If you have a problem with me-- tell me and we'll work it out.

How do you handle the silent treatment?

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Comments (12)

kris_zone6
17 years ago
Just smile and go about my business.
carla35
17 years ago
I'd either totally ignore him or just come out and ask. You're only playing a different type of game yourself by not asking. He might not be playing a game... if he's mad at you, he may really not want to talk to you or even care to tell you why he's mad at you.

I'd just get it over with and ask him what the problem is.
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First, it seems you have far more of a need of a relationship with him than he needs with you. Could that be part of the problem? No offense, but some have to be "popular" with everyone and possibly this is what's troubling him. You tried to be a bigger person by offering help, but perhaps the attitude of "bigger person" is coming across in a way you didn't intend. Maybe you're coming across as he's not doing his job, not doing it to your standards or something? You say you're a strong personality and perhaps you're not coming across as kind as you intend. Are you coming across like you're trying to boss him around? Very possible. Again, no offense, but can you live with a situation where you're not loved by all your coworkers? I'm sure you're intentions are good, but sometimes the delivery is bad. I'll admit, when I read that you tried to be the bigger person and do things, it really came across as arrogant to me. I suspect this is part of the issue. Going to the boss because someone won't talk to you is pretty petty to me. I haven't really seen anything causing trouble in the workplace. Perhaps his remarks are because you're trying too hard? Maybe he's bothered by that. Why not try giving the guy some breathing room? A friendship might develop or might not. But at least if you back off a bit, maybe it will solve the problem. Since you don't know what's going on in his life, you don't know his intentions, but you're definitely coming across here in a noncompassionate way to me. Perhaps he's having tough times? Family issues? Financial problems? To have someone at work putting pressure on doesn't help. Give him a break. The other option is whether there's someone who knows you both that you could ask if they have any idea. But the problem is whether they would tell you or not. Perhaps he's confided and they'd feel a duty to not spread it out. I think it'd be nearly childish to run to the bosses over what has been said so far. Would certainly make you look like Mommy/Daddy, Jimmy isn't being NICE to me! And would only cause more tension in the workplace for everyone. Sometimes less said is better. Especially when there's the tension there clearly is.
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mimi_boo
17 years ago
If he is making you work environment intolerable, you may need to go to HR. No one should work under a hostile work environment.
LorifromUtah
17 years ago
I work with a woman who speaks under her breath.
When she does I say 'did you say something?' or 'I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. What was that?' It embarrass' her which is fine with me. If you got a problem, speak up. If not? Shut up.

Lori
barbara3
17 years ago
Given some of the co-workers I've had over the years, I would have welcomed the silent treatment from them.

It may not be the hostility problem you think it is. Maybe he "likes" you and is shy, or is intimidated by you, or feels that you are somehow superior to him.

If you have no clue what the problem is, then it is his issue.

Was your working relationship normal before two weeks ago? Is he new to your company or department?

Just ask him, in a kind and professional manner, why he is not as friendly with you as he is with the others. Obviously he isn't going to be forthcoming with you. I would also advise against using andother co-worker as a go-between. Just ask him!
azzalea
17 years ago
Heavens, I go to work to do my job, NOT to be the belle of the ball. Really don't care if my coworkers like me or not, or whether they talk to me or not.

I honestly think you're giving this man too much power over you. You're no doubt giving him plenty of clues that he's getting under your skin. He's got you all tied up in knots over this. The REAL answer--for both you and him--is to just let this go, don't worry about him, let him play his games if he feels he must and go about your business without giving him a thought. If you truly make up your mind not to be bothered by this, and go about your business accordingly, one side effect will be that you trump him by not caring whether he speaks to you or not. Takes all the wind out of his sails and he just looks stupid at that point.
czech_chick
17 years ago
You have to speak to him (alone) and ask him if there is a problem.

You both have to work together. His silent treatment towards you will make you unhappy to go to your job each day.

Confront him privately ASAP. His behavior must stop immediately.

If not, speak to your supervisor.

Carol
Linda
17 years ago
My thinking was similar to Loris. The next time he acts like this, and honesty, this is really idiotic immature behavior. Stop him dead in his tracks. Right in front of everyone say, Im sorry, so and so, you seem to have an issue with me. Since we have never had words, I dont know what the issue is. Why don't you stop with this immature behavior of getting louder and louder and just be upfront with what your problem with me is. I bet he says nothing, but it will sure stop this idiot from doing this again because now its in the open and he will look like fool.
FlamingO in AR
17 years ago
I agree with Azzalea. I think you should go about your job and just ignore this guy, unless his communication with you is crucial to your being able to function at work. By ignoring him, you drive the point home to him that his petty behavior is not affecting you one little bit and I think that he would soon give it up. (Or he'll try something even sillier and then people really will notice that he's being a fool and you're getting work done.)

Try to carry on as if nothing is amiss and don't spend any time at all worrying about this guy, he sounds like a real piece of work and too high maintanance to bother with. Geez. And they say women play games.
monica_pa Grieves
17 years ago
Do you work directly with this person?
Is there any reason for him to speak to you?
If there is...does he have other people speak to you for him?

If the answer to the above is "no". Then, why does it bother you?

As to the co-worker who has made his "problem" about you talking to others about him...seems he's right, your conversation with the co-worker WAS about him.
paula_pa
17 years ago
I once worked with a woman who was new to the field (and the job) and really liked to have her hand held. She was asking me a lot of questions one day but I had a busy help desk to take care of so I told her (nicely, I thought) that I needed to take care of the calls and I would get back to her later.

She never spoke to me again! She spoke to all the guys but not me. They were jealous of me since she was taking up all of their time everyday asking for help but she left me alone LOL.

And guess what? She didn't last at this job (programming) and later she was spotted as a dental assistant, a cake decorator and most recently as a substitute teacher. She has issues. I knew I didn't do anything wrong and I never let it bother me. The silent treatment just made her look petty and immature. Well, it just highlighted that she was petty and immature.
samkaren
17 years ago
When I started my new job 5 months ago I had the same thing happpen. The other Asst. in the office wouldn't say a word to me unless she had to. I found out later that a friend (another coworker) had applied for my job and she didn't get it. (Not my fault). So I just continued to be my pleasant self and everyone in the office welcomed me. It took her a while but she discovered that (1) I am a nice person and (2) I wasn't going anywhere. We get along fine now but I won't forget how she treated me.

SamKaren
your resident DJ

Silent Treatment from Co-Worker

Comments (12)

kris_zone6

carla35

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