Until it comes to the point where they are teenagers I don't think kids cost nearly as much as people say. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong? I'd still have the same bills except for additional costs in health insurance, food, a slight increase in electricity, and clothes. I think the real cost will come when DD gets her drivers license. I have always made the same amount of food. Now that the two boys are out of the house, we have leftovers we don't eat and throw away. We have never gone out and spent fortunes on clothes. The kids have never had the latest and greatest toys or gagets but they certainly haven't been deprived. I tend to be very frugal, I started out having to be that way and have found I don't know how to do anything else even now that we do have a significantly higher income bracket. I guess that's why even though the lions share of the cost of raising DD is on me and my husband, I haven't ever wanted or desired to ask BF for cs. DD lives with us both equally, I pay for health insurance, most clothes, co payments, deductibles, I paid for orthodontics, hearing aids and glasses. He pays for school lunches and camp and band trips. I have been claiming her on my taxes to make up the difference.

"And I hear a lot about SMs going on crusies etc. I dont." Maybe you should have said you choose not to...not that SM's get to and you don't! And your quotes about children attending college in intact marriages is pretty useless on a stepfamily forum. Maybe your dd won't complete college since your not in an "intact" family! Maybe my son will go into the trades and become an electrician or plumber and not need 4 years of college. Maybe my ss will open his own successful business and not need a 4 year degree. Maybe my sd will become the next famous choreographer since she is so good at dancing. Maybe my other sd will join the military and make that a life long career. A four year degree helps, but is not for everyone! I do hope that all our children go to college for four years, at least to have it to fall back on. As much as I wish we could afford it all it is impossible for us. Maybe my skids bm will save us all the money she should have paid in cs and contribute towards her kids college education!! (doubtful, but I forgot she does not HAVE to do anything and she is okay in your book because she is their BM and if she does not see fit to contribute financially thats okay, but if it were my dh not paying support and her raising the kids then you would be cutting him down) Whats going to happen with your financial deal with exh if your dd decides she doesn't want to get a 4 year college education?

The huge problem is, as I have said, that he already switched to part time a while ago. So, when they calculate his average pay it will be at part time which was already half of what he was making but still able to take care of child support and what bills he needed to cover... and CS is 2/3 of his income so if he loses another 40% off of what he is now making... the money simply is not there. And he by far does not make 1000.00 a week. And sometimes for some folks missing a day is a lot of money so missing four weeks is still alot of money. And, that is not even taking into consideration that I will have to somehow come up with the money to pay for the health insurance that would have come out of his check (and eats up another chunk of his money) At the end of the day there isnt much of his check left between the two so anything taken away from that is not good for us. And, it is a minimum of 4 weeks that he will be out... there is no gaurantee that it will only be four weeks...there is always the possibility of complications and what not. I make more money than my husband in general so I have always been the primary bread winner in the family. With the addition of cs being taken out of his check towards the end of last year ... that meant I bring a lot more money into the house than he does. That is why when someone needed to make adjustments to their schedule and/or work less it was him... we calculated what he needed to work to cover cs and a few other expenses and made the decision to have him stay home because BM wanted to put the kids in daycare and for us to pay for it and that was simply not an option. Now, we have run into him being injured so what was already a minimalized check is in the red so to speak because taking away another chunk of money means everything is not going to be covered period.

kk, I wasn't quoting TOS. I was responding to JNM and quoting JNM. I wasn't even talking about TOS whatsoever in my post, I was talking about my mom... and her skewed memory. I'm sure we all remember things the way we do, even if others remember them differently. It's called 'perception'. pseudo, I'm sure that's what it is... I know she would hate to see me taken advantage of... financially that is. As I was talking to my husband about this thread, he laughed... makes him feel like a gigolo... of course, he reminded me that one of the first things he did when he moved in was to pay off a credit card in my mom's name that I had used before I met him. It was a higher interest rate so he transfered it to his low rate card... nearly 5k. I'd forgotten about that... no, he didn't make me sign a contract or repayment agreement & we weren't even married yet. I could have stiffed him I guess. He also refinanced my car a month or two later with a low rate... he has a very high credit score, mine at the time was under 500 because of medical collections when I was ill & being a struggling single mom, couldn't pay. He helped me pay them off. Now, I have a pretty good credit score, most of the bad stuff has been paid and fallen off. I guess it might piss me off if he left me after his debt was paid and I was left in debt. But, since his credit gets the lower rates, even some of the things we've bought together are financed in his name alone. Of course, my name is on the title with him... on everything. (I guess my husband has some of that blind faith too... since he's titled me on the things he is paying off that he bought before he met me) Of course, I tell him that it's HIS truck & trailer when it comes time to wash them...lol) I know TOS means well and I appreciate her concern. It is thoughtful the way she and KKNY care enough to share their wisdom with me. I'm touched, really. It's also very sweet that FD cares so much about my son's education. I told him how she stood up for him and he said to tell her thank you. Then he asked me for money to fix his car & I told him to get a job.