What would you do?

16 years ago

So SD's mom was out of town for the week, and let us know she would be back in time today to pick up SD at school for her weekend. Fine and dandy.

Last night, SD asked mom over the phone if she could go home with a friend instead and out with her family to a basketball game. She would not be dropped off at mom's until 11:00ish. Mom said no.

This morning, minutes before school stared SD called me to tell me her mom had called her cell phone to tell her her flight was delayed and she wouldn't be getting in until 7pm. SD's step-grandpa would pick her up at school. Fine, though it would have been nice for one of us to hear about this from mom herself so we knew where SD would be.

About 3:00 DH gets a call from SD's school principal saying that SD is going home on the bus with friend - is that okay? DH does not know as he's heard nothing past mom would be getting her, SD says she talked to mom and it's okay, so he says fine.

About 4:00 DH gets a call from SD asking if he has her step-dad's number. Why? Because the friend and her parents are leaving for the basketball game and she doesn't know if she should go - mom's phone is turned off.

We do not have any contact info for anyone other than mom. We have heard nothing of mom's plans; when/where she expects to pick up SD or have SD dropped off, what she had okay'd or not . . . nothing. Mom did not talk to the friend's mom, who gets on the phone with DH quite confused because she doesn't know what to do with SD and they need to leave.

So . . . what would you do in this situation?

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Comments (7)

imamommy
16 years ago
I think somebody should call BM and find out if her flight was really delayed because it sounds like SD is playing all the adults to get what she wants here. It's really up to BM to decide how to handle it since she's the one that said no and it all happened on her watch. (well, it was mom's time anyways, even if she wasn't actually 'watching')
justnotmartha
Original Author
16 years ago
Mom's phone was shut off - we all tried calling it. I don't doubt the delay story as I heard about the snow in Texas where she was stopping over. We had no way to reach her or anyone else in her family to verify anything.
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imamommy
16 years ago
If I couldn't reach mom or her family, I'd probably pick up SD and keep her until mom got there.
kkny
16 years ago
If SD couldnt reach mom or her family, I would expect DH to either pick her up or treat her as if still on his watch (which would mean if that is a friend she could go to, that would be OK)
mistihayes
16 years ago
I think the BM should be communicating with DH/SM about intentions & plans. Then everyone would be on the same page regarding DD. Always good to have a plan A & B when flying & can't be reached.
Jonesy
16 years ago
I think the child's father should step in. If he can't reach her mother or find out something from the grandfather he needs to collect the child. I don't understand why the child's father is not involved in this instead of you. I didn't have a problem with my step daughter as a teenager because I didn't try to be her mother..... my husband took care of it, it was his job.
justnotmartha
Original Author
16 years ago
I'm sorry Jonesy, I fail to see where my DH wasn't involved? I'm pretty sure I wrote that my Dh talked to the school principal, my DH talked to the friend's mom and my DH tried to call BM. My involvement was to take a phone call from the SD that morning - the same call I get every morning from her to let me know she made the walk to school okay. No where did I say I have problems with my SD, we actually have a wonderful relationship and she refers to me as her mom. I thank you for your incorrect assumptions and hostility though.

As for the solution, my DH went straight to the friends house,picked up SD, left her mom a message as to where she would be and brought her home. He is also the one who talked to her when she finally called about why her lack of planning was a poor choice. She, of course, took the defensive and said it wasn't her fault - she was traveling. All DH had to say was that had she involved him in the planning and let him know what their daughter would be doing he could have made better informed decisions. Mom actually said she had okay'd SD going to the game and the late drop off . . . so why them did SD need to call to see if it was okay? The holes in her story are many, but it's not worth pointing them all out to her. It could never be that she planned poorly and executed worse . . . it's never her fault.

What would you do?

Comments (7)

imamommy

justnotmartha
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What would you do?

Comments (7)

imamommy

justnotmarthaOriginal Author

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