Is this high school, or what?

18 years ago

Okay, why do I feel as if I have stepped back in time to high school. This is becoming nothing but a catfight between certain chatters.

Really. Bio moms like to blame every problem with children on the stepmom and/or ex husband. Step moms like to blame every problem on the bio mom. Some like to blame the kids. There is no shortage of blame accusations going around, and its ALWAYS someone elses fault.

What amazes me is the extent of personal attacks going on. For god's sake, who really cares if someone made mistakes twenty years ago? It doesnt make them less of a person now, nor, in fact, did it make them less of a person twenty years ago. It just made the a person making a mistake, and if there is ANYONE out there who didnt make mistakes as a young person, my hat is off to you.

My biggest mistake was marrying my ex :D

Its also more than understandable that some people hang on to pain much longer than they need to. Sometimes, feeling the pain seems to be a better solution than letting it go, because letting it go is scary and requires change. The problem with becoming hung up on the past is that everything you see in the now is filtered through your past experiences. It makes you lash out at people who really have nothing to do with your situation. Until someone can let go of what was and see the opportunity in what might be, their life will go around in circles. Its not the best way to live, but it is understandable. You have to be ready to make the change, and everyone is ready when , well, they are ready. You cant force it.

I will say that letting go, and moving toward healing and forgivness is a wonderful feeling, better than losing twenty lbs. It opens the future and lest you see what MIGHT be, instead of the pain that was past.

This reads like a bunch of psychobabble, even to me, and I wrote it. I guess the point is that none of us know each other well enough to condemn a person for their choices and their attitudes, neither current ones, nor past mistakes. If your feelings get hurt by what perfect strangers say , maybe a forum isnt the best place for you.

I just get sick of individual attacks going on. A huge dose of compassion is in order for any of the other posters who dont see things quite as we do ourselves. Empathy can never hurt.

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Comments (3)

sugarland-girl
18 years ago
Well said! Some people never do mentally grow up. They stay in high school, spotlighting all the mistakes others have made in their life. And for what reason, to make all their own personal mistakes seem to be not so bad. How childish! Mistakes in life are inevitable! We all make them and we all will continue to make them until the day we die. Mistakes are a good and healthy thing in life. It allows us to learn and grow as an individual and enables us to become better and empathetic people. So to judge someone based on "their past" mistakes shows you yourself have not learned enough from your own! Or maybe those people, like in high school, have not come to truely love themselves enough yet and still take pleasure in the pain of others!!

Be nice people! Everyone has a different life story and no one should be judged because of theirs.
imamommy
18 years ago
Kathline, the only line in your post I don't necessarily agree with is:

"If your feelings get hurt by what perfect strangers say , maybe a forum isnt the best place for you."

People come to a forum like this for many reasons, but one of them is they might be in crisis. They want helpful advice and support. Not insults and low blows. We all have our point of view and want to be right. But, what is right for one person may not be right for the next. Maybe it shouldn't matter what a perfect stranger says, I didn't run from my computer in tears. But obviously it refreshed an old wound for me and caused me to relive those feelings. It doesn't matter if a stranger said it. Should every person that has ever suffered through something terrible stay away from a public place so a perfect stranger won't inflict their hateful words on them, or should we as perfect strangers reserve our use of hateful words and direct them at people we know, if we are going to be hateful? See, I don't think in the real world, anyone would have the courage to say to another person, some of the things said here. It's a pity that so many nice people have come and left this forum because they are treated so badly and there is so much hostility.

But, your post is very true and I hope everyone that reads it feels the same way... except that one line. Our feelings are what make us human and can't or shouldn't be turned off. There's a difference between hurt feelings when someone personally attacks you versus disagreeing on views. I don't get my feelings hurt a bit if someone disagrees with me.
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nivea
18 years ago
Geez, this is stupid.

First of all, this forum is for stepfamilies. I don't see a disclaimer anywhere saying who should and shouldn't post. It doesn't say only for stepparents. I am a stepdaughter and a BM with a child who is part of a stepfamily. I've posted problems on both sides of my issues concerning stepfamilies and have gotten very good advice that I wouldn't get on a single mom forum or that people on a single mom forum would necessarily understand.

I do think that people shouldn't post problems if they are going to get very offended. You are going to get all types of responses on a forum like this. The fact of the matter is, we are not in each others living rooms. This is the internet and this forum is not moderated. This happens everywhere. Additionally, if the problem is so severe, the poster should be seeking professional advice rather than anonymous advice over the internet.

I agree the personal attacks are too much, but I think *everyone* needs to look at themselves to see if they are contributing. Not one side of the equation.

Also,

Is this high school, or what?

Comments (3)

sugarland-girl

imamommy

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nivea

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