BM's drinking again

16 years ago

I guess our suspicions the other night were accurate.

Last night, we were surprised that SS didn't get a single phone call from his BM. Ordinarily, she will call 2-4 times throughout an afternoon and evening. There is ALWAYS, 100% of the time a bedtime phone call.

So last night, at 8 pm, DH handed SS the phone and said "call your mom to say goodnight." Surprisingly, she did not pick up her cell. (That is the line SS always calls her on.)

Given how she had chewed him out the other night, SS immediately freaked. He must have called her about 10 times in 30 mintues. He was SO SCARED. He was telling me and DH that his mom had been in an accident, or she'd been stabbed, or she was sick...etc. He was going through all these awful possibilities of what could have happened for her to not answer or call.

DH & I tried to reassure him that maybe she wasn't hearing the phone ring, or maybe b/c she is pregnant, she was tired and had fallen asleep.

Finally, around 9 pm when SS was STILL AWAKE and still very upset, I suggested he call his grandma, BM's mom. She lives really close to BM and I figured she could at least put SS's mind at ease. So SS called her and she said she would figure out where BM was and have her call.

About 15 mins later, the phone rang and it was BM's HUSBAND. He told SS that his mom had "gone to the store" and would "probably be gone for a long time." He said she'd forgotten her cell at home.

This seemed to calm SS and he finally went to sleep about 9:30.

But DH & I thought this seemed odd. BM NEVER EVER forgets to call her son and say goodnight. She always calls at bedtime and 99% of the time, she calls a couple other times around dinner and in the evening. It just didn't seem likely that she'd be at the "store" at 9 pm for over an hour. And if she ever did do that and forget her cell, she'd RUSH home to call SS.

Maybe you have to know the situation but the whole scene made alarm bells go off for both of us.

Sure enough, around 11 PM, DH got a rambling message from BM; she sounded like she'd had a few, but she wasn't totally wasted. She was crying in the message and saying how sorry she was she hadn't talked to SS and she loves him so much, he is her angel and her heart, blah blah. The lovey-dovey rambling stuff is par for the course when she's drinking.

It doesn't surprise me, but it makes me wonder how out of control things will get this time. And I hope that SS can be sheltered from it. :(

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (11)

silversword
16 years ago
I understand. You have a routine that's usually followed. When it wasn't, bells started ringing.

Poor SS. That must have been really scary for him. I think of those things too when people don't call. I can usually talk myself down, but kids have a much harder time.

I've forgotten though, she's pregnant?
lovehadley
Original Author
16 years ago
"I've forgotten though, she's pregnant?"

Yep, she is due in about 10 weeks with #3.
Related Discussions
WANTED: What do you drink and not drink?
Q
Comments (77)
It was fun reading all of this, especially since it goes back to '06. That first post of Lars with the cherry cream soda...yummmy. I only consume coffee if it's ice cream, Kahlua or some other dessert. I like tea, black, green, but not any spiced teas. Really dislike mint too. Mostly I drink flavored unsweetened seltzer, iced tea or lemonade. Occasionally I'll have a fruit soda, but I find them too sweet these days so I mix them with my seltzer. Alcohol? Not really. Don't like wine as a rule. I can deal with a little champagne or Asti. Will drink vodka, that Kahlua making it a Black Russian. Smiles. I can go several years or more without having any alcohol. Last year I turned my current [at the time] vodka into vanilla. This fall an old friend from high school came to visit and brought a bottle of vodka. I had 2 light Cape Cods and when he left I turned the Svedka into vanilla. LOL. In winter in the evening we either have hot tea or hot cocoa often. I do love hot chocolate made with cocoa or even a nice chocolate bar.
...See More
Police at my door....again!
Q
Comments (32)
I'm so sorry for your problems, Love. From my own experience with SKs AND watching my DD deal with BM who has worked for an attorney and knows exactly how to play the legal system, I say with all love--GET OUT NOW!! I've read the posts that said for you to not worry, that the truth would come out and everything will work out ok. BZZZZZ... wrong answer. BM has nothing but time. It doesn't cost her anything to ruin your life and it will cost you MANY MANY $$$$ and you still may lose everything. I came from a very loving Christian family and had no clue these type people existed. When I married DH I truly thought we were going to have a loving family like mine. I honestly was thinking "The Waltons". I was a Deputy Sheriff for 26 years and they still tried to ruin my life with false accusations. All of them are grown and out of my house except the youngest who I've raised since he was 18 months old. He is 15 now. I worry so much that they will turn him against me when he starts into those teenage hormone induced rebellion years. So far he has been great and I love him with all of my heart. I still wait for 'the other shoe to drop'. My DD is in an even worse situation. All I can do is try to be supportive of her and try to be here to help her pick up the pieces for herself and her 3 kids when she finally gives up. She is not as strong as I am and I worry for her sanity. She is pregnant with her 3rd child now and the Dr has her on antidepressants!!! He swears it won't hurt the baby. Meanwhile the BM of her SS is marching on with her smear tactics and court cases. It NEVER ends. They learn how the court system works and play it perfectly. Please... with all sincerity and concern for you and your DD, I say again- GET OUT while you can. Being a good, honest, law-abiding citizen doesn't really help in the screwed up legal system now. BTW, I will be buying the "Divorce Poison" book. Just maybe it can help my DD. I wish you Luck. You will need it. Betty PS- I don't know any other way to report the above facts. When I re-read it, it sounded bitter. I truly don't mean for it to be. It is sad. The young children are the losers here and that is sad. Stay true to yourself and do what is best to protect yourself and especially your DD. God Bless You. Betty
...See More
BM moved again!!!
Q
Comments (8)
That is what I was thinking. She knows she is horrible and that is why she tries to cover it up. We have not told my skids that we found out bm left state yet. I know that they are hurt that she does not call or visit them, but I think that when they find out she is no longer even in state that they will be more upset. We are not even sure how to tell them this. Yesterday I tried to call her cell # (private of course) to see if she even has it still. Disconnected! So if the kids wanted to call her they can't!! This lady just never stops amazing me with her selfishness!
...See More
BM financial problems
Q
Comments (17)
"I am curious as to why BM would see if she could move in with her X, if her parents would make a home for her. How big is BMs parents house?" This was a couple years ago. Because she is crazy, that's why. :) No...it was because she had already lived with her parents for 2-3 months in between boyfriends and didn't want to do it again. She broke up with the guy she had lived with for two years, and lived with her parents for about two or three months before moving in with her now-DH. Her reason for wanting out of her parents' house at the time was that they set down a bunch of rules. They told her she had to get a job and/or go back to school or some sort of trade program. They put stipulations on how late she could stay out, said she was not allowed to come home drunk, had to help with cleaning, cooking, etc. At the time, BM was probably 29-30ish and she was infuriated that they would lay down rules---she was especially ticked that her younger sister lived at home, had a suite in the basement remodeled for her, had no rules, etc. What BM didn't seem to get is that her sister has her master's in Education, teaches full-time and just has her life together overall. So of course her parents treat her like an adult--because she behaves like one. Anyway---I don't know how big their home is, I know that BM and SS were sharing a room when they lived there, so I guess maybe it's a 3 bedroom? I mean, I don't blame her for not WANTING to do that, but geez....sometimes things aren't always what we want. And to me--- her wanting to move in us with US---not just her EX, KKNY, but her ex and his then-fiancee----is absolutely insane! WHO would want to do that? A crazy person!
...See More
silversword
16 years ago
Ouch.
finedreams
16 years ago
can only imagine what it does to unborn baby. is she aware of a health danger for an unborn child? well it is nothing you can do but if that continues I wonder if custody agreement needs to be revisited. unsupervised 50/50 is no good with drinking parents. not to say that drinking parents should not see minor kids at all, but somebody else (sober) got to be there.
lovehadley
Original Author
16 years ago
"I wonder if custody agreement needs to be revisited. unsupervised 50/50 is no good with drinking parents. not to say that drinking parents should not see minor kids at all, but somebody else (sober) got to be there."

