Let him grow up. Stay out of it. He needs to take some responsibility for himself. Also, there are just not any jobs for someone with no skills or specialized education short of fast food. This may be just what he needs. And, it is only natural for a kid who has only known going to school and then to home to find he has some trepidation about going out into the big wide world. Just be encouraging and positive and nudge him along.

I would encourage him to stick with his plan to join the Navy. He needs to build a life and a "family" since he seems not to have one (besides you). The service is a good start.

I would send him to the Navy , without question, if they will take him.It sounds like that kind of structure would be the best thing for him.

june

Ask him in detail why he changed his mind. If I were a young man I would never join because of the way they treat you in boot camp, humiliation mainly. Well I found out they don't do that anymore, they are not allowed to. I wondered how my son made it through book camp so easy and I guess that was the reason. He is very easily hurt and humiliated, but he got through it with flying colors.

I think stopping the draft has made a huge impact on our young men. Some boys have no structure at home, some live the slums and they don't know any other way of life, I think the service introduced them to a better way to live.

My oldest son (now 39) was a major goof-off. He was identified as "gifted" in KG and blew off his entire education. He spent 7 yrs. being a college freshman (often on probation) and had a 7 yr. GPA of

Absolutely, the structure and opportunities of the service may be the key to saving this young man. Would be the best thing for him to go, to learn to be a man, and to learn how to have and fulfill responsibilities. You know that's true, you're just bending to your usual habit of spoiling him and giving him anything he wants. Take a step back, look at him, look at his situation, and make up your mind to give him what he NEEDS this time. The chance to truly grow up and become a responsible man

A few things stand out to me. No offense, but I'm not totally sure how truly close you have been to him. Frankly it sounds like you're been buying his affection. How would you intend to get him out of his obligations? Has he signed up or is it still a consideration? I'm not so sure you could once signed up. His not being sure if the service is what he wants, is it cold feet or something eles?

I think you're starting to realize the affect of your past treatment and I do applaud that you are pushing him to complete his education obligations. Spoiled kids are so common and I must say that at least here it doesn't seem like he's been caught up in so much of the activity that others get into. Instilling irresponsibilty so often has such detrimental effects whether it be crime, drugs or otherwise. Fortunately, it sounds like it hasn't gone that far in this case but IMO the service would still be a good thing for him.

Now in fairness I should add that I believe ALL kids, male and female, should be required to serve a couple years as part of their education. I firmly believe it's a great experience and helpful for them. That said, and looking at what's been provided here, I think this fellow needs some help that the service can give him. Were it me, I'd keep him attending to his educational needs to qualify and if he's concerned that he's become "lazy", I'd make sure he starts a regiment of getting up in the morning, going to bed at night and perhaps even sign him up for a health club to begin working out preferably with a hardcore trainer. That would assist his overall health, assist his sleeping habits, help direct his concentration and probably give him some confidence in accomplishment that it sounds like he needs. It could help relieve at least part of the shock of the wake up regiment in the service.

There's no question the Navy would be a wakeup call for him. We all know the risks too. But the potential benefits and possible outcome by not doing it would offset the risks IMO. I'm also concerned about the other kid said to be messed up. Whatever happens, I hope it all works out.

I'd push him to join the Navy. The Navy is much safer than some of the other armed forces. He'll get free training and have a much easier time getting a job when he gets out. I know a young man you just got out of the Navy and snagged a high paying job at Boeing. He wouldn't have done that without the Navy experience.

I agree with the others, stay out of his life. An adult makes decisions and lives with them, works them out, etc. Both my brother and my husband are veterans, and both say the military discipline helped them grow up and helped them transition from living at home with mom and dad and moving up to "the real world."

It is difficult to go from giving everything to a child to expecting him to grow up as soon as he turns 18. If he is not sure of the Navy, have him talk to other recruiters, without you being present. My GD chose the Army, and yes it was tough in Boot camp, but she made it. As she chose the medical field, she ended up at Walter Reed Army Hospital, getting a LPN certification. If he picks a field that is not overcrowded, it will be easier. There are bonus, special training etc. My son went into the Air Force, and with all his problems made it, and ended up with a GI bill for college. Yes it can be done, but you must step back and let him make mistakes, learn and grow. Do not give him anything but love. Praise him, no gifts, no money just plain old tough love.

You mentioned the mother was gone from the pix. Where is the dad?

The grandson hasn't yet taken the oath of service so *could* get out of it. HOWEVER, he *is* 18; he needs to step up/wake up to some hard facts. No, it's not easy being the the grandmother (been there/done that/doing it now). BUT a weekly letter from home, once they reach a certain point in training & can get mail from home, makes a lot of difference. You may not get one in return, but they know you care & that makes all the difference. Don't send money - he'll get paid & has no rent, utilites, or med to pay. Help him get his diploma, maybe even talk to other recruiters. But don't 'get him out of the military'.
Easier said than done, but you'll not do him any favors if you bail him out again.

My opinion only:

It sounds to me that this is a kid with a lot of troubles on his shoulders and has reacted to those troubles by shutting down.

I think the military can provide a very good structure and start in life for young kids IF the person is ready to accept the structure and the drastic change in life. If not, then he can do terrible harm to his future by joining - a less than completely honorable discharge will forever follow him negatively.

This will be a drastic change in his way of life and the lifestyle will be something he has no comparison to, he simply must be willing to embrace this drastic change to ensure success.

The decision to serve one's country via the military must really come from the person who will be doing the actual serving, not from the family who wants him to for whatever reason. For the greatest chance of military success, he has to want this for himself.

It sounds like you, too, have a very burdened mind - I wish you all the very best in however this goes.

it sure won't be a free ride...despite the confines of a ship, being away from everything you know... working on their time, at least he'll get the structured life he's probably needed for years.
dh got his college education, our first home, and a sense of self pride.

all you can do is to keep encouraging him to get his hs education, and be a sounding board but not his keeper.

i can lay you odds if he gets his hs and then tries to go to college, he'll run around aimlessly and be kicked out the first semester. he sure can't have grandma drive him to work, as an adult...

please keep us informed..so many grandparents are involved these days...and, let him know your cyber friends care what happens to him...

i ALWAYS SAID THAT A basic training in the military is good for both guys and gals after high school. It helps them to grow up and take responsibilty most of the time
He will learn fast and be a credit to you I'm sure

Sounds to me like the military is what he needs to grow up he doesn't need to be lazy anymore....Stacy

Thank you all for your input/I will "try " to not worry and be encouraging. The kid was really knocked for a loop, when Mom left, she says was just not happy. She is my daughter, but I am VERY angry with her and her decision to abandon her family. She also left a 16 year old daughter,
with her soon to be X. The X has been like a father to the kids since they were very small, and especially DG is very close to him.Grandson for the most part living with me, we all live on same block. I get along fine with her X.
But I do believe the Navy is probobly the best thing for him, the structure and stability will do him good.
Thanks Again....