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Foster children/Nephews

18 years ago

Maybe this is not the correct place to post this, but maybe my situation will be similar.

4 years ago, I took in my 2 nephews after they were taken away from their parents by the court system.

A year later, the judge sent them back to their natural parents (big mistake)

I have one 21yo and 2 19yo's. My nephews are 19 and 15.

As soon as my three left for college, the older nephew asked if he could move back in while he worked to finace his college (the parents had blown almost 1/2 million $ of inherited money on drugs, liquor and perversions)

He has been no problem, but his mother kicked the 15yo out of the house and the courts have again placed him with me.

3 years ago, when my nephews were sent back to their parents, it was just in time because 5 boys in 1,800 sf was a powder keg waiting to explode.

The big ones wouldn't pay attention to the little one, so the little one would pester them until they got mad and they put him in a half nelson (my boys are wrestlers) The little one starts crying(he's not hurt, just mad), but who's to blame? The big kids want to be left alone and the little one wants to hang with them. My boys are really resenting this situation but the only alternative is for my 15 yo nephew to go into an unknown foster home in "the system"

My older one's say that I favor the little one and they don't feel like this is their home any more (maybe they are working the psychological angle, but it's working)

I'm mad at the world because of the resentment and that my brother is such a jerk.

My other brother lives abot 3 hours away, his kids are grown and he won't lift a finger to help He's been a scout leader for over 25 years and she is a retired teacher which would be perfect because the little one is about 2-1/2 years behind in school. Plus, it would get the little one away from some of his bad influenced friends.

Thanks for letting me vent.....

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Comments (3)

colleenoz
18 years ago
I can't help but feel that since your older boys have left for college, then your place ISN'T really their home any more since they can surely only be "home" for short visits. And after a few years of short visits, they'll be out in the world on their own and won't be coming "home" any more anyway. They can't claim it as their territory forever, though of course you will be glad to have them come to you for visits, as I am with my adult daughter.
Similarly, since they aren't "home" to see you "favouring" the younger nephew, unless your "favouring" directly affects them (Mom, can you send me $100? Sorry, I gave all our money to your cousin), it's hard to know how they justify their objections.
Make it clear to the younger one (I wouldn't call him the "little one", to me it kind of sets him up to behave like a "little one") to leave his older cousins/brother alone when they are at your place unless they specifically invite him. He has to respect their space. Encourage him to make friends of his own- maybe join the scouts in your area or take up some kind of sport or similar activity?
I admire your kindness in taking in your nephews.
momcat2000
Original Author
18 years ago
Thanks Colleen. All the boy's will be home this summer and there is usually one home every weekend.
If Geo (younger nephew) stays with us, he will rejoin scouts and WILL pick a sport.
He has "good" friends and "bad" friends both from public and Catholic schools(He's a little charmer when it suits his needs)
It may seen like I am favoring Geo, but he needs SO MUCH WORK to get him up to where he should be in so many things. He ended up on house arrest (another story) and my boys are mad that he's putting me through all this. I feel that the house arrest is good because it might put "the fear of god" in him and now the courts can't let him fall through the cracks like they did last time.
I don't want the older boy's to feel that this is not their home, my parents did that to me and I felt so alone and unwanted.
Thanks again for letting me vent
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lonepiper
18 years ago
Have you talked to your boys and asked them to help you?? Sometimes it's really nice to know that someone needs your help - even if that someone is their superhero mom asking THEM for the help!!! What wonderful role models your boys would be for their younger cousins! And perhaps, once they realize that they are actually doing it for YOUR benefit, they would be very willing to help... It might actually make your sons realize how much you value and admire the men they have grown into.

Also, have you talked to your boys about how it must feel for your nephews? Or talked to your boys about how you felt when you were pushed out of your home and you don't want them to feel the same way?

Open communication ALWAYS works!!

Good luck!

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