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Long distance step-parenting, advice?

15 years ago

Hello. I am new to this forum, I went searching for a step-parenting forum, because my SD lives in Connecticut and we live in California and I need help! I met her in Apr of 2004, yet feel so disconnected from her, she is 9 now. DH & I just got into a fight about visitations. He is very passive when dealing with BM, and so, she has gotten her way most of the time. We only see my SD 1-3 times per year, for about a week each time. (Even though the court agreement states we should see her for both winter, spring and summer breaks from school, for a total of 6 weeks.) On ALL of those visits, we share her with her maternal-grandparents who live near us. And BM accompanies SD on all the visits to CA from CT. So needless to say, we don't see her very much.

I want to learn how to show SD how much I care about her and to hopefully strengthen our relationship, as well as her relationship with my DH (her dad). I'm fearful that BM is telling SD that we do not care about her, etc.

BM and I have exchanged some not-so-nice words, so last year I stopped all communication between her and myself. I regret the way I acted, I was thrown into a bad situation and was not prepared for it. Now I see that it was wrong, and I want to make ammends, somehow. The most important thing is my SD. I worry that we do not do ENOUGH. DH calls my SD at least 2-3 times a week, sends cards, books, gifts. But that is always DH's doing, I never call her, bc I do not know what to say or how to connect over the phone.

Any advice? TIA!

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