It doesn't matter. We have been in court over drinking before. Basically, unless she does something again to endanger SS WHILE HE IS WITH HER, there is nothing we can do.

DH was able to get the parenting plan modified (stemming from the incident where she tried to drink/drive with SS) and there is now a stipulation that says she cannot consume alcohol while SS is in her care.

But the problem is:

A.) That is SO HARD to prove.

B.) She can pretty much do whatever she wants on her own time.

If things really went off in the deep end again, if she were to get a 2nd DWI or something, then maybe DH might be able to revisit the issue in court.

I know it seems like it should be open/shut; she has a drinking problem, SS should be with us more. But unfortunately, for those of us who have been through the family court system, that is just not how it works. It's not as black and white as it sometimes should be.
finedreams
16 years ago
yeah, plenty of parents in intact families drink and no one takes kids away, so i guess there is a logic to it.

my ex's father is a heavy drinker, he does not bother anyone, he is a quiet drinker, yet come to think of it he is never asked to babysit ex's kids (and DD when she was young) on his own(because he drinks every night). always in XMIL's presence or just her in his absence. my ex would not allow him to be around kids alone. he is a good person yet never attempted to quit. ex and his mother gave up.
pseudo_mom
16 years ago
go online :) look up parenting and pregnancy/drinking information ... I bet atleast one site will have a place where you can have something "mailed to you" (hint hint) so you can read up how to help her if she comes knocking on your door then your face next time she has had a few.

(whispers) Maybe if she thinks someone is on to her she will ease up atleast the for the last tri-mester...
ceph
16 years ago
I'm appalled.
But not surprised.
And I wish your family strength.
silversword
16 years ago
ditto ceph
mom2emall
16 years ago
It bothers me that this lady is pregnant and drinking. But what really shocks me is that the baby's father seems to know about it!! He covered for her son by saying she was going to be at the store for a long time?? You would think if anyone would be on her about drinking while pregnant it would be the father of the unborn child! Geez...what is wrong with people!
yabber
16 years ago
Quote from LoveHadley:

But the problem is:

A.) That is SO HARD to prove.

B.) She can pretty much do whatever she wants on her own time.

If things really went off in the deep end again, if she were to get a 2nd DWI or something, then maybe DH might be able to revisit the issue in court.

I know it seems like it should be open/shut; she has a drinking problem, SS should be with us more. But unfortunately, for those of us who have been through the family court system, that is just not how it works. It's not as black and white as it sometimes should be.

End of Quote.

Same thing here Love, exactly the same thing. BM kept drinking while she was pregnant and now that baby is here she's put it up a notch. We've tried to get her help/ help the skids etc, but like you're saying, it's not all black and white, like it should be. BM is so good at hiding the drinking and keeping up appearances, she's a real toxic parent and keeping secrets is survival mechanism for the kids. But they suffer. It's no good.

BM's drinking again

Comments (11)

silversword

lovehadley
Original Author

Related Discussions

silversword

finedreams

lovehadley
Original Author

finedreams

pseudo_mom

ceph

silversword

mom2emall

yabber

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

BM's drinking again

Comments (11)

lovehadleyOriginal Author

Related Discussions

lovehadleyOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

lovehadley
Original Author

lovehadley
Original Author