I think you are going about it correct. Keep feelings at a distance and yes...no direct payment and get the court involved to make sure its all legal. Save everyone on the line here.
And i have to agree...she should not collect child support of the child is not inthe USA. If that is the law then so be it...
How come you are paying spousal support?? She didn't havea job when you guys were married? You have to support your ex as well????

I cant tell if Eldorado stopped paying paying CS and hasnt paid since the child went home. And mom had no options. I keep reading "I am committed" but dont know what is really happening now.

"And i have to agree...she should not collect child support of the child is not inthe USA"

Kind of a sidetrack, but is this really the law? That surprises me! The child still exists and needs support, regardless of whether he/she lives in the US or not. Perhaps it is just more difficult to enforce when the child lives in another country.

As far as Eldorado goes, I also cannot tell if he's current on his child support or not. He claims he is but his ex-wife's email indicates otherwise.

The way I read it, the child is out of the country going to school and mom may still be living in this country, not with the child. In that case, the mother should not necessarily be getting support for the child, but it should go to whoever is providing for the child.

Either way, it's the responsibility of BOTH parents to support a child and regardless of where the child is, support should be sent to where the child is for her support, by BOTH parents.

eldorado,

I have to admit I am somewhat skeptical about her intentions now because she originally made the offer to allow you to continue making payments through CSS, and now seems to be expressing a desire to "change the deal". On this issue, I would hold firm.

Am I understanding correctly that your X is also in the U.S. and it is only your daughter who is living in India? If so, then your X has just every bit as much to lose as you do by leaving her daughter there, and just as much to gain by bringing her back to the U.S.

If my understanding is correct, then I would be willing to bet money that she has been missing her daughter just as much as you, and was planning on bringing her back ANYWAY! I would also be willing to bet money that the ONLY reason she even started communicating with you is because she knows full well that once she does, she would not be able to stop you from enforcing your visitation rights--regardless of whether or not you are making any payments whatsoever! So she figures she might as well strike a deal with you, because it's in her own best interests to do so.

So she's not really doing you any favors, but hey! That's business! And I seriously recommend you NOT give her any indication that you know this because if you do, you risk turning the negotiations into a "pissing contest" and if that happens, well, for the sake of their own pride, some people will even hurt themselves by giving up the very thing they want the most, and she just might retaliate by leaving your daughter in India.

And my bet is also that she is currently paying a pretty steep fee to the relatives or whoever in India she left your daughter with--I doubt they're taking care of your daughter for her for free! Oh, and if she left them with, say, her parents? Well then my bet is also that her parents may have so bonded with your daughter that your X is starting to realize if she doesn't bring her daughter back soon, she may have a real problem getting her back at all!

As far as child support goes, well, the laws on this vary from state-to-state, however it generally is determined by a set formula--and almost every state has the calculations for this right on line. All you have to do is to google, "child support calculator" along with the name of your state, input the variables requested, and the result should tell you exactly what you will be required to pay.

So first, use the above method to find out how much you will be required to pay in child support, let her know that you've looked it up, along with the results, and also give her a link to the website so she may do the same. Then I would ask her for the DATE she is thinking of bringing your daughter back, and let her know that you will make the first payment on that very same date.

I also recommend you make the offer to at least help pay the expenses of your daughter's return, at least 1/2 the plane fare, if not all. In all fairness, you shouldn't have to pay anything as you were not the one who sent her away, but "fair" doesn't matter right now, your only concern for the time being should be to get your daughter HERE!

But I wouldn't bring that up right now in this initial stage of negotiations. I would first run your proposal for CS past her first, and save the issue of plane fare for a little later, to "sweeten the pot" so to speak.

And again, do "whatever it takes", within reason of course. And remember, the second your daughter's plane lands, if your X gives you any indication that she will be unreasonable or if she threatens or if you even SUSPECT for a single second that she might try shipping your daughter off again, then IMMEDIATELY run to a lawyer to have an "ex parte" or emergency motion filed to prevent her from doing so. An "ex parte" motion can generally be granted the VERY SAME DAY it is filed, and if she tries to send your daughter off anyway, not only can she be arrested and held in jail for "contempt of court" but will be subject to federal kidnapping charges as well.

And once your daughter is here, well, if your X is now working and making her own money--and especially if she's doing well, you may very well be able to go back into court for a modification of the "spousal support", which very few states now even grant ANY "spousal support," and the ones that do, it's usually only for a certain time period anyway.

All of that's a mote point though until, again, you get your daughter HERE, so again, "whatever it takes", but I do tend to think you're in a much stronger position with her than you may realize--but again, it would serve no purpose in letting her know that and might actually harm your chances, so for now, I recommend you just comply.

As far as the money you have been putting in trust? In order to answer as to whether or not you should tell your X about this, I would need some idea what type of trust account it is? Is this a trust in your name, or one in your daughter's name? Who has control over the money in this trust?

who cares where children live, they still are children. eldorado's story makes no sense to me.

unless one lives in a country where money cannot be sent legally (like Iran) it is possible to send child support anywhere.

for the last several years while i live in the US, my X lives somewhere else. it didn't prevent him from helping raising his daughter and also reguraly seeing her.

we are not talking here about 17th century. Airplanes are fast, banks transfers are fast, credit and debit cards, trusts etc. Transfering money is quick and easy. Also visiting is easy and very much possible. nowadays living in different countries does not prevent people from reguraly seeing each other. DD is in college in a foregn country, quiet a distance fromn both me and X (closer to him though). and we both still see her all the time.

eldorado neither saw his daughter nor helped with child support so what is the excuse unless of course we are talking about North Korea or Iran (can visit, just cannot send money). Is it India? far but not impossible.