You all know about how my BF and I have been gradually working at making a more consistent environment for A__. I try to mostly go with the flow, but give my suggestions whne BF opens the door to it. He opened that door very wide the other night and we had one heck of a talk.

This talk started because we took A__ to a hockey game and he was very well-behaved at it! BF and I were talking the next day about how great it was to do something other than Warcraft with A__ ...

In this conversation BF said "Yeah, he likes to do other things too, he just is so high input that Warcraft is the only thing that seems to keep his attention. I want to do other things with him more, but I have such a hard time keeping him under control when we do... I hate when he's on Ritalin, but maybe I should ask BM if he can be on it on weekends so that he can do things other than Warcraft... I don't know what to do."

So I asked if he would like to know all the things I have found on the internet. We had a loooooong talk about things we do now, what works, what doesn't, things to try, things he does, things I do, how they differ, about what parts of A__'s life and ADHD troubles are the biggest hurdles at the moment, the neurochemistry of how A__ thinks and acts and how we can work with that, etc etc etc.

Here's "The Plan" we came up with that I would love some feedback on:

1) We're going to ask BM for firm plan of when A__ will be going back each time we pick him up. Then he knows and we know and everyone will be happier.

2) We're going to set a certain number of Warcraft hours for the time he will be with us, so that he can earn extra 15 minutes for good behavior and actually know he's getting it. We're going to make a Warcraft log to put by the desk to help us all keep track of the time. A__ is so visual that we think a chart or log will really be a hit.

3) We're going to have a stockpile of fun/educational/interesting/etc activities that each weekend we'll give a few ideas and say "Which one would you like to do?" and then we'll do it at some agreed upon point during the weekend. See the other thread I started for the ideas so far (called Hands-on/Active Ideas)

3) We talked about Mo4's timer idea awhile back. Since BF liked the idea, I found a timer that will work well for us. A__ has responded well to "It's time to do ___. Do you need 5 minutes or 10?" (I don't recall whose idea that was, but it's great). So we're going to meld that with the timer so that he learns better time management but feels like he gets a say in it. Plus he loves electronics, so setting the timer should be fun for him.

4) We think written rules might be a big jump for the moment, so we came up with something based on TOS's (I think) suggestion of pictorial steps and rules. For some of the things A__ should and shouldn't be doing, we're going to print out Do and Don't images (you know with the red-slash circle for Don't and the green circle for Do) and put them in the places he needs the reminder. So a "Do" for handwashing in the kitchen and bathroom, a "Don't" for the computer headset, a "Do" fruits and vegetables on the fridge and a "Don't" or maybe an "Ask first" note on the junk food shelf, a "Do" for a coat on a hanger on the hall closet. We think this will be a better first step for him (since he's very visual) and he DOES know that he's supposed to do all these things, he just needs a lot of reminders. After awhile we might change to written rules, but we think this is a good plan for now. What do you guys think of this idea? Suggestions? Critiques? If it works well at BF's we're going to ask Papa to try it as his house too for a little more continuity.

5) Step up the praise for good behaviors that are difficult for him because of ADHD (sitting quietly, making good choices) and for things he doesn't like to do because he's an 8 yo boy (picking up after himself, taking a bath). We already give lots of high-fives and say "good job" about a thousand times a day, but we're going to REALLY focus on noticing good things and going out of the way to say how impressed we are, even if it means interrupting that he's being quiet :)

Oh, and obviously, stick with the things we're doing already that are working for him.

A few things that aren't part of The Plan and some updates on past ideas:

I have donated an extra set of headphones of mine so that A__ can listen to music or Warcraft on the computer without touching the fancy headset (he's broken 5 $40 headsets to date). If/when he breaks the headphones, we're going to propose that "If you do ___ and ___ housework tasks, you can earn a new set of headphones"

I've brought over my extra Scrabble and we're going to buy Operation next time we're at Zellers (because he can play that alone or with us and he'll like the buzzer).

The notebooks that we made are working like a charm. He writes down all his Warcraft stuff in the one book which keeps it all in one place so there are no scraps of paper lying around and it's HIS that HE made and HE is responsible for and he thinks that's fantastic. We haven't started using the other one yet because we have to finish Dinotopia before we start Narnia, but he's super excited for it.

We found a small white fliptop cardboard box that he decorated last weekend for him to keep small objects in. It sits on the table now and he has a place to keep little things like bits of string and LED lights and such. He likes that this is HIS box for HIS little things and that anything he puts in there won't be thrown out because we thought it was just junk.

We are now using the empty cupboard to keep toys and A__'s stuff in. It's been quite successful for getting him to put things away because he actually can keep track of where things go now that they are all in one place.

We just got the timer this week, so we've been doing oral countdowns when we've set time limits lately. It's working really well, and the timer should be even better.

We've been giving only one or two instructions at a time and offering choice (as was suggested on here) and it's going well. "Almost bedtime... Would you rather have a snack first or clean up the toys first?" then after those two things are done we say "Now it's time for pajamas and brushing your teeth. Which would you like to do first?"... That's much more effective than "Almost bedtime, so let's pick up the toys, have a snack, put on jammies and brush your teeth" which I think was too overwhelming for him.