I can relate totally to this: "She's tricky. She always has been, she knows exactly how far she can push things and how much people will put up with." And like you, I've always been afraid to speak up in front of others, for fear of looking like *I'm* just too sensitive, have a "chip on my shoulder" or some sort of "problem"... I'll share a few thoughts with you on this predicament because I myself have dealt with it a lot with my Dad's wife, felt extremely alone in those situations, and struggled to find ways to explain to myself that I am not insane! Because, like it or not, it's natural for us to look to the reactions of other people to get a sense of how correct or incorrect we may be in our perspectives & feelings. That's part of why the "public humiliation" experience is so painful: other people *are there*, hearing this cr*p... what are they making of it? Do they see how manipulative it is? For my part, I've never been able to REALLY read what other people think when my Dad's wife comes out with some of the doozies she comes out with... some of which I've witnessed first-hand and surely plenty of things she says about me with her spin on them when I am not around. Of course I want to think "my goodness! she's so transparent, so obvious... how could people NOT see the pettiness and her self-serving attitude?" But many people just look at superficialities and take people at face value (i.e. my Dad's wife should run a "Charm School"). If it's a person SHE spends a lot more time around, often that is enough for people to be automatically "on her side" because it's easier and because of a familiarity factor. If she's nice to THEM, that's all that matters to many people... Conversely, even if they "smell a rat" of any kind, most people are not likely to pull YOU aside and tell you what they think of her, unless they're someone you're EXTREMELY close with and/or they feel like it's something so dire that you MUST be told right then & there how stinky she is. Most casual acquaintances, especially, are just too polite to even go there. Regardless of the opinions they form, they usually don't want to get involved (*especially* if there's business involved!). Further, they might either presume you already know how vexing she is, or decide that if you *don't* know, they don't want to rain on your parade... Hence in these situations you can easily wind up with that "out-numbered", "I must be crazy because no one else seems to see her for what she is" feeling. And it's such an awful feeling. But I think people observing this kind of interaction tend to be smarter than they may appear or let on, and I bet several have noticed her behavior.

Please take the self righteous act some where's else. I was wondering if in the "for TOS" post at anytime you would jump in. You didn't. TOS accused me of being a liar and the TOW which I am niether. She accused my husband of being a bad father for leaving the wife who is an addict and a mental basket case and not taking the kids with him. He couldn't....it is STILL going through courts. He has them FINALLY but it still is not fully legal. She surrendered them herself due to "not being able to handle it." TOS actually thought he should of stayed in the house with the crazy ex AND her new boyfriend untill the custody papers where signed. He'd still be living there today and would of probably of killed his ex by now. Not good for the kids. With all the nasty, underhanded and heartless judgements she passed on me....there was not a peep from you. Had it been the other way around...you would of been all over it. What is your deal. If you want to call folks out for being negative and nasty to each other and be taken seriously.....at least do it for everyone and not just the few that ironically enough are the ones constantly stirring up the pot. Are you an alter ego created by TOS or KKNY?

I understand your situation so well. My boyfriend is ultra touchy about his 5 year old too so I know what it feels like to be in a no win situation. And I've often felt like an intrusion myself. My boyfriend can shout very ugly insults to me as well when it comes to his child. I also understand your disappointment about possibly not having children with your husband. I never considered myself maternal, but I fell so madly for my boyfriend that I actually thought one day it would be great to have a child of our own, but that possbility is very small. He's crazy about his son, but his arrival was not planned and I don't think my boyfriend wants to do it again. There are so many negatives to staying in a situation like that for me that I'm considering cutting my loses as hard as it will be. For you, since you are married and in way deeper than I am (at least legally), I would try counselling. Dealing with three children that are not your own, I can only imagine how overwhelming that is. If your husband won't go with you, then go for yourself. But try to do it with your husband because sometimes people are so clouded by what means so much to them (your husband's children) that they can't see what they're doing until a 3rd party points it out. I know it easier said than done because my boyfriend flat out told me he won't do counselling. It really broke my heart. He's extremely cold at times and it's sad. But even if your husband won't go, you still probably need to go for your own sanity.

She just likes to pick on what she can ... won't answer the questions or give any suggestions on how to fix the problem other than its my problem and I am the problem.... because I am a SAHSM.... but I am NOT THE MOM (as many of us are told) ... why should I do it all if the MOM is unwilling to do any of it... As a SM we are supposed to do more for the children than their own parents are willing to do .... because we are the intruder in their family so we have to bend over backwards for them and take everything they dish out with out any regards to our feelings. .....Lily this does not apply to your situation or any adult SC's situation that's a different ballgame. Its just silly .... doesn't matter what the BM does SM is wrong.... should not have married a man with children. So I guess if I worked I wouldn't have to share any responsiblilities for the children .... because parents who work do not... its all put on the sahm. (how stupid is that) TOS ...not according to KKNY .... because I am a SAHSM I should be catering to the children. Doing more for them than their parents do. I didn't mind running all over town the other day to pick up kids.... but I did mind when I got to him and he had already called someone else ... why call me if you were already calling someone else why not call me back and say so and so is coming to get me. No respect is the answer didn't care that I was running around it was all about him. OH I know a "real" mom or dad wouldn't get mad if they ran all over picking up kids and you get to next in line and he had another ride .... A real parent would say "Wow, Johnny you are so resourceful finding your own ride I am so proud of you". A real parent would not say ... why did you call so and so for a ride after you had already called me and why didn't you call me back when you found another ride? but because I am not the "real" parent I should have just been mute and driven off. I do not have a "right" to correct anyone other than my own children. If you saw a child running into the street you wouldn't say... Johnny watch out ... johnny get out of the road ... or run after johnny ... you would just sit back and say not my kid I cannot correct him. Oh well if he gets hit by a car ... not my kid?? In my mind if I am caring for your child more than you are I have a right to correct them if they are wrong and to teach them right from wrong. There is a way of doing things in life and they need to learn them from someone. For every action there is a reaction.... for every rule there is a consequence good or bad. Children need to learn rules and consequences... good and bad.