I have been involved with this woman now for 5 years. After 4 years I broke up with her because her ex husband was stalking me and impersonated a sales man to talk to my children to get information, among other things. Also he poisoned his kids to not accept me which made things very difficult for us. She was very depressed, so I decided to break up the relationship because this was the right thing to do at that time. Giving her time to build her relationship back with her children and family. I know I hurt her immensely, but at that time I thought it was the good thing to do. She called me back after a week and tried to win my heart back and told me she loved me and only wanted me. I told her that we should be friends for now. However, after a couple of weeks of seeing each other every day, I started to feel that our relationship was worth fighting for; I told her I love her too. We were doing everything together, dinners, movies, dancing and we were intimate. But later I found out that she was chatting online with someone from a dating site for 10 weeks. During that time she was trying to win my heart back which she did About 7 weeks before this. She kept me a secrete from all her friends, but she was telling all her friends about the guy she was chatting with and wanted to go see him. Her friends told her to wait because it may be dangerous. So she continued her affair and became emotionally attached. After spending a long weekend with me she decided to tell the other guy that she is getting back with me. Then she told me about it. But, when she told her friends that she was back with me they all told her to dump me. So she started to treat me very badly and did not get rid of the contact of the other guy on MSN. She was waiting for him to reply back to her because he said he wanted to be friends. The problem is she lied about the whole thing. She told me that she chatted with him only 5 times. But I found out the truth. That she was using me as a crutch to move on. She lied, denied and manipulated her way into my home with her kids. Now I feel betrayed. What should I do? I feel she picked me second. She told me 2 months after she got rid of the contact that if she gave the other guy a chance it would of worked out. That hurt. She new me for 4 years and she never even met this person. Now she tells me she loves me very much.

I am a stepmom to a beautiful 7 year old little girl and have been since she was 4 years old. I can literally count on my ten fingers the amount of times her biological mom has made visits since I have known her (more like on one hand). She moved out of state with her when she was four and kept her from my husband for almost a year until he took her to court about three times u tip he finally won sole custody of her and her was granted child support from bio mom. He was also to drive half way from New Mexico to Dallas Texas to have our little girl do OVER NIGHT visits once a month in Texas and two week visits over summer break. Like I said bio mom would constantly cancel visits saying she could not afford it even though we received absolutely no child support checks and when she did make visits she would often request for us to pick up the child early because she had plans with her boyfriend or she would state the child was out of control and she could not handle her. The last visit she had with my step daughter she kept her for a month and it was only supposed to be a two week visit. Also during that time my step daughter was sexually assaulted by step father and we took them to court and the mother called the child a liar and automatically took step fathers side. My husband and I have put her I counseling, pressed charges and done all that we can as loving parents. Charges were dropped due to lack of evidence and now mother is fighting to move child to Texas with her and husband (what a joke right). Keep in mind no child support has been paid and mother has not attempted contact in about a year and 5 months and before that would very rarely make phone calls. She was granted supervised visits which my daughter refuses to have and if she's forced she does not engage in contact AT ALL. She is terrified of these people but the system demands visits. Last time in court bio mom failed to appear because she put her husband as priority and said she could not make it and all visits were suspended. My step daughter is traumatized and terrified of these people. I wish she had a good bio mom but she doesn't and I have been the one to take This place without the official title. Is it hard? Heck yes you do all the work without the official title and have people constantly belittling you as just the "stepmom" but the title is earned not only because you give birth to a child it goes far beyond that. These children have real needs and it takes true responsibility to raise a child and meet their need and give them the love they deserve. I have experienced the feeling of not being recognized for all that I do as a step mom who has really taken on 100% responsibility but that's what being selfless is its doing these thing without expecting recognition from humans. When I married my husband I took on the responsibility of being a mommy whether full time or once a week. I love it and since we have had trouble having babies of our own I have truly been blessed with the opportunity to be a mommy before giving birth. God placed is in each others life and I cherish every moment. To all the step moms out there I know the feelings that go along with being a step parent but it's a huge role and God sees even when others don't. Keep being good mom mad and you shall be blessed. It's not the child's fault they deserve nothing but the best!!!

