My DD lives with me. I do not get CS. While my X makes appreciablby more than I do, at my income level, there are no state standards for support. Our agreement is he pays all extras, all college, no matter how expensive, car, insurance, etc until age 25.

As to someone lying, I suggest you deal with that through the courts.

And I hear a lot about SMs going on crusies etc. I dont.

What state do you live in that there are no standards for support with your income? It should be his income anyway that they look at. It sounds like you guys made a deviation away from cs & agreed to something else. Do you live in the U.S.?

I live in NY. AS I said, WHEN YOUR INCOME GOES ABOVE A CERTIAIN LEVEL, there are no NY state standards.

We likely will deal with it at some point, but money really isn't what drives us, and we know bio-mom is going through hard times with her marriage right now so upsetting her apple cart would only cause problems for SD and s@*t rolls downhill.

As for your cruise comment, the point I was making was that we, as the primary care givers, do not get such luxuries while bio-mom does. Basically, punching a hole in your argument that SM's get all the fun while the BM does all the work.

On another thread there was a conversation between SMs about cruises and vacations, etc. I dont make these things up.

Found this on "newyorkchildsupport.com"
"The court uses a standard guideline to calculate what the non-custodial parent will pay, based on the non-custodial parent's adjusted gross income and on the number of children involved. The court first determines the non-custodial parent's gross income, and then makes certain deductions (including Medicare, Social Security, and New York City or Yonkers tax) to establish the non-custodial parent's adjusted gross income. The court then multiplies the adjusted gross income by the standard guideline percentage for the number of children. These percentages are as follows:
17% for one child
25% for two children
29% for three children
31% for four children
at least 35% for five or more children.
Then the non-custodial parent's share of child care, medical, and educational expenses is added to the income percentage amount. The combined amount, percentage of income plus share of expenses, is the basic child support amount.
For incomes over $80,000, the court determines whether or not to use the percentage guidelines and may consider other factors in setting the full child support payment."

The courts would have ordered a certain amount if BF wouldn't have agreed to have the arrangement you have. They wouldn't just pop a number out of the sky. I'm sure there are many divorced people in NY who make over 80,000/year. The courts use some type of formula when figuring out cs.

My way of thinking is that BOTH parents have a responsibility to the child, financial and otherwise.

I could certainly afford to raise my child with no assistance at all. However, I feel that it is her fathers responsibility also.

I hear the same argument from my ex...he can't afford vacations or any extras for himself and his new family. I personally could care less. He makes the decision to have more children, to have a stay at home wife, to buy new cars. That in no way should effect the fact that he does have a child that he needs to support.

Let me get this straight, kkny's ex makes so much money, he doesn't have to pay a monthly support amount? There's a new spin on things. In that case, Brittany Spears shouldn't have to pay Kevin anything except college & the extras....lol

I think I would rather have a set amount (even if it isn't 'guideline') that I could count on. It would be a pain in the ass to have to send the ex my statements or an explanation of where I spend the money every month. I'd hate to be the ex of kkny.

No Ima, what I make is off the chart. And trust me, I make more than Kevin.

Now I am curious KKNY, what do you do to make so much money? And if you make an "off the charts" amount how come you can not afford a vacation?

Either your income is "off the charts" or you can't afford vacations.....which is it?

I can, but I what I said is I wouldnt unless retirement and college are funded. Those are my prioriites, which is the discussin. Actually I havent taken a vacation in a while, as I cant leave DD alone, and her sports schedule is pretty full.

I have noted before that children in intact marriages have a much better college attendance/graduation rate than children of divorced parents.

If you're income is 'off the charts' wouldn't it be better to take a lower paying job to spend time with your daughter so she has her mom and not an au pair? or if you make so much money, why is it so important to review your statements and make sure exH pays for everything you say he should. Yes, I think he should support his child but if you are capable with an income 'off the chart', then it just makes you look like a vindictive ex wife that is using money to hurt him or make him suffer for what he did to you. It's not really about making sure your daughter is provided for since you seem to have the means to provide more than enough for her. If your income is 'off the chart', I assume she doesn't go without.

Her days are as long as mine. Mine just starts earlier. After school she has practice, meets, tutors and now driving lessons (AHHHH).

I see no need to be in the house when she is asleep, as long as I have someone there. And excuse me, just because I can provide for her, doesnt mean he shouldnt. That doesnt make vindicative (except I guess in SMs eyes). Most people accept that dad should pay for a fair share, even if mom can. But not you. Fortunately the courts dont see it your way.

"And I hear a lot about SMs going on crusies etc. I dont."

Maybe you should have said you choose not to...not that SM's get to and you don't! And your quotes about children attending college in intact marriages is pretty useless on a stepfamily forum. Maybe your dd won't complete college since your not in an "intact" family! Maybe my son will go into the trades and become an electrician or plumber and not need 4 years of college. Maybe my ss will open his own successful business and not need a 4 year degree. Maybe my sd will become the next famous choreographer since she is so good at dancing. Maybe my other sd will join the military and make that a life long career. A four year degree helps, but is not for everyone! I do hope that all our children go to college for four years, at least to have it to fall back on. As much as I wish we could afford it all it is impossible for us. Maybe my skids bm will save us all the money she should have paid in cs and contribute towards her kids college education!! (doubtful, but I forgot she does not HAVE to do anything and she is okay in your book because she is their BM and if she does not see fit to contribute financially thats okay, but if it were my dh not paying support and her raising the kids then you would be cutting him down)

Whats going to happen with your financial deal with exh if your dd decides she doesn't want to get a 4 year college education?

I said

"Yes, I think he should support his child "

but what makes you look vindictive is, if you have income 'off the chart' and then you say:

"Everytime I read something like this I go back to my checkbook and credit card statements to make certain I get every dollar of extras paid for."

Yes, THAT makes you look vindictive!!!

He should be paying something (same amount) every month for his child's support but if you don't really need it, then going back to your list that you say you have to add to it is being a vindictive ex wife. I'm not saying that because you have a good income he shouldn't pay anything. But it's not like your struggling to provide for her... so why do you have to stick it to him more if it's not being vindictive? There should be an agreed amount because with your attitude, you are going to make him pay for his affair by nitpicking every penny he 'owes'. Like I said, I would hate to be your ex.

She will go to at least 4 years, if not graduate or professional school. She is a B student, closing in on As (A in English and Physics this semeester) in a demanding school in a demanding program. Right now she wants to go to law school. I think she might to better in other fields, but OK by me.

somebody asked kkny "Whats going to happen with your financial deal with exh if your dd decides she doesn't want to get a 4 year college education? "

Of course kkny can answer this question herself but I think it is pretty obvious that her kid IS going to go to college. I think by reading people's posts it is pretty easy to determine if particular kids are going to go to college or not. I had a similar arrangement and X pays for college in full and also cost of living. My CS was irregular and not that high. And to pay for college X had to save the money.