Consider divorce over step kids
dell123
11 years ago
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colleenoz
11 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agoRelated Discussions
Resenting husband for enabling disrespectful step kids
Comments (29)I am dealing with a 13 year old stepson that has pushed me to the point that I absolutely DESPISE HIM!!! I feel so guilty for feeling like this!!! He is spoiled and entitled and he goes out of his way to disrespect me and speaks to me like I am just a pest living in HIS house. He keeps arguments going constantly between his father and I. He comes in our bedroom and goes through my dresser drawers and takes my socks, clothes, anything that he feels like that he wants and he says that everything in this house belongs to him because it is HIS house. His dad told him that this is his house one day when he grows up. By him saying that at some point, the kid assumes that this is his house! Nevermind that I pay the Bill's and cook, clean, buy the food that he eats etc!! When I say anything to his dad about it, he defends the kid and says that I am always on the kid about something. In fact his father encourages and laughs about his son treating me like garbage. He says "hes just joking with you" and "that's just how he picks and plays". The kid knows what he is doing and he is so disrespectful and continues because he has no consequences for anything that he does wrong. He stole my bank card a few months ago and spent $140 on his xbox game. When I discovered it, I told his daddy. Within an hour the kid was playing on the xbox. His daddy said "it's ok, he will pay it back". No consequences!! The kid busts up in the bedroom when he feels like it when I am asleep. I swear I have said that I am gonna start sleeping naked, that will maybe teach him. He is always saying things about his mother and how his dad will never get over his mom and will always love her etc etc!!! He is always involving his daddy in his mother's business!! I swear I have tried and tried and tried to have a positive relationship with this kid but it's impossible. It is making me despise him and his daddy for being so enabling and letting the kid treat me like he does and talk to me the way that he does!!! It is on the verge of my packing and leaving!! A person can't take but so much!!!...See MoreDH & ex have been divorced over 40 yrs, ex entering back into his
Comments (11)Mary 1956, whoever said that there is something wrong with you because it bothers you that your husband's ex-wife is included in his family in a way you aren't has obviously never experienced this kind of hurtful treatment. I have! I am not sure why people act as they do, but a friend of mine told me that many people just don't have the ability to think about other people's feelings like "we" do. I am not sure I agree, but I do see it on a daily basis. Why your husband's ex-wife doesn't see how inappropriate her attendance at his family functions is eludes me. My guess is that she doesn't give a rat's a__ about your husband or you. She must not have any pride. Maybe she does it to hurt your husband and you. Even if your husband says something to his family, it may not help. I am in almost the identical situation, and although my husband and I haven't been married for as long as you, his ex-wife attends many of his families events. To make matters worse, she had an affair that ended their relationship about 15 years ago, and his family seems to not care. She has driven a wedge between him and his kids, and they don't seem to care about that either. And she has done everything she can to prevent me from having a relationship with his adult kids, and for some reason these kids just allow themselves to be manipulated. I hate to say this, but there is probably not much you can do about the situation unless your husband can influence his family. In my mind, they shouldn't have to understand why it bother's you, they should just accept that it does, that YOU are part of the family, and that they should make things comfortable for YOU. Good luck and let us know how things work out!...See Morestep kids/ex wives/babysitters oh my!
Comments (3)Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement. Somedays it is really hard to know what the best thing to do is. I used to try and suggest things directly to my dh's ex, but I am always met with "you don't know what it's like because you've never been a mother" Which is true I don't and won't be having children of my own..dh had the operation after the youngest was born-due to complications he does not want to reverse it-we talked extensively about this prior to our marriage, so it was not a surprise. Maybe it has had the effect of me wanting to be closer to my step daughters knowing that they are the closest to children I will have, I just don't know how to do it without upseting her. The thing is that I can in some aspects sympathize with her-I understand that things have not been easy for her in life either. Her father died when she was young, she got pregnant at 17 (dh was 22-the man she left for was older than my dh-I suspect she has spent her life looking for a father type figure-as by accounts by dh & her sister-she did not accept her step dad) Ex is actually a couple years younger than me. Back to the point....My oldest sd was a twin; they were born at 26 weeks. The oldest twin suffered a brain tumor and the doctors felt it was best to take her off life support. Dh feels that his ex never forgave him as she feels that he forced her to consent to let their child die. I can understand this somewhat, (I know as a sister losing is not the same as a mother) my own family dealt with this when my mother became pregnant with twins (which were born at about 26-27 weeks-unfortunately within a year both passed away) when I was 13. I just feel that if bm would lose some of her anger that it could make all of our lives easier. Not that I am saying it is all her fault either-as I mentioned the conversations between dh & ex would turn into shouting matches...I know my dh still holds a resentment at coming home twice to find that she emptied out their home and moved into an apartment with another man. I just can't understand why she has to make things so hard when all dh wants to do is what's best for his daughters and have a good relationship with them. I have tried being friendly, I've tried staying out of her way, but I really don't know what it will take to make her happy-maybe if I disappeared of the face of the earth? I once asked her if her bf's ex made her feel wrong for wanting to do things with his sons...she said that her bf's ex treated her awfully and all she wanted to do was nice things for her ss, but I guess it didn't register that when it comes to her daughters I am in the same position. Hopefully it will get better!! In the meantime I just love my sds when they are with us, do things with them, but also ensure that they have quality alone time with dad as well, and try to always be honest with them....and pray A lot!!...See MoreOlder step kids struggling
Comments (4)I agree that disengaging is a great idea. The "stepkids" were adults when you became involved with their father so there truly is no reason for him to have any contact with his ex... I'd have to agree with the ex wife in that regard. Of course, there are going to be graduations, weddings & grandchildren so there is going to be times everyone is in the same room & yes, it would be best if everyone could behave like adults & not make those situations uncomfortable... but you cannot control what someone else does. But, on day to day or even holidays, there is nothing you can do about the kids not coming around and you should probably plan things to make your daughter's holidays special. An invitation was offered & leave it at that. As a child of divorce, when I was in my early 20's I had to choose mom or dad's house. Many times I chose the parent that I felt "needed" me more than where I would have the most fun or enjoyment, which was usually my mom. After all, dad had remarried & had his wife... mom was all alone. I wonder if that's typical for children of divorce? Today I am in my 40's and have a great relationship with my dad, but I might have been resentful if my stepmom had gotten involved in my relationship with my dad... I was an adult when they got together & she had nothing to do with my upbringing. As it turned out, she stayed out of things to do with me & dad, but she did make an effort to have her own relationship with me, she didn't pressure or push but she was there & listened when I needed to talk or ask advice. I didn't really learn to appreciate it completely until I was in my 30's. I agree with focus on your child & your husband. The kids, as they mature, should come around. If they don't, it's their loss. Let your husband forge his own relationship with his own kids. Sometimes kids (in their 20's) want to cut the apron strings & don't want to have as much involvement with their parents. I believe if the ex bad mouths you or your husband... the kids are old enough to figure out if there's validity to the ex's claims and if not, they will eventually hold that against their mother. My mom talked bad about dad after the divorce. For a while, I stood by mom out of loyalty but as I got older, my relationship with mom is not very close while my relationship with dad has grown much closer. I'd suggest to back off & not give them a reason to believe anything their mom might say is true....See Moreknoco_18
8 years agolast modified: 8 years agotrentbeitz12
8 years agoHU-172008193
5 years agocolleenoz
5 years agoKaren Peltier
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoSunny Daze
4 years agoNicola Vaughan
last yearlast modified: last year
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