tos~ How she and her best friends have maintained their friendship, despite the miles, is a source of amazement to all of us. They have a very special relationship and they are all so close. I was just speaking to one of the other mothers last pm, and we both continue to marvel at the strength of their bond. They make it a point to spend lots of time together whenever they can (when she's here for visits). My stepson is best friends with the 2 older brothers in the families, and we adults are friendly as well...have occasional cookouts, pool parties, etc. Although, I think the kids friendship has fostered the adult/family gatherings.... As far as her friends in NC...the majority of her non-school time is spent in dance class, so she is friendly with the girls she dances with. But she says that she really doesn't have any super-close school friends that she "hangs out with", etc. She rarely has sleepovers or talks of anything she does with other kids there. Mostly she is at the dance studio...she's a very accomplished dancer. Lack of good friends there was actually one of the things she discussed when she brought up the idea of coming here for high school. So tos, it's your turn....are you a step-parent? Are you a NCP? What would you have told your daughter in the "hypothetical" situation I posted?...seriously WWYD? Like you, I have no intention of EVER divorcing, but I can "imagine" what I'd do if I were faced with a similar situation....so, please, tell us what you'd say. For the record, my DH fought the move in court. Michigan is a no-fault divorce state, and spousal infidelity has NO bearing on custody, whatsoever. Michigan is VERY pro-mom, despite the fact the courts say they have no "gender bias". Essentially, the only time a mother does not win custody is if she can be deemed "unfit", due to drugs or extreme circumstances. Even homeless mothers win custody here...since we have many women/children shelters, etc. It's really disturbing that the courts do not really have the best interest of the child as their main focus. At the time of his ex-wife's affair, the children were ages 1 & 4. Since they were babies (toddler) he felt that the kids should stay in their home, and with his work schedule at the time, it just made more sense for her to stay in the house. He got an apartment closeby with the understanding that it would be temporary while they "worked on it". Obviously, the outcome was different than the plan. Trust me, if he could have changed the outcome of the custody situation, he would have. Initially, they had joint custody, 50/50 split. When she decided to move, she filed for sole physical, joint legal. He fought it and lost. The judge thought that her soon-to-be new husbands job promotion was more important than children having close, easy access to both parents. That was the sole deciding factor...her husbands increased income. So they can use spouse income to decided custody, but they won't use it to calculate child support...go figure...great court system.

I guess this is what people view as a success - A marriage lasting now about one year, after having 3 children out of wedlock (different fathers), one long term GF relationship. Ima I think some of your perspective comes from such a tough start that your present marriage represents an improvement . From Ima I am bio mom My Son-21 next month; The circumstances of his conception are too hard to talk about and I will leave it as I never had a relationship with his father. He met him when he was 4 and the court gave him visitation. He exercised it (I believe to torment me) until my son was 12, when he just ended all contact. My son had a step mom that, as far as my son says, treated him well. She treated me terribly. Both have since done time in prison and I don't have any contact with them. My son's relationship with them is up to him. I stay out of it. My son just moved back home with us to get his life on track. My Son-18 I dated his father (we worked together) and he stopped dating me before I found out I was pregnant. His father has never been a part of his life. Due to legal issues, parentage was just determined in November. (we are awaiting a court ruling on back child support) My son finished HS a year early thanks to homeschooling & in his 2nd year in college. He lives with us full time; My Daughter-17 Her father stepped in when I was left pregnant with my son. He was a friend from high school that wanted to "take care of me" but within a few months of my son's birth, he split (got another girl pregnant too), leaving me pregnant as well. He disappeared and we just found him a couple of years ago, living in Texas. He's got over 8 kids out there and not supporting any of them. I tried to get him to see his daughter & would give up the arrears he owes but he left the state. She is a senior being home schooled. She also helps care for my step mom when I can't. I had a tubal ligation after she was born. I was a live in girl friend I had a 7 year relationship where I raised my ex's three children (through grade school years). We didn't have any children, but I had an ectopic pregnancy with him. When he made me drive myself to the hospital, I knew it was over and I left him. The experience taught me about raising someone else's children. His ex wife was not involved at all. I was a single parent For about 6 years, before I met my husband. I was the sole financial support for three teens and I let rules slide and was inconsistent. It wasn't working for us. (it was when I was a single parent, that I nearly died. I had decided before I got ill, I would wait until my kids were grown to get married. I didn't want them to have to deal with a step dad telling them what to do. However, it wasn't a stable situation for any of us and I decided that I wanted to have a family situation, for them as much as for me. I think they needed more stability and structure. I needed adult companionship and help in creating stability & structure.) As single parents, we tend to talk to our kids about adult issues or our problems and we should really have adult friends or companions for that. I am married (my husband is also 38) for a year, together three years (my first marriage, his first "legal" one: He was "married" for a year but found out the license was never filed with the clerk) He got together with his daughter's mom shortly after his "marriage" ended and she got pregnant right away. He never married her because she's still married to her first husband (Divorce pending for 11 